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This is an Accepted Manuscript of an article published by Taylor & Francis in British Journal of Sociology of Education on published online on 6 Apr 2018, available online: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01425692.2018.1454297

We the MOMs: A narrative inquiry of black female academics in the UK Shawanda Stockfelt Graduate School of Education, University of Bristol, Bristol, United Kingdom Office Room 3.15a, Helen Wodehouse Building, 35 Berkeley Square, Clifton BS8 1JA [email protected]

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We the MOMs: A narrative inquiry of black female academics in the UK

This article highlights the additional marginalisation of black female academics within the UK academy of higher education. It engages with the narratives of eight of such women as they navigate their careers as minority-of-minorities (MOMs) within highranking institutions. The literature on black academic severe under-representation, intersectionality theory and the author’s own experience as a black-female academic is used abductively to story the narratives and engage the reader towards an emancipatory aim. Critically, it highlights the additional marginalisation of black academics due to racism and the double-marginalisation of black-females based primarily on their race and gender. The findings both confirms and richly contextualise the literature from an insider perspective. The narratives provide implications for policy and further research. Keywords: higher education; black feminism; intersectionality; critical race theory; social justice; narrative inquiry

Prologue I am not going to present this paper as an article, instead visualise me as an activist on the street corner. I am a black woman who is addressing a personal and unfortunately, longstanding issue – racial and gender discrimination within the academy of the British higher education (HE). Race and gender, are concepts used to classify humans based on theorised genetic, physical and socio-cultural traits (Gillborn and Ladson-Billings 2004). My conceptualisation of these are related to black feminism (Mirza 1997) and critical race theory (Crenshaw 1989, 1995) under the common umbrella term of intersectionality within a UK context (Crenshaw 1995; Gillborn 2015). Black feminism argues that sexism, racism, classism and gender identity are intricately bounded together and should be understood additionally with respect to their common interactions (Crenshaw 1989; Mizra 1997). Critical race theory (CRT) has its foundation in critiquing society and culture through the intersection

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of race, law (policies) and power (Crenshaw 1989), but has evolved across culture and discipline to challenge ahistoricism by emphasising the need to understand racism within its contexts (Gillborn 2005, 2015). My discussion is not a theoretical one but is nonetheless tied to these theoretical understandings of ‘race’ and ‘gender’ as socially-constructed, normalised, and their comparative usage - to ascribe differences - to be contrived and reinforced by society. Intersectionality - as it was conceived within its legal framework by critical race activists – has two key components: an empirical tool to analyse racism and sexism and an activist component aimed at challenging and changing the status quo (Gillborn 2015). There is much to be said about widening inequalities within the British HE system based on gender, race, class, sexual identity etc. and further marginalisation based on the interactions between them. However as Delgado (2011) – one of the founder of CRT - has emphasised, when using intersectionality as a framework, it is imperative to maintain the focus as one can become caught in never-ending subdivisions of categories until the goal becomes too compartmentalised to make any sense. In other words: … intersectionality can easily paralyze progressive work and thought because of the realisation that whatever unit you choose to work with, someone may come along and point out that you forgot something (p 1264).

In this manner, my focus is to specifically highlight further discrimination arising from the interaction between being woman and black. Additionally, although I have situated myself within specific theoretical/conceptual frameworks, my discussion involves an activist focus where the narratives are forefronted (see section entitled ‘Why narrative inquiry’). I have decided to call myself an ‘activist’ to emphasise my two-pronged emancipatory aim. Firstly, to address the underrepresentation of black female academics within these institutions from an experiential perspective. Secondly, address what I perceive as the resultant misrepresentation of our voices within the ongoing discourse about this matter. Both of these 3

aims are in a sense, addressing misrepresentation1 (Fraser 2009), but the latter is about speaking as a subject of this discourse, as an insider (Acker 2001). I want you to see me as storying it from my spot on the street corner, that is, I am attempting to do so loudly, persuasively and with a clear agenda, i.e., using the voices of those affected – including yours and mine – to challenge what CRT would conceptualise as insidious acts of white supremacy normalised within British HE. This notion of white supremacy refers to the more subtle and pervading aspects of policies – like meritocracy and neutrality - that impacts HE in the interest of the mostly white (Shain 2012; Gillborn 2015) and mostly male. The academy houses institutions of knowledge that should be representative of its population. However, as research has repeatedly highlighted ethnic-minority groups are underrepresented both as participants within these institutions (students), and as authorities in relaying knowledge (academic staff) (Bhopal 2014, 2015b; Bhopal and Preston 2012; Boliver 2016; Chowdry et al. 2013; Deem and Morley 2006; ECU 2009, 2012; Gillborn 2005; HESA 2014, 2016; Khattab and Modood 2015; Leathwood, Maylor, and Moreau 2009; Rollock 2007; Strand 2014; UCU 2012; Cole and Maisuria 2007). So, irrespective of your ethnicity and background, if you care about equality issues, keep reading and allow me to participate as a subject of this discourse.

