Unsorted Quotes

Unsorted Quotes Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving George Eliot in words evidence of the fact. Blessed are they who have nothing to say and who cannot be persuaded to say it.

James Russell Lowell

Blinded by the light, revved up like a deux, another rumor in the night.

Bruce Springsteen

Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living.

William Bennett

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Jonathan Swift

Blaming society for your problems is like blaming crowds for rain.

Robert Rodgers

Bill Clinton has got no choice but to continue to lie.

Rush Limbaugh

Bill Gates is a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being the villain in a James Bond movie.

Dennis Miller

Bite into a Bjork peppermint patty, and get the sensation of being on a tall mountain freezing your ass off in Iceland.

Richard Goodman

Bite me. eat chocolate

Jody Prival

Bite my lip and close my eyes, take me away to paradise.

Green Day

Bigamy is having one husband to many. Monogamy is the same.

Erica Jong

Blessed are the meek, for they shall be slaughtered.

Blackadder

Bleed on me, only if it matters, my little star.

Muzzle

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar Wilde

Being disintegrated makes me very angry... very angry indeed.

Marvin Martian

Being functional takes intelligence, but nobody ever seems to give credit for it.

John Dobbin

Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.

Time Bandits

Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence

Time Bandits

Bell Labs Unix

Reach out and grep someone.

Better to let people think you a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Mark Twain

Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.

William Jones

Being off the Internet is like being dead.

Bruce Sherrod

Being snubbed by beauticians is not my idea of a good time.

Real Genius

Better than life.

Red Dwarf

Better than sitting on our elbows all day.

Blackadder IV

Better latex than never.

Adam Rifkin

Being small and simple is more important than being complete and correct.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Better living through chemistry, man. More like better loving through chemistry, woman.

the ARs

Based on my reason and based on what the latest scientific Salvador Dali discoveries of our time have shown me, I am convinced that God exists. However, I do not believe in God as a matter of faith, because unfortunately I have no faith. On the other hand, God is not aware of the existence of Coca-cola, or of Salvador Dalm, much less something called morals... Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma.

Chris Jarocha-Ernst

Bathe twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passable clean, and once a week to avoid being a public menace.

Anthony Burgess

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

Mark Twain

Baseball is what we were, and football is what we have become.

Mary McGrory

Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out.

Thomas Cardinal Wolsey

Before there were junk stores, before there was junk, he lived with his mother and repeated himself.

They Might Be Giants

Before they made him they broke the mold.

David Farber

Before I started working here I drank, smoked, and used foul language for no reason at all. But thanks to this job, I now have a reason.

Fitz McKinzie

Basic research is like shooting an arrow into the air and, where it lands, painting a target.

Homer Adkins

Basically, I try to be as charming and ingratiating as I can without making myself vomit.

Katie Couric

Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you into trouble.

Frank Tyger

Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for.

David Starr Jordan

Basic events require simple language. Idiosyncratically euphuistic eccentricities are the promulgators of triturable abfuscation.

United Technologies

Basic cable, call waiting, free trips to the salad bar... all the things that make this country great.

PCU

Basically antisocial is not a crime.

John Dobbin

Be happy. It is a way of being wise.

Colette

Be careful who you hang out with because proximity breeds sensitivity.

Charisse Jacobs

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

Be consistent.

Larry Wall

Bitter winter, fiction dogs are starving.

Jim Morrison

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

Birthdays are good for you. Studies have shown that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

Sean Simmons

Birds of a feather flock to a newly washed car.

Marlys Bradley

Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.

Horace Mann

Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.

Henry David Thoreau

Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him.

Scottish Proverb

Be sure not to bend, mutilate, or spindle. Especially spindle.

Farooq Butt

Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes.

Bill and Ted

Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work.

Cliver Barker

Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose.

Dan McKinnon

Be bold in what you stand for and careful what you fall for.

Ruth Boorstin

Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.

Homer

Beware the fury of a patient man.

John Dryden

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.

Kurt Vonnegut

A conservative is a liberal who has been mugged.

Frank Rizzo

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

Alfred E. Wiggam

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Ben Franklin

A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. Gigo But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no Joseph Campbell mercy. A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no Abba Eban one believes individually.

A conversation with you, Baldrick, and somehow death loses its sting.

