THE MERRY WIDOW. Music by. Franz Lehar. Original German libretto by. Victor
Leon & Leon Stein. English Adaptation by. Richard Leighton. VILLAGE LIGHT ...
THE MERRY WIDOW Music by Franz Lehar Original German libretto by Victor Leon & Leon Stein English Adaptation by Richard Leighton VILLAGE LIGHT OPERA GROUP VERSION JANUARY 21, 2006 AMORE OPERA VERSION JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2010 JANUARY 17, 2010 REWRITES © Richard Leighton 1986/2005/2010 7427 Westlawn Ave. Los Angeles, CA 90045 310-670-2339
I-1 THE MERRY WIDOW ACT ONE (The Petrovedian Embassy, Paris, Evening. At CURTAIN, a party is in progress. NIEJUS directs activities. As CASCADA sings, BARON ZETA, VALENCIENNE (his wife) enter US, unseen by the guests. CAMILLE is seen trailing VALENCIENNE.) CASCADA:
MY FRIENDS MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION I'M PROUD THAT THE DUTY'S MINE TO THANK OUR HOST, (BUT I'LL MENTION THAT SPEECHES ARE NOT MY LINE!) So, now, WITHOUT FURTHER DIGRESSION LET OUR SENTIMENT FIND EXPRESSION: TO OUR HOST, HIS QUEEN AND HIS COUNTRY ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF HEALTH TO YOU!
ENSEMBLE:
TO OUR HOST, HIS QUEEN AND HIS COUNTRY ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF HEALTH TO YOU!
ZETA:
MY DEAREST FRIENDS I CAN ASSURE YOU YOUR WORDS COULD NOT HAVE MOVED ME MORE BOTH AS A MAN WHO LOVES HIS COUNTRY AND AS ITS PROUD AMBASSADOR. THIS EVENING'S PARTY, I'LL REMIND YOU, IS NOT FOR GAIETY ALONE. IT BEARS MORE SIGNIFICANT MEANING AND PATRIOTIC OVERTONE. WE CELEBRATE MY SOVERIGN'S BIRTHDAY; OUR LOVE AND HONOR WE DECREE, WITHIN THIS EMBASSY THAT STANDS FOR PETROVEDIA IN PARIS!
ENSEMBLE:
WE CELEBRATE YOUR SOVEREIGN'S BIRTHDAY; OUR LOVE AND HONOR WE DECREE, WITHIN THIS EMBASSY THAT STANDS FOR PETROVEDIA IN PARIS!
(ALL toast and merrily disperse, as BARON ZETA takes VALENCIENNE aside)
I-2 MAJOR-DOMO: (announcing arrival): Lord and Lady Montague Mastiff of Devonshire! (Lord and Lady [MATILDA] Mastiff enter and greet ZETA and VALENCIENNE. MONTAGUE is doddering, ancient—MATILDA is young, rosey and Reubenesque. CASCADA comes up behind MATILDA, whispers in her ear, and MATILDA giggles.) MONTAGUE: Did I do something funny, m’dear? MATILDA: Oh, no, dear…It’s--the champagne…I think it’s just gotten to my head-MONTAGUE: But you haven’t had any yet…. (A SERVANT sweeps by carrying a tray of filled champagne glasses. MATILDA grabs one and shows it to MONTAGUE. MATILDA and CASCADA exchange glances, and MATILDA quickly downs the champagne in one shot and she and her husband disappear into the party) ZETA (to VALENCIENNE:) Now, my gooseberry, you know your assignment: keep Chevalier Rosillion occupied, and far away from the widow when she arrives-VALENCIENNE But, my party, creampuff— ZETA Niejus and I shall attend to the guests, sugarplum. In this time of crisis we all have our duties to perform, hmm? Now, run along, there's a good girl-(VALENCIENNE leaves and joins CAMILLE, who proceeds to kiss her hand and fawn over her. ZETA and VALENCIENNE exchange glances, ZETA approving, VALENCIENNE despairing) MAJOR-DOMO: General and Madame Lars Gustaffson of Helsinki! (GENERAL LARS GUSTAFFSON and his wife, GERTA are greeted by ZETA. LARS is very elderly, but tall and straight-backed—GERTA is a young and statuesque Brunhilde. ST. BRIOCHE approaches GERTA, and she purposefully drops her handkerchief. ST. BRIOCHE picks it up and presents it to her—his face barely comes above her bosom. Entranced, he kisses her hand, then snaps to attention and salutes LARS.) GERTA: (to ST. BRIOCHE) Merci, Monsieur! Vous ete tres charmant! (to LARS) Isn’t he charming, dearest? LARS: Hmm. Not to be repetitive, but I find him excessively…French… (LARS and GERTA blend into the party. GERTA blows a quick kiss to ST. BRIOCHE, who “catches” it and presses it to his heart with bravado).
I-2a ZETA Niejus! NIEJUS Yes, Excellency! ZETA We approaching "zero hour," Niejus. The widow should be here any moment. You know what you must do? Your prime directive? NIEJUS Yes, Excellency: "Keep the French away from the widow...and her money..." ZETA Shhh! Yes, exactly! And tactfully, Niejus, tactfully. Our alliance with France is very important to us in these troubled times-NIEJUS Baron! I see that your wife is...doing her part...in maintaining alliances with the French... ZETA Hmmm? Oh, yes, just so, Niejus! Just look at how she's keeping that handsome young devil occupied. Ah, what a soldier!!! Valencienne is the apple of my eye, the light of my life! NIEJUS Er...yes, Excellency. MAJOR-DOMO: Count and Countess Camembert of Normandy! (COUNT JULES CAMEMBERT and his wife, COUNTESS FLORA CAMEMBERT, enter and greet ZETA. JULES is a slight, spry 80-year-old—FLORA is a buxom and earthy former showgirl. As before, CASCADA approaches FLORA from behind and whispers in her ear. FLORA laughs, then indicates for him to repeat it in her ear. She laughs again, then whispers in JULES’ ear. He laughs, and they both point at CASCADA and laugh. CASCADA blushes and retreats) JULES: Does he really think you would do that? FLORA: Chou-Chou, have you forgotten that summer on Lake Como? The rowboat? JULES: Eh? Oh!…oh, yes indeed!! (JULES and FLORA laugh and retreat into the party. VALENCIENNE manages to break free from the embraces of CAMILLE and hurries back to ZETA's side) ZETA And here she comes! (to VALENCIENNE:) Well, little general, how go the maneuvers, hmmm? (CASCADA, ST. BRIOCHE and the other FRENCHMEN start to mill about, closing in on ZETA and NIEJUS)
I-3 VALENCIENNE Er...very well, I think, dearest. ZETA Excellent!! Just keep Rosillion occupied for a little longer, my dumpling. Madame Glawari should be here soon-CASCADA Did I hear you say " Madame Glawari," Baron? ST. BRIOCHE Yes, see here, Baron Zeta, where is she? You promised she'd come. I mean, birthday cake and champagne are fine, but...I want to meet the most radiant and witty widow in Paris! CASCADA To say nothing of the richest!! ZETA She will be here soon, I assure you-VALENCIENNE Have no fear, gentlemen. The Widow Glawari will arrive, as promised, before this party takes full flight. (The orchestra is heard playing ballroom music from within) CASCADA Ooh-la-la, just think! The widow of Petrovedia's richest banker, and beautiful to boot! ST. BRIOCHE I wonder what she's worth--exactly? What was in his will? CASCADA Some say he left 10, other's 50-- But, I have it on the very best authority that the sum is just over 20 million...pounds...sterling! ZETA How did you know that??? CASCADA Pas de tout, cher Baron Zeta; you know that in matters of gathering intelligence, we French are unsurpassed!
I-4 NIEJUS [under his breath] Tell that to Napoleon! CASCADA Pardon, monsieur? ZETA Oh, nothing!...he just said that...it's a shame you're not Tyrolean. ST. BRIOCHE Twenty..million...pounds! Where does one keep so much money? ZETA In a safe place, have no fear-CASCADA Yes, yes, all tucked away in vault #7 of the Petrovedian National Bank...we know that! ZETA Yes...er, quite so...an impregnable fortress!-CASCADA To frontal assault, perhaps, Baron. But far from impregnable to a strategy of the heart-ZETA Of the heart?? Oh, yes....of course...please excuse me, Viscompte...(to VALENCIENNE:) Quickly, sweetpea, get the Chevalier back to the party...I don't want him to hear this-VALENCIENNE But, kumquat, as hostess I have other duties to attend to-ZETA None, cherry blossom, as important as this you now perform! Please, be a good little soldier and do it for the Fatherland! VALENCIENNE Well, if you put it that way, plumcake-ZETA I do, my tartlet. (to CAMILLE:) So, then, Chevalier, and you, too, gentlemen...won't you sample some of our superb Petrovedian cuisine? All washed down with the finest French champagne, of course-CAMILLE Any meal served by the Baroness is food fit for the gods--
I-5 ZETA I'm so glad you think so. Yes. Well then, you two just...run along and enjoy yourselves, hm? CAMILLE Thank you, Baron, we will! (He sweeps away with VALENCIENNE) ZETA So, Viscompte Cascada, please continue....about the strategy of the heart?? CASCADA Oui, v'raiment! There is not a female heart that beats that cannot be conquered by a Frenchman, n'est ce pas? And the man who conquers the Widow Glawari's heart holds the key to the Petrovedian economy. (Beat) I mean, naturalment, her husband would get full control of her fortune, which is as it should be, of course! ST. BRIOCHE I'm not so sure, Cascada. The strategy may be sound, but there are those who say that it would be easier to storm the Bastille than to scale the walls of the Widow Glawari's heart-CASCADA Hmm. An impossible mission for the infantry, perhaps, St. Brioche, but it should not prove too difficult for an officer of the cavalry-ST. BRIOCHE Pooh, monsieur. We are not speaking of your usual romantic pursuits, Cascada. This is not some chubby, swooning wife of an English industrialist here on holiday-CASCADA Nor is she one of your usual tarts from the Montparnasse, St. Brioche! ST. BRIOCHE Nor some ninny from Normandy, Viscompte! CASCADA Nor some floozie from Finlandia, Marquis! ST. BRIOCHE Saddlesore simpleton!!! CASCADA Flatfooted fop!!! ZETA Gentlemen, please!-NIEJUS Let them kill each other!!
I-6 ZETA This is a festive occasion, gentlemen. So, please, leave this for now and go inside with the rest of our guests. It's time to cut the cake-ST. BRIOCHE But, see here, what about the widow? FRENCHMEN Yes, what about Madame Glawari? etc. ZETA Niejus will announce her as soon as she arrives, never fear! So, please, let us repair inside! CASCADA After you, monsieur Marquis! ST. BRIOCHE After you, monsieur Viscompte! CASCADA Very well. (He exits, followed by the others. NIEJUS and ZETA trail behind) ZETA At all costs, we must keep these men away from Madame Glawari and, more importantly, from her money!!! That 20 million is all that stands between Petrovedia's sovereignty and her being gobbled up by the hungry monsters on her borders. Do you understand, Niejus??? NEIJUS Yes, Excellency! ZETA It is our solemn duty to see that these Frenchmen do not get that money in their grasp!!! (Reading the motto on the Petrovedian Flag:) "ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM," Niejus! Yes...come along now... (As they exit, CAMILLE and VALENCIENNE enter)
I-7 DUET VALENCIENNE / CAMILLE VALENCIENNE:
NOW LISTEN PLEASE, WHILE NO ONE'S NEAR
CAMILLE:
THERE'S NO ONE'S VOICE I'D RATHER HEAR
VAL:
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO TELL YOU
CAM.:
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO TELL YOU, TOO
VAL.:
BE STILL! YOU KNOW I WILL NOT HEAR SUCH WORDS FROM YOU!
CAM.:
WHETHER I SPEAK OR NOT YOU CAN HEAR THE WORDS RESOUNDING IN MY HEART, MY DEAR!
VAL.:
OH, PLEASE, CAMILLE! IT'S THIS I HAVE DREADED! IT'S TIME THIS WAS ENDED!
CAM.:
WAS ENDED?
VAL.:
I WANT YCU TO MARRY.
CAM.
TO MARRY? ME? WHOM SHOULD I WED, WHEN ALL THAT I AM IS YOURS ALONE?
VAL:
OH, WILL YOU BE STILL? I CANNOT AND I WILL NOT HEAR SUCH WORDS! I AM A RESPECTABLE WIFE, MY HUSBAND IS LORD OF MY LIFE. OUR VOW IS TCO PRECIOUS A TREASURE TO WAGER AWAY ON ADVENTURE. YOU'VE TREATED THIS ALL LIKE A GAME, BUT I RISK MY HOME AND MY NAME. SO, PLEASE, SAVE ME ANGUISH AND STRIFE. I AM A RESPECTABLE WIFE! THERE'S NO WAY OF WINNING. MISFORTUNE PURSUES US. THIS PASSION MUST DIE NOW BEFORE IT CONSUMES US.
I-8 VAL: (cont.)
BEWARE, MY FRIEND; TAKE CARE, MY FRIEND, IT'S DANGEROUS TO PLAY WITH FIRE. THE FLAME YOU'VE FANNED GETS OUT OF HAND, AND CONSEQUENCES MAY BE DIRE. IT'S ROMANTIC TO BE UNCONCERNED, BUT THIS YOU SHOULD BY NOW HAVE LEARNED: A SIMPLE RULE "WHO PLAYS WITH FIRE WILL GET BURNED!"
