The Cookie Crumbles

Lillenas®

Drama Presents

The Cookie Crumbles from Under The Circumstances By Torry Martin Approximate running time: 11 minutes CAST: MR. NORM: owner of cookie company, detests change, a suit-only Christian

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AL ORIJIN: an intelligent surfer dude, evangelistic, loves people

SYNOPSIS: The Norm’s Christian Cookie Company has some very high standards when it comes to their product. The taste, quality, and texture of their cookie designs have been the same year after year. Al decides to experiment with new recipes, much to Mr. Norm’s chagrin. A great lesson on learning to accept people who are not of the same mold but are of the same heart.

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R P SETTING: Office with a desk and chair and a second chair opposite desk T O N PROPS: O Desk D 2 chairs

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A shoebox with gingerbread men cookies in it AL (entering MR. NORM’s office): Um, excuse me? . . . Hello? . . . Mr. Norm? MR. NORM (looks up from desk): Yes, boy, what is it? AL: Your secretary, . . . like, she said that you wanted to, like, . . . see me. MR. NORM (remembering): Ah yes, I have your file right here. (Reads name on file) Your name’s Orijin, Al? AL: That’s right, Sir. MR. NORM: Well, Al, your work has been brought to my attention recently . . . AL (excited): Really? Wow! A raver! Thanks! MR. NORM: Uh, you’d best sit down, son. What I’ve been hearing about you hasn’t been good.

“The Cookie Crumbles” is taken from Under The Circumstances. Copyright © 1999 by Torry Martin. All print rights administered by Lillenas® Publishing Co. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States.

AL (sits): It hasn’t? MR. NORM: No, it hasn’t. Tell me, Al, how long have you been working here at Norm’s Christian Cookie Company? AL: Three months, Sir. MR. NORM: And during those three months, have you been able to ascertain what our main product is? AL: That’d be the Christian gingerbread people, Sir. MR. NORM: Chris and Christy the Cute Christian Cookies to be more specific. Tradition calls for Chris and Christy to both be made five inches by three inches in size with vanilla frosting facial features and a special red candy heart on their chest with a cross on it. That’s what makes them perfect and that’s what makes them Christian. Is this all sounding familiar, Al? AL: It’s sounding totally familiar, Sir.

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MR. NORM: To your knowledge, have we ever deviated from this design? AL: Nada, at least not that I’m aware of, Sir.

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MR. NORM: Well then, maybe you can explain something to me. AL: I’ll give it a whirl.

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MR. NORM (pulls out a box from under his desk and shows AL): I’d like to know if you recognize these cookie people?

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AL (recognizes them): Oh, yeah! Total recall! (Proudly) That’s Ricky, Cal, Russell, and Binky. Those are the cookie people I designed in my spare time, Mr. Norm!

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MR. NORM (excited): Ah-ha! So, you admit that these designs are your handiwork? AL: Yup, that’s what I said. MR. NORM: Were you informed, Mr. Orijin, that this type of gingerbread vandalism could be considered just cause for your termination? AL (confused): You mean I can be fired, just ’cause? MR. NORM (exasperated): I’m saying that I would normally require you to clean out your locker and leave the premises, never to return. AL (hurt): You mean I couldn’t even come back to go to work? MR. NORM (sarcastically): Exactly how many watts are you running on, boy? AL: What? MR. NORM: Never mind. Can you explain to me why you blatantly abused my cookie dough?


AL (bewildered): You think I beat up your cookies? MR. NORM (takes a deep breath to calm himself): Could you please tell me what your purpose was in making these cookies? AL: Well, eventually I was gonna eat them, but first I was going to show them to you and tell you how to increase cookie sales. MR. NORM: And just how do you suggest that? AL: How do I suggest eating them? Well, I like to start with their arms, then I open mouth and insert. MR. NORM: No! How do you think we could increase sales! Give me your proposal, boy!

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AL (stands up defensively): Hey, I’ll tell you how to get your sales up, but I ain’t proposing to you or nothing. I mean, I really like working here and all, and I think you’re a swell boss, but, I’m a Christian and . . .

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MR. NORM (yells): The cookies, boy! Just tell me about the cookies! AL (surprised): Wow! You really like them, don’t ya? It’s easy to see why, from looking at them! The public will go nuts! See, my idea for tremendous financial gain is this . . . (looks around to see if anyone is listening, then whispers) we expand your line of Christian Cookie People!

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T O AL: Yeah, and you know what? (Very proud) N It’s gonna be easy! No fooling! See, first I started by making new cookie cutters so the cookie people could be Oknow, short, tall, thin, chubby, the whole various shapes and sizes. You D gamut. Then I secretly experimented with new cookie dough recipes so we

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MR. NORM (incredulous): Whaaat?

could reach people with diverse tastes. MR. NORM: Diverse tastes? AL (comforting MR. NORM): Oh, that’s OK. I used to think it meant people who ate under water too. (Explaining now) Diverse tastes means people who like different flavors, Mr. Norm. MR. NORM: I know what it means! What I don’t understand is how you could possibly think I would like this preposterous idea of yours! (He gestures to cookies.) Just look at these cookie people, there’s nothing uniform about them! AL: Yeah, I know. Isn’t it great? I even used different colors of frosting to give them all unique characteristics. (Points to different cookies) Like, look at this one, he’s got a mohawk, that guy’s got an afro, here’s a crewcut, and check out Binky, he’s got dreadlocks! What a dude! MR. NORM (to himself): What a dud!


