8 Sep 2013 ... The Ambassador. September2013. St. Stephen's ... son, approximately aged 90
and 60, who had died on the same day. I'll call them Leona ...
The Ambassador September2013
St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church
From your priest
me and told me they were having a sort of “memorial party” the next day and asked if I could come and As I write this, I am sick with the flu and a kidney offer a simple service. With so little time we couldn’t plan a traditional Episcopal funeral, with full sermon infection. In all honesty, I think it is my body’s reacand Eucharist, but I said I would come and offer tion to several weeks of family loss and funerals. As a result, I will forgo a column this month and simply something. The next afternoon, I went to Joe and Leona’s share this interesting post I found a few weeks ago on the Daily Episcopalian blog site. It is an interesting home and joined their friends and family. We sat around their living room, on their couches, chairs, bar approach to more intimate funerals. stools, and even the stairwell. Their music was playI am firmly of the belief that funerals of church ing on their stereo system. There was a laptop on a members should ideally be in the church building. However, many funerals I do (in fact the majority of side table, with a slideshow of photos of Leona, Joe, them) are for non-members. Part of our radical hospi- and their family over the years. Two little wood boxes tality as Episcopalians here at St. Stephen’s is that we with their ashes had been set in handmade wreaths of silk flowers (made by a neighbor) on the dining room will provide a burial service to anyone who needs table, with framed photographs assembled around. one. This article provides a very nice alternative for I invited each person to share their name and how they knew Joe and Leona. I offered three burial collects from The Book of Common Prayer, then we read -peace, two psalms from Leona’s family Bible, said the Lord’s Jamie+ Prayer, and finally, closed with words from the Committal service. We sat close together, crammed in a Funerals at home room designed for half as many people, facing one another in what had been Joe and Leona’s home. As by Heidi Haverkamp Recently, I presided at a tiny home funeral. Twenty the service came to a close, meaty smells from the grill wafted in. people gathered in the living room of a mother and I’ve done many funerals, and there have been son, approximately aged 90 and 60, who had died on things dear to me about each one. But there was the same day. I’ll call them Leona and Joe. They had something about this funeral that I can’t get out of my lived together for many years, and Joe had become mind. Perhaps it was the novelty of it, but I think it his mother’s caretaker as she slipped into dementia. was the intimacy, familiarity, and sense of communiAfter a series of medical emergencies, they died on the same day. A small group of family members had ty we shared in that living room: hearing each person gathered from all over North America and we had a speak, seeing each other’s faces, sitting on the very furniture that had belonged to these two people who funeral in their living room with a small group of neighbors and friends. It was more intimate and pow- were now gone to be with God. erful than any funeral I have been part of – in churchOn the other hand, this small funeral, which as far es or funeral homes or even at graveside. as I can tell wasn’t advertised in a public obituary, likely deprived some friends and acquaintances the This particular home funeral happened by acciopportunity to grieve Leona and Joe. This is a loss, dent. A parishioner of mine, who I’ll call Mary, had certainly. (When my step grandmother died, her chilbeen one of Joe and Leona’s neighbors. She loved dren decided not to have a public funeral, a decision I them dearly. It seems they had no regular church respect, but it was painful for some of my cousins and home and so Mary asked if I would come visit with their grieving family. A week later, the family called me to lose the chance to grieve her publicly.) There are some funerals where capacity for large numbers people who are looking for a more intimate way of saying good-bye to their loved ones.
