Soft Skills

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

Soft Skills Definition

Soft skills are abilities needed by you to create and enhance right relationships with people. Soft skills training is concerned with appropriate dealing with people at work life and at nonwork life for the purpose of achieving your overall success. Interpersonal skill training is an alternative term for soft skills training. Interpersonal relations is the technical term for relationships with people (DuBrin, 1997). Hard skills training is about technical skills. Both are essential for becoming successful in managing.

Soft skills development is a systematic and continuous attempt to create and promote key work-related human relations abilities within you so that you become an effective and efficient university administrative officer.

Importance

Why do we need to have good interpersonal relations? • To be a successful manager or an administrator • To be a successful peer • To be a successful subordinate • To be a successful professional • To be a successful son/daughter • To be a successful brother/sister • To be a successful friend • To be a successful spouse • To be a successful relative • To be a successful neighbor • To be a successful citizen

Universal Needs

There are 12 universal needs for improving interpersonal relations (DuBrin, 1997). They are: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Understanding individual differences Interpersonal communication Resolving conflicts with others Developing teamwork skills Group problem solving Cross-cultural relations Becoming an effective leader Motivating others 1

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

9. Helping others develop 10. Positive political skills 11. Customer service skills 12. Enhancing ethical behaviour

A Right Attitude about People

To have a right attitude about people is a Prelude/Prerequisite for Building Right Soft Skills. The word Right means ‘optimistic’, ‘good’, or ‘favourable’. Good attitude involves believing, feeling and tending to behave optimistically regarding people in general. Do the exercise given below. This exercise is a systematic attempt to measure your attitude about people. Indicate your degree of acceptance with regard to each statement by making a check.

Item 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Attitude about People Index Strongly Agree Agree Humans are the most precious gift of the nature. Human resources are the most important resource in an organization. Time is more important than humans. We can’t work more than we can. An organization cannot perform more than what its employees perform. If there are no humans there will be no need for negotiation. Some people cannot be developed. People tend to change most of the time. So they cannot be trusted. I hate people generally. I wish I could live in a place where no humans are. Statement

Indifferent

disagree

Strongly Disagree

How to interpret your responses? This will be done during the session by the trainer.

Understanding Human Relations through Transaction Analysis

Transactional Analysis (TA) is a useful technique for minimising the occurrence of possible dysfunctional conflicts. A proper understanding of TA will lead you to engage in behaviours which will improve good interpersonal relationships while managing conflicts. TA is a model of personality and dynamics of self and its relationship to others making a clear and meaningful discussion of behaviour of people. It is a method of analyzing and explaining interpersonal behaviour (Prasad, 1992). There is a social transaction in which one responds to another when people interact. TA is about the study of these transactions between people. 2

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

TA was developed by a psychiatrist namely Eric Berne in 1950s (Newstrom and Davis, 1997). For some time TA was used only in psychotherapy, but in the past ten or fifteen years managers began to realize that TA could help them understand and solve organizational problems (Umstot, 1984). There are three dimensions of the TA, i.e., ego states, life positions and transactions.

Ego States

Ego states refer to three behavioural patterns or psychological positions by which people interact with each other. An individual’s way of thinking, feeling, and behaving at any time is an ego (Prasad, 1992). These ego states are Parent, Adult, and Child. These are not related to the chronological age of a person but they are related with the behavioural aspects of age. They have no relation to family status of the person as well. Even a young child can have a parent ego just as an old person can have a child ego. An employee of any age can have these ego states in varying degrees. When a person presents parent ego he or she instructs, protects, controls, nurtures, and criticizes the other person. In case of adult ego, the person (who has adult ego) rationalizes, evaluates and controls emotions. When a person presents child ego he or she works according to emotions and tries to get immediate rewards. Parent ego involves nurturing and critical. Adult ego which includes thoughtful concentration and factual study gets formulated through one’s own education, training and experience. Though certain values which are formed in the childhood are rarely erased, an individual at the later stage of the life may block his child and parent ego states (Prasad, 1992) and use his adult ego only based on his learning through education, training and experience. It is possible that a person updates and modifies the parent information to determine what is valid and what is not; and understands child information to determine which emotions to be expressed and which ones not to be expressed. Child ego state includes early childhood conditions and experiences a person learnt in his or her early years of life. Ego states are more apparent in two-person transactions but become more difficult to identify in group conversations (Newstrom and Davis, 1997). Exhibit -1 presents characteristics associated with each ego state. Exhibit -1: Characteristics of Ego States

Ego Characteristics Parent • Usual parent type of attitude and behaviour. • Always knows. • His/her wisdom is based on habitual thoughts, old sayings, and quotations-a set of ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’. • Reliance on ways those were successful in the past. • Can be two types-nurturing and critical. 3

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

• Nurturing behaviour not only towards children but also to other people in interaction. Adult

• Critical and evaluative behaviour in interaction with others. • Characterizes the rational person. • Based on logical thinking and reasoning. • Person with adult ego views others as worthy and reasonable human beings. • Keeps and controls emotional expressions appropriately.