Introduction This is a narrated story of eight academics employed fulltime on permanent contracts at several high-ranking British universities. They were drawn from across the humanities, social and natural sciences and are at various points in their careers – from early-career academic to

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Misrepresentation according to Fraser is political injustice, addressed through representation, i.e., ensure the rights of individuals/groups to have their voices heard in debates about social justice/injustice (Fraser 2009)

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professor. Their job profiles include a mixture of teaching, research, administration and practice. What made these individuals similar is the fact that they were all impressive in their own rights, acknowledged by the academy (the field of higher education) to varying degrees, but are black and woman. I say but because in many ways (which I will soon explain) this is a relative anomaly. Let me give you a brief summary of the literature. According to the Higher Education Statistical Agency (HESA), we account for only 13.9% of all academic staff (HESA 2016). This is actually an improvement from the previous years. The Equality Challenge Unit (ECU) 2012 findings, flagged ethnic-minority groups as having the least favourable outcomes across contract types (fixed/open-ended versus permanent), salary levels and promotion/progression (ECU 2012). As others have already highlighted, the situation is even more dire, when looking across/within high-status universities where these groups are further marginalised (Boliver 2016; Rollock 2007; Rollock et al. 2014). Additionally, the severity of this marginalisation becomes more apparent when looking at black (African, Caribbean and Black-other) academics who accounted for a mere 1.7% of all academic staff, the most under-represented minority (ECU 2012; HESA 2016). The literature, has pinpointed a commonality of reasons related to covert racism and systematic racial and gender inequalities within the academy as general reasons for the under-representation of ethnic-minority groups (Gregory 2006; Deem and Morley 2006; Rollock 2007; Rollock et al. 2014; ECU 2009; Leathwood, Maylor, and Moreau 2009; Bhopal 2014; Pilkington 2013). With respect to gender, the ratios vary, but females tend to be generally overrepresented in the categories of those on fixed and/or part-time contracts, those in more junior categories and with lower salary levels (HESA 2016). In other words, these eight black female academics are actually from a much smaller group than the 1.7% - as this included both genders, working on all contract types (part-time, fixed, open and permanent) and across all universities. These women are therefore from an even smaller group, i.e., they

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are a minority-of-minorities (MOMs). I will use the acronym ‘MOMs’ metaphorically in relation to one of the most overworked/underappreciated roles in society – an additional role for some of these women. I have no intention of attempting to generalise their narrated experiences as representing all of the other ethnic-minority groups and MOMs, but as you will see by what I collated in the proceeding discussion, it is pretty close to the literature and my own experiences. My inclusion of participants at different stages in their careers and from a range of disciplines was in order to solicit a range of experiences and not to generalise the findings - as I said earlier, this discussion is very much about representation. My discussion centres on the narrated experiences of the how/why/what of the career journeys of these MOMs in mostly white institutions. I aim to be highly descriptive and focus mainly on presenting their stories in lieu of my aims (see prologue). To achieve this, my discussion focussed on one simplistic question: What were their career experiences as black women within their varied spaces2? Our discussion began from this general premise, however, it became more formative and specific based on the overarching narrative about the combined impact of gender/ethnicity on their career experiences in the academy. In this manner, a second question also became a focus: How and in what ways do the combination of being black and woman affect their experiences in these spaces? This additional question developed abductively3 from my ongoing discussion with these women, thematic trends in the literature - including Crenshaw’s intersectionality theory as it relates to critical race theory (CRT) and black feminism - and an emergent contextualised understanding of my own experience as a black, female academic. I have chosen not to emphasise the theoretical premises in my discussion of the findings in a bid to be more representative of the

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I have defined ‘spaces’ as the settings where they experienced their career as an academic in the UK.

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A logical inference moving from observation to theory and back again. This is done in an emergent format to arrive at the simplest explanation (Douven 2016).

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participants’ narratives - and mine as I have positioned myself as an insider (Acker 2001). However, I have included a short review of the literature and Crenshaw’s version of intersectionality (see below) so you may establish a contextualised understanding of my representation of the narratives. My aims do not rest on the premise that these women required my voice as a platform. On the contrary, together these narratives gave me a voice as their stories - though different from my own - echoed themes that encapsulated many of my own struggles and triumphs. In a way, I am a MOMs myself, five years post-PhD and employed at a high-ranking university, but on a contract basis, via a self-acquired fellowship. I am, in an academic sense, still struggling to grasp the rung of the ladder which may or may not take me to a concrete-ceiling (see Their stories… And mine…).

Ethnic-minority groups in the Academy Out of the huts of history’s shame. I rise… Up from a past that’s rooted in pain, I rise… I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide, welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear. I rise... Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear. I rise… Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave. I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise… (Angelou 2011)

The above quotation was taken from ‘Still I Rise’, a well-known poem written by Maya Angelou – a black feminist female writer. Exerts from this poem was quoted to me by one of these women as she poetically articulated a painful experience of what she perceived as racism first and then gender discrimination second, stemming from being a Black-Caribbean woman in a high-ranking university. I was captured by her narrative as I almost felt as if she was telling my story – different examples, different experiences but the same mind-numbing frustration bordering on anger as you go through the day-to-day experiences of being the black female outlier, the MOMs. 7

Within the UK, the Equality Act has made it unlawful for an organisation to discriminate on the basis of sex, race, belief/religion, age and a variety of protected characteristics (including sexual orientation, pregnancy and gender reassignment) (legislation.gov.uk 2010). The main purpose of this act was to codify the various existing discrimination laws in one cohesive more accessible policy (legislation.gov.uk 2010). This was a major step towards inclusion, which shows in the increasing number of ethnicminority students and staff in HE in the UK (Bhopal 2014; ECU 2012; Goodman, Gregg, and Washbrook 2011; HESA 2016). However, as recent research has highlighted, irrespective of this, the trend remains the same with students from ethnic-minority groups with the same grade levels and relevant subjects having a much lower chance of being admitted into highstatus universities than their white counterparts (Boliver 2016). In the same vein, academics from ethnic-minority groups are generally underrepresented in higher educational institutions (HEI), with less likelihood of being on open/permanent contracts, in senior positions and in higher earning brackets than whites (ECU 2012). When including gender, the situation looked even more depressing with a stark contrast with white male professors. According to ECU (2012, p. 200): 3.7% of UK BME female academics and 1.3% of non-UK BME female academics were professors, compared with16.1% of UK white males and12.0% of non-UK white males.