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Judaism, families “sit shiva” in the person’s home, in the South, funeral receptions are often held at home, and in many cultures and in our own country’s past, the visitation of a person’s body and family has been in the home. I invite clergy, Christians, and families everywhere But some families in my parish have struggled to consider the small, home funeral liturgy as a theowith making funeral or burial plans for loved ones, or logical and powerful way to remember the dead, and have interred ashes without a service of any kind. A small, home funeral can offer closure, hope, and cele- Christ’s promise of Resurrection. bration without the large-scale planning required for The Rev. Heidi Haverkamp is priest and the vicar of The Episcopal Church of St. Benedict, a congregation with a diverse and a formal, public funeral and burial. Admittedly, it’s Spirit-filled average Sunday attendance of about 75 in Bolingeasier to do a home funeral if the deceased has been brook, Illinois. She blogs at Vicar of BolingBrook about home, cremated, since transporting a coffin is difficult and church, suburbia, and spirituality. costly. (Although, as my Filipino parishioners have pointed out to me, hosting a wake with an embalmed body in the home is common in the Philippines, for as Around St. Stephen’s much as a week!) There are many reasons why a Ann Burnett was featured in an article in the Fargo home funeral might not be feasible for some families; Forum on August 11. but on the other hand, I wonder if this sort of intiLeah Elliott moved to Chapel Hill, NC on Aug. 5, mate, simple funeral would be a spiritual relief and where she will be pursuing her Doctorate in Music at an emotional comfort to many others. In a society where it seems every day less and less the University of NC. Her new address: 500 Umstead Dr. of our lives are private, and large gatherings of people are as ordinary as the nearest mall or megachurch, Apt 204C Chapel Hill, NC 27516 smaller, pastoral liturgies that emphasize relationships and intimacy may offer a deeper experience of Marlys Lundberg has moved to California to live God’s love and promise of resurrection than funeral with her daughter. home services or large church funerals. Where each Weddings person can introduce themselves, where a sense of spiritual communion, even without Eucharist, can be shared, where people are rubbing elbows and hearing each other breathe, witnessing to the reality of the communion of saints and powerfully recalling the Resurrection appearance of Jesus among his grieving friends, cowering in a locked, upper room. Home funerals will not replace church funerals or funeral home services, but a small, home funeral liturgy can witness to the Resurrection in a powerful, theologicalJames Mackay and William Weightman were marly vibrant way. ried on Aug. 5 at the Clay County Courthouse, MoorThe Book of Common Prayer states, “Baptized head, MN Christians are properly buried from the church. The service should be held at a time when the congregaSharon “Angel” Eid and Scott Brekke were married tion has opportunity to be present.” As an Episcopal at St. Stephen’s on August 24. priest, I pay attention to the Prayer Book’s rubrics and Deaths theology of liturgy. But as weddings are held more and more often outside of churches –in homes, back- Jeffrey “J.D.” Gould, brother of Fr. Jamie, died on July 29 in Loveland, Colo. His memorial service was yards, and other places meaningful to the bride and held Aug. 10 at St. Stephen’s, with Fr. Jamie officiatgroom – and as churches seek to take liturgy out of the four walls of their buildings and into public spac- ing. His ashes were buried in the family plot at Maple Sheyenne Cemetery, near Harwood, ND. es, funerals held in homes or other special places strike me as liturgically appropriate and powerful. In of people is necessary: for large families, to be hospitable to all those who may have known and loved someone, to make room for the shock of a community at a particularly tragic death. Large funerals can be powerful, moving, and healing.
Lowell Lundberg, husband of Marlys Lundberg, Garden Thank You’s died Aug. 3. Fr. Jamie officiated at his memorial serThe garden areas around St. Stephen’s have been vice at Messiah Lutheran Church on Aug. 9. His ashes especially well tended this summer through the efwere buried in Riverside Cemetery, Fargo. forts of Beth DuFault, Vanessa Greer, Sandy Annabelle Olson, cousin of Fr. Jamie, died Aug. 12. Holbrook, and Jan Stewart. Many thanks to them for Fr. Jamie officiated at a service at Hanson Runsvold Funeral Home and a graveside service at Lower Wild their hard work planting, weeding, watering, and trimming to be sure that our grounds look attractive Rice Cemetery, near Wild Rice, ND on Aug. 15. and well cared for. A special thanks to Beth’s husband, Kyle, who trimmed the overgrown hedge on the south side of the church and made sure that the Dedication Sunday statute of St. Mary could be seen in her little shaded Dedication Sunday will be Sunday, September 8. grotto in the hedge. Please join us as we celebrate our 57th years of ministry.
Blessing of Backpacks On Sunday, Sept. 8, we will bless backpacks once again. Please come and have your backpacks blessed during the 11:00 Eucharist.
New member Sunday On Dedication Sunday, Sept. 8, we will welcome any new members who would like to recognized. If you are interested in becoming a member of St. Stephen’s and would like to be recognized as a new member on Sept. 8, please contact Fr. Jamie.
Children’s Chapel 2013-2014 Children’s Chapel begins on September 8, which is right around the corner! We will be having meeting after the service August 25 to talk about ideas and the schedule for the coming year. We are also looking for volunteers to help lead Children’s Chapel. This is a great time for fellowship with St. Stephen’s children as they explore the classic stories from the Bible. If you would like to volunteer or have any ideas, please come to the meeting or email Jan Stewart at
[email protected]. We would love to have any one who is interested in serving the children of our church to come to join us in making this a great year for the Children at St. Stephen’s.