CAM:
YES, YOU'RE A RESPECTABLE WIFE, I VOUCHSAFE FOR THAT, ON MY LIFE! BUT NO MATTER THE SCORN I AM GIVEN I'LL FOLLOW YOU NOW-I AM DRIVEN! MY HEART'S VOICE WILL NOT BE DENIED IT CALLS TO YOUR HEART, DEEP INSIDE. BUT STILL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, YOU'LL STAY A RESPECTABLE WIFE. I KNOW ALL THE DANGERS I DON'T CARE, I'LL BRAVE THEM! THESE FEELINGS ARE PRECIOUS! I MUST FIGHT TO SAVE THEM! VALENCIENNE:
CAMILLE:
BEWARE, MY FRIEND, TAKE CARE MY FRIEND IT'S SUICIDE TO PLAY WITH FIRE! THE FLAME YOU'VE FANNED GETS OUT OF HAND, AND EVERYONE'S BURNED AT THE PYRE. IT'S ROMANTIC TO BE UNCONCERNED BUT ONE THING YOU AND I HAVE LEARNED
I'LL DARE, MY FRIEND. IT'S GOOD ADVICE,
DON'T BE A FOOL, YOU KNOW THE RULE: "WHO PLAYS WITH FIRE WILL GET BURNED!"
BUT NOT WHAT I REQUIRE PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS FLAME YOU'VE FANNED BECAME A RAGING FIRE. DEAR, YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT I HAVE LEARNED AND I DON'T CARE! I AM A FOOL AND FOOL'S RUSH IN TO PLAY WITH FIRE AND GET BURNED!
I-9 (As VALENCIENNE and CAMILLE exit, ZETA and NIEJUS enter. VALENCIENNE entreats ZETA with her eyes, but ZETA simply smiles and waves approvingly.) ZETA Oh, Niejus! NIEJUS Yes, Excellency? ZETA I'm so worried! NIEJUS Hmmm. Yes, I expect you are, sir. Baron, can we speak man to man? ZETA Of course, Niejus. About what? NIEJUS It's about your wife, sir. ZETA The Baroness? What about her, Niejus? NIEJUS This business with Chevalier Rossillion, sir-ZETA Oh, that! Yes, clever, isn't it, Niejus? How she maneuvers him, keeps him close at all times. And how she tells me everything that goes on--reports all his secret desires, his innermost passions-NIEJUS Let me see if I've got this right: she tells you everything? ZETA Everything! NIEJUS Baron, with all due respect, I think that this assignment in Paris is ruining your character! Your Excellency, sir, I am shocked that you are so pleased with your wife's conduct! ZETA For heaven's sake why shouldn't I be? She is performing exemplary service on a mission of utmost importance to Queen and country, I'll have you know! NIEJUS You mean that this...assignation...with Rossillion is an official mission in Her Majesty's service? ZETA Of course!
I-10 NIEJUS Oh. (aside) Why don't I ever get those kind of assignments? (to ZETA:) Then tell me, sir: why did you say you were worried? ZETA Because I am worried, Niejus!! About Madame Glawari!!! NIEJUS Oh, Madame Glawari!!! FRENCHMEN (Hearing NIEJUS exclaim, they hungrily appear:) Where is she? Is she here? etc. ZETA No, not yet! (THE FRENCHMEN disappointedly exit) ZETA You see, Niejus? I can't keep the wolves at bay forever. Thank God Valencienne is keeping Rossillon busy. He is by far the most dangerous one...Valencienne says that there is no need for concern, that he is infatuated with some married womanNIEJUS Oh, really? What a surprise-ZETA --but I am not convinced. He still worries me. Boors and braggarts like Cascada and St. Brioche are one thing, but this young Dionysus is something else againNIEJUS He certainly is-ZETA Oh, where is Count Danilovitch when I need him?? Here Petrovedia stands in peril, ringed by the enemy, and her military attache is not here! Where could he be?? I told him to be here before her arrival! NIEJUS Whose arrival, sir? ZETA (frantically:) Madame Glawari!!! (THE FRENCHMEN appear as before. NIEJUS and ZETA shake their heads to indicate that she has not arrived. THE FRENCHMEN exit.)
I-11 ZETA (continued): Danilovitch is our only hope, the only Petrovedian dashing and clever enough to hold Hanna Glawari's attention. Are you sure he wasn't at home? (NIEJUS nods head.) Did you try his mistress? (NIEJUS nods.) All of them? (NIEJUS nods.) So he has deserted us. Disappeared! (NIEJUS shakes head. ZETA looks at him, tries to follow the meaning of the various shakes and nods, gets exasperated and blurts out:) What's that supposed to mean??? NIEJUS I'm sorry, Excellency. Count Danilovitch is at Maxim's, sir-ZETA Maxim's???? NIEJUS --or, at least, he was seen there 48 hours ago, occupied in some serious revelry with the Grisettes-ZETA The Grisettes??????? NIEJUS (with ZETA:) --Grisettes...yessir...showgirls, sir....and from the looks of it they were trying to give new meaning to the word "party," sir-ZETA Oh, Danilovitch, how could you do this to your country? To your Queen? To me??? NIEJUS Never fear, sir. Count Danilovitch is a true patriot, Petrovedia's greatest military hero. He will arrive in time-(a MAID appears and hands NIEJUS a calling card. The MAID exits) (reading the card) --Then again, perhaps not-ZETA What do you mean by that? NIEJUS (softly) Madame Glawari is here.
I-12 ZETA What was that?? NIEJUS: (slightly louder) Madame Glawari is here… ZETA: For God’s Sake, man, speak up!!! MAJOR DOMO: Madame Hanna Glawari of Petrovedia! (A massive stampede of FRENCHMEN ensues. They rush towards the main entrance of the embassy. MONTAGUE and MATILDA, LARS and GERTA, JULES and FLORA appear to view the events.) GERTA: At last! FLORA: Yes…let’s see what all the fuss is about, shall we? MATILDA: Oooh! Isn’t this fun?? (GERTA and FLORA glare at MATILDA in disbelief of her benign attitude) NIEJUS Oh, my...! ZETA Our goose is cooked, Niejus. Danilovitch must get here, and quickly. Petrovedia stands on the brink of disaster, and I hold him personally responsible!!! (HANNA GLAWARI enters, followed by a mob of FRENCHMEN)
I-13 THE ENTRANCE OF HANNA, THE MERRY WIDOW HANNA: CASCADA: HANNA: ST. BRIOCHE: HANNA: CASCADA: HANNAH: ST. BRIOCHE: HANNA: MEN: HANNA:
GENTLEMEN, I PRAY-WE CANNOT TEAR OURSELVES AWAY!! WHAT EXQUISITE PRAISE! SETTING US ABLAZE! PLEASE STOP IT NOW, THE BRIGHTEST STAR BY FAR YOU ARE-THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU'RE A VISION! THIS REALLY IS EMBARRASING! YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RAVISHING! YOU GO A BIT TOO FAR!
HANNA:
MEN:
BUT POSSIBLY IN PARIS THIS IS PAR ?
HOW RADIANT YOU ARE
HANNA:
DEAR SHINING STAR!
I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW PARISIAN WAYS. I FEAR I'M NOT YET STRONG ENOUGH TO BEAR SUCH WEIGHTY PRAISE. I'M MUCH TOO PETROVEDIAN, AS ALL OF YOU CAN TELL; BUT WHEN I'M MORE PARISIENNE, I'LL BEAR IT VERY WELL! YOUR CHARMING WORDS MAKE ME FEEL BLESSED, STILL AND ALL, I MUST CONFESS I FEAR THAT THEY ARE MEANT FOR THE MILLIONS I POSSESS!
MEN:
OH! OH! OH!
HANNA:
OH, COME NOW, WE DIGRESS! THEY SAY, AS I RECALL, WIDOWS ARE ALL MUCH IN DEMAND. AND IF THE POOR THINGS SHOULD BE RICH THEN THERE'S NO END TO THE SUITORS AT HAND!
HANNA:
CASCADA/ ST BRIOCHE:
MEN:
AH!--
WHAT A THING TO SAY--CAN SHE REALLY THINK WE'RE AFTER HER GOLD?
SHE'S RIGHT! WORD GETS AROUND SUITORS ABOUND WHEN THERE IS GOLD!
AFFLUENT WIDOWS DOUBLE IN CHARM OR SO THE STORY IS TOLD!
I-14 HANNA:
BACK HOME IN PETROVEDIA THE MEN ARE RATHER TERSE: A GIRL MIGHT GET A SMALL BOUQUET, PERHAPS A LINE OF VERSE. MY COUNTRYMEN RESPECT A GIRL, MY COUNTRYMEN ARE WISE. THEY NEVER WOULD SUBJECT A GIRL TO FLATTERY AND LIES. ANYONE WHO EVER KNEW YOU, WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THROUGH YOU. HA-HA!
CASCADA / ST.BRIOCHE:
MEN:
YOU HAVE A MIND A MAN CAN ADORE. TELL US MORE. YOU'RE SO
YOU HAVE A MIND THAT A MAN CAN ADORE. PLEASE GRACIOUS LADY TELL US MORE. YOU'RE SO
CHARMING.
CHARMING.
BEAUTY, COUPLED WITH WISDOM.
BEAUTY, COUPLED WITH WISDOM.
HOW DIS-
HOW DIS-
-ARMING!
-ARMING!
WITTY AND WARM AND WISE!
WITTY AND WARM AND WISE!
WE WOULD NEVER LIE, FLATTER OR DECIEVE, THIS YOU MUST BELIEVE.
GENTLEMEN, YOU CAN'T DECIEVE IT'S IN EVERY CASC: YOU MUSN'T DOUBT WORD MY VERITY! YOU EXPRESS! ST. B: I SPEAK IN ALL SINCERITY! BOTH: SAY YOU BELIEVE ME AH, YES! AH, YES!
WE TRY NEVER TO LIE, AH, PLEASE MADAME YOU MUST BELIEVE.
SAY YOU BELIEVE ME AH, YES!
(the FRENCHMEN adlib and hover around HANNA. ZETA forces his way through the group of men and rescues HANNA)
I-15 ZETA Ah, Madame Glawari! What a pleasure! I suppose there is no need to tell you that you look absolutely ravishing! HANNA A woman can never hear enough compliments, dear Baron, especially from someone as trustworthy as yourself. ZETA You are most deserving, Madame! You honor us with your presence. HANNA Thank you, Baron Zeta! I hope that you -- and all of your guests -- will so honor me, tomorrow, by coming to my little party. In honor of Queen Myrna’s birthday, I have transformed the gardens of my estate into a Petrovedian wonderland, a little bit of home. So, you will come...all of you. Please? ZETA Oh, yes, yes! A little bit of home sounds so attractive, Madame Glawari. To surround yourself, as it were, with the culture and customs of your homeland must be such a comfort for you, as a foreigner here on French soil-HANNA Hmm? I hadn't really thought about that... It's been great fun, at all events-ZETA And, speaking of things safe and familiar....I knew you would be more comfortable tonight if you were escorted by one of your countrymen, so I have invited Count Danilovitch to have that honor-HANNA Oh, him??!! Have you, now? And where is he, pray tell? ZETA He is...on diplomatic assignment at the moment...something to do with... French secret weapons...very hush-hush. But never fear, he'll be along momentarily-HANNA No matter. My taste in escorts has become more--international--now, at all events, Baron. ZETA But, Madame-HANNA Variety is the spice of life, Baron! Living these past few months here in Paris has taught me that, and much more-ZETA But, Madame-HANNA Besides, men are all the same, n'est ce pas? With the exception of you, of course, cher Baron Zeta! Oh, what a lucky woman the Baroness is.