BME (black and minority ethnic) is a UK-specific term for ethnic-minority groups. ECU (2012) report highlighted further discrepancies between senior leaders, showing 3% of UK white-males in this category, compared to 0.2% of non-UK females from ethnic-minority groups; that is, this inequality existed at every level. As others have identified, anti-discriminatory policies exist, but there are limited actual mechanisms in place to enforce these policies (Aouad et al. 2012; Bhopal 2014, 2015b; Crofts and Pilkington 2012; Deem and Morley 2006; Pilkington 2013). According to Deem 8

and Morley (2006) this may be attributed to two significant factors: a form of standardised view of equality policy within Europe and the UK, and a shift away from redistributive4 - as inferred from Fraser (2009) social justice framework – to recognitional ones (p. 186). Additionally, the ongoing emphasis on privatising funding for HE to one powered by competition has reduced the emphasis on diversity and equality (Hemsley-Brown and Oplatka 2006; Ball 2009; Parker 2012; Deem and Morley 2006). In such a political climate, the equality legislation, according to Bhopal (2014), may serve merely to characterise racism within HE but not to effectively eliminate it. The result then is a subtler form of racism which is - as reported by participants in Bhopal’s (2014) study – difficult to prove and occurs at all levels. Unlike the more blatant and insidious form (overt racism), covert racism is often subtle and politically correct with the aim to obfuscate the reality of it and further disadvantage the racially marginalised (Coates 2008). The most cited area of covert racism by academics from ethnic-minority groups in the literature, relate to a certain institutional culture (Bhopal 2015a; ECU 2009; Pilkington 2013; Khattab and Modood 2015). The institutional culture is based on the severe underrepresentation of ethnic-minorities in senior decision-making roles (HESA 2014, 2016). As highlighted in the literature, staff from ethnic-minority groups identified feelings of being over-scrutinised, underrated and excluded by senior members of staff (Bhopal 2014, 2015b; ECU 2009; Pilkington 2013; Rollock 2007). Lack of acknowledgement of covert racism from very senior staff (Pilkington 2013) serve to encourage, maintain and institutionalise racism in a cyclical format, as these practices are overlooked and reproduced in decision-making (Bhopal 2014, 2015b). According to Wright et al (2007) black female academics highlighted

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Economic injustice is addressed by re-distributing access to resources (for example education) (Fraser 2009).

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negative assumptions being made about their abilities which they attributed to their minority status. It is easy to think ‘why don’t you just say something?’ However, the problem with covert racism is the difficulty in ‘proving’ it within a context where discrimination is sometime standardised, and being a minority within itself discredits your claim. Generally, there are usually mechanisms/structures in place to accommodate such discussions, but often the facilitators/leaders of these are white and/or men. Pragmatically, this is not necessarily problematic as this could yield better outcomes. Why? As pinpointed by Wright et al (2007) and summarised by ECU (2009), ethnic-minority staff working within the area of race equality have reported higher credence given to their white colleagues when performing the same duties as oppose to low status ascribed to them – a paradox that is itself absolutely problematic. Like other academics from ethnic-minority groups have reported in the literature, I often crave a space for shared empathy, i.e., insider perspectives to help me struggle with what I perceive as an institutionalised habitus within the academy. The severe underrepresentation of people like myself at senior levels provides some insight into the limited existence of such a shared space; especially when the issue that requires dissecting relates to being both black and woman. Overall, as the literature has highlighted, this results in limited opportunities for mentoring for career development (Wright, Thompson, and Channer 2007), with staff reporting disproportionate institutional obstacles in gaining promotions, and fewer opportunities to develop capacities for research to enhance promotion (Wright, Thompson, and Channer 2007; ECU 2009; Jones 2006; Leathwood, Maylor, and Moreau 2009). These factors characterise both racism and discrimination but they are deeply entwined and difficult to dissect and challenge. If you are marginalised (ethnicity, gender, sexuality, disability, social-class, etc.) then this narrative overlaps with your discourse, if you are not, and is still reading then keep going, the narratives speak for themselves below.