AL: Huh? MR. NORM (leans in and looks closely at cookie): What’s that silver sugar bead doing in the middle of Binky’s face? AL: That’s supposed to be a nose ring, Sir. (They both look directly at each other for a beat.) AL (explaining): It’s removable. You’ve gotta keep in mind, he’s still a new Christian cookie. MR. NORM (outraged): This is a disgraceful waste of cookie dough! These look ridiculous! Why, there’s not even anything here that distinguishes them as being Christian cookie people!

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AL: Except for the red candy heart with a cross on it, they all have that in common. MR. NORM (not understanding): What’s that?

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AL: I’m saying, their hearts are still in the right place. MR. NORM: But, they aren’t even cute!

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AL (quietly): No, Sir, . . . they aren’t at all . . . cute.

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MR. NORM (indignant): Nose rings? Dreadlocks? I won’t have it!

T O MR. NORM: Well, I don’t like it, and I don’t N want it! The Norms have a tradition in cookie people. Our consumers rely on my product to have the same O quality, taste, texture, and D design, year after year. Our cookies are known for superiority and excellence. (Loudly) And what about our slogan (stands

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AL: But, Sir, you do have it. (Gestures to cookies) It’s right there in front of you.

straight and recites), “You Can Count on Norms for Defined Taste”! (Pauses, catches and corrects himself) I mean “Refined Taste.” AL: But, Mr. Norm, these cookies would still retain your standards of excellence. They’d just bring in a broader group of customers. By accepting these new cookie people, we could even reach my fellow generation Xers! MR. NORM: I’ve heard enough, Mr. Orijin! Investing in something like this is too risky. It could break the Norms completely! AL: You haven’t even tried my cookies. (AL picks up a cookie person and offers it.) Here, just take a bite. MR. NORM (refusing): No, absolutely not! AL: Aw, c’mon, just one itty-bitty bite. That’s all I’m asking. Your tastebuds are gonna totally trip, man! (He brings it closer to MR. NORM’s mouth.) MR. NORM (leaning backward but trapped by his chair): No, no, no, no, no, not the one with the nose ring!


AL: OK. (Switches cookie) How about this one? (Brings it close to MR. NORM) MR. NORM (notices it, and looks closely): Is that a tattoo? (AL nods his head yes.) No! Icky! . . . Icky, icky, icky, blech! AL (breaks off one small piece): Just try a little piece of it. I challenge you! MR. NORM (takes cookie out of AL’s hand): Give me that! (He gets up and throws the cookie back in the box and starts to pace.) Who are you to challenge the Norms? I’ve had enough of this nonsense! The Norms have an image to protect! (Looks out imaginary window) Norms Christian Cookie People have always been cute, and cute they shall remain! AL (sits back down): But, Sir, change can be good . . .

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MR. NORM (turns angrily to face AL and interrupts): The only time I like change is when it rattles in my pocket! (Walks to desk, sits down, and takes control) Now, I realize your intentions were good, no matter how misguided they may have been. My suggestion for you, however, is if you would like to keep your job, you will learn to do things the way they have always been done, and you will learn to like it! (Shuffling papers on desk) That, Mr. Orijin, is the way the cookie crumbles.

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T N AL (looks forlorn at his cookie people, and answers slowly):IUnfortunately, that’s the way a lot of Christians crumble too. PR MR. NORM: You’re pushing your luck, Orijin.TThis is your last chance, now get Oput these in the Dumpster on your back to work, and (hands him the box) N way out. O AL: You want me to toss my cookies? D

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MR. NORM: Nicely put. AL (dejectedly takes the box): No. MR. NORM: What’s that? AL: I said, no way, Sir. No is like the total opposite of yes. It’s probably a word the Norms aren’t used to hearing. No, I just can’t keep doing things the way they have always been done. No, I won’t throw my Christian cookie people away, and no, I will not return to work for you. MR. NORM: Then just what exactly do you plan on doing for the rest of your life, Mr. Orijin? AL: I plan on serving Jesus Christ as my Lord and Master for the rest of my life, Sir. I also intend on taking my cookies down to the Yahweh Christian Cookie Company and see if they’re interested in my idea. MR. NORM (incredulous): You would rather work for Yahweh than Norms?


AL: Totally, dude! I think my idea is going to be a real successful investment for them. Did I mention that I already have mega orders being placed for my cookies? MR. NORM (surprised): Uh, no. You neglected to mention that. AL: Oh, yeah, guess I forgot. I really gotta get going, I’ve taken up enough of your time. (Picks up box of cookies) I’ve enjoyed working for you, Mr. Norm. (He shakes MR. NORM’s hand.) I have really learned a lot, thank you. MR. NORM (polite but curious): You’re welcome. About these orders . . . AL: Whew! Yeah! I’ve got a couple hundred orders to fill by Friday, I better get down to Yahweh’s to see if we can do business. I’ll be seeing you around. God bless you, Mr. Norm. (He smiles and exits through center aisle of congregation.)

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MR. NORM (in shock): Uh, yes, well then . . .Good-bye, Al. (Pauses and mumbles to himself) A couple hundred orders? (Realizing) A couple hundred orders! (Stunned) What have I done? Al? Al? Al! (MR. NORM starts running after AL down center aisle, yelling.) Let’s talk this through some more over lunch! Al? I’ll try a bite of Binky now! Al!!

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