I-16 ZETA You are most kind, Madame-HANNA But, since you are taken, I will have to console myself with some of these gallant and arduous gentlemen in which Paris abounds! ZETA But, Madame-HANNA And, so many of them seem to have taken the care to come early to your party, haven't they, Baron Zeta? So, if you'll excuse me-(HANNA haughtily enters the party, followed by hordes of fawning FRENCHMEN) ZETA This is terrible!!! Mark my words, Danilovitch, wherever you are, I'll have your hide for this!!!! (ZETA quickly follows HANNA into the party) DANILO (offstage:) All right, Niejus....all right!!! Never fear. Petrovedia calls, and Count Danilo Danilovitch of the Royal Hussars is here.. (DANILO enters, carried on a chair with poles like an ancient monarch by the GRISETTES. He is obviously drunk, and somewhat disheveled from a bout of debauchery.) By the way...where am I, Niejus? NIEJUS Oh, good Lord!!! (The GRISETTES giggle and lower DANILO to the ground as the music begins)
I-17 DANILO: OH FATHERLAND THE THINGS I DO TO MAKE THIS PLANET SAFE FOR YOU YOU CALL, NO MATTER WHERE I'M AT, BECAUSE I AM YOUR DIPLOMAT. YOU BECKON ME FROM DUSK TILL DAWN. AND, SOMETIMES, EVEN LATER ON. YOU CALL ME OUT OF BED AT THREE, NO MATTER WHO'S IN THERE WITH ME. I'M ALWAYS RUSHING TO AND FRO, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEPLACE ELSE TO GO, PROTECTING YOU FROM ENEMIES, BOTH ON THE LAND AND ON THE SEAS! I'LL FIGHT WHOMEVER YOU MAY SAY! WE SOLDIERS OUGHT TO BE THAT WAY. I ALWAYS WIN, (BUT I DECLINE TO SAY I'VE WON MY WAR WITH WINE.) REGRETTABLY, WE'RE NOW AT PEACE: OH, WILL THIS BOREDOM NEVER CEASE? NO WONDER, AFTER SUCH A DAY, I CHOOSE TO SPEND MY NIGHTS AT PLAY! YOU'LL FIND ME AT MAXIM'S WHERE PLEASURE BRIGHTLY GLEAMS WITH GIRLS IN THIS OASIS I'M ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS: LOLO, DODO, JOUJOU, CLOCLO, MARGOT, FROUFROUTHEY HELP ME TO FORGET YOU, BELOVED FATHERLAND! WITH BUCKETS OF CHAMPAGNE I RESURRECT MY BRAIN, WHILE TRADING HUGS AND KISSES WITH ALL THOSE PRETTY MISSES: LOLO, DODO, JOUJOU, CLOCLO, MARGOT, FROUFROUTHEY HELP ME TO FORGET YOU, BELOVED FATHERLAND! (The GRISETTES leave giggling, as DANILO collapses in a heap, supported by NIEJUS)
I-18 DANILO All right, Niejus, where are they? Where's the enemy? Where's my sword? (Beat) Where's my foot? NIEJUS Right under you, sir...where you'll usually find it when it's not in your mouth! Oh, good Lord, Count Danilovitch, try to stand up!! DANILO I thought I was standing. Niejus, dear chap, do you suppose I could take a little nap? NIEJUS But, Count-DANILO Just a teensy, little nap, Niejus...I haven't slept in...(looks at his watch)...two days. Just close my eyes for a moment-NIEJUS But, Count-DANILO (pointing to the palm tree planter in the midst of the settee:) Now, that looks comfortable-NIEJUS Oh, very well, if you insist-DANILO I do. That's a good fellow. Now, why don't you run along and tell the Baron to relax...everything's all right now..I'm here...and as soon as I get a few winks, I'll be as right as rain...yesssirrr...right as....(humming:) LOLO, CLOCLO, JOUJOU, MARGOT, DODO, FROUfffzzzzzzzzzzz---zzzzzzzzzzzz NIEJUS Oh, no! Count Danilovitch, wake up! Count Danilovitch!!! (FLORA, MATILDA AND GERTA ENTER WITHOUT THEIR HUSBANDS. THEY ARE FUMING) FLORA: Of all the nerve! GERTA: Ever since she’s arrived, those gigolos have paid no attention to us at all! MATILDA: Oh, but I think she’s ever so nice! (FLORA and GERTA scowl at MATILDA, who shrinks under their gaze) (HANNA enters from the party, still pursued by the FRENCHMEN)
I-18a HANNA Please, gentlemen! I must get some air!! ST. BRIOCHE Yes, of course. (to CASCADA:) Stand back, monsieur! CASCADA No, you stand back, monsieur! FRENCHMEN (arguing amongst themselves:) Yes, get back! You get back! No, you! You!!! etc. HANNA Really, gentlemen, please!!!! The other ladies here are growing angry with me for occupying so much of your time and attention. Please, I appeal to your chivalry as officers and gentlemen! CASCADA Ah, yes, well, that's different. Of course, Madame! ST. BRIOCHE An appeal to an infantryman's honor will never fail you, Madame! CASCADA And that is pale in comparison to the honor of the cavalry, Madame! ST. BRIOCHE The infantry is the spine of French honor, monsieur! CASCADA Upon which the cavalryman triumphantly sits, monsieur!! (General pandemonium. Other FRENCHMEN chime in:) FRENCHMEN (overlapping/adlib): The Navy is the standard of honor-As a member of French parliament, I must object-I am a captain in the Grenadiers, and I say-My family goes back to Charlemagne, and I assure you--
I-19 HANNA Please stop this, gentlemen!!!! That's better. You are all the most honorable men in Paris--and therefore the world--and as such I beseech you to share your...potent presences...with the other ladies here at this party. (HANNA presents ST. BRIOCHE to GERTA:) Please? (beat) (HANNA presents CASCADA to FLORA, who simply laughs and scorns his attention. JULES enters, and FLORA goes to him, whispers in his ear, they both point at CASCADA and laugh and exit. CASCADA embarrassedly shrugs.) At once!!! (beat) (HANNA sees the shy MATILDA, and presents CASCADA to her as an escort. MATILDA is delighted.) For me? FRENCHMEN Oh, certainly. Right away. etc. (CASCADA, ST. BRIOCHE, THE WOMEN and FRENCHMEN exit) HANNA Thank God!!! (beat) Do I hear I someone snoring? (NIEJUS tries to cover by pretending that his sinuses are blocked, but HANNA pursues the sound until she discovers the sleeping DANILO on the settee) NIEJUS Err...yes, Madame. It is Count Danilovitch-HANNA Hmm. Exhausted from his...diplomatic exploits, no doubt. NIEJUS One could say that, yes, Madame. I will wake him--
I-20 HANNA No, don't. Leave him to me, Niejus, I will watch over him. Just please see to it that those other gentlemen are occupied for a while. Please, Niejus, I need a rest! NIEJUS Of course, Madame Glawari. I can see why they all fall in love with you. You could charm the fur off of a Russian bear, Madame! HANNA You're sweet, Niejus, thank you. (in Hungarian:) Viszontlatasra, Niejus! NIEJUS Ah, yes indeed! (Hungarian:) Szervus, Madame Glawari! (NIEJUS exits) HANNA (examining DANILO:) How curious. I've always wondered what he would look like asleep. Hmm. Hmmmm. So tired! Of course, now that he's older he can't keep up, poor dear! (She tickles him with her feather fan, leaving it under DANILO's nose as he breathes.) DANILO Ahhhhhhh--CHOO! What the--? (He is frightened by the furry fan on his face) AAGH!! By all the saints and holy relics-- (he sees HANNA laughing at him:) Oh, Hanna??!! That is you, isn't it? Yes, it is! Hanna!!! What a pleasant surprise-HANNA You weren't expecting to see me, then? DANILO Errr, no. Should I have, Hanna? HANNA I see you haven't changed, Danilo! DANILO Why, thank you, Hanna! How nice of you to say so...but to be truthful, I suppose I am a little grayer now...just around the temples...and I have put on a few pounds-HANNA Yes, quite. But no substantial changes. Tell me, why are you so late for Queen Myrna’s birthday party? DANILO Is there a party, then? HANNA Yes.
I-21 DANILO And I'm late for it? HANNA Very. DANILO Right. Well, then, I'd better go in. (DANILO starts to go inside) HANNA Count Danilo! Aren't you forgetting something? DANILO Am I? HANNA Yes! DANILO I am? Oh, yes, I am...forgive me, Hanna. May I escort you? My arm, Madame. (She refuses to take his arm) Hanna? HANNA No, I don't think so. I'll just stay out here for a while. DANILO Oh? Well, then-- Perhaps I should stay with you? Hmm? HANNA You are under no obligation to do so, Count. DANILO I know that! Oh, for heaven's sake, Hanna-HANNA Don't call me that! You lost the privilege of such familiarity when you broke our engagement, Count Danilovitch! DANILO But that wasn't my fault--!! HANNA Oh, of course not, I forgot! Your uncle forbade you to marry me, because I was a commoner, and you simply acquiesced and broke a young girl's heart in the process! Not your fault, indeed!! DANILO Now wait one minute, Madame Glawari, what about you?? Before I even had so much as a chance to explain, you ran off and set up house with that decrepit, glorified bank teller--
I-22 HANNA How dare you speak of my late husband in that way, Count Danilovitch!!!?? DANILO I'm sorry. Please forgive me, Madame. (Beat) It's all in the past, done and over with. We're both older now -HANNA Speak for yourself. DANILO You've married well, and have been widowed. I've been around the world--several times-- Let's let bygones be bygones, hm? Besides, I hear that you are the toast of Parisian society now, much in demand and pursued by admirers-HANNA Ah, Count Danilovitch-HANNA:
DANILO: YES, WHAT?
YOU MEN ARE ALL THE SAME WE WOMEN ARE TO BLAME WE LET YOU TRAP US WITH A PROMISE OF ROMANCE. ANOTHER BROKEN HEART YOU KNOW IT FROM THE START AND WE SHOULD SEE IT AT A GLANCE!
I SEE. BUT WHY?
YOU SAY WE LIE; NOT I!
THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS I'M SURE YOU WILL AGREE. IF THAT IS TRUE THEY HAVE NOT APPEARED TO ME. YOU CAN BELIEVE THIS: NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ME SAY THAT I LOVE YOU!
I-23 HANNA: THERE WAS A BOY IN PETROVEDIA WHO PROMISED ME ETERNAL LOVE. HE DISAPPEARED NOT SAYING A WORD-YOU WERE THAT BOY, OR HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? NOW LOOK AT YOU: A LITTLE OLDER, BUT NONE THE WISER, I SHOULD SAY! AND AS FOR ME, AGAIN I'M FREE-AND WONDERING WHY YOU'RE HERE TODAY?
I-24 HANNA:
DANILO: HOW SWEET!
MY POPULARITY AH, YES! HAS GROWN AS YOU CAN SEE BUT WHY? BECAUSE MY BANK ACCOUNT IS BURSTING AT THE SEAMS! IT IS?? SO MANY SUITORS CALL NOT I!! I COULD NOT LIST THEM ALL. I AM THE WOMAN OF THEIR DREAMS.
AND NOW YOU ARE THE WOMAN OF THEIR DREAMS. YOU CAN BE SURE YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME!
THAT MAY BE SO, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE! MY DEAR, I'LL PROVE IT: NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ME SAY THAT I LOVE YOU! I'LL HEAR YOU SAYING THAT I LOVE YOU!
I'M NEVER SAYING THAT I LOVE YOU!
(HANNA exits, leaving DANILO outside. ZETA enters)
I-25 ZETA There you are, at last, Danilo! Did you speak to Madame Glawari? DANILO It was unavoidable, Excellency! ZETA Er..good! Listen, I have a mission of the utmost importance for you--! DANILO As long as it doesn't involve work, Excellency! ZETA Yes...er...no!!! Listen to me, Count Danilovitch, none of your foolishness! I am speaking to you now as the Voice of Petrovedia! DANILO Oh, that's different! At your service, Excellency! ZETA That's better. Listen, here is your assignment: you are to marry at once-DANILO What?? Wait a minute-- Marry? Oh, please, Baron...no! Not me!! ZETA Yes, you, and at once!!! It is of the most vital importance to the future of Petrovedia, do you hear? There are millions and millions...our entire national economy...at stake! DANILO Oh, good Lord! Millions and millions? ZETA Twenty, to be exact! DANILO And which one of the canines in the royal kennels of Europe wears so many jewels in her collar? ZETA What? Which one of who? No "royal canine," you fool! You are to marry Madame Glawari! DANILO Oh, that's differ-- WHAT?? Oh, no, no, NO! Not me! Never! I couldn't!!! ZETA Oh, yes you can! And you will!!!
I-26 DANILO But, Baron--! ZETA But nothing! She must not marry a Frenchman!!! That twenty million must not leave our royal coffers, or Petrovedia will perish! DANILO Excellency, I would walk through fire...I'd fight the Austrians barehanded--on foot--but I cannot marry that woman!!! Listen, if I see to it that she doesn't marry a Frenchman, can I be excused from-ZETA A momentary solution will not do! That money must never leave our national bank! DANILO But the Queen can't ask for such a sacrifice! ZETA She can, she does, and you will marry the Widow Glawari! (Cries of "Ladies' Choice" are heard from within) Perfect! This dance is the "Ladies' Choice"! You shall see to it that Madame Glawari chooses you! (HANNA and the FRENCHMEN hurriedly enter. ZETA withdraws)
I-27 FINALE ACT ONE MEN:
LADIES' CHOICE! WILL I BE MY LADY'S CHOICE? DO YOU SEE HOW THRILLED I AM TO THINK MADAME WILL DANCE WITH ME? MADAME PLEASE TAKE A CHANCE AND LET ME HAVE THIS DANCE. MADAME WILL MAKE MY HEART REJOICE IF I COULD BE HER CHOICE!
HANNA:
GENTLEMEN, THOUGH I KNOW THE CHOICE IS MINE, BELIEVE ME CHOOSING ONE AND TURNING DOWN THE REST WILL SURELY GRIEVE ME. I HAD BEST SIT OUT THIS DANCE GIVE THE OTHER GIRLS A CHANCE. THERE ARE LADIES HERE IN PLENTY!
DANILO:
NOT WITH MILLIONS, NAMELY TWENTY!
MEN:
JUST A DANCE! ONLY ONE! CHOOSE THE LUCKY MAN!