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Intersectionality I found it relevant to include an outline of Crenshaw’s concept of intersectionality as a continuation from what I already highlighted in the prologue, as it directly relates to the experiences highlighted by these eight women and my own. I started this study with the two general questions highlighted in the introduction but ended with a deeper more emergent understanding of the impact of intersectionality as it relates to the educational/career experiences of these women. Intersectionality theory was born out of Crenshaw’s (1989) frustration with the lack of discourse around black women experiences, that is, it was standardised by that of the experiences of white feminists and black-males (Cho, Crenshaw, and McCall 2013; Davis 2008; Crenshaw 1989). The concept existed before Crenshaw, but it was a term she coined and utilised within an academic framework to explain our further marginalisation (Crenshaw 1989). She argued that in race discrimination cases, discrimination tends to be evaluated in terms of ‘class-privileged Blacks’ while those based on sex were evaluated based on ‘race-and-class-privileged women’ (p.140). This evaluation is based on a single-axis of analysis in relation to an understanding of racism and sexism rooted in the experiences of the privileged race/class/gender. This single-axis represents only a subset of a more multifaceted phenomena. The end result is the further marginalisation of groups that are ‘double-burdened’ by both racism and discrimination as this one viewpoint obfuscates their additional claims. Crenshaw (1989) argued that black women are further marginalised because antiracist and antidiscrimination policies do not capture their discrete experiences based on both their race and gender. Theoretically, intersectionality refers to … the interaction between gender, race, and other categories of difference in individual lives, social practices, institutional arrangements, and cultural ideologies and the outcomes of these interactions in terms of power (Davis 2008).

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In this manner, the concept has become critical for any discourse undertaking women studies and have been hailed as a crucial contribution to this field (Cho, Crenshaw, and McCall 2013; Davis 2008; McCall 2003). Class as a category is an important concept of intersectionality but I will keep the focus on the main theme of this paper and the resultant narratives; i.e., being black and woman.

Why Narrative Inquiry? Unlike other research projects I have undertaken, I started this one from a personal place. This began after completing a statistical analysis of a longitudinal dataset looking at how ethnicity and gender interact differently with a variety of other factors to influence outcome (Stockfelt In press). My findings merely confirmed what many others before me have highlighted, that minorities pay a penalty at every level of the UK education system (Chowdry et al. 2013; Khattab 2014; Strand 2014). This lead to me querying my own journey into academia and my own subjugation as a black woman within the context of a very white UK academy. I wanted to meet and speak with other black women in academia, especially the very few working within universities like mine. I wanted to understand their range of experiences to aid in contextualising my own, not only from the standardised literature but from the narratives of their everyday experiences. So, this takes me to the ‘why’ of this methodology. My overall focus was on understanding and meaning-making and making sense of my own experiences through the stories of others, that is, narrative inquiry. Narrative inquiry is a rich qualitative methodology that focusses on the study of experience (Clandinin 2006). This often includes people telling stories about their lives and the researcher finding patterns/themes and meanings in these stories (Clandinin 2006). Key to this approach are the stories being told by the narrator, in this manner, it includes both the meaning of these narratives as well as the role of the storyteller (narrator) in weaving the

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stories into a cohesive frame of reference (Bruner 1990; Clandinin 2006). The analytical focus is on the interpretations of the events in how they are linked to the narrator (Bruner 1991). In this manner, the narrator is not a neutral bystander but an active participant in the weaving and meaning-making process. I have used narrative inquiry both as a process (where I am telling the story) and a product (of the multiple stories being told: theirs and mine based on the premises of the literature and conceptual theories).

Making contact… … How did you find me? (Quizzical laughter).

I was often asked this question by these women at some point during our discussion. And my answer was often: … I trolled through university websites looking for black faces… (Laughter)

Using the QS (2015) world ranking along with the Russell group5, I manually searched the websites of various departments/universities. I looked for black faces, checked their media profiles and then made contact by email. This manual process was arduous, not only because of the amount of work, but because of the scarcity of black faces - I did not need the literature to confirm how under-represented black academics were. I contextualised my understanding of their careers by looking at their levels of responsibilities (teaching, supervising, managing etc.), publication history and media engagement. These were ascertained from their university profiles along with information gleaned from their personal websites and social-media (LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter). My target was to solicit between six to eight participants at different points in their careers, from a variety of disciplines and from as many of these

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A self-selected association of 24 universities that is widely viewed as representing top profile universities in the UK (Russell Group, 2016).

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high-profile universities as was feasible. Eight was a random figure and encapsulated all the females I first came in contact with from six of these universities. Their overall experiences were based on the UK context but with even more variety in their perceptions as two of these women were not from the UK. Career stages was defined as early (< 7 years of working in academia), mid (between 7 and 12 years) and late (> 12 years or professorship) based on their own classification. I conducted one-to-one interviews using video-conferencing apps (Skype and FaceTime) – except for one which was done face-to-face - using a combination of semistructured and narrative interviewing. They were partly semi-structured based on general themes from the literature that I wanted to explore; and partly narrative because though I was interested in their experiences, at times I wanted to share mine, often to affirm our commonality of experiences. Skype and FaceTime were used mainly because I relocated to another country during the period of data collection. Additionally, using this method enabled easier access to these women who were in diverse locations and were often quite busy and/or travelling for research/conferences (Hai-Jew 2014; Sedgwick and Spiers 2009). It was easy for me to use these apps as I was still able to audio-record the interviews and all participants had access to either or both (on their computer, iPad or cell-phones) and used them frequently. The main problem – as posed by one of these women - involved their level of comfort in sharing personal stories in a space that may not be private (Hai-Jew 2014). This was in relation to the fact that using a video-conferencing software could impact on perceptions of privacy as oftentimes the participants cannot be sure that they are alone which could result in a more ‘stifled’ form of communication. Using a flexible narrative approach where I willingly shared my experiences in this space, helped to establish a level of trust. Interestingly, using these apps did not appear to impact negatively on the telling of the stories which were often compelling, rich and personal. Similar to the experience of Deakin

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and Wakefield (2013) and Hai-Jew (2014), these women seemed relaxed and comfortable in participating in relatively long interviews (often over an hour) on really tight and busy schedules. I attributed this to two main factors: 

I was an insider and could – and did – relate to and share in their experiences. I often found myself cheering them on, hoping for a positive conclusion to their stories and/or shaking my legs in frustration/anger at the injustice we face in our daily lives. My feelings were not of sympathy from the side-line, but of empathy based on a shared story (even when unexpressed). In those shared moments, the geographical space and that between the interviewee-interviewer (and often they-senior, me junior) became blurred. What remained were two black women sharing their common experiences within common (academia, the UK, high-status universities) spaces.