Child

• Uses a scientific and/or systematic approach to problems/situations. • Dominated by emotions. • Characterized by non-logical and immediate actions resulting in immediate satisfaction. • There are three parts: natural, adaptive and rebellious. • Natural child is affectionate, impulsive, sensuous, and does what comes naturally. However, he is also fearful, self-indulgent, self-centered, and aggressive and may engage in many unpleasant roles. • The adaptive child is the trained one and he/she is likely to do what parents insist on, and sometimes learns to feel non-OK. When overly inhibited, often he/she becomes the troubled part of the personality. • The rebellion child experiences anger, fear, and frustration.

Source: Partly based on material by Prasad (1992)

Life Positions

Each person has a dominant life position which is a specific location or place where that person exists when dealing with other people or interacting with others. Very early in childhood a person develops a dominant way of relating to people and that way (philosophy) tends to remain with the person for a lifetime unless major experiences occur to change (Newstrom and Davis, 1997). Life position includes a person’s attitude about him or herself and attitude about others. There are four life positions as shown in Figure -1.

4

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

Figure -1: Four Life Positions of TA

Positive

I am OK You are not OK

I am OK You are OK

Negative

I am not OK You are not OK

I am not OK You are OK

Attitude toward self

Negative

Positive

Attitude toward others Source: Newstrom and Davis (1997)

First life position is “I am not Ok and You are not OK” quadrant. This is a desperate life position taken by a person who has no interest in living. He or she feels that life is not worth anything at all. The person is a loser and is having a schizoid behaviour (Umstot, 1984). In extreme cases the person commits suicide or homicide. The person tends to make mistakes or otherwise provoke others to give him or her negative reactions. Second life position is “I am not Ok and You are OK” quadrant. This is a life position taken by a person who has less power compared with others. He or she is powerless or helpless having low self-worth and tending to vacillate in his or her behaviour being often unpredictable and erratic. The person feels that his or her life is not worth much but others’ lives are more worthy. Depression is another characteristic associated with a person who has this life position. Third life position is “I am Ok and You are not OK” quadrant. This is a life position taken by a person who has more power compared with others. He or she is powerful having a belief that other person’s life is not worth much. Usually the person who has this position feels victimized or, persecuted (got experience of treating him or her cruelly and unfairly by others). The person tends to blame others; is likely to give critical and oppressive remarks; and tends to point out flaws, the bad things of others. Fourth life position is “I am Ok and You are not OK” quadrant. This is a life position taken by a person who is having a positive dominant way of relating to others. The person 5

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

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has chosen rationally this life position. He or she has a belief that life is worth living; is a winner; and is mentally healthy. Based on adult ego the person displays a much higher level of mutual give and take and solves problems constructively. Generally a life position tends to be static. However it may become dynamic meaning that a person who has a dominant position may exhibit other life positions when interacting with others at some times. Any person can fall into one of the four life positions and that position is his or her dominant position and is exhibited frequently. Ideally one must have the forth life position in order to become a successful employee or manager in an organization. The desirable position and the one that involves the greatest likelihood of Adult-to-Adult transactions is “I’m OK-You’re OK” as it shows the healthy acceptance of self and respect for others, most likely leading to constructive communications, productive conflicts, and mutually satisfying confrontations (collaborations) (Newstrom and Davis, 1997).

Transactions

When a stimulus (verbal or non-verbal transmission) from one person and a response from another person occur, a transaction occurs. When a stimulus (verbal or non-verbal) from a person is being responded by another person, a transaction is said to occur (Prasad, 1992). Each transaction routes from one of the three ego states. Depending on the ego states of the persons involved in the transactions, three types of transactions-complementary, crossed, and ulterior are possible to occur. A person who sends a message to another person from a particular ego state expects to receive a response from a certain ego state from the other person. If the expected or predicted response occurs that transaction is called complementary. A complementary transaction involves that the stimulus made by the person from one ego state becomes parallel with the response given by the other from an ego sate. As a person who sends a message receives the predicted or expected response from the other person, usually both persons in the transaction become satisfied and communication is complete. See Figure -2 for an example of complementary transaction. When three ego states are considered, there can be nine complementary transactions which include adult-adult, adult-parent, adult-child, parent-parent, parent-adult, parent-child, childparent, child-adult, and child-child. Adult-adult and parent-child transactions are more desirable, specially in managerial setting. It is more likely that Adult to Adult transaction is the most successful at work. As the manager in the adult ego tries to reason out issues, clarifies and informs issues, and has concern for facts and figures and human needs; and his life position is “I am OK and You are OK” this is the ideal transaction (Prasad, 1992). This kind of transaction results in encouraging problem solving, reducing emotional conflicts and treating employees fairly.