DANILO:
DAMN! HOW THESE VULTURES PERSERVERE! BUT I'LL MAKE THEM DISAPPEAR, YES I'LL MAKE THEM DISAPPEAR! THEY'RE LIKE BEES AROUND THE HONEY. BUT THEY'LL NOT GET THE WIDOW'S MONEY!
I-28 CASCADA:
ST. BRIOCHE:
THE CAVALRY STANDS HERE BEFORE YOU, MAAM AND STATES AS A MATTER OF COURSE: I'LL LEAD YOU IN WALTZING AS EASILY AS REINING AND TRAINING MY HORSE-YOU REALLY MUST DANCE WITH THE INFANTRY, AT MARCHES WE'RE EQUALLED BY NONE! YOU'LL FEEL AS IF YOU'VE BEEN AROUND THE WORLD, JUST ENDLESSLY FOLL'WING THE SUN! I AM THE BEST, MA'AM TO BE YOUR PARTNER IN THIS LITTLE DANCE? CAST A VOTE FOR CASCADA
MAY I REQUEST, MA'AM TO BE YOUR PARTNER IN THIS LITTLE DANCE?
PLEASE GIVE THIS HUMBLE PETITIONER A CHANCE!
GIVE YOUR VOTE TO ST. BRIOCHE PLEASE GIVE THIS HUMBLE PETITIONER A CHANCE!
(MEN & CASCADA:)
MEN & ST.BRIOCHE:)
CAST A VOTE FOR CASCADA PLEASE GIVE THIS HUMBLE PETITIONER A CHANCE!
DO NOT VOTE FOR ST. BRIOCHE PLEASE GIVE THIS HUMBLE PETITIONER A CHANCE!
I-29 HANNA:
CASCADA:
ST. BRIOCHE:
YOU TRY TO RECRUIT MILITARILY AND URGE ME TO JOIN IN YOUR RANKS. YOU HONOR ME, SIRS, AS A WOMAN AND FOR THIS I GIVE YOU MY THANKS! BUT SINCE I HAVE LITTLE EXPERIENCE AT MARCHING OR REARING A HORSE, I'LL PASS THIS UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY FOR PARTNERS EXERTING LESS FORCE! OH, I'LL BE GENTLE NON-REGIMENTAL! YES, I BELIEVE SIR THAT YOU WOULD, OF COURSE! BUT IF I SELECT ONE, THEN I MUST REJECT ONE AND I'D BE GUILTY OF CAUSING REMORSE-WHO SHOULD HAVE SELECTION?
(with men:) I CAN'T TAKE REJECTION!
MUST I BE GUILTY OF CAUSING REMORSE?
IF YOU REFUSE I SHALL DIE OF REMORSE!
HANNA: NOW THEN, MY DEAR SIRS, YOU SAY I MUST PROCEED WITH THIS SELECTION? VERY WELL, IF YOU INSIST-WOMEN: LADIES' CHOICE! LADIES' CHOICE!
(with men:) MAKE ME YOUR SELECTION! IF YOU REFUSE I SHALL DIE OF REMORSE!
I-30 DANILO: GENTLEMEN, DO NOT RESIST! OH LISTEN TO THE WALTZ COME, FEEL ITS RHYTHM AND ITS MAGIC SUBDIVISION. TAKE YOUR PARTNER AND LOOK DEEP INTO HER EYES, BECKONING: "FOLLOW, I'LL LEAD YOU TO PARADISE!" COME DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY, MUSIC IS PLAYING. HEAR ITS SOFT VOICE SWEETLY SAYING: TAKE YOUR PARTNER, CHOICE IS FREE! WOMEN:
WON'T YOU PLEASE, SIR, DANCE WITH ME?
DANILO:
AS THE BLOSSOMS OF APRIL AND MAY COME AWAKE IN A GLOWING DISPLAY SO DO SLUMBERING HEARTS EVERYWHERE BLOOM WHEN THE WALTZ FILLS THE AIR. WHEN THE MELODY SURGES AND SPINS, SUMMONED FORTH BY THE CHARMED VIOLINS, THERE IS NO OTHER WAY, WE MUST SMILE AND OBEY. WE MUST DANCE WHEN THE WALTZ BEGINS!
WOMEN:
YES, OBEY WITHOUT DELAY!
ALL:
AH, LISTEN TO THE WALTZ COME FEEL ITS RHYTHM AND ITS MAGIC SUBDIVISION YOU'RE MY PARTNER NOW LOOK DEEP INTO MY EYES HERE A VOICE WHISPER: "COME, FOLLOW, TO PARADISE!" LET'S DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY, MUSIC IS PLAYING CAN YOU HEAR WHAT IT IS SAYING? LET US DANCE NOW, NO DELAYING: UNTIL THE NIGHT IS GONE OUR DANCE GOES ON!
DANILO:
(OH PETROVEDIA, IF YOU KNEW THE HARDSHIPS I ENDURE FOR YOU!) AND NOW, EXCUSE ME, CHER BARON, I SHALL DEPART, MY DUTY'S DONE!
I-31 CASCADA:
MADAME, YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE NOW!
ST. BRIOCHE:
YOU SURELY CAN'T REFUSE NOW!
HANNA:
OH, DEAR, I'VE MADE YOU BOTH UPSET!
DANILO:
I SEE THIS ISN'T OVER YET!
HANNA:
OH, MY, SO MANY BIDDERS!
VALENCIENNE:
THERE IS ONE MORE TO CONSIDER!
DANILO:
OH GOOD LORD! ONE MORE IS ALL I NEED!
VALENCIENNE:
THIS YOUNG MAN DOES THE POLKA, YOU'LL FIND THAT HIS MANNER IS NICE. HE ALSO DOES THE MAZURKA, WE'VE DONE THAT STEP ONCE OR TWICE. YOU'LL FIND YOU'LL FLOAT LIKE A FEATHER, HIS TURNS ARE AS SMOOTH AS CREAM. AT WALTZING, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, I HAPPEN TO KNOW HE'S A DREAM! SO DON'T REJECT HIM; IF YOU SELECT HIM, YOU WILL HAVE AMPLE REASON TO REJOICE! WHEN YOU'VE CHOSEN ROSSILLION, ADMIRABLE ROSSILLION, YOU'LL HAVE SELECTED THE VERY BEST CHOICE!
CASCADA & MEN:
GIVE YOUR\ DO NOT\ VOTE FOR CASCADA!
ST. BRIOCHE & MEN:
GIVE YOUR\ DO NOT\ VOTE FOR ST. BRIOCHE!
ALL:
WHO IS\ HE IS\ THE ONE WHO'S THE VERY BEST CHOICE! I AM\
CAMILLE:
PARDON, MADAME, THIS GLOWING PRAISE--
HANNA:
NO DOUBT, I'D BE AMAZED. BUT I'D PREFER A PARTNER IN WHOSE EXPRESSION I CAN SEE A LACK OF INTEREST IN ME: (Spoken:) Oh, Count Danilo! YOU SEEM TO FIT THAT DESCRIPTION.
I-32 DANILO:
(Spoken:) I? I regret, Madame, I do not dance.
HANNA:
I TAKE THAT TO MEAN YOU DECLINE?
DANILO:
DECLINE? OH, NO! BY RIGHT, THIS DANCE IS MINE.
HANNA:
THAT'S RIGHT. AND SO?
DANILO:
SO, IF THIS DANCE IS MINE TO USE, THEN I MAY USE IT AS I CHOOSE. THAT IS CORRECT, N'EST CE PAS?
HANNA:
V'RAIMENT!
OTHERS:
WHAT DOES HE MEAN?
DANILO:
THIS DANCE, FOR WHICH I OFFER YOU MY THANKS, IS WORTH AT LEAST TEN THOUSAND FRANCS. TEN THOUSAND FRANCS, PAYABLE TO ME, WHICH I'LL DONATE TO CHARITY!
MEN:
TEN THOUSAND FRANCS???
ST. BRIOCHE:
THIS IS ABSURD!
DANILO:
IT CAN BE YOURS, JUST SAY THE WORD!
MEN:
TEN THOUSAND FRANCS???
CASCADA:
HE'S LOST HIS MIND!
DANILO:
(NOW THAT SHOULD LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND!)
DANILO:
CASCADA:
ST. BRIOCHE:
LOOK AT THEM WHAT A NOBLE
TEN THOUSAND FRANCS??
TEN THOUSAND FRANCS??
SIGHT THEY ARE! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! WHAT A SAD RETREAT FROM ALL THOSE LANGUID SIGHS AND MELTING LOOKS! BECAUSE THEIR HEARTS AND SOULS, ARE IN THEIR POCKETBOOKS! YES, THAT'S THE WAY OF MEN TODAY, A NOBLE BREED INDEED!
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!
I-33 (CASCADA, ST. BRIOCHE and the other men begin to withdraw. CAMILLE steps forward) CAMILLE:
HOW PAINFUL FOR THE CHARMING WIDOW! THE TEN THOUSAND FRANCS, SIR, YOU SHALL HAVE!!
VALENCIENNE:
SO, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER?
CAMILLE:
YOU TOLD ME TO, YOURSELF--
VALENCIENNE:
DON'T YOU DARE, CAMILLE!!!
(VALENCIENNE drags CAMILLE away. BARON ZETA and the others depart, leaving DANILO and HANNA alone.) DANILO:
OH WHAT A SHAME! THEY ALL HAVE LEFT. AND NOW, MA CHERE MADAME, NOW I WILL CLAIM MY DANCE--
HANNA:
NO, NOT ON YOUR LIFE!
DANILO:
BUT, CHERE MADAME, I WAS YOUR CHOICE--
HANNA:
DON'T PLAY THE DIPLOMAT! I WILL NOT DANCE!
DANILO:
THE MUSIC CALLS US, HEAR IT INSIST! SURELY WE DARE NOT RESIST.
(DANILO dances alone, at first, then with HANNA) HANNA:
(Spoken:)No, I don't want to. I said, I don't want-YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MAN, BUT YOU DANCE DIVINELY!
DANILO:
I DO WHAT I CAN!
(DANILO and HANNA whirl dizzily to the waltz. We lose sight of them among other waltzing couples as the curtain falls.)
END ACT ONE
II-1
ACT TWO (Hanna’s mansion outside Paris. The stage is set with lanterns and bears a “Petrovedian” atmosphere. During the introduction music, dancers in Eastern European peasant dress twirl and mingle with the crowd of partygoers. When the music changes, a large flower is carried onto the stage. The flower unfolds to reveal HANNA, who emerges like Venus from the shell, as the onlookers gaze with wonder:) CHORUS:
AH— AH— AH— AH— MEN: HERE’S A PETROVEDIAN PET-RO-VEDIAN SONG ONE TO WHICH WE DANCE WE DANCE THE WHOLE DAY LONG LADS AND LASSES COME LIFT YOUR GLASSES COME DRINK DEEPLY OF WINE AND SONG BE RULED BY PASSION AND NOT BY FASHION IF YOU AGREE WELL THEN, COME ALONG!
WOMEN: HEY-AH-HO! HEY-AH-HO! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!
ALL: COME SING OUR PETROVEDIAN SONG! HEY! HANNA:
OUR FOLK SONGS TELL OF SPIRIT MAIDS WHO HAUNT OUR WOODS, OUR GLENS AND GLADES— WE CALL THEM “VILJA” IN OUR TONGUE; HERE’S ONE SUCH SONG, THAT’S OFTEN SUNG: THERE ONCE WAS A VILJA, A BEAUTIFUL SPRITE. BY CHANCE A YOUNG WOODSMAN BEHELD HER ONE NIGHT. TRANSFIXED BY THIS VISION HE GAZED MORE AND MORE; BEWILDERED BY FEELINGS HE’D NE’ER FELT BEFORE. TREMBLING WITH INTENSE DESIRE, YET TROUBLED BY A SENSE OF DREAD, SOUL ON FIRE, WITH A POIGNANT SIGH HE SAID: VILJA, OH VILJA, SWEET MAID OF THE WOOD, KNOW I WOULD DIE FOR YOUR LOVE, IF I COULD. VILJA, OH VILJA, SO LOVESICK AM I, LOVE ME, OR LOVELORN I DIE.
II-2 HANNA:
OTHERS: VILJA, OH VILJA, SWEET MAID OF THE WOOD, KNOW I WOULD DIE FOR YOUR LOVE, IF I COULD—
VILJA, OH VILJA SO LOVESICK AM I— LOVE ME OR LOVELORN I DIE! THE WOOD MAIDEN SMILED BUT NO ANSWER SHE GAVE, SHE BECKONED HIM INTO THE WILLOWY GLADE. HE NEVER HAD KNOWN SUCH A RAPTURE AS THIS. HE LONGED FOR HER TOUCH AND THE TASTE OF HER KISS. BUT, BEFORE THEY COULD EMBRACE, SHE DISAPPEARED BEFORE HIS EYES! SOON THE WOOD ECHOED WITH HIS WEEPING SIGHS: VILJA, OH VILJA SWEET MAID OF THE WOOD, WOULD I NOT DIE FOR YOU NOW, IF I COULD? VILJA, OH VILJA SO LOVESICK AM I LEAVE ME, AND LOVELORN I DIE— VILJA, OH VILJA SWEET MAID OFTHE WOOD, WOULD I NOT DIE FOR YOU NOW, IF I COULD? VILJA, OH VILJA MY DARLING, GOODBYE. WITHOUT YOUR LOVE I WILL DIE. WITHOUT YOUR LOVE I WILL DIE.