Given the participants’ characteristics (MOMs), and oftentimes high usage of technology, these apps were quite accessible which made the location of the interviews plausible anywhere. In this manner, the majority was conducted in spaces and during times that we felt comfortable in. The face-to-face interview was the only exception as due to the participant’s schedule, this had to be conducted in a lecture room which felt a bit clinical. However, in relation to my first point, along with the vast experience of the participant (as an interviewer and researcher herself), the stories were shared in a similar manner as the others.

For most, the interviews were followed-up by one or two extra questions via email to help contextualise the findings.

Making meaning The narratives were analysed thematically in Nvivo. Nvivo (2016) is a qualitative software used to manage, structure and present qualitative data. However, the actual defining, coding 15

and categorising of the transcript as part of the meaning-making process was done by me. The interviews were first transcribed verbatim and uploaded into Nvivo. Each transcript was then coded, organised individually into themes, then interrogated cross-sectionally for commonalities/differences. This was done through varying levels of abstractions using the three step process described in Ritchie et al (2013) as management, description and explanation. Management included coding the data to connect different ideas within the narratives which were then merged into themes/subthemes. This was done freely within each transcript by highlighting relevant narratives/examples/stories. Identifying what was relevant is an unavoidably subjective process to ‘spot’ significance (Ritchie et al. 2013). The generalised research questions (see introduction) were my main guide. However, of primary importance was what was emphasised by the women, commonalities within (and across) each of their stories and my own experiences. The second stage involved a thick description of the themes as they emerged as well as my own experience in relation to these themes. I have conflated the description and the explanation as the former is the rich, thick description of the themes and the latter involves the final synthesis as storied by me (see below). I found it difficult to separate these two last stages as they occurred together during the meaningmaking process – including the writing of this article as I reflect on the literature, the narratives/themes and my own experiences. That is, meaning-making occurred through a form of abduction where I went back and forth between the narratives, my own experiences in relation to the literature and my understanding of the underlying theories (intersectionality, CRT and black feminism).

Their stories… And mine… Overall, the narratives of these women connected with some key themes in the literature around gender and the marginalisation of ethnic-minority groups in HE. Critically, it helps to

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contextualise the literature by providing a deeper insight into the double-marginalisation of black female academics. The main themes connected to a plethora of everyday experiences relating to race and gender. They overlap with each other based on this interconnection and were sometimes told to emphasise a particular painful experience or generalised to acknowledge a trend. The overarching themes are summarised in Figure 1 below, with examples from the narratives dispersed within my follow-on discussion. It is important to note that all of these women highlighted many positive experiences throughout their careers and most were generally satisfied. However, the highlighted ones relating to being black and women (focus of this paper) were generally negative as you can see in Figure 1 below. Figure 1: Summary of the MOMs narratives about their career experiences.

Everyday Racism/Discrimination

Being black is experienced more negatively than being women

Experienced 'penalties' because of the intersectionality between their gender and ethnicity

•Ability second-guessed by seniors, colleagues, students and nonacademics •Stereotyped •Constant fear of racism •Constant need to 'prove' their worth •Lack of awareness and empathy for black issues. •Prioritising 'white and male' contents in academic discourses •Being black is experienced more negatively based on the behaviour of others, than being woman •Penalty 1: Imposter syndrome based on the effect of covert racism 'I succeed only because of a diversity initiative' •Penalty 2: 'Black' the un-idolised minority •Penalty 3: Living with the stigma 'black women are un-cooperative and aggressive' •Penalty 4: 'Over-working' to disprove low expectations from the academy and imposter syndrome. •Penalty 5: Ignoring racism for fear of being a 'whistleblower'

The three most prominent themes focussed on everyday racism/discrimination; being black experienced more negatively (based on the behaviour of others) than being woman; and the impact of the intersectionality of being both black and female.

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Experiences of the academy As itemised in Figure 1 above, experiences with everyday racism/discrimination echoed what has been portrayed in the literature (Bhopal 2014, 2015b; ECU 2009; Pilkington 2013; Wright, Thompson, and Channer 2007). The underlying reason being a negatively perceived view of their ability as being ‘less than’ based on their status as black and female. This seem to occur in various aspects of their work life, from experiences with senior staff members, stakeholders connected to their research and people in their everyday lives. As explained by MOMs5 – an early-career natural-science lecturer/researcher - as she reflected on her experience with a very senior staff member in her department: I was criticised for having time for make-up and stuff like that… They think I cannot be serious about academia! However, the hardest thing was the lack of support from senior staff-members who mostly discredited because I was Black-Caribbean! Others credentials were respected but not my own… (Edited for anonymity).

