Santa and The Boy Who Cried Wolf - Lincoln University

Santa and The Boy Who Cried Wolf by Dr. Dick Dalton

As I walked into the 7th session of my 8week Stress Management series in 1981, I had no idea I would need rescuing and no one could have imagined that my rescuer would be a grandmother in the group. The Pastor trusted I could handle the Sunday School class of 120 parents and grandparents; after all, I was a PhD Health Educator and a pastor myself. I had grown up with the traditional story of Santa delivering toys to girls and boys around the world in one magical night although my older brother had clued me in very early where the presents were hidden and who the real Santa was. Why rain on my parents parade? We played along. By the time my daughter came along, I had started ministerial training and was counseled not to lie to her, but talk about Santa as another pretend character like Dumbo and Superman. When my dad found out, he was more than displeased, but my daughter knew not to make a scene when the card said, “from Santa.” Even when she went to school, I told her it was not her job to blow the whistle on Santa to all her classmates. They would find out in due time. So how does a stress consultant help 120 traditional parents and grandparents like my father, who have holiday stresses which sometimes include the conflict of lying to their kids after they’ve clearly said that it’s wrong to lie? My approach was to encourage them to “break the cycle” of lying like I had done. I was sure I was right in telling the truth to my daughter, but this audience was absolutely sure I was wrong to even hint that they were, in any way, liars. That seemed to be the general consensus about half-way through that 7th session. A wall had come up and I realized I had lost rapport with the entire group. My mind was racing ahead concerning how I would tell the pastor that he didn’t need to pay me for the series; that I would not be returning for the last class. That’s when she stood up. She didn’t look at me, she turned to the others, her friends and peers, and said, “I want to tell you what happened this year with my granddaughter. She came to me and said, ‘Mommy and Daddy said there was a Santa Claus and there really wasn’t, and they said there was an Easter

Bunny and there really wasn’t, and they said there was a Tooth Fairy and there really wasn’t. Now they’re telling me there is a Jesus Christ and a God. Grandma, is there really a Jesus Christ and a God?’” That’s all she said. She just sat down, and nobody said anything. I had these huge goose bumps and was sure other folks did too. It was so profound and so elegantly, yet simply, stated. During the next few minutes I gently went on with the program as the room seemed to heal of its hostility. I had learned more that day than I could ever have imagined at the time and I have told this story to every health class I’ve taught from that day to this. In the early 90’s I realized the grandmother was retelling the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. The traditional parents play the role of the Boy, their kids are the town-folk, and the three false wolves are Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. The ‘real’ wolf is the message we want our kids to believe forever. For the parents of the granddaughter, it was teaching that there is a Jesus Christ and a God. When we mindlessly follow traditions without questioning their purpose or their consequences, we sometimes end up shocked at the negative outcomes. We want our kids to trust us, but we may have trained them not to. And the sad thing, at least in the case of Santa Claus, is that kids learn more about getting presents and demanding what they want their parents to buy them, than they learn about giving. Here is a solution I offer to my college students that I believe is a win-win-win because kids love to pretend. Next Christmas, include them in the Santa myth. “Let’s play Santa and his helpers this year. Who wants to be Santa? I know some people that would love some cookies and a Christmas card. Let’s all make treats and take them over to their nursing home.” The parents ‘win’, the kids ‘win’, the elders receiving the simple gifts from a loving family ‘win’, Santa ‘wins’, and the message of the season ‘wins’. It is more blessed to give than to receive. Your children will grow up experiencing the joy of giving to those who can’t give much more than a tearful smile of appreciation. “Mommy, Daddy, when can we do that again? That was fun!”

Dr. Dalton teaches about 700 students each year in Health and Wellness courses at Lincoln University in Missouri.