FOR LOVE HE’LL DIE.
II-3 (At the end of the song, the entire group—except HANNA—is misty-eyed. Some openly weep, including—and especially—BARON ZETA. HANNA is delighted. DANILO, late as usual for the party, sneaks in and hides behind a shrub. HANNA sees his clumsy attempt at hiding, but chooses to ignore him for the moment.) ZETA (drying his eyes:) Oh, thank you, Madame Glavari! (sobbing:) What a wonderful party! HANNA I’m so glad you’re enjoying yourself, Baron… ZETA Oh, yes! I haven’t had such a good time since I left Petrovedia! HANNA Yes, our countrymen do love sad stories… Perhaps you could tell me one now, Baron? ZETA Oh, gladly, Madame…but I am a terrible story teller…. HANNA You did wonderfully well last night, Baron. Tell me another sad tale of Count Danilovich and his whereabouts, why don’t you? He was invited to this party as well…but do you see him here? ZETA Er…no, I don’t…. HANNA I can only assume that he had to spend the night engaged in….more military maneuvers? ZETA Er…yes, I suppose so… HANNA What else could possibly explain his sudden departure from the embassy last night, without so much as a farewell--? ZETA Er…well…. HANNA To say nothing of his failure to attend this gathering? ZETA Er…um….nothing, I suppose…oh….oh, yes! I did have to send him on a mission, now that I recall…. HANNA More “secret French weaponry”, no doubt? ZETA Er…yes! Yes, that was it--!
II-4 (HANNA has been leading ZETA to the area where DANILO is hiding. She speaks deliberately:) HANNA Armaments which they are now stockpiling at Maxim’s, hmm, Baron? ZETA Er…um…. HANNA You needn’t lie, dear Baron. Count Danilovich has quite a reputation for his carousing at Maxim’s. The Grisettes seem to keep him busy night and day---for days on end…. ZETA What can I say, dear Madame? Believe me, I will severely reprimand the Count for his indiscretions…as soon as I can find him… HANNA Please do so, for his own good. It’s painful to see the erosion of his character…as fragile as it was to begin with. In fact, I have a few suggestions which you can pass along to which might prove helpful. ZETA That’s very kind of you— HANNA Yes, it is. Well, until then….please continue to enjoy the party, Baron! ZETA (sensing dismissal:) Thank you, Madame. (He exits) DANILO (from hiding:) Why don’t you tell them to me yourself? HANNA Why, Count Danilovich! What a pleasant surprise! DANILO Thank you. Lovely party. HANNA Thank you. So glad you could come. (Beat) Tell me, do you own a watch? DANILO A watch? Well, yes— HANNA And do you know how to read it? DANILO I think so.
II-5 HANNA Oh. I’m just trying to find a reason for your consistent tardiness. Or, perhaps it’s just that you don’t like parties? DANILO A thousand pardons…Madame Glawari. I have been…preoccupied with matters of…utmost diplomatic importance— HANNA Ah. Is that why you are hiding like this? DANILO Hiding? An officer of the Royal Hussars does not hide, Madame. I am reconnoitering! HANNA Oh…reconnoitering! Well, isn’t this fun? Playing soldier, and at your age! Tell me, can we women play, too? DANILO Absolutely not! Please try to be dignified, Madame. HANNA I shall try. (offstage, we hear the quarreling FRENCHMEN) Well, never mind. Here come some more little playmates for you. Oooh! I have a wonderful idea! As a little amusement, later, why don’t all of you restage the battle of Waterloo? You can play Napoleon. Ta, ta! (she exits). DANILO (under his breath, to himself:) I’m beginning to remember why I never married her. (CASCADA, ST. BRIOCHE and the other FRENCHMEN enter, followed closely by ZETA and NIEJUS) CASCADA I know she was here just a moment ago. ST. BRIOCHE That’s because I told you so! ZETA Gentlemen, really—with all the eligible young women in Paris, why do you insist on hounding the poor widow? CASCADA Poor widow? Bad choice of words, Baron! (The FRENCHMEN laugh. ZETA joins in good-naturedly) LARS (to ST. BRIOCHE) While we’re on the subject, I don’t appreciate the advances you have been making to my wife as well, Monsieur Marquis!
II-5a ST. BRIOCHE Moi? Pardon, mon cher General, you misunderstand me… LARS Oh, do I? Well, understand this, you pompous peacock: the next time I catch you making bug-eyes at my Gerta, I will pop them out of your skull and feed them to you like escargot! (CASCADA laughs at ST. BRIOCHE’s predicament. MONTAGUE comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder) MONTAGUE And that goes for you, as well, Viscount! You have my Matilda positively flustered with all your bowing and fluttering and flirting! CASCADA Fluttering? I do not flutter, Monsieur! MONTAGUE Hear me well, sir! Stay away from my Matilda or be prepared to face the consequences! ZETA Gentlemen, please…. LARS It’s bad enough being here in Paris—all these decadent influences—they turn a simple girl’s head! But then again, I’m sure you understand better than any of us what I’m saying, Baron! ZETA I? Well… MONTAGUE I’ve never seen my Tilly like this—all this giggling, and constantly flushed—I need to get her back home to Devonshire—back to good old English values—of course, you sympathize with that problem, don’t you Baron? ZETA Do I? Well…possibly… JULES Ah yes, we older men with younger wives, heh? It’s hard to keep them reigned in, n’est ce pas, Baron? ZETA Is it? Well, I suppose so… NIEJUS (taking ZETA aside:) What are we going to do, Baron?? ZETA I wish I knew! Where the devil is Danilovich?? DANILO (still behind the hedge:) At your service, Baron.
II-6 ZETA Oh, there you are— (he doesn’t see him:) Where are you?? What are you doing??? CASCADA There really is no reason for you to remain at this party, St. Brioche. You saw how Madame Glawari gazed at me earlier— ST BRIOCHE Gazed at you? You self-infatuated… She sat next to me during the entire meal. She even gave me one of her grapes— CASCADA She asked you to pass it to me and you ate it! ST BRIOCHE Cascada, I have had about as much of this as I can take— CASCADA So have I! You leave me no choice but to settle this on the field of honor, Monsieur. And I am an excellent shot! ST BRIOCHE Monsieur, may I remind you that, since I am being challenged, I have the choice of weapons?? CASCADA Choose any one you like, you son-of-a-Flanders-farmer! ST BRIOCHE I choose the sword, Monsieur, with which I will skewer you like the food of your Turkish ancestors!!! (General pandemonium ensues as the FRENCHMEN engage in quarreling. DANILO interrupts:) DANILO Gentlemen!! (The quarreling stops) This is not the time or place for such activity. Besides, it seems foolish that you are so anxious to die for the right to win this particular woman’s hand. God knows, the “winner” wouldn’t have long for this world, after the wedding— CASCADA What is that supposed to mean, Count Danilovich? DANILO Oh, you don’t know? Oh. I suppose the news hasn’t reached Paris yet-- Good Lord, gentlemen, they don’t call her the “Black Widow” for nothing—
II-7 ST BRIOCHE The “Black Widow”?? Wait a minute, where have I heard that before? ZETA Call her what??? DANILO Of course it’s just a rumor, you understand. Some people say she’s already disposed of some six husbands— NIEJUS I didn’t know that— DANILO A regular female Bluebeard— ZETA What are you saying???? DANILO Rumors, just rumors, Baron—which we, as allies, are obliged to share with these colleagues in the French diplomatic corps…as painful as it may be for us to do so, Baron… ZETA Oh? (he catches on:) Oohhh! DANILO Most people were shocked that old Glawari lasted as long as he did! A true testament to good living and our Petrovedian diet— ST BRIOCHE Really? NIEJUS I didn’t know any of this— DANILO (tweaking NIEJUS:) Rumors, Niejus! Yes…let’s see…two in London, one in Zurich, one in Milan…and Amsterdam…all in the short two years since old Glawari met his sad fate— CASCADA Oh, my! DANILO Yessir, busy girl, hmm? Now, I suppose she’s here to find a new victim from the ranks of Paris society. Well, all I can say is: an Englishman or two is one thing—No offense, Sir Montague… but our alliance with France is sacred to us, and we pledge to protect you, gentlemen…rest assured!
II-8 LARS Hmm…And she sets a dangerous example for our wives as well…I’ve noticed a new gleam in Gerta’s eye when she looks at me…and it’s not passion that I see there… JULES Just so! My Flora has been looking at me strangely as well…sort of like an owl watching a mouse….! LARS Or like a cat ogling a canary…! MONTAGUE Or like Tiny Tim and the Christmas goose…! ST BRIOCHE Women!! CASCADA They’re so devious!!! DANILO That’s God’s truth! So you see, gentlemen…it would be a brave man indeed—or a fool—who would let himself be lured by the hourglass figure of this particular widow. But, then again, there never has been a shortage of fools, eh, Baron? ST BRIOCHE Er…see here, Cascada, perhaps I was a bit hasty— CASCADA Moi aussi, St. Brioche! ST BRIOCHE Nothing wrong with a Moor or two in your ancestry, Cascada— CASCADA Nor your grandparents keeping cows, St. Brioche— DANILO Now, that’s better! Lord knows, gentlemen, we must stick together! We have a formidable enough foe in women!! (SEPTET—“WOMEN”)
II-9 DANILO:
EVERY WOMAN
OTHERS:
EVERY WOMAN
DANILO:
IS A RIDDLE
OTHERS:
LIKE THE SPHINX
DANILO:
SHE WILL ALWAYS KEEP YOU GUESSING, NEVER KNOWING WHAT SHE THINKS!
ZETA:
HOW TO GET HER
OTHERS:
HOW TO GET HER
ZETA:
TO BE FAITHFUL
OTHERS:
HOW, INDEED?
DANILO/ZETA:
THERE ARE THEORIES ALL APLENTY
ALL:
BUT NONE THAT ARE GUARANTEED!
DANILO:
WITH ONE YOU HAVE TO SING HER PRAISES
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO—
ZETA:
WITH TENDER WORDS AND LIQUID PHRASES
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO—
ST BRIOCHE:
ANOTHER WON’T RESPOND TO FLATT’RY
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO
CASCADA:
SHE MUCH PREFERS ASSAULT AND BATT’RY
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO
JULES:
A THIRD ADORES TO HAVE YOU PET HER
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO
LARS:
THEN MAKES YOU RUE THE DAY YOU MET HER
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO
MONTAGUE:
STILL OTHERS LIKE IT WHEN YOU BITE ‘EM
OTHERS:
SO AND SO AND SO AND SO AND ON AND ON, AD INFINITUM SO AND SO AND SO AND SO.
II-10 DANILO/ZETA: OH THE STUDY OF FEMININE WAYS LEAVES A MAN IN A PERMANENT HAZE YOU CAN THINK TILL YOUR BRAIN NEARLY WHIRLS, THANKS TO ALL:
CASC,
JULES
LARS
WHAT ARE WE TO DO WITH WOMEN?
WHAT ARE WHAT ARE WE TO WE TO DO WITH etc. DO WITH WOMEN?
ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW WITH WOMEN!
ALWAYS ALWAYS SOMETHING SOMETHING NEW WITH NEW WITH WOMEN! WOMEN!
MONTY
etc.
GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS!
WHEN SUBJECTED TO FEMININE CHARM ALL YOUR HAIR SHOULD STAND UP IN ALARM SHE WILL FOIL WITH DISPATCH ANY PLOT YOU CAN HATCH LITTLE MAN YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH! ALL:
ST. BRI.
PRETTY WOMEN WITTY WOMEN
BRAINY WOMEN ZANY WOMEN
PRETTY WOMEN WITTY WOMEN
etc.
etc.
etc.
BRAINY WOMEN ZANY WOMEN
etc
etc
etc
WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN etc, AH— OH THE STUDY OF FEMININE WAYS LEAVES A MAN IN A PERMANENT HAZE. YOU CAN THINK TILL YOUR BRAIN NEARLY WHIRLS THANKS TO GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS! WHEN SUBJECTED TO FEMININE CHARM ALL YOUR HAIR SHOULD STAND UP IN ALARM! SHE WILL FOIL WITH DISPATCH ANY PLOT YOU CAN HATCH: LITTLE MAN, YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH!! II-11
DANILO/ZETA:
MEN
OH THE STUDY OF FEMININE WAYS
WOMEN
MEN
MEN
MEN
NIEJUS
WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN! LEAVES A MAN IN A PERMANENT HAZE WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN! IT IS DEEPER THAN DIVING FOR PEARLS
WOMEN WOMEN
THANKS TO GIRLS ALL:
WOMEN WOMEN GIRLS! GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS! IF YOU THINK THAT YOU REALLY CAN WIN, YOU HAD BETTER CONSIDER AGAIN! SHE WILL FOIL WITH DISPATCH ANY PLOT YOU CAN HATCH! LITTLE MAN, YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH!!