6

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

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If the superior wants to play Parent role and the subordinate wants the Child role, ParentChild transaction becomes effective. Reason is that there will be good nurturing behaviour from the superior and then good working relationship between the superior and the employee. However, the subordinate is likely to be dependent on the superior and may not get improved due to lack of taking challenges and his or her own thinking and learning. Although other complementary transactions do work, the one with best results and least chance of problems at work is the Adult-to Adult transaction (Newstrom and Davis, 1997). Figure -2: An Example of Complementary Transaction How long do you want to finish the survey report?

Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child

Child

General Manager

I need four days because it has a data analysis.

HR Manager

A non-complementary or cross transaction occurs when the stimulus and response lines are not parallel (Newstrom and Davis, 1997). This happens when the person who initiates transaction does not get the expected response. Assume that a manager initiates to deal with a subordinate in an Adult to Adult pattern. But the subordinate responds in a Child-Parent pattern. This is not a satisfactory one as the line of communication is blocked and further transaction may not take place. See Figure -3 for an example of non-complementary transaction.

7

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

Figure -3: An Example of Cross Transaction Herath, what do you think about our forthcoming collective bargaining

Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child

Child

HR Manager

I don’t know. It is your problem, not mine.

Production Manager

An ulterior transaction always involves more than two ego states and there is always a hidden message that is often disguised in some socially acceptable form (Umstot, 1984). Ulterior transactions, alternatively called as covert or duplex transactions, are the most complex among the three types of transactions because they involve double meaning. When a person engages in an ulterior transaction, he or she gives an adult message to another person on the surface level but on the actual or psychological level he or she gives a hidden message to the other. See Figure -4 for an example of ulterior transaction. Figure -4: An Example of Ulterior Transaction You are not qualified to do it.

To do an employee attitude survey may be somewhat difficult for you.

Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child

Child

HR Manager

I think if you instruct me I will be able to do it.

Oho! I can’t do it genuinely.

HR Executive

8

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

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Application of TA for Conflict Resolution

TA can be applied to resolve conflict or minimize the occurrence of conflict. The key is skillful use of the adult ego state (Umstot, 1984). Major ways of applying are given below. 1. Use of An Adult Bossing Style A manager is required to get things done through subordinates and he or she has been given sufficient relevant authority for that. Hence it may be that the manager naturally tends to use Parent ego state which may result in that subordinates (or some of the subordinates) get defensive and react like an angry, rebellious child (using Child ego state). Specially when subordinates are more experienced and educated, the probability of using rebellious Child ego is high. This may be very high when the manager is less experienced. Hence, in order to avoid conflict it is recommended for the manager to use an Adult bossing style when giving assignments to subordinates or interacting with them. Read the following vignette. Is there a possibility of occurring a conflict? Mr. Ananda is the Manager (Human Resources and Administration) in a public firm and he has joined the firm two years ago. He supervises three Assistant HR Managers one of them has 8 years experience in the firm and is not a university graduate. He is Mr.L. One day Ananda speaks to Lalith, “Lalith, I have an important work to be done by you for next week. You will have to do the whole coordination of the induction programme for our new Management Trainees.” The subordinate responds, “Oh! I have a hell of work. Why don’t you give it to another? Always me.” Ananda replies, “Oh! Yes I understand that you are very busy with our two training programmes for production staff and marketing staff. Why I decided to give to you is that you are the most experienced in this firm having 8 years of hard working.” The subordinate responds, “Don’t misunderstand. I am really exhausted.” Ananda replies, “I really appreciate what you have being doing. We will use our three interns from the university to help you. To finish the induction programme it will take one week. After that I will approve leave for you for days you wish to take.” Lalith responds, “Ok. Give me those three interns. I will handle the thing.” Yes. There is a possibility of occurring a conflict owing to an emotional issue. Here Ananda initiated his interaction with Lalith by using Parent to Child pattern. Although Ananda expected adaptive Child ego from Lalith he did not get it. Instead he got rebellious Child ego from Lalith. Then Ananda replied by using the Adult ego. 9

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

http://staff.sjp.ac.lk/opatha/ for Ministry of Higher Education, Sri Lanka. Copy right reserved.

