This paper is about conflicts within the environmental movement. 2. The paintings
of Enrico ... the men cannot. 3. In “The Secret Lion” a young boy grows up.
1 Crafting a Thesis Statement Mini Workshop The following thesis statements need revision. Try to find what could be improved, even if you cannot say how to improve them. Suggested revisions are on the back.
Purpose: To inform 1. This paper is about conflicts within the environmental movement. 2. The paintings of Enrico Garza depict immigrants. 3. I will discuss the advantages of community colleges.
Purpose: To argue or persuade 1. Intervention by the United Nations can prevent an increase in the number of refugees. 2. One conflict within the environmental movement is between those who favor alternative fuels and those who want to protect wildlife. 3. Enrico Garza’s paintings are beautiful and moving.
Purpose: To analyze or interpret 1. O’Connor’s story talks about color a lot. 2. In Trifles, the female characters solve the murder mystery when the men cannot. 3. In “The Secret Lion” a young boy grows up.
2 Crafting a Thesis Statement Mini Workshop Suggested Answers and Explanations Purpose: To inform 1. Don’t announce. Too general to explore in depth. Not specific. Possible revision: Among conflicts in the environmental movement are those between groups who favor alternative fuels to reduce global warming, and those who oppose all new generating plants. 2. Too general. Simply states a fact. Does not state the point of the paper. Possible revision: Enrico Garza’s paintings depict the pain and suffering of immigrants to America during the early th 19 century. 3. Don’t announce. Not specific enough. Does nothing to help organize paper. Possible revision: The advantages of attending a community college include lower tuition, smaller class size and more personalized instruction.
Purpose: To argue or persuade 1. Why does it matter? What is the writer’s position? Possible revision: The devastating economic and social problems caused by the influx of thousands of refugees into India could have been prevented by intervention by the United Nations. 2. Does not state writer’s position. States a fact, not an arguable position. Possible revision: As serious as the issue of climate change is, alternative energy sources are not the answer if they harm wildlife. 3. States an opinion but is not arguable. So what? th
Enrico Garza’s paintings go beyond merely depicting immigrants to America during the early 19 century, to portraying his compassion and sympathy for them.
Purpose: To analyze or interpret 1. So what? Not enough information. Not engaging. Possible revision: Flannery O’Connor’s short story “A Good Man Is Hard to Find” uses color to depict various moods throughout the story. 2. Not enough information about the work or point to be made. Possible revision: In her play Trifles, Susan Glaspell’s female characters are treated condescendingly by the men, and yet their interest in so-called trivial matters allows them to solve the murder mystery. 3. So what? Idea could apply to many stories. Provide more information. Possible revision: Alberto Rios’s “The Secret Loin” traces the experiences of a young boy who learns the value of keeping secrets as he grows into adolescence.