II-12 (After the song, HANNA enters, humming a reprise of the melody from her Act I entrance. The FRENCHMEN hear this, gasp and exit, giving HANNA a wide berth. ZETA and NIEJUS follow the FRENCHMEN out.) HANNA Oh, Count Danilovich! DANILO Yes, dear Madame Glawari? HANNA What on earth were you men discussing? The others looked positively frightened to death! DANILO Oh, just…zoology. Mainly arachnids. Nothing terribly distressing. HANNA Is that so? DANILO Yes. Ah! You know, this party really is quite delightful. I almost feel as though I’m back home in Petrovedia. HANNA I’m so glad you approve. DANILO Tell me, what are you most fond of in our homeland? HANNA Oh, the simple life—simple food, simple folk—especially the men… DANILO Indeed. Oh, I feel so good, I want to dance! Do you like our native dancing, Madame? HANNA It’s lively, yes— DANILO Come on, dance with me now, just like old times— HANNA I’d rather not, if you don’t mind— DANILO Oh, come on! HANNA You first.
II-13 DANILO Very well. Madame, I present une danse de notre patrie— (DANILO breaks into a frenzied mazurka, punctuated by “cossack” kicks and hitches, until he collapses into an exhausted heap. HANNA yawns.) HANNA Oh, dear me…I’m so bored. How I long for the company of young Da— DANILO Da-ni-lo??!! HANNA Da-niel! Dear Daniel deVilliers…from Antwerp…whom I’ve invited here for a short stay. Tell me, are there any lively places here in Paris where we can be…amused? DANILO Mais, bien sure! I’D TAKE HIM TO MAXIM’S HIS FACE WOULD FAIRLY BEAM! THE GIRLS ALL KNOW MY NAME THERE— …in fact, you’ve probably heard of them. My Grisettes? I call them mine because I am so close to them, and they to me. Oh yes, my Grisettes will show your little tulip a good time, never fear! Oh yes, Madame, you’ll have to keep on your guard around them, or your young Dutchman will fly away for good! (he laughs at his little pun) Ha, ha! Get it? Flying Dutchman? (HANNA does not respond) Just a little joke— (The waltz music has begun. DANILO and HANNA regard each other in silence. Other couples start to dance across the stage, some in light and some in shadow. On occasion, DANILO cuts in to dance with a woman, and HANNA dances with a man. Soon they are left alone, on opposite sides of the stage, humming the melody of the waltz.) HANNA/DANILO HMMM— HMMM--- (etc.) (They begin to mirror each other in a waltz, dancing as if together—but apart. As the dance ends, HANNA and DANILO look longingly at each other, then HANNA quickly exits. DANILO starts to pursue her, but is stopped as ZETA rushes in, followed by NIEJUS.) ZETA Count Danilovich!! DANILO Yes, Excellency! ZETA That was clever work!! Rosillion is unquestionably the leading candidate for the widow’s hand—especially now that you’ve managed to cool the ardor of the others, at least for the moment—
II-14 REWRITE 1/17/10 DANILO Is there a point to this, Excellency? ZETA Well, yes! I’ve received confirmation that there is a married woman in Rosillion’s life. I wish I knew who she was! I’ve had my wife trying to worm it out of him for days— DANILO Have you really, sir?— ZETA Yes… Oh, she’s a clever little minx, my Valencienne! Quite a little spy, that one! DANILO Clever enough to be a double agent, sir— ZETA Yes! Quite so! Now see here—I believe that Rosillion will attempt a rendevous here, tonight---right on this estate! Can you imagine that? Inviting his married mistress to meet him here, while he tries to woo the widow?? DANILO Disgraceful. ZETA Yes, isn’t it? The most likely spot would be that little pavilion—right there, across the pond…see it? Madame Glawari jokingly mentioned that she had prepared it for any of her guests wishing a private tryst—and you should have seen that lothario’s eyes light up! Like fireworks! So, I will post Niejus there, as a sentry—and I want you to be on the lookout as well. DANILO For whom, sir? ZETA Try to pay attention, man! For Rosillion’s married mistress!! We must learn this woman’s identity, and then expose Rosillion’s planned consorting with the widow to her. That should effectively neutralize him as a threat, heh, Niejus? NIEJUS That is a…Caesarian strategy, sir. ZETA Yes. Good. So, if my wife can’t learn this woman’s identity, it is up to us to do so— (ZETA starts to exit, grabbing Danilo to come with him). Alright!! Everyone to their posts!! Count, you come with me…and for heaven’s sake, be careful not to stare at the scoundrel if we find him. I don’t want him to grow suspicious— (DANILO and ZETA exit, leaving NIEJUS alone) NIEJUS I wish somebody would!
II-14a REWRITE 1/17/10 NIEJUS (continued) Oh, poor Baron Zeta… Talk about a “fool for love.” Talk about “love being blind!” His wife is a Spring Chicken…he, an old oak in the autumn of his life, so buried in fallen leaves he can’t see the forest or the trees!! You’d think these years in Paris would have awakened him to the ways of the world… but even “The City of Lights” is not bright enough to help his dimwit vision. Ah, Paris! You naughty, naughty city! You have ruined me for the simplicity of my homeland…thank God!! I WAS BORN, BY CRUEL FATE, IN A LITTLE BALKAN STATE WHERE WE GO ABOUT IN THE SAME OLD SUITS SHEEPSKIN JACKETS AND BIG RED BOOTS. WE ARE MORALLY CORRECT BUT THERE ARE TIMES, I SUSPECT, IN THE WAYS OF LOVE AND OF WEDDING VOWS THINGS GET CIRCUMSPECT! LESS THAN QUITE DIRECT… WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?? THAT’S WHY I LOVE PARISIENNES! ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR THEY THINK ARCHAIC MORALS ARE A BORE! AH YES, I LOVE PARISIENNES! IN EVERYTHING, THEIR MOTTO IS TOUJOURS L’AMOUR! IN MY NATIVE LAND BACK EAST, IT’S ON DRY BLACK BREAD WE FEAST. WE USE DANCING TO ATTACT OUR GIRLS: WILD MAZURKAS AND SILLY TWIRLS. BUT, SUCH EXERCISE ASIDE, (IN WHICH OUR MEN PLACE SUCH PRIDE) WHEN THEY’RE DEALING WITH THE FAIRER SEX, SKILL LEVELS SEEM TO SLIDE! THEY ARE LEFT POP-EYED! THAT’S WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE! THAT’S WHY I LOVE PARISIANS! THE MEN KNOW HOW TO LOVE! THEY GO RIGHT TO ROMANCE WITHOUT A SHOVE! AH YES, I LOVE PARISIANS! LOVEMAKING IS AS SILKY AS A VELVET GLOVE! (He dances with 2 girls who have entered, then:) YES, PARISIANS ARE THE ONLY KINGS AND QUEENS OF LOVE! (NIEJUS and the girls exit, as CAMILLE and VALENCIENNE are heard entering)
II-15 VALENCIENNE Camille, you are truly exasperating! CAMILLE Why, my love? VALENCIENNE Because you won’t listen!!! CAMILLE But I do listen—and I hear the true meaning of your words, Valencienne! VALENCIENNE Very well. Since you will not—or cannot—hear, I hope you can read! (She writes these words on her fan as she speaks) “I am a respectable wife”!!! CAMILLE Valencienne--! VALENCIENNE:
CAMILLE, ENOUGH!
CAMILLE:
BUT I AM SUFFERING!
VAL:
THAT’S WHY YOU SIMPLY MUST GET MARRIED. I WISH YOU’D SPEAK TO HANNA NOW, THIS MINUTE—
CAM:
ALRIGHT, I WILL— ALTHOUGH MY HEART’S NOT IN IT—
(They slowly get into a small rowboat, to row across the pond) VAL:
THERE COMES A TIME, WHEN TWO LOVES PART, WHEN IT IS BEST IT’S DONE COMPLETELY— I ASK YOUR HELP IN THIS, AND LET THIS PARTING BE DONE SWEETLY.
CAM:
HOW IS IT SWEET THAT I MUST LOSE YOU?
VAL:
A GENTLEMAN, SIR, WOULD NOT PURSUE THIS—
CAM:
YES, VERY WELL, I’LL SAY NO MORE—
VAL:
I THANK YOU SIR, THAT’S BETTER BY FAR—
CAM:
OH, LET ME KISS YOU!!!
VAL:
YOU’RE HURTING ME DEEPLY!
CAM:
FORGIVE ME PLEASE, MY LOVE—
II-16 CAMILLE (continued)
(rowing as he sings) JUST AS THE ROSEBUD OPENS WHEN KISSED BY LIGHT OF SPRING, SO HAS THIS LOVE AWAKENED AND CAUSED MY HEART TO SING. AS THOUGH THE CLOUDS HAD PARTED, A GLIMPSE OF JOY I SEE. A BEAM OF LOVE HAS STARTED THIS BLOSSOMING IN ME, AND NOW, WITH JOY BEFORE ME, YOU ASK THE CLOUDS TO CLOSE— TO FADE THE LIGHT OF SPRINGTIME AND KILL THE NEWBORN ROSE! OUR LOVE MUST HAVE ITS MOMENT, THE LIGHT OF SPRING MUST SHINE! IF ONLY YOU WOULD LISTEN, THESE WORDS WOULD MAKE YOU MINE! YES, IF YOU’D ONLY LISTEN, I KNOW I’D MAKE YOU MINE!
(Throughout the following, the pavilon appears through the mist. Fireflies dance. The scent of jasmine fills the air. VALENCIENNE begins to swoon) VALENCIENNE
OH, CAMILLE—
CAMILLE
VALENCIENNE!
VAL:
DON’T DO THIS! DON’T! I BEG YOU, MY HEAD IS SPINNING NOW--!
CAM:
I’LL LEAVE YOU, I PROMISE, AFTER ONE LAST KISS—
VAL:
NO, NOT HERE--!
CAM:
SEE, THERE’S THE LITTLE PAVILION WE CAN BE ALONE, JUST YOU AND I. THERE, IN OUR LITTLE PAVILON, IS WHERE FANTASY AND TRUE LOVE LIE! THERE, WHERE NONE CAN SEE, LET OUR DREAMS COME TO BE— COME, LOVE IS IN OUR PAVILION. WHO WILL EVER KNOW BUT YOU AND I?
(The rowboat is landed. CAMILLE leads VALENCIENNE toward the pavilion) VAL:
I SEE NOW THAT I CANNOT RESIST YOU—
II-17 CAMILLE
VALENCIENNE
SEE, PRIVACY AT OUR COMMAND BUT YOU MUST PROMISE HOW COULD ANYTHING BE MORE DISCREET?
TO BE DISCREET!
HERE, WHERE NONE MAY PRY JUST ONE KISS, THEN GOODBYE!
HERE, WHERE NONE MAY PRY, JUST ONE KISS, THEN GOODBYE!
HERE, IN OUR LITTLE PAVILION WE’LL PRETEND THERE’S ONLY YOU AND I!
HERE, IN OUR LITTLE PAVILION WE’LL PRETEND THERE’S ONLY YOU AND I!
(CAMILLE and VALENCIENNE kiss, then enter the pavilion and lower the lights) (Niejus appears from behind a bush) NIEJUS Oh…I don’t like this! I don’t like this at all!! The Baroness and the Chevalier in the pavilion, and with the lamps turned down! (ZETA is heard clomping clumsily through the brush) And the Baron hot on their heels?!!! Oh, no!!!! ZETA (whispering loudly:) Niejus? Niejus!!?? NIEJUS Over here, sir! ZETA (officiously:) What is the password, Niejus!!?? NIEJUS: (under his breath:) Oh, for heaven’s-- (then:) “Eight bells”, sir— ZETA And “all’s well?” NIEJUS Well-l-l-l— ZETA Why is it so dark in there, Niejus? The lanterns aren’t lit— NIEJUS It’s…occupied, sir. ZETA Oh? Oh!!! Oh, I see! Did that devil Danilovich find some little maiden at the party, hmmm? Oh, come on, I’m dying of curiosity! Let’s just have a peek in there—
II-18 NIEJUS I wouldn’t do that, sir!! It’s….not Count Danilovich, sir….it’s--ZETA Well, who is it, man? Speak up! NIEJUS Chevalier Rosillion! ZETA Oh. Oh!!!! Is he with his married woman? NIEJUS I’m afraid so, sir! ZETA Good work, Niejus!! (DANILO appears) Oh, Count Danilovich! You’ve arrived just in time! Niejus has cornered Rosillion and his married mistress in the pavilion. Soon we will know her true identity! NIEJUS Exactly what I’m afraid of— ZETA Niejus, you go around back, in case they try to slip out that way. The Count and I will take up the watch from here. NIEJUS Yes, sir! (as he creeps away:) Oh, good Lord! I’ve got to get the baroness out of this mess. I must find Madame Glawari. She’s the only one I can trust to help! (he exits) ZETA It won’t be long now, Danilovich! Isn’t this exciting?? Soon, we’ll have Rossillion caught dead to rights and right where we want him-- Wait! Wait a minute! She’s coming into the light now…wait…just a little more… (he sees VALENCIENNE in the half-light) Oh, my God--! DANILO What is it, sir? ZETA No. It couldn’t be— (beat) Yes, it is! It’s my wife!!! (HANNA and NIEJUS enter unseen, upstage of the pavilion. NIEJUS mimes the crisis to HANNA. HANNA understands and enters the pavilion. She exchanges cloaks with VALENCIENNE) II-19
DANILO The Baroness? You must be mistaken, sir— ZETA It is she, I tell you! (weeping:) I’d know that dress anywhere! DANILO Oh, no, Baron… I’m so sorry for you, sir… ZETA So am I. DANILO Well, sir…at least you can take consolation in one thing. ZETA Oh? And what’s that, pray tell? DANILO You are suffering this outrage for the good of your Fatherland, sir. ZETA Oh? Really? Fatherland be damned!!!! (He bolts from hiding and confronts the pavilion entrance) Alright, you two! Come out of there at once!!!! (As the music starts, CAMILLE steps out of the pavilion, followed by HANNA who is wearing VALENCIENNE’S distinctive overdress-cape)
FINALE ACT TWO DANILO:
OH—
ZETA:
MY---
BOTH:
GOD!!