Another important thing to note here is that Ananda did an act of recognition for Lalith with regard to his experience and hard working. In the context of TA, any act of recognition for another is defined as Stroking and it applies to all types of recognition, such as physical (a pat on the back, a firm handshake etc.), verbal, and nonverbal (Newstrom and Davis, 1997). Ananda used verbal stroking. Finally it was possible for Ananda to avoid a possible conflict and get the thing done from the relevant subordinate. 2. Use of the Adult Ego to Cross Transactions When cross transactions which are undesirable for communication, productivity and job satisfaction occur, one effective way of using TA is to neutralize them by using the Adult ego (to cross transactions). Since the Adult is problem-solving oriented and non-emotional, it is difficult to remain angry when facing a serious of Adult transactions (Umstot, 1984). When you encounter a cross transaction, you should sense it immediately and then use the Adult ego state to defuse the undesirable situation. If you engage in a continuous chain of Adult transactions, others find it hard to resist. The other party is often reinforced for angry or aggressive behaviour when he or she gets a similar response (angry or aggressive behaviour) from you. The other party is most likely to want to let off stream at your expense. Hence, use the Adult ego until the cross responses get defused. Read the following vignette. Are there cross transactions? Mr. Vilson is a Chief Executive Officer in a firm and is on a business journey to another country and is now before an airline ticket counter of the Air Port where he is in transit. Mr. Vilson: “When is the flight to Tokyo?” Counter Employee: “Sorry to say. It is late by one hour.” Mr. Vilson: “What? One hour late! Shit! I have a lot of things to do.” Counter Employee: “Sorry Sir.” Mr. Vilson: “Sorry does not solve my problem.” Counter Employee: “There is a snow storm at Tokyo.” Mr. Vilson: “Your people have a lot of reasons. We are the people who suffer.” Counter Employee: “Sir. All the flights from Tokyo got late. We are indeed sorry to make you late. ” Mr. Vilson: “Hereafter, I will never travel by your Air Line and also never recommend it to anyone.” Counter Employee: “Sir. I can arrange you to stay a local hotel. Facility is free. Perhaps you can visit the surrounding. Otherwise, sir, you can read these two news papers. They are today’s papers.” Mr. Vison: “No. I have visited the surrounding several times. Ok. I can bear 10 one hour. Give me the two papers.”

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

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Yes. There are cross transactions. The counter employee used a chain of Adult responses which were hard to resist by the customer who was not reinforced for his angry behaviour. The angry customer berated the counter employee who could defuse the undesirable situation by using the Adult ego state to cross transactions. 3. Use of the Adult Ego to Ulterior Transactions to Get Clues of Hidden Messages Ulterior transactions have hidden messages which are usually true feelings, beliefs or intentions of people. Generally you are unable to read hidden messages of others but if you use the Adult ego continuously you may be able to know hidden messages of others. When you use collaborating conflict resolution style you will have to discuss with the other part to know his or her underlying interests and objectives. Use of the Adult ego is critical to succeed here. Open messages are usually socially desirable or acceptable responses. When hidden messages are undesirable having meaning that the other party is genuinely unhappy, if you can understand or sense it you can immediately use the Adult ego to prevent from being unhappy of the other party. Read the following vignette. Dr. Perera is Director of the MBA programmes of the City University of Colombo. He wants to type an important brief report to be submitted to the Board Meeting which has been scheduled to be held at 5.p.m. today. His Secretary does typing. Dr. Perera: “Veena, Have you finished typing the report?” Veena: “No, sir. I will finish it in 05 minutes.” (shows no smile) Dr. Perera: (after 05 minutes) “Veena, Right? ” Veena: “Yes, sir. Now I am printing.”(looking at her watch) Dr. Perera: (He gets the report and has a glance through it. He finds seven errors in the report. He becomes angry but sits on anger.) “Oh! There are seven errors. Let me mark them. Ok. Go and correct them.” Veena: (She looks at her watch again and realizes that now time is 4.35 p.m. and her leaving time (4.15 p.m.) has passed.) “Haa...” (Dr. Perera makes a look at her typing. She has no smile and seems to be distraught and over-busy. He looks at time too and then realizes that she has worked 20 minutes extra without complaining. These days she has been working hard and yesterday too she has left the work at 4.30 p.m.) Veena: “Here is the report.” (She gives the report to her boss without telling ‘Sir’ and looking really tired and hurry to go home.) Dr. Perera: (He checks the error correction and finds one error being not corrected. He gets a frowning.) “Oh. You have missed correcting one error. Anyway don’t worry. I will correct it. Veena, you can go home now. Thank you for your hard working. ”(She gives a good smile and tells “Sir, then I go.”) 11

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

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According to the vignette, there are several ulterior transactions. Superior could understand the underlying feelings of the subordinate by using the Adult ego and then he was able to prevent from building a bad relationship between the two parties. 4. Use of “I am OK and You are OK” Life Position for Win-Win Solution To get a win-win solution requires collaborating conflict management style which is often the best approach as it offers benefits to all the parties involved, it leads to better

performance and good relationship in future, and it will produce a culture where each party respects the other. Life position of “I am OK and You are OK” has to be used for win-win solution. Other three life positions tend to keep the conflict going, even to heat it up but the “I am OK and You are OK” life position, which encourages positive stroking, can be very effective if carried on honestly, and it helps provide a solid basis for cooperation and compromise (Bittel and Newstrom, 1990). You must have this life position to resolve conflicts so that you and the other party become satisfied and will have a long-term good relationship. The important point is that, regardless of one’s present life position, the “I am OK - You are OK” position can be learned (Newstrom and Davis, 1997).