This she felt was particularly troubling, as not only was it blatant, but resulted in her changing department. In other instances, she felt that the lack of support sometimes comes in the form of disbelief when one’s experience did not fall within a standardised view of what racism/discrimination looked like. She supported this with an example of condescending behaviours towards a black female academic who was relating her experience of being further marginalised because she was black (in addition to being female). This took place at a meeting organised to deal with equity issues. … Some of these members could not relate (sighs). They were saying that they had laws to stop discrimination against racism so that shouldn't be a problem (laughter). The equality laws to stop discrimination were based more on gender, not as much on race. And I asked myself ‘why am a member of this group?!’ (Laughter). It pissed me off so much I never bothered to go back! People are so ridiculous in trying reduce this impact. These are smart people who should be aware of this, they expected me to jump on this bandwagon about issues of gender and not about gender and race.

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This relates to the overarching struggles highlighted by black feminism and Crenshaw’s ‘single-axis’ where discrimination/racism is evaluated from a standardised premise (Crenshaw 1989). In other instances, lack of support comes in the form of lack of empathy and awareness about ‘black issues’. I empathised strongly with MOMs8 – a mid-career socialscience academic - as she described feeling irrelevant after spending an entire day at work without anyone making mention of the fact that two of the perpetrators of Steven Lawrence’s murder were finally standing trial. This was a high-profile case in Britain about a racially motivated murder. Police handling of the case sparked major protests that lead to the eventual overhaul of a police force that was institutionally racist after his mother campaigned for 20 years. MOMs8 narrated her feelings about the day the perpetrators were finally put on trial: I'm walking, I'm walking as a black woman, in the steps of someone, another black woman who has felt the pain and injustice, and yet I can enter a campus where there are no conversations about that entirely. How is that even possible? So, your experiences are made invisible both in terms of the actual physical space because it is not mentioned by anybody…

She described walking on to the campus feeling initially energised but the total lack of acknowledgement from anyone about this high-profile case - which was a turning point for social-justice for blacks in Britain – was painful to bear. This experience of black being a signifier of something comparatively ‘less than’ was evident in other settings. As MOMs2 related: A white colleague and I went to a school that I have been liaising with, so the person – on the morning when we arrived, she saw my white colleague, and instantly addressed her using my name. She just said 'oh good morning, welcome Professor X (edited), I'm really pleased to meet you. We have all these things prepared for you'. So I then turned to this person and said actually 'no I have been the person you have been liaising with'. At which point she continued to speak to my colleague, because she couldn't... She couldn’t acknowledge this black woman as this professor! It took me a week to go back to the

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school because I kept asking myself ‘why would she not acknowledged me!’ I mean I'm laughing about it now but at the time it was terrible! (MOMs2, a social-science professor)

This experienced impacted on her sense of self and forced her to constantly assert her title as a professor in every aspect of her academic life in order to for others to see her as a person instead of ‘less than’ because she was black. This was reinforced by MOMs7 – an early-career humanities lecturer – who explained how she dealt with being stereotyped as an ‘ignorant Black-African girl’ even in simple everyday life with non-academics. She related an example during her PhD years: … I'm doing a PhD and everyone is treating you as if you barely finished primary school. I was once in the shopping centre and someone came up – I was looking at a concentrated juice drink, and I was wondering which one I should get - this nice old lady came up to me, and explained to me that I need to put water and it's very nice (laughter)…

Overall, the sum total of these experiences was an exacerbated need to constantly scrutinise behaviours in a bid to challenge covert racism and/or work ‘defensively’ to prove their worth. This is an additional internal pressure that affects wellbeing in all aspects of our lives.

On being Black and Woman... The second theme emphasised the crucial impact of being black; that is, the visibility of ‘race’ defined by colour characterised many of the experiences. The narratives were unified by a clear acknowledgement that being black impacted on their experiences more than being women; that is, a form of hierarchy of perception with respect to their marginalised positioning as black and woman. As some of these women related: I would put black first. This is a visible symbol of who you are, and then woman (MOMs3, late-career, natural science). I think both, but I think it’s primarily race (MOMs5, early-career natural science).

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Being black is an issue, it's central. I even think there is a colour line, a gradation of colour. You see it in the media. (MOMs1, mid-career, social-science)

This perceptual characterising of race then genders, included ascription to their ability, culture and/or inclusion in relevant academic discourses. The narratives that exemplified this theme were complex and interrelated to the third overarching theme about the impact of intersectionality. To avoid repetition, I will focus on what was ‘unique’ in their narrative which served to both confirm and add further contextual depth to the literature. I have segregated this theme into sub-themes that I have categorised as ‘penalties’ in reference to additional disadvantages they experienced based on this double-marginalisation. The first sub-theme encapsulates discussions around internal conflicts. The examples centred on the misuse of diversity policies. Diversity policies are based on the Equalities Act and are put in place by the academy to ensure better representation of minority groups. The general sentiments of these women were that such initiatives are important and can work, but sometimes universities used them only as ‘tick-box-measures’ to imitate acquiesce. For example, MOMs7, related: I've been called as a black woman for the interview but they did not want me (she provided details of the assumption but I had to remove it for confidentiality purposes) … When I went for the interview I really felt like that, that I was there to tick a box and considering that I had to leave my three-month-old son and travelled across the UK for an interview... I felt really, really bad, and that experience has actually stayed with me. Because if they did not want to employ me they should have just let me stay at my house, and play with my baby.