HANNA:
WHY, GENTLEMEN, YOU LOOK SURPRISED!
DANILO:
IT’S HANNA AND CAMILLE!
ZETA:
SHE’S NOT THE ONE I SAW JUST NOW!
DANILO:
WHY, HANNA AND CAMILLE?! I CAN’T BELIEVE MY EYES! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING TO ME—
ZETA:
MY WIFE, WHERE CAN SHE BE?
VALENCIENNE:
(appearing from behind ZETA) YOU CALLED DEAR?
II-20 ZETA:
WHAT IS GOING ON?
VALENCIENNE:
WHAT’S GOING ON? WHAT DO YOU MEAN--?
DANILO:
GOD! HANNA AND CAMILLE--?
CAMILLE:
WE’VE HEARD THAT IN THIS SCENE.
ZETA:
WHY, JUST THIS MOMENT, I COULD SWEAR I SAW A WOMAN IN A FOND EMBRACE—
HANNA:
AND, TELL ME, DID YOU SEE HER FACE?
DANILO: (LET’S HEAR HER STORY!)
HANNA:
ZETA: --AND, TO THIS GIRL WHO LOOKED LIKE YOU, MY DEAR THIS MAN DECLARING ETERNAL LOVE!
THE LADY? THAT WAS I!
DANILO: OH, HANNA!
ZETA: I THINK A MAN WOULD KNOW HIS OWN WIFE’S DRESS!!
HANNA: (returning the over-dress cape to VALENCIENNE:) OH, THANK YOU MY DEAR FOR LENDING ME THIS— VAL./CAMILLE THIS IS EXCITING I MUST CONFESS!
DANILO/ZETA I AM CONFOUNDED I MUST CONFESS!
NIEJUS I THINK I NEVER SEEN SUCH A MESS!
HANNA:
WELL, WELL, CHEVALIER – IT’S PLAIN TO SEE THERE IS LITTLE RESPECT FOR OUR PRIVACY! SO SINCE THIS AFFAIR IS PRIVATE NO MORE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL TELL THEM WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE.
CAMILLE:
(to HANNA:) CAN YOU BE SERIOUS?
DANILO:
I MUST BE DELERIOUS!
CAMILLE:
A POOR EXAMPLE OF MY POETRY— BUT I WILL TELL YOU, AND YOU SHALL SEE:
NIEJUS (spoken:) This should be interesting!
II-21 CAMILLE:
JUST AS THE ROSEBUD OPENS WHEN KISSED BY LIGHT OF SPRING SO HAS THIS LOVE AWAKENED, AND CAUSED MY HEART TO SING. AS THOUGH THE CLOUDS HAD PARTED, A GLIMPSE OF JOY I SEE. A BEAM OF LOVE HAS STARTED THIS BLOSSOMING IN ME.
CAMILLE
VAL.
HANNA
DAN.
ZETA
OH LORD I THINK MY HEART WILL BREAK!
HE LOOKS AS THOUGH HIS HEART WILL BREAK!
WHAT A CONFOUNDING SITUATION!
SO FADES THE LIGHT OF SPRINGTIME, SO DIES THE NEWBORN ROSE!
WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE!
WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH MORE HE CAN TAKE!
WHEN LOVE’S DENIED IT’S MOMENT, THE LIGHT OF SPRING WON’T SHINE.
AH! TO THIS LOVE I MUST NOT RESIGN
AH! YES! HE REALLY CARES! THERE’S THE SIGN!
I FEEL AS THOUGH MY HEART WILL BREAK! I DON’T UNDERSTAND! WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE! UNGRATEFUL GIRL!! SHE LIED TO ME, TO THAT I MUST RESIGN!
AND IF I CANNOT HAVE YOU TRUE LOVE SHALL NE’ER MINE!
I MUST NOT LISTEN TO HIS WORDS, I CANNOT BE THINE!
IT WON’T BE LONG BEFORE HE’S MINE!
OH WHAT A SAD PREDICAMENT NOW THIS IS REALLY FINE!
NO, IF I CANNOT HAVE YOU TRUE LOVE CAN NE’ER MINE!
HONOR FORBIDS THIS LOVE, SO I CAN NE’ER BE THINE!
I KNOW I’VE WON AND HE IS MINE!
I FEEL THIS FURY RUNNING UP MY SPINE! OH THIS IS REALLY FINE!
TO FOIL THIS MARRIAGE THE DUTY’S MINE!
NE’ER BE MINE!
NE’ER BE THINE!
HE IS MINE!
THIS IS FINE!
DUTY’S MINE!
BUT NOW WITH JOY BEFORE ME, THE CLOUDS BEGIN TO CLOSE.
THERE HAS TO BE AN EXPLANATION!
OF INFIDELITY THERES NOT A SINGLE SIGN!
BUT HE’LL GET HER MILLIONS, OH THIS IS REALLY FINE!
II-22 (General pandemonium as the chorus enters. Much discussion ensues) HANNA: (spoken:) And now, since you are all so curious, you will find out just what happened in the pavilion! (under her breath:) Hola, Toro! Time for the kill! ATTENTION, DEAR FRIENDS, I HAVE A PRONOUNCEMENT! CHORUS:
WHAT’S GOING ON?
HANNA:
ABOUT A PENDING WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT! MONSIEUR CAMILLE—
CAMILLE:
WHO, ME?? VALENCIENNE OH, NO!
CAMILLE NO!
HANNA:
YES, HE AND I SHALL WED!
CHORUS:
OH, BRAVO! GOOD FOR YOU!
VALENCIENNE IT’S TRUE?!
CAMILLE
DANILO
ZETA
NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE? IT’S TRUE!! HANNA:
I FELT I MUST SHARE THIS WITH YOU!
CHORUS:
CONGRATULATIONS!
DANILO:
I HOPE HE’S WORTH YOUR TWENTY MILLION!
ZETA:
YES, SAY GOODBYE TO TWENTY MILLION!!
CAMILLE:
(to HANNA:) THIS CAN’T GO ON! I REALLY MUST OBJECT!
HANNA:
(aside, to CAMILLE:) NO, DON’T! THERE IS VALENCIENNE TO PROTECT!
ZETA:
(to VALENCIENNE:) CAN THEY BE SERIOUS??
VAL.:
I SUPPOSE THEY ARE—
HANNA:
OH, YES WE ARE!
ZETA:
IF YOU MUST WED, WHY NOT THE COUNT--?
HANNA:
THE COUNT?
II-23 DANILO:
NO! FOR THAT TASK I’LL NEVER VOLUNTEER! I GIVE MY BLESSINGS TO THIS UNION! (privately, to HANNA:) IT SERVES YOU RIGHT!
HANNA:
(she picks a rose from a trellis and smells it:) WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?
DANILO:
I’VE ALWAYS SAID, WHEN ASKED THE QUESTION, I’D NEVER WED! WHEN I OBSERVE THE MARRIED STATE, I’M GRATEFUL I’VE NOT FOUND A MATE! FOR MARRIAGE SEEMS, AT BEST SIR, A SIZEABLE BURDEN ALLIANCES FOR TWO, I’VE HEARD, TOO QUICKLY WILL INVOLVE A THIRD WHEN ONE OF THE PARTNERS FEELS A DWINDLING PASSION! HER COZY COTTAGE MEANT FOR TWO SOON HAS AN ARMY TRAMPING THROUGH! BUT, IF A MAN SHOULD WANT SOME FREEDOM, SHE THREATENS HIM WITH A DIVORCE! HOW ANY MAN COULD SET HIS SAILS IN SUCH A FRAIL SHIP IS BEYOND ME!
(the characters all interject, but DANILO continues:) NO, THANK YOU, I’LL NOT DROWN! ON BACHELORHOOD’S FIRM SHORES IS WHERE YOU’LL FIND ME!! VALENCIENNE My good sir--! ZETA:
Well, I never--!
(HANNA delightedly addresses the crowd:) HANNA:
MY MARRIAGE WILL BE ONE DESIGNED IN THE PARISIAN STYLE AROUND THE POINTS YOU’VE JUST MALIGNED IN THE PARISIAN STYLE WE’LL LIVE AND LOVE THAT IS TO SAY IN THE PARISIAN STYLE EACH ONE CAN GO HIS OWN SWEET WAY IN THE PARISIAN STYLE HOW EXCITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! HOW INVITING , TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! AND IF MY MARRIAGE CAN’T BE SO I’LL NEVER MARY NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!
OTHERS:
HOW EXCITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! Etc.
II-24 VAL.:
AND IN YOUR SCHEME FOR MARRIED BLISS—
HANNA:
IN THE PARISIAN STYLE?
VAL.:
MADAME HAS HERS, MONSIEUR HAS HIS?
HANNA:
IN THE PARISIAN STYLE!
VAL:
SO NOTHING WOULD GET IN THE WAY—
HANNA:
IN THE PARISIAN STYLE—
VAL:
OF OTHERS COMING INTO PLAY!!
HANNA:
IN THE PARISIAN STYLE!!
BOTH:
HOW EXCITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! HOW INVITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! AND IF (MY/HER) MARRIAGE CAN’T BE SO (I’LL/SHE’LL) NEVER MARRY, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!
CHORUS:
HOW EXCITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! Etc.
DANILO:
(spoken a tempo:) I am boiling, I am steaming In a moment I’ll be screaming! LISTEN HERE! I MUST SPEAK OUT! (to himself:) BUT DEAR LORD, NOT SO INTENSE! OH, MY ANGER’S TOO IMMENSE! CALM YOURSELF, ON SOME PRETENSE— (addressing HANNA:) NOW AS MY WEDDING GIFT, MADAME, I’D LIKE TO TELL A LITTLE STORY—
HANNA:
OH, GOOD! HOW VERY NICE OF YOU— BUT, PLEASE BE BRIEF. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO. (beat) IS IT FUNNY?
DANILO:
(through his teeth:) I DON’T THINK SO.
II-25 DANILO (continued:) THERE ONCE WAS A PRINCE, AND A PRINCESS, WHO PROMISED ONE DAY THEY WOULD WED. BUT, SOMEHOW, THIS JOY WAS DENIED THEM— AT LEAST IN THE BOOK THAT I READ. THE PRINCE KEPT HIS FEELINGS UNSPOKEN (FOR VERY GOOD REASONS, NO DOUBT) AND, SO, THE PRINCESS GREW IMPATIENT BECAUSE HE WOULD NEVER SPEAK OUT. THEN, ONE DAY, THE HEARTLESS YOUNG VIXEN— WITH NEITHER A WORD NOR A GLANCE— DECIDED TO MARRY ANOTHER, THUS ENDING THIS LIFELONG ROMANCE!
`
THE PRINCE SAID: (spoken:) Well, well, my dear lady. You’ve taken me quite by surprise! I thought that your vows were in earnest— I now see they’re nothing but lies! BUT, IF YOU SHOULD THINK THIS HAS HURT ME--? HA, HA! MY DEAR, YOU SHALL SEE! I’LL GO ON WITH LIFE JUST AS ALWAYS— (spoken:) This is the Prince speaking, not me— AND THIS WAS HIS FINAL INSTRUCTION: (spoken, to HANNA:) “Go, wed him! My blessings on you!” AND THEN, WITH A FLOURISH, HE LEFT HER EXACTLY AS I MEAN TO DO!
HANNA:
(She hands him the rose:) YOU’RE GOING, COUNT? BUT WHERE?
DANILO:
(spoken:) Where? WHERE I FEEL AT HOME, MADAME! I’M GOING TO MAXIM’S WHERE LOVE IS AS IT SEEMS NO SILLY EXPECTATIONS OF MARITAL RELATIONS! AH, ALL THE PRETTY BELLES— THEY KNOW ME VERY WELL! I’M GOING TO MAXIM’S NOW AND YOU CAN GO TO— (He exits as the phrase ends)
II-26 HANNA:
AH, YES! HE LOVES ME, NOW I KNOW!!! HOW EXCITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! HOW INVITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! AND NOW, WHERE EVER HE MAY GO, HE’LL NOT ESCAPE ME, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!
CHORUS:
HOW EXCITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! HOW INVITING, TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! AND IF HER MARRIAGE CAN’T BE SO,
HANNA: TRALALA HE’LL NOT ESCAPE ME AH, NO!
VALENCIENNE TRALALA NO NEED TO WORRY NO, AH, NO! AH, NO!
CHORUS SHE’LL NEVER MARRY NO, NO, AH, NO! AH, NO!