5. To Understand the Relationship between TA and Conflict Management Styles There are probable relationships among ego states, life positions and conflict management styles or strategies. It is more likely that the Parent ego state leads to the use of competing style while the Child ego state leads to the use of accommodating or avoidance style. The Adult ego state may lead to the use of collaborating style or compromising style. A person who is in “I am OK and You are OK” position is more likely to use collaborating style to seek a win-win solution by applying the Adult ego. That person has a high degree of assertiveness and a high degree of cooperativeness. The “I am OK and You are not Ok” person is more likely to seek a win-lose solution, by applying the Parent ego and competing style. The “I am not OK and You are Ok” person is more likely to seek or get a lose-win solution, by applying the Child ego and accommodating style. It is more likely that the “I am not OK and You are not Ok” person seeks or gets a lose-lose solution, by applying the Child ego and avoiding style. Exhibit -2 presents probable relationships of TA dimensions and conflict management/resolution styles. Exhibit -2: Probable Relationships among Life Positions, Ego States and Conflict Management Styles Life Position Ego Conflict Probable Extent of Assertive State Management Style and Cooperative Behaviours I am OK and You Adult Collaborating (or Both assertiveness and are OK compromising) cooperativeness in very high (both are high) I am Ok and You Parent Competing High assertiveness and low are not OK cooperativeness 12

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

(HRM) (USJ); MBA (Birmingham); Dip PM&IR (CTC); Dip Eng (CPM);PhD (HRM) (UUM); Doc HRM (IIU); HMIPM (SL); CDBA (OXIM)

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I am not OK and You are OK I am not OK and you are not OK

Child

Accommodating

Child

Avoiding

Low assertiveness and high cooperativeness Low assertiveness and low cooperativeness

To have a good understanding about the relationships above mentioned is useful for manager to select appropriate ego state, conflict management style and extent of both assertiveness and cooperativeness.

Anger Management

It is possible to present the following characteristics with regard to anger: 1. 2. 3. 4.

The emotion called anger exists within an average healthy person. To become angry is a normal feature of a human being. As it affects unfavourably the angry person as well as others it is treated as a vice. If unfavourable effects do not occur others because of one person’s anger, it affects unfavourably that person (the one who is angry). Anger damages the person who is suffering from anger. Hence it is treated as a negative emotion or a detrimental feeling. 5. Not to be angry and managing anger can be considered as a special human ability. Grossly anger management means that you control your anger in order to achieve your objectives. You should succeed in controlling your anger so that your life objectives are accomplished. Anger management is a systematic and careful endeavour to handle one’s anger in the way that does not hurt him/her and others as well. Anger management involves when working, doing what you are supposed to do so that anger does not come and if anger came, taking action to settle it. The objective of anger management is to eliminate anger to the extent which is possible. Read Exhibit-3 and Exhibit-4. What do you understand? Exhibit -3 Daughter and Mother News about a sorrowful true incident was revealed through Hiru (Sun) FM Radio Channel on 02/06/2009. There was a severe verbal clash between a daughter and mother (her mother) with regard to a land conflict. The clash was so severe that the daughter attacked her mother by using a broom. The mother fell over the floor after a severe attack by making a big scream. Several neighbours took the mother to a nearest hospital. Later she was admitted to General Hospital as her condition had been serious. After a little time she got her last breath. Source: Opatha (2010) 13

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A training material prepared by Senior Professor, Dr. HHDNP Opatha, BSc Bus Adm (Special) (USJ); MSc Bus Adm

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Exhibit -4 Son and Father A father was cleaning his elegant car. His 4-year son came near the car, picked a small stone and wrote something on the bonnet with it. Father who became very angry hit several times on his son’s right palm with a thing which had come to his left hand. After several hits he realized that he was hitting his own son with a wrench. Immediately the son was admitted to a nearest hospital. Since son’s fingers had been seriously injured all the five fingers were removed by doctors. At the hospital, the son asked from his father thus: “Father, how long will it take for my fingers to grow?” Father felt a great pain. He came out of the hospital and came to his car. He kicked the car with his right leg for several times. He stopped kicking with the intention of reading what had been written by his son on the bonnet. He bent and read. What had been written was “My Dad, I love you.” Then what happened? He committed to suicide. Source: Opatha (2010)

Control/Alleviation/Eradication of Anger

There are four types or categories of people in the context of management of anger. They are: 1. Type I People coming under this type are highly vulnerable to get angry and they find it very difficult to manage anger. They do not care about managing anger and they believe in that being angry with and getting retaliation from people who had been wrong or done something irritating or unfair are necessary. These people will never forget and forgive errors or mistakes done by others. They suffer from hostility and even tied hostility. They may do even killing others due to anger and hostility. 2. Type II People under this type become angry within a short time but do not keep it for a long time. They can forget their anger and reasons for it. Generally they do retaliation for one time and then do not continue getting retaliation. They may suffer from hostility. 3. Type III People under this category are intelligent and of course get angry. But within a very short time the anger gets vanished. They can forgive and forget people who were 14