MOMs4 – a mid-career humanities lecturer - narrated a similar experience that had a permanent impact on her as she was actually appointed and was still in that role. She described her ‘welcoming’ to the university as beginning with the diversity officer emphasising her minority status: 21

… There is another side to me that I sometime think about it - and I try not to. And is that idea that, is it (getting the appointment) because I was black? I had this idea when on my first day on this job the quality and diversity officer came to my door ‘I think you are the only black one in the building’ and I was like ‘okay strange things to say but okay’…

This made her uncomfortable and set the stage for continued self-reflection on the ‘real’ reason behind her appointment. In addition to being the only black academic in her department at the time, she was also keenly aware of her gender status and commented on noticing the abundance of ‘white, jeans-wearing European males’ around her in comparison to her. The burden of her marginalised positioning had resulted in a described feeling related to imposter syndrome where she nursed a fear that her success may be attributed only to a tick-the-box-diversity-initiative as she reflected further: I guess I never really put a term to it, but sometime it's just that you start to do social comparison and you look at your peers, what did they have achieved and you look at your own and you say ... I don't know (indicating that she thinks she has achieved less). You keep measuring yourself to them... maybe that's kind of a negative mind-set by choice. Maybe I shouldn't do that but I can’t help it…

Imposter syndrome refers to a state where high-achieving individuals’ find it difficult to internalise their success and exist in fear of being found-out as ‘frauds’ (Bannatyne 2015). As any quick search of Google-Scholar will flag, this is not necessarily an uncommon feeling for many high-achieving females, however, the key difference here is that she did not view herself as a ‘fraud’ but pondered whether the conditions under which she was hired was indeed fraudulent. Other issues include the impact of the way others perceive us with respect to our race and gender. Penalty two encompasses discussions of being the ‘un-idolised minority’. As narrated by MOMs2, ethnic-minority groups are generally marginalised, however society utilises a hierarchy of colour with darker skins at the bottom. She identified a tendency of

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high-ranking institutions to quickly point to some BME groups as ‘evidence’ of their inclusive and representative policies: … There is the issue about being a model minority. And so Asians for example, the Asian community in particularly - like Chinese - seems to be much more idealised than if you were African-Caribbean or Africans… It’s a hierarchy.

Her experience of this hierarchy included Chinese at the top as ‘model-minorities’ and blacks (Caribbean, African, British, Other) at the bottom. Indeed, this is reflected in the literature, with Chinese being the only represented BME group in certain categories (HESA, 2014; 2016). Sociological theories about race have continuously reflected on such hierarchies (Hall 1996; Cole and Maisuria 2007; Delgado and Stefancic 2012; Gillborn et al. 2012; Gillborn 2005; Hylton 2012). However, she was quick to highlight that this in no way undermined their shared experiences with racism. She pointed to a third penalty relating to a view of black women being seen as ‘uncooperative’ and ‘challenging’. In her views, this - along with all the other factors - has resulted in the even more severe under-representation of black women in senior positions. This she attributed to management bodies perception of us as ‘trouble-makers’ who are difficult to navigate. These feelings of being the ‘un-idolised minority’ and being seen as ‘challenging/uncooperative’ rang true for most of these women who flagged resultant behaviour patterns - on their part - to overcompensate for this. This includes ‘overworking’ and/or ignoring racist behaviours for fear of being labelled a ‘whistle-blower’. I have labelled these also as penalties based on their premise. In relation to ‘overworking’, most MOMs viewed this as synonymous with their job profiles, but felt as if they sometime had to go even beyond this, in order to bridge the gap induced by the way we are positioned. For example: … I'm doing this application and I am remembering all the pain and anger from the nonsense they told me before; so now in this new application the 2014 application, if

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they tell me I need glasses, I say ‘not only do I wear glasses, I made glasses, I bought the factory and I exported them!’ (MOMs8) Humility does not work for blacks. You cannot undersell yourself when they are already doing it. (MOMs2) You have to have bravado! You have to have swagger! (MOMs1)

MOMs5 – an early-career natural science researcher, echoed these sentiments but also emphasised the need to ‘pick-your-battles’ carefully. She related an experience with racism where she chose not to make a report, despite being encouraged to do so by the diversity officer (white and male). Her ‘choice’ was based on a pragmatic decision between doing the ‘right thing’ and living with the repercussion of being a ‘whistle blower’, or changing department. She chose the latter and described it as ‘the best decision of her life’. As her current success may motivate and open-doors for others like ourselves - this she felt was a bigger victory. I am disinclined to comment on MOMs5 decision on dealing with racism in this context, however, I do believe that deciding what to do is not always clear-cut. This is especially the case when sharing a different (less advantaged) space to that of a well-meaning diversity officer (usually white and often male). Additionally, as reflected on by MOMs8, the existence of a ‘concrete ceiling’ for black women makes the idea of picking your battles even more crucial, and even necessary for career growth. The concept of a concrete-ceiling refers to unacknowledged existing barriers to career advancement of women and minorities (Sanchez-Hucles and Davis 2010). Within intersectionality theory, this is seen as often lower for these groups doubly-marginalised. MOMs8 further cautioned: This is something that we've known for a while, this is normal, because we reach a concrete ceiling and the issue is you can believe that your skill set alone will get you

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through. But don't fall for the hype, that is not how they do it, this is a war and you need weapons…

She supported this stance with a personal example where after years of academic scholarship and various accolades outside of the university, she had to struggle for a much deserved promotion. This she attributed to being both black and woman. She passionately shared her feeling in the following exert: … I cried but it was angry crying, really angry crying. Anyway, this is the end of 2014 and the head of school told me I had two options, I could either appeal or I can apply again next year… It felt like slavery, you know when you go to the Master and asked for freedom and you keep asking ‘Oh master, what else do I gotta do?’ And they keep saying next year, but they have no intention of ever making you free.