END OF ACT TWO (AS DESIGNED: ACT TWO, PART ONE)
III-1
ACT THREE (as designed: Act Two, part two) A. The Pantomime (interlude/entracte) “Danilo’s Regret” (underscore: No. 12a, Entre’act Vilja Lied./No.12b): (As DANILO stands CS, GRISETTES and others bring him his evening clothes: top hat, cape, gloves, etc. which he dons as if a stupor. The rose which HANNA gave to DANILO in ACT 2 falls to the ground. As “Vilja” is played under, DANILO dances with the rose. It crumbles. He tries in vain to place the petals back onto the stem. Finally, he takes one petal of the rose and folds it, lovingly, into his pocket handkerchief. He turns as if to exit, and enters the scene of: B. Maxim’s (underscore: No. 13 Tanz=Scene): (A circus-like atmosphere: waiters juggle glasses, bottles, etc. The tables are set and the customers gaily cavort. Finally, the GRISETTE theme is heard, and they enter to the cheers of the crowd.) GRISETTES:
WE ARE CALLED GRISETTES AND PLAYGIRLS: YOUR PARISIAN CABARET GIRLS: (The GRISETTES, in turn, pronounce their names:) LOLO, DODO, JOUJOU, CLOCLO, MARGOT, FROUFROU!
HANNA:
(emerging from behind the line, dressed as a GRISETTE:) Et moi! WHEN A FIT OF BLUES ATTACKS HIM, WHAT SHOULD ANY FELLOW DO? COME ALONG TO DEAR OLD MAXIM’S— WE ARE HERE TO COMFORT YOU!
GRISETTES:
ARE YOU SAD OR TIRED MEN? THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO! EVEN IF YOU’RE DEAD AND WAXEN WE KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR YOU!
LOLO:
WE CAN SING AND TELL YOU STORIES— PRETTY, WITTY, OFTEN TRUE— WE ARE FRANCE’S GREATEST GLORIES— AND WE’RE WAITING JUST FOR YOU!
DODO: : GRISETTES:
WE ARE CALLED GRISETTES AND PLAYGIRLS: YOUR PARISIAN CABARET GIRLS: LOLO, DODO, JOUJOU, CLOCLO, MARGOT, FROUFROU!
HANNA:
Et moi! RITANTOU, RITANTIRETTE! ET, VOILA LES BELLES GRISETTES: LES GRISETTES DES PARIS! RITANTOU, RITANTIRI!
III-2 GRISETTES:
RITANTOU, RITANTIRETTE! ET, VOILA LES BELLES GRISETTES: LES GRISETTES DES PARIS! RITANTOU, RITANTIRI!
JOUJOU :
AS A SPIDER SPINS HER COBWEB LURING FLIES INTO HER DEN— AS SHE CAPTURES BUTTERFLIES, WE WEAVE OUR NETS TO CAPTURE MEN!
CLOCLO: GRISETTES:
SPINNING, WEAVING, TO AND FRO, LURING MEN ONTO OUR LAP! THAT’S HOW WE ENTICE OUR VICTIMS WILLINGLY INTO OUR TRAP!
MARGOT:
FIRST, WE BAT OUR EYES A BIT AND THEN WE HEAVE OUR BOSOMS, TOO! THEN, WE GIVE OUR HIPS A TWIST AND, SOON, THERE’S NOTHING THEY CAN DO!
FROUFROU: GRISETTES:
YES, WE’RE CALLED GRISETTES AND PLAYGIRLS: YOUR PARISIAN CABARET GIRLS: LOLO, DODO, JOUJOU, CLOCLO, MARGOT, FROUFROU!
HANNA:
Et moi!
HANNA/GRISETTES:
LA, LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! RITANTOU, RITANTIRETTE! ET, VOILA LES BELLES GRISETTES: LES GRISETTES DES PARIS! RITANTOU, RITANTIRI!
HANNA/GRISETTES/CHORUS: RITANTOU, RITANTIRETTE! ET, VOILA LES BELLES GRISETTES: LES GRISETTES DES PARIS! RITANTOU, RITANTIRI! (note: repeat for encore as needed)
III-3 (At the end of the musical number, the GRISETTES and HANNA cavort with the customers) MALE CUSTOMER Madame Glawari, what brings you here to dance with our Grisettes? HANNA Talent, monsieur, just talent. (Singing, the GRISETTES dance off with the CUSTOMERS, leaving HANNA and DANILO alone) GRISETTES LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA... DANILO Madame, I wish to have a word with you -HANNA So? Go ahead. DANILO I forbid you to marry the Chevalier Rossillion! HANNA You forbid?? Oh, my, spoken just like a husband. You forbid...how droll! DANILO I see nothing droll about this matter! HANNA Don't you? I think it's hilarious. Count Danilovitch, I could swear you were jealous! DANILO Nothing of the sort. I am simply concerned about our national economy. HANNA Oh, really? In that case, you needn't have concerned yourself. It so happens my late husband -- the “glorified bank teller”, as you called him -- was not only a kind and loving man, but also a true Petrovedian patriot. His will stipulated that if I were to remarry, all of my inheritance would automatically become the property of the Petrovedian National Bank. So, you see, I never had any intention of marrying Chevalier Rossillion--
III – 4 DANILO But, why didn't you say so??!! HANNA You didn't ask me. DANILO Then all of this...frantic intrigue...was for nothing??? HANNA I should hope not. (Beat) It was all very amusing, at all events. Watching you and Baron Zeta fussing and fretting -DANILO I'm so glad Madame was amused! (Beat) Wait a minute...then what were you doing with that upstart in the Pavilion?? HANNA So, you are jealous! DANILO Yes! Er...No!! But -HANNA I was in the Pavilion with the Chevalier to protect another woman -- a certain married countrywoman of ours-who stood to lose a great deal for her momentary indiscretion. So, you see, I, too, am capable of operating on a secret mission! DANILO Ah! But why didn't you tell me so, instead of letting me go off like that...thinking -HANNA You didn't ask me. DANILO What a relief! Here I thought you were pledging yourself to another --! HANNA I could never do that. DANILO Really? Why? HANNA Because I am yours, you silly man. DANILO I thought so. Finally you admit it. (MUSIC)
III - 5 DANILO:
STRINGS ARE SIGHING, WHY DENY THAT I LOVE YOU? THEN I HEAR THE SWEET REPLY: "YOU LOVE ME, TOO." MUSIC SAYS IT SIMPLY, HEAR EACH LOVING TONE SAY TO YOU: IT'S TRUE, IT'S YOU I LOVE ALONE.
HANNA:
THIS MOMENT'S SO SUBLIME OUR HEARTS HAVE FOUND A RHYME LOVE HAS US IN A TRANCE, AND THERE IS NAUGHT TO DO BUT DANCE. TWO SOULS SOARING TO THE SKY, WE'LL STAY TOGETHER YOU AND I FOREVER FROM THIS DAY THROUGH TIME WE'LL FLY. (As the ensemble hums, HANNA and DANILO dance the waltz)
HANNA/ DANILO:
MUSIC SAYS IT SIMPLY HEAR EACH LOVING TONE SAY TO YOU: "IT'S TRUE, IT'S YOU I LOVE ALONE." (At the end of the waltz, the lights change, revealing the rest of the company as they enter)
III – 6 OTHERS Ah, Madame Glawari! etc. etc. ZETA Now, that's a pleasant sight, seeing you two together! NIEJUS Maybe now I can get some rest! (He sits; the fan which he found in the Pavillion in Act II is still in his pants. He cries out:) AArrrrGHH! (The others watch as he painfully contorts about the stage). ZETA Niejus, what on earth is the matter with you? NIEJUS Oh, nothing, Excellency...it's just...something I picked up at the Pavilion -ZETA Well, here, Niejus, let me help you -- (He sees the fan sticking out of Niejus's pants). What is that? What have you got there? (He pulls the fan away from Niejus) This is my wife's fan! NIEJUS Why, so it is! Imagine that! ZETA And you say you found this at the Pavilion? (He turns to VALENCIENNE:) Can you explain this, my dear? HANNA One moment, Baron Zeta! Since you saw fit to press your wife into service, spying on the Chevalier and trying to foil any plans of marriage a foreigner may have had for me, I would imagine you are anxious to learn of my decision in this matter. Or am I mistaken? Are your priorities elsewhere? ZETA Of course! I mean, absolutely not! I mean -- Madame, please tell me, what are you going to do? HANNA I will not marry the Chevalier Rossillion. In fact, upon further consideration -- (She glances at DANILO) -upon further consideration, I have decided not to marry anyone at all, ever again! DANILO But, Hanna, wait! You mustn't say that!! HANNA Oh, and why, pray tell? DANILO Because I love you !
III – 7 HANNA So? DANILO SO??? So I want you to marry me!!! (DANILO throws himself to his knees in proposal.) (Beat) HANNA I thought so. Finally, you admit it. CASCADA Poor Danilovitch! A noble sacrifice! ST. BRIOCHE I hope he enjoys his final hours! (THE FRENCHMEN bow their heads in silent salute) LARS So then, Gerta my dearest—I’ve had enough of all this Parisian frivolity. I must return to my duties in Helsinki. I shall depart tomorrow at 0800 hours… GERTA You, sir, shall go nowhere without me! I long for our home, and our sauna—where, to the beat of the birch branches, you will find my performance of my duties will more than pass muster, my General. (LARS and GERTA embrace to the applause of the others) MATILDA Oh, Monty…isn’t it romantic? MONTAGUE Hrrmmm….yes, quite. I don’t suppose the hills of Devonshire can hold a candle to Paris any longer, eh, m’dear? MATILDA Oh, Monty, you foolish boy. It was just all the champagne, and caviar, and éclairs…and all these silly French people. Take me home, Monty, back to steak and kidney pie and tweed. Lord, I miss tweed. MONTAGUE Oh, Tilly! I’ll have the whole mansion done in tweed…tweed curtains, tweed tablecloths, even tweed pajamas, if it would make you happy! (They embrace to the approval of all)
III-8 JULES And you, Flora? What would make you happy? FLORA But, Chou-Chou, you make me happy! JULES Well of course I do, I know that…but what other trinket would amuse you right now? FLORA (indicating NIEJUS) I think he’s cute. Would that be all right with you, Chou-Chou? JULES Am I a Frenchman, or am I not? (to ZETA:) Can you spare him for a while, Baron? ZETA Niejus, front and center. Niejus, you shall accompany the Count and Countess Camembert as Petrovedia’s temporary liason to Normandy—for the production of wine and cheese. (aside to Niejus:) You see, you do get those kind of assignments after all! NIEJUS I’ll do my best, sir! ZETA Yes, I’m sure you will. (FANFARE) NIEJUS enters UCS and announces:) NIEJUS Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames et Monsieurs, Her Most Royal and Regal Majesty, Queen Myrna of Petrovedia! (QUEEN MYRNA enters with fanfare, waving majestically to the crowd, as ALL sing her praises:) ALL (to the melody of CASCADA’s Act One toast): TO QUEEN MYRNA OF PETROVEDIA ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF HEATLH TO YOU (ZETA approaches the Queen, kneels and kisses her hand) ZETA Your Majesty, we are honored by your presence. But to what do we owe the honor of this unexpected visit? QUEEN MYRNA Why, to this telegram of course! (She brandishes a telegram)
III-8a ZETA Telegram?? QUEEN MYRNA Yes, from Madame Glawari. Here, let me read it to you: “To Her Most Royal and Serene Majesty…” etc, etc. etc….ah, yes… “Am expecting proposal of marriage tonight from your nephew, Count Danilo, STOP. If you approve, request the honor of Your presence tonight at Maxim’s in Paris, STOP. P.S: Happy Birthday, STOP” So, you see, I simply had to come…I couldn’t stop myself! (QUEEN MYRNA laughs at her little pun, and the others join in) ZETA Well, that takes care of that! (to VALENCIENNE:) But, my dear, it still doesn't explain about this fan -VALENCIENNE But, Buttercup, have you seen what I wrote on my fan? ZETA What you wrote --? (He reads the writing on the fan:) "I am a respectable wife." (Tearfully:) Oh, my cherry blossom, forgive me...I should have known!! (MUSIC) (THE COUPLES: HANNA & DANILO, ZETA & VALENCIENNE, CAMILLE & DODO, CASCADA & JOUJOU, ST. BRIOCHE & LULU, NIEJUS & MARGOT and all the others face the audience for the finale)
III-9 HANNA/VALENCIENNE AH THE STUDY OF FEMININE WAYS
MEN & CHORUS: WHAT ARE WE TO DO WITH WOMEN ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW WITH WOMEN
ALL:
DANILO:
LEAVES A MAN IN A PERMANENT HAZE YOU CAN THINK TILL YOUR BRAIN MADLY WHIRLS, THANKS TO
GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS! OH YOU MEN, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN YOU HAD BETTER CONSIDER AGAIN! SHE WILL FOIL WITH DISPATCH ANY PLAN YOU CAN HATCH, LITTLE MAN YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH!
(Reprise Waltz) ALL: HERES THE DAY YOU HEAR ME SAY THAT I LOVE YOU LET ME HEAR YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME TOO. MUSIC, LOVE AND LAUGHTER MAKE YOUR HEART TAKE FLIGHT SAVE THEM, TILL WE MEET AGAIN: DEAR FRIENDS GOOD-NIGHT!
ZETA:
