you're now the one and only expert in that field' So, what happens wilen you have to ... Relax! It ma!:! take you r caregiver some time and a bit of tria l and error, but ... can see that the caregiver have babies in arms more often than in cribs [you ...
F
Crying Out Loud How to comfort an unhappy baby byAlicc Sterling HOllig, Ph.D.
Janice, the young mother of a new, bea u ti ful baby boy-with strong lungs-con fessed worriedly one afternoon to her friend over coffee , "When Josh cries, I can 't seem to figu re out what's wro ng.
I'
He cries eve afteJi being fed and chang ed, and even after his nap." Jan 'ce isn:talone. Every baby is differ ent. and reaming to decipher yo ur baby's cries and oothe him can take some time. Some infants respond to very gentle, slow, delicate touches, while others prefer being handled firm ly. Research shows that even newborn babies respond differently to the various holding styles of nurses in hospi tals. The key is to figure out what kind of hand pressure or degree of firmn ess your baby likes. Babies also familiarize them selves, thro ugh freq uent body contact, with your scent. The fee l of your arms, your scent, and your patterns of holding and carrying your baby may take some
time for him to get used to. All babies, however, need bodily reassurance-they need to be held. This is all a powerful endorsement for lots of cuddling ! It's also a good argu ment aga inst the old advice to let your baby " cry it out," or to limit hoyv much you pick up and hold your baby for fear
of " spoiling" him. To the contrary, when you respond quickly and lovingly-with soothing to uch-to a baby in distress, you are giving the baby the rea ssuring message that he is important and that his needs are going to be met. Rather than being spoiled, your baby w ill be a more relaxed, confident child.
OCTOBER 2005 SCHOLASTIC PARENT 8t CHILD
27
Ba bies a re very sensitive to th e different qualities of human vo ices, and prefer their parents' voices (w hich they've been hear ing since before they were born) above all. Some babies will burst into tears when paren ts quarrel or use sharp, angry voices, even though they have no clu e abo ut the disagreements and worries of the adults. Some yo ung babies are even frightened of deep, masculine voices and will cry merely at the sound o f a ma le TV prese nter. You ma y need to experiment to see which voice tones will best soothe your child. Some babies love low, slow speech, while others respond best to the high-pitched, sing-song style that's known as "par en tese." It's no accident that many fathers and mothers use parentese quite naturall y with their children.
When 'fl u're
You've figured out- 0 your great pride and delight-how to soothe your baby. Congrats you're now the one and only expert in that fie ld' So, what happens wilen you have to send your child to childcare, hire a nanny, oreven just leave your hard-to-calm infant with someone else? Relax! It ma!:! take you r caregiver some time and a bit of tria l and error, but not only will they learn what to do, theid 'illikely fi nd their own style of soothing. And, your baby wi ll also learn something new-a new way of being calmed by a voice, a touch, or a scent. Soon, the new ways will be fam iliar and loved . It is true that when babies who are accustomed to a lot of holding and cuddling at
horne are placed in group care, the!:! may ry, since they miss the comfort of being snuggled in the sa me arms fo r hours. To reaSsure you rsel f, choose a center where you ca n see th at t he caregiver have babies in arms more often than in cribs [you should be allowed to observe and ask lots of questions] Even wl1en babies are not being held by their ca regivers, you should see that the staff are in constant contact with the infants. Watch fo r ca regivers bending down to caress the head of a bab~ absorbed in a rattle, or reassuringly rub a baby's back while say ing something, in an admiring tone, about how n i cel~ he is exploring the toy.
C LMING WORD") If your ba by lo ves par entese , you' ll kn ow it; he'll thrust out his legs in rhythmic pleas ure, keep ing tempo with yo u r high-pitched tones. Even if parentese doesn't neces sarily com e natura ll y to you, try it. It's been found that hearing pare ntese correlates with bursts of activity in a baby's brain. It's pretty am azing-not only does this type of speciali zed " talk " get yo ur baby 's atte ntion and elicit a response in the form of kicki ng legs, waving ar ms, a nd happ y smiles, but it also ap pears to actually wire importan t brain connections. Some ba bies, as m uch as they love li steni ng to pare ntese w hen they are rela xed a nd alert, may not find those tones soothing when they're feelin g fussy. So, experiment with differen t ways to talk or si ng to yo ur child to calm him. You may find tha t sound s o th er than your voice have a ca lming effect. Man y babies like steady background noises-s uch as a whirring fan, radio static, or a white noise machine-and will settle down in re 28
SCHOLASTIC PARENT Be CHILO OCTOBER 200S
Sympathetic snuggles often do the trick.
belly, while gently rocking or jiggling him. You may find that yo ur infa nt just can't be put down without resumi ng the pain ful cries of colic. If that's the case, consider car rying your fussy little one in a baby sling. Th at way, yo u still have yo ur hands free to do other thin gs . Feeling the warmth of your body and the swaying motio n of the sling will help soothe him. If he goes to sleep in this pos ition , all the better; the rocking may help him sleep more deeply.
MOR:W sponse to those sounds. Like many things with infants, it's a game of trial and error.
COULD IT BE TUM
~y TROUBLF"'S?
Many very young babies have colic-usu ally defin ed as prolonged crying that oc curs at the same time each da y and goes on for, sometimes, hoLUs. Gas pain rna y be the culprit-remember that a ba by's gastroin testinal system is still very immature. You ca n identify this problem if your baby is p ut to sleep after a feeding and then wakes up with piercing cries within 15 minutes or so. Does he look distressed? Is he jerking or pulling his legs up toward his tummy as he cries? These are also indications of tunill1Y p ains. Try holding baby close, belly to
TO SOOTH EYOUR BABY·
• Use gentle, loving touches whenever possible: while diapering, during feeding times, and especially at nap or bedtime. • Sing, hum, or croon a lullaby. Use soft tones and sing the same melodies over and over so tha t baby associates the familiar sounds with relaxation a nd slumber. • Burp your baby very th oro ughl y during a nd after feedings. H o ld ba by's stomach against yours so that you warm baby's tummy and relax the muscles that are stiffened in pain. Use reassuring words to let baby know t hat yo u empathize with his distress. Alice Sterling Honig, Ph.D., is a pro fess or emerita of chi ld development at S~ra cuse Universit!:J in New York.