Blackadder II

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

Herbert Prochnow

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Mark Twain

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Dyer

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never Franklin Delano Roosevelt learned to walk. A CONS is an object which cares.

Bernie Greenberg

A geek is a geek is a geek. Caves are attractive to them. Sunlight and crisp fall air are the sirens that lure them away from the purity of their mission. A tan should be a warning sign to women that the guy might be faking it in the geek department.

Abigail Rabinowitz

A game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.

Seinfeld

A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illusion.

H.L. Mencken

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Ben Franklin

A good compromise leaves everybody mad.

Bill Watterson

A gold rush is what happens when a line of chorus girls spot a man with a bank roll.

Klondike Annie

A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.

Evan Esar

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Fred Allen

A gnab gib is a big bang in reverse.

Douglas Adams

A good collection of incremental examples is the best teaching tool. Mani Chandy A good Board will give you better advice than your mother.

Eugene Kleiner

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Milton Berle

A man who finds it painful to smile should not open a shop.

Confucius

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in Mark Twain no other way. A great secret of success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up.

Albert Schweitzer

A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.

G.K. Chesterton

A man should build a house with his own hands before he calls

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

himself an engineer. A man sometimes devotes his life to a desire which he is not sure will ever be fulfilled. Those who laugh at this folly are, after all, no more than mere spectators of life.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa

A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave.

Sir William Drummond

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Ogden Nash

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

Oscar Wilde

A dream is like a call to Wabash, Australia. You only get every other word, and nothing make sense.

The Opposite Sex

A drink a day keeps the shrink away.

Edward Abbey

A drowning man does not die silently.

Snake Eyes

A drop of nicotine on the tongue of a dog can kill a man.

Laurence McEwen

A day is a miniature eternity.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

H.L. Mencken

A day without sunshine is like, night.

J.D. Peterson

A day without sunshine is like night.

Goldie Hawn

A delightfully depressing examination of the disillusionment and disenfranchisement of our generation.

Paolo Sivilotti

A diamond is just a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.

The Cooker

A different world cannot be built by indifferent people.

Peter Marshall

A good conversationalist is not one who remembers what was said, but says what someone wants to remember.

John Mason Brown

A good vacation is over when you begin to yearn for your work.

Dr Morris Fishbein

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

Thore

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

English Proverb

Beware of bugs in the above program. I proved it correct, I did not try it.

Donald E. Knuth

Beware of geeks bearing gift economies.

Suck

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.

Adlai Stevenson

A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.

Paul Reiser

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may Emerson think aloud.

A formal system that encompasses everything is good for nothing.

Leslie Lamport

A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.

David Gries

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Abraham Lincoln

Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Then Ralph Waldo Emerson all things are at risk. It is as when a conflagration has broken out in a great city, and no man knows what is safe, or where it will end. Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Leonard Brandwein

Beware of men who flourish with hereditary honors.

Latin Proverb

beyond the humor event horizon is a universe bound entirely by lame forwards

Joshua Schachter

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Jeff Cooper

Between stimulus and response there is decision.

George X. Torres

Between the great things we cannot do and the small things we will not do, the danger is that we shall do nothing.

Adolph Monod

Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait.

Stanislaw Lec

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he Wilson Mizner knows something. A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened John Ciardi into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

Alfred Hitchcock

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Patton

A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.

Saul Bellow

A government with the policy to rob Peter to pay Paul can be assured of the support of Paul.

George Bernard Shaw

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Publilius Syrus

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened John Ciardi into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of the idea. A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.

Barry Goldwater

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

William James

A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Walter Gagehot

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually Rita Rudner have jobs and bathe. A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

Emo Phillips

A friend is one who would help you move. A best friend is one who Jeff Wayman would help you move a body. A friend is someone who knows everything about you and likes you Mark Twain in spite of it. A feature is just a bug with seniority.

George G. Galdiano

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is J. Hawes gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever. A fixed bear is an animal in the bear family which includes black Clay Young bears, brown bears, pandas, koalas, and grizzlies, as well as many others, which has been surgically altered to inhibit reproduction--for example, by removing the gonads. A fixed bear is generally not acceptable body jewellery due to their size as well as their claws and teeth which can be quite damaging during intercourse in the case of genital piercings, although there are probably a few adventurous and exotic size queens on RAB sporting sterilized koalas in their lobes after months and months of stretching. Before this decade is out we will put a man on the moon.