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causes of anger. They value anger management and attempt to follow methods and principles of anger management. They try to be good in terms of managing anger. They know that anger is a vice and has to be removed or minimised. They can understand bad consequences of anger and therefore they do not attempt to retaliate or reprobate. 4. Type IV People under this category are very few in number. These people are highly spiritual and have the ability to avoid becoming angry. Their mind is always calm. Anger does not arise. Hence there is no any shaking or stirring. They do not get anger because they do not get causes of anger into their mind. At least are you a person falling under type II? A person under fourth category is a venerable saint (Rahat). If you can fall into third category, how good is it? If you are a person under first category, you rave with anger; burst in anger. You do not forget it. You behave maliciously toward the other person by thinking about it again and again. After a certain time passed, anger will become hostility which may convert into tied hostility even. Then hostility will get planted in your mind and will go from birth to birth. You are reading this book; don’t fall into such category ever. There are specific reasons for anger and they are given below. 1. To criticise badly a good, service or work done by you after exerting a high effort. 2. To revile you by showing a defect of your body or figure. 3. To rail you by another person who got angry due to your act done purposely (criticising one unfairly, making a statement to one in the way that hurts etc.). 4. An error occurred from you unintentionally (breaching a road law, could not hear a request from someone etc.). 5. To discredit you by indicating your religion, race, cast, gender or another base. 6. To violate a certain rule, law or norm by someone (jumping out of the queue, not being in the queue, tardiness, going out without permission etc.). 7. Non-performance of a duty entrusted by you to someone. 8. When an unfair action was done by someone against your religion, race, organization, relative etc. 9. Speech made by someone to lower your excellent work or winning due to jealousy. 10. Not to give respect to you when you are to be respected genuinely at a certain function or event (not inviting you to a function, having invited and when you are present, not welcoming you, not inviting you to light the oil lamp, not giving a special thank to you during the vote of thanks etc.). 11. Disturbances breaking your attention occur when you are engaged in an important work (someone switching on the gate bell, ringing of the telephone, etc.). 15

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12. Unsatisfactory behaviour of your children or family members (children not studying, doing a wrong thing, quarrel between elder child and younger child etc.).

Short-Term Methods of Anger Management

A short-term method is perceived as a method that you can apply soon to manage your anger that is present at this moment. It is also a method the effect of which lasts for only a short time. After coping with your anger you will be normal. However, after several hours or days you may become angry again due to an action, word, or something else done by same person, another person or persons. 1. Be determined not to be angry by understanding bad consequences of anger and the importance of anger management. 2. Spend time with counting. When you become angry, count to ten. When you become very angry, count to seventy or hundred. 3. Once anger came, be silent by feeling that “Anger came”. Concentrate your mind on a happy thing. Recall a statue of the most virtuous person in your belief (the Buddha, the Jesus Christ...). 4. Go away from where you were when anger came. It is possible to step down on a stair case, going to rest room, or going to the toilet. To go to bath room and wash your face too is a method. 5. Think of good qualities of the person who is the cause of your anger. Recall good characteristics of the person who had been wrong to you, but not bad characteristics of that person. As a result your anger may soften and go away. 6. Who is the person who became angry with you and abused you? Think what kind of person he/she is. Recall contributions given by that person to others and the country, and also assistances given by him/her to you if any. Consequently your anger may disappear. 7. The person who became the cause of your anger may be your father or mother. He or she may be your teacher, boss, brother, or sister. If not, that person may be a special, excellent person. Recollect that specialty or excellence. Think of elderliness, relationship or maturity. As a result your anger may get reduced and then get disappeared. 8. Try to work to understand reason or reasons for behaviour of the person who has abused, hurt or worked against you. According to cause-effect theory there must be a cause (reason) for the effect (bad behaviour). Human behaviour is caused. There are reasons that stimulate people to behave in a particular way. Reason for abusing or hurting you may be due to a misunderstanding or mere jealousy. Reason may be exhaustion from working or frustration from failures in achieving goals. Find the reason and remove it if possible. If it is mere jealousy, forget it. Source: Opatha (2010)

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Long-Term Methods of Anger Management

A long-term method is perceived as a method that you can apply gradually over a long period of time to manage your anger. It is also a method the effect of which lasts for a long time. These methods will train you to face anger successfully in future. You will develop an ability to alleviate and even eradicate anger. You will become a person who becomes angry very rarely. 1. To understand that there is no ideal or perfect world. 2. Avoidance Cause of Anger Avoidance 1. There is a person who discredits Not to meet him/her. you or your religion. 2. To build hostility towards a certain Avoid watching such news. politician by watching certain TV news. 3. To purchase a certain good or Stop purchasing that good or service. service (due to higher price, lower quality or another reason). 4. To get a strong anger by going to Avoid going to that place. a place where a certain accident happened. 5. To watch a certain advertisement. Stop watching that advertisement. 6. To listen to a certain song. Avoid listening to that song. 7. To feel a strong dislike by Diverge from that person or group. associating a person or a group of person. 3. Patience 4. To remember ownership of your actions 5. Meditation Meditation involves pondering or reflecting. It is development of mind by thinking of good things. Through meditation you feel calm, peaceful and relaxed. You become serene. You can develop your mind so that your anger is coped with. Here are mentioned four methods of meditation which will be useful for tranquillizing your mind which becomes confused and upset due to anger. 1. The Mindfulness or Awareness of In-and-Out Breathing 2. The Mindfulness of Anger This method refers to knowing soundly when you are angry and when you not angry. This meditation is peeping at and looking at your own mind. It involves examination of way of entering anger into your mind, resultant changes happening in the body, and way of disappearing anger. Hence there is no particular and definite posture prescribed for this meditation, it is possible to do it by sitting, standing, walking, or lying down (Sri Rahula Maha Thera, 1996). You 17