Bulletin Deadline Information for the Sunday bulletin (announcements; ministry assignments) are due each Thursday at noon. Send items to James Mackay (
[email protected], 701 540-1870). Thanks.
Bishop’s Visit/Confirmation Bishop Michael Smith will be making his annual visit to St. Stephen’s on Sunday, December 15. As part of the service, we will celebrate Confirmation. Anyone who would like to be confirmed by Bishop Smith may contact Fr. Jamie for more information.
St. Stephen’s members marched in Fargo’s Pride Parade on Sunday, August 11, despite the demise of our float just before the parade began.
Our website and blog
Fiber Arts Festival
Please visit the St. Stephen’s website http://ststephensfargo.org and the blog http://ststephensfargo.blogspot.com for news, photos and other items of interest. Also look for us on Facebook, on which we have both a group page and a separate page , and check out St. Stephen’s on Twitter: ststephensfargo.
Sundaes on Sunday The 2nd annual St. Stephen's Sundaes on Sunday event took place on Sunday, July 28. We were blessed with wonderful weather and the number of sundaes served this year (100) eclipsed by a wide margin the number served last year (84). The free will offering from those who came for ice cream resulted in a grand total of $672 for the Emergency Food Pantry of Fargo-Moorhead, which was chosen as the recipient of all proceeds in keeping with our MDG/ERD project of doing something to address the problem of hunger in our community, nation and the world. Many members of the congregation contributed their time and talents toward making this event a great success, and thanks go out to John and Stephen Baird, Alice Hauan, Sandy Kenz, Thom and Lavonne Marubbio, Cathy and Mike McMullen, Mike and Sue Morrisey, John and Regina Ranney, Jan and Mike Stewart, Mark Strobel, William Weightman and Leo Wilking.
The weather was beautiful, and 736 people visited the festival on August 10 and 11. Our silk dyeing booth brought in $455 for the Guatemala medical/ dental mission by selling 60 items.
Leo Wilking and Sandy Kenz prepare for the second annual Sundaes on Sunday at St. Stephen’s, July 28.
My mother’s wisdom (offered to her theologian son!): “God enjoys more to be loved than to be studied.” -Miroslav Volf
Everyone had a good time playing with the dyes and silk. Thanks to all the volunteers who ran our booth: Gin Templeton, Jan Stewart, Sue Morrissey, Sandy Holbrook, John Baird and the Ranney family. Gin even found the time to dye a rainbow tie for William.
Schedule of Ministries at St. Stephen’s for September - October* PLEASE NOTE: The October schedule is tentative – a more complete schedule will accompany the October issue of The Ambassador
Schedule
September 1
September 8
September 15
September 22
September 29
Acolyte
Weightman
Froiland
Holbrook
Marubbio
Meister
Altar Guild
Holbrook
Hauan
Holbrook
Lindley
Lindley
Worship Ldr/ EM
Wilking
Baird
Weightman
Marubbio
Holbrook
Lector
Nylander
Stewart
Templeton
Weightman
Wilking
Usher
Baird
McMullen
Nylander
Reusch
Wilking
Hauan
McMullen
Patnode
Stewart
Baird
Holbrook
Marubbio
Weightman
Baird
Holbrook
Hauan
Wilson
Marubbio
McMullen
DuFault
Cleaning
Ranney
Ranney
Wilson
Wilson
Stewart
Children’s Chapel
NO CHAPEL
TBD
TBD
TBD
TBD
Tentative Schedule
October 6
October 13
October 20
October 27
Acolyte
Weightman
Froiland
Holbrook
Marubbio
Altar Guild
Marubbio
Marubbio
Nylander
Nylander
Worship Ldr/EM
Stewart
Meister
Hauan
Wilking
Lector
Baird
DuFault
Holbrook
McMullen
Usher
McMullen
Nylander
Marubbio
Stewart
McMullen
Patnode
Reusch
Baird
Marubbio
Weightman
Baird
Holbrook
Holbrook
Morrissey
Nylander
Ranney
Cleaning
Stewart
Wilson
Wilson
Wilking
Children’s Chapel
TBD
TBD
TBD
TBD
Euch. Visitor Coffee
Euch. Visitor Coffee
*Communion is available for those who are unable to attend Sunday worship. Please call the church to request communion after the Sunday service. **If you are unavailable to serve on a date when you are assigned, please find a substitute and let James (
[email protected]) know who the substitute will be as early as possible so he can include the correct names in the bulletins. THANKS.