John F. Kennedy

Can we assume that person is a complete idiot, or just a partial idiot. Andrew Stellman Call it a rare instance of natural timidity overcoming the chronic distaste for morning commitments.

Berna Massingill

California Pizza Kitchen is among my least favorite restaurants. Nothing seems to come without pieces of tomato or other vegetables.

John Dobbin

Call now for a free plant.

Crazy People

Call it a hunch.

Quasimodo

Call off the dogs, the hunt is over. Sally, this is the greatest. Sally, please report to me.

When Harry Met Sally

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

M. M. Johnston

Boy, that Data is slicker than cow snot

Guinan

Boy, my office sure is quiet NOW THAT MY HP IS DEAD AS A ROCK.

Rob Earhart

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Kin Hubbard

Campus politics are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Henry Kissinger

But pork chops tastes goooood. And bacon is gooood.

Pulp Fiction

Caltech is filled with cybermorons.

Adam Rifkin

Caning makes a lasting impression.

Adam Rifkin

Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker.

Ogden Nash

Call the men of science, and let them hear this song, tell them Albert Einstein and Copernicus were wrong.

They Might Be Giants

Callouses are the speed bumps of calligraphy.

Adam Rifkin

Callipigian and pyrolagnia.

Rohit Khare

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Clarence Darrow

Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Calling these interfaces friendly is tantamount to dressing a chimpanzee in a surgical gown and parading him around earnestly as a surgeon.

Michael Dertouzos

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.

Emo Philips

Cannot fork

try again.

Boy, Data, you look great in a push-up bra

Riker

Business will be either better or worse.

Calvin Coolidge

Business is about making money. Anybody who tells you different is selling something. Probably securities.

Faisal Jawdat

Bus error

Core dumped

Bring a towel.

Douglas Adams

Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, Trainspotting a cistern full of chanel number five, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll. Bored beyond belief.

LA Story

Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Ken Weaver

But I look at your pants and... I need a kiss.

Violent Femmes

But leaving California now would be like leaving Florence during the Renaissance. Young people are coming from all over the world to participate in this miracle. I had to be part of it.

David W. Dorman

Bureaucracy is as wrong as cancer, a turning away from the human evolutionary direction of infinite potentials and differentiation and independent spontaneous action, to the complete parasitism of a virus.

William S. Burroughs

Bureacracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.

Honor de Balzac

Bork, bork, bork.

the Swedish chef

Brilliance is typically the act of an individual, but incredible stupidity can usually be traced to an organization.

Jon Bentley

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Dorothy Parker

Bother.

Pooh

Both movies. Both with ludicrous premises. Both live action. The similarities are endless.

John Dobbin

Bowling is what they do, Hockey is what they watch.

John Dobbin

Brain fried

Core dumped

Brain fried

Memory dumped.

Blood is thicker than water, and tastes better, too.

random vampire

Boats, cars, sex... you have to touch all of them lightly or they lose their glamour.

Mel Gibson

Born into the Age of Panic.

Senser

Bo knows CGI.

Chris Heiser

Brains are more like pomegranites than sheets of paper.

John Haugeland

Bobby Knight is ready to check and mate.

Adam Rifkin

Born to lose, and destined to fail.

Social Distortion

Candy coated cannibalistic news flashed across the screen.

Soul Asylum

been there, done that, got the death threats

Geoff Spear

Been saved again by the garbage truck.

Tori Amos

Beauty seen is never lost.

John Greenleaf Whittier

Because without a degree you might end up like Bill Gates or something.

Sam Kass

Because Unix lacks a uniform policy, every executable program, Unix-Haters Handbook every configuration file, and every start-up script become a critical point. Put another way, the only secure Unix system is one with the power turned off. Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute Albert Camus the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time. C is the assembly language of Tcl.

Karl Lehenbauer

Beauty is truth, truth beauty.

John Keats

Because I can be.

Heathers

Because dinner in California is so important.

Mani Chandy

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

Mark Twain

Behind the door I keep the universe.

the Dentists

Before you started talking, you used to have a brain.

Offspring

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never Kurt Vonnegut stop hoping otherwise. Before Honor is humility.

Proverbs

Before we meaningfully consider OSF, it needs to get deployed in more than just books.