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yourself will be able to know state of an angry mind. You should do simply watching and examining without criticizing or judging what is being felt. Be a scientist rather than being a judge. When you observe your mind, and see its true nature clearly, you become passionate with regard to its emotions, sentiments and states, and thus you become detached and free, so that you may see things as they are (Sri Rahula Maha Thera, 1996). 3. Meditation of Loving Kindness 4. The Mindfulness of Your Religious Leader

Conflict Management Styles

When you have a conflict, you are supposed to manage it. What will be your style for managing the conflict? You have at your disposal five major conflict management styles: avoiding, accommodating, competing, compromising, and collaborating. These styles come from a contingency approach to conflict resolution originally developed by Thomas (1976). Do Activity 2.

Right Attitude about Subordinates

It is very important for you to have a right attitude about employees or subordinates. A useful theory in this regard is Theory X and Theory Y developed by Douglas McGregor (1957). He gives two sets: conventional set (called Theory X) and modern set (called Theory Y) presenting managerial assumptions or beliefs about subordinates. Read Exhibit 9-10 that presents managerial assumptions about subordinates under the two labels Theory X and Theory Y. Do Activity 3.

Activity 1: A Skills Builder Leaning Objective: to apply the three ego states to the study of interpersonal transactions. Time Suggested: Thirty Minutes Prerequisite: Good reading about TA Procedure: 1. Break the participants into three or four groups. 2. Make the appropriate ego responses to the statements on the Transactional Questionnaire. 3. Answer the questions at the end of the exercise. Transactional Questionnaire Make ego responses to each of the following statements: 1. Have you read the new strategic plan of the university? Parent response 18

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Child response Adult response 2. Have you seen the students’ counsel letter to the Dean of the Faculty? Parent response Child response Adult response 3. Smoking is prohibited in this office. Parent response Child response Adult response 4. VC is a terrible manager. Parent response Child response Adult response 5. Did you know that Miss Maduka is going out with a married officer? Parent response Child response Adult response 6. I can understand why Mr. Perera was not promoted. Parent response Child response Adult response 7. Can I help you finish your project? Parent response Child response Adult response Questions 1. Share within your group each individual’s responses to the statements in the questionnaire. 2. How does a person’s ‘life position’ affect the relationships that he/she establishes with others? Write a group response. 3. Which ego state-Parent, Adult, or Child-do you feel should be dominant if you are to become an effective administrator? 4. What did you learn from this activity? 19

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Activity 2: A Skills Builder Following is an instrument that attempts to measure your conflict-handling style. For each of the 15 items, indicate how often you rely on that belief or behaviour by checking or circling the appropriate number. Item

1. I don’t like to argue with others regarding my complaints and concerns. 2. I try to make the others satisfy. 3. I argue my case with others to win. 4. I try to study an issue with the other in conflict to find a solution acceptable to both. 5. I have willingness to help others achieve their wishes. 6. I am firm to achieve what I want to get from others. 7. I believe that the fairest thing is to split the difference in a reasonable way. 8. I escape from the conflict by mentally withdrawing and physically leaving. 9. I tend to offer a middle ground to break a deadlock. 10. I value mostly maintaining a good longterm relationship with others in conflict. 11. I use “give and take” to solve a conflict. 12. I do not give up my solution for a problem. 13. I work to get a true win-win solution because I care other’s concerns. 14. I go along with suggestions given by others. 15. I have no interest in handling conflict with others.

Always

Often

Sometimes

Rarely

Never

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Scoring Key: Avoiding Item 1 8 15 Total =

Score -------------------------

Accommodating Item Score 2 ------5 ------14 ------Total = -------

Competing Item 3 6 12 Total =

Score -------------------------

Collaborating Item Score 10 ------4 ------13 ------Total = -------

Compromising Item Score 7 ------11 ------9 ------Total = -------

Your major conflict-handling style is:___________________ (The type with the highest total of scores) Your backup conflict-handling style is:____________________ (The type with the second highest total of scores) Source: developed by the author

Activity 3: A Skills Builder Below is given an instrument that has some statements about workers in general. Please tick the response that best fits your opinion: that best reflects how much you agree or disagree with each statement. Statement 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Most workers do not like to work. Given the chance to think for themselves, most people are bright. People are internally motivated to achieve goals to which they are committed. To get work done, managers must control workers. Above all, workers want security. If treated properly, workers will accept responsibility. Workers prefer that someone else tell them what to do on the job.