Such stories were common, as echoed by MOMs3 – a late-career natural science lecturer - in relation to the promotion of her white (and often male colleagues): … I could see where systems have operated against my promotion within academia… I have had colleagues who I would say had similar skills and have received senior lectureship by virtue of circumstances. How they justify how that can occur – I don’t know, you could say it's timing, its other issues, but you know… Why? How? It's not explicit.

As MOMs7 summarised in relation to her experience of her ideas being marginalised simply because she was black, woman and African: They don't take into account the writings of academics outside the norm - and this applies mainly to Russell group universities. They will only employ people who would be in accord with certain markers of esteem. Markers of esteem is almost a monochrome; all they want to see are people with this standard. These standards are set by white middleclass people -, mostly men. If you're not white, not male and what you're saying is not the norm… then there are greater systematic barriers.

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Overwhelmingly for all, the result was additional mental exhaustion on top of an already demanding, competitive career which left me pondering: how have they managed to survive and excel without going mad?

On surviving racism… Concluding thoughts Ethnic-minorities are generally under-represented in HE with black women even more so with respect to those on permanent contracts in high-status universities. The narrated experiences of these MOMs identified various challenges which highlights a high level of resilience as they survive, excel and maintain a certain level of wellbeing. I have summarised their responses on how they managed to do this in Figure 2 below.

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Figure 2: Surviving everyday racism/discrimination Resilience

•I have reached a point in my life now where I'm confident to talk about my experiences... It doesn't break me because I've overcome stressful experiences if not worse, so i understand that it's a part of the struggle.

Strategic when picking your battles with racism

•I specifically said I do not want to go down that route, I do not want to make it an issue of race I had to make a decision and so we came to the conclusion that it would be better for me to move on and that's what I did. Actually in hindsight it was one of the best decision I ever made in my life.

Have support networks outside of academia

•I spend as little time on campus as I can! I get my cultural, intellectual, black professional fix in London. I cannot stay in this location, because it is depleting my soul... •So you know my sense of well-being is about family, being true to self, authenticity, keeping connected to the children and so on.

Commit to equality issues outside of acdemia

•I am on Twitter, and connected to every black groups... Anything that has to do with people of colour...

Strategically 'copy' ethos of White colleagues

•I had conversations with my white colleague to see how they did it and I made notes. And I took a little bit from each of them and looked at my own background and where I thought I fitted the criteria (narrated her struggles to become a professor) •My embodiment is associated with being middle-class acceptable, that is the house negro right? But the things that come out of my mouth and my politics does not sit in line with that. So my politics subvert my acceptability.

Diversity initiatives

•There are no doubt that because of diversity initiatives, whatever that means, there can be a kind of will I think, on the part of the institution to appoint black people if they can.

Be loud and engage institutional support above your immediate seniors

•So I wrote this long letter of appeal, and I wasn't going to write it to him I wrote it to the head of college .. I also included the second in command because he was also head of equal opportunity for the University.

Avoid humility as it does not work for 'Blacks'

•It's about knowing the rules of the game, and I found out what the game was and how to play it. I had to convince my interview panel that I was worthy of this award (while being black).

Opening the door for others

•I'm going to do all of that, (adopt the white ethos) but I am coming with my politics and I'm going to bring others (black women and other marginalised groups) with me…

These strategies are in no way fully representative of the experiences of these MOMs, or others similarly marginalised in the UK academy. They merely give a glimpse into various aspects of our everyday experiences and further contextualised the trends and narratives in the literature about these issues. True to the rationale of this study, I had to severely

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generalise some of the examples to maintain anonymity. Many of these identified strategies related to getting a ‘past-by-due-date’ promotion, with some describing this as being based on a ‘boys-club’ where no girls were allowed, especially black girls. To circumvent this, some described at times adopting a ‘white ethos’ to reduce the impact of one axis of their marginalisation. This was a mean to successfully navigate their careers and open-doors for others like themselves and groups similarly marginalised. These stories re-affirm the need to diversify equality-initiatives and strengthen our resolves towards social-justice. As summedup in this exert from MOMs8: … I was invited to a private members’ club in London, by a senior, older, white male colleague…. For me, if you are going to crack open the door with this much space (uses her hand to indicate a small space) where traditionally people that look like me were not be invited, I am going to push it open and go in… I would not usually get access to such spaces. So if there is a moment, no matter how small the moment or the gap is, when somebody invite me into that space, I am going... With no embarrassment, no shame no hesitation. I'm going to go and stand with my glass of wine, and be very elegant, and chuckle and say ‘ha ha ha’ (demonstrating a fake posh laughter). I'm going to do all of that, but I am coming with my politics and I'm going to bring others with me…

The demonstrated fake laughter symbolises her strategic adaptation and her narration describes her dogged resilience and commitment to the continued dismantlement of white supremacy and gender discrimination. Yet, despite this resilience, our limited representation in the academy is testament to the strength of these barriers. My storied version of these narratives merely flags a smidgen of a gigantic issue. These and my stories should not end with my concluding thoughts. You, whoever you are, are a part of the process of that change. How do we continue this discourse and how will you engage with this dialogue

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