Strongly Disagree

Disagree

Indifferent

Agree

Strongly Agree

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8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

Most workers have to be coerced to get things done properly. Workers enjoy through work. Workers can be creative on the job. At work, workers show little ambition. Some workers will not work unless threatened. Some workers will pursue goals if rewarded. Most workers avoid work whenever possible. Most workers do not use their full potential. Given the chance, some workers can be innovative problem solvers. Workers usually accept responsibility. To achieve group goals, superiors must direct the activities of their subordinates. Under proper conditions, workers will seek responsibility. It is natural for workers to like work. Source: Opatha (2001) developed based on The Theory X and Theory Y by McGregor (1957)

Statements numbered 1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 11, 12, 14, 15, and 18 are negative statements. Hence, give 1 point for ‘strongly agree’; 2 points for ‘agree’; 3 points for ‘indifferent’; 4 points for ‘disagree’; and 5 points for ‘strongly disagree’ for each negative statement. All other statements are positive statements. Hence, give 5 points for ‘strongly agree’; 4 points for ‘agree’; 3 points for ‘indifferent’; 2 points for ‘disagree’; and 1 point for ‘strongly disagree’ for each positive statement. Finally get the total and use the following for interpretation: Points 20 – 36 37 – 52 53 – 68 69 – 84 85 – 100

Very Pessimistic Pessimistic Indifferent Optimistic Very Optimistic

If your total is 80, your attitude towards workers is optimistic or positive. You are supposed to have a very optimistic attitude so that you become a person of success in leading. Follow beliefs or assumptions in the positive statements and avoid beliefs or assumptions in the negative statements.

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Activity 4: A Skills Builder Assertiveness is a critical trait that you must possess in order to be a successful leader. It is defined as the extent to which you show and express clearly and strongly your feelings, demands, opinions and attitudes to others. Following is an instrument to measure your degree of assertiveness. Complete it by indicating the extent to which you agree or disagree with each statement by making a check in the appropriate column. Statements numbered 1, 8 and 9 are negative statements. Hence, give 1 point for ‘strongly agree’; 2 points for ‘agree’; 3 points for ‘indifferent’; 4 points for ‘disagree’; and 5 points for ‘strongly disagree’ for each negative statement. All other statements are positive statements. Hence, give 5 points for ‘strongly agree’; 4 points for ‘agree’; 3 points for ‘indifferent’; 2 points for ‘disagree’; and 1 point for ‘strongly disagree’ for each positive statement. Finally get the total and use the following for interpretation: Points 10 – 18 19 – 26 27 – 34 35 – 42 43 – 50

Very Non-assertive Non-assertive Indifferent Assertive Very Assertive

If your total is 40, your assertiveness is good. You are supposed to have a very assertiveness so that you become a person of success in leading. Follow behaviours in the positive statements and avoid attitude in statement 1 and behaviours in the other negative statements.

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Item 1 2

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Assertiveness Instrument Strongly Agree Agree I believe in that there is no use of asking for favours; I get what I deserve. If my bill of buying some goods or service is even Rs 50 more than it should be, I demand the relevant person to correct the mistake. If I am angry owing to behaviour of someone, I express it to that person in a non-hurting or aggressive way. If someone disturbs me by making noise, I go and tell the person to stop it. If I want to speak at a meeting, I will do so. I insist on my partner or roommate to do his or her fair share of chores. If I find a good which I bought is defective, I return it. It is difficult for me to express love and affection toward another person. After having arguments with a person I try to avoid him or her. If I experience an injustice form a person I will bring to that person’s attention. Statement

Indifferent

Disagree

Strongly Disagree

Source: developed by the author

References Bittel, L.R. and Newstrom, J.W. (1990), What Every Supervisor Should Know, New York: McGraw-Hill Publishing Company. Chandhavimala, R. (Honourable Reverent) (2008), Paramitha Pakaranaya, Pokunuvita: Sri Chandhavimala Religious Books Conservation Board. DuBrin, A.J. (1997), Human Relations, New Jersey: Prentice Hall. McGregor, D. (1957), “The Human Side of Enterprise”, as in Davar, R.S. (1994), The Human Side of Management, a collection of classic articles, New Delhi: Universal Book Stall. Newstrom, J.W. and Davis, K. (1997), Organizational Behavior: Human Behavior at Work, New York: McGraw-Hill Publishing. Opatha, H.H.D.N.P. (2010), Personal Quality, Colombo: Department of HRM, University of Sri Jayewardenepura. Prasad, L.M. (1992), Principles and Practice of Management, New Delhi: Sultan Chand & Son. 24

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Rahula, W. (Honourable Reverent) (1996), What the Buddha taught, Colombo: Buddhist Cultural Centre. Thomas, K. and Schmidt, W. (1976), “A Survey of Managerial Interests with Respect to Conflict”, Academy of Management Journal, June 19, pp. 315-318. Umstot, D.D. (1984), Understanding Organizational Behavior, New York: West Publishing Company.

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