Steve Baker

Before every stage performance, I tell the cast members to break a leg. Then I take a club and whack one of them on the shin. Man, I love the way theater is so ironic.

Paul Paternoster

Behaviorist psychology

pulling habits out of rats.

Begin to weave and God will give the thread.

German Proverb

Beauty is everlasting, and dust is for a time.

Marianne Moore

Beautiful story. Kinda gets you right HERE

Q

Beauty and the best.

Adam Rifkin

Beaten can be eaten without a b.

Adam Rifkin

Beauty is in the hand of the groper.

John Dobbin

Beauty fades, and attitudes go out of style.

Michelle Gardner

Beggars should be no choosers.

John Heywood

Beggars should be abolished. It annoys one to give to them, and it annoys one not to give to them.

Nietzsche

Behind almost every woman you ever heard of stands a man who let her down.

Naiomi Bliven

Been there, done that, threw away the t-shirt.

Joshua Schachter

By the time Mozart was my age, he... had been dead for two years.

Tom Lehrer

By the law of conservation of bits, bits can be neither created nor destroyed. They just get shifted.

Adam Rifkin

By the grace of slow mailservers, you are granted absolution...

Rohit Khare

By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent.

Emerson

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.

Ashleigh Brilliant

But we remember Aaron Burr only because of the Milk Megan Coughlin commercials. And I have no idea who attempted to shoot the Pope... only that the Popemobile was the result. Buy the sky and sell the sky.

REM

Canada has always been more of a Clark Kent than a Superman...

Tony Parsons

It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Canada Bill Jones

By any means necessary.

Malcolm X

But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about.

Hilaire Belloc

California governor Pete Wilson has banned smoking in a number of public places, including Death Row.

Reason magazine

Calculation never made a hero.

John Henry Cardinal Newman

Cabalites have their own particular brand that involves electrical tape and not much else. And sometimes not even electrical tape. I have an image to uphold here. Besides this whole thing is moot. There is no cabal.

Fleur Dragan

Cadillacs are down at the end of the bat.

Ralph Kiner

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day.

Robert Frost

By this time my lungs were aching for air.

Sea Hunt

Butterfly decal, rearview mirror, dogging the scene. You smile like the cartoon, tooth for a tooth. You said that irony was the shackles of youth. You wore a shirt of violent green.

REM

But, of course, both you and I know that our words our meaningless Jarett Kobek and we only speak them to hint at the dark and deranged undercurrent, which can never be named. But you may find that blood is not enough.

Pete Townshend

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like Mark Twain he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. ... all the modern inconveniences ...

Mark Twain

... Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.

R. S. Barton

... i found myself making pissy comments about all their pissy comments. it was pretty dumb.

Kristiina Wilson

... so, given that the brain is built out of really crummy hardware, I mean, worse than the stuff you buy at Radio Shack ...

David S. Touretzky

... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.

Mark Twain

... an OS originally designed for a microprocessor that modern kitchen appliances would sneer at....

Dave Trowbridge on MSDOS

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Robert Firth

...six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.

The Washington Post Magazine

...sometimes a network is just a network...

Mitchell Kertzman

...the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from R. A. Lafferty other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in charity we can only call inhuman. ... MAKE.SHAME.FAST. Just go out, sleep with the five people on Bruce Sherrod the list, add your name to the bottom, and then pass the list on to a bunch of your friends... ...since I have left Apple it has had its first profitable year in a while Guy Kawasaki and the stock has tripled. Those of you who are Macintosh and Apple fans, you have my word that I will not return to the company... ...sex sometimes is just more of a pain than a pleasure. Much like ezmail.

Chris Rapier

...because i spent the first three hours of the day in intense Chris Heiser meditation trying to decide the most effective way for me to convey my overwhelming desire for you to BITE ME. ...a generation that had found all gods dead, all wars fought in vain, and all faiths in humanity shaken.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

...and I am not going to do the proof because the proof for this is stupid.

Prof. Silhavy

...an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar.

Mark Twain

A banker is the person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains.

Mark Twain

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mark Twain

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance.

Benjamin Franklin

A bazooka is the skeleton key of the impatient.

Will Timmins

A big man has no time really to do anything but just sit and be big.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

A bear in his natural habitat. A studebaker.

Fozzie Bear

A Beast is not like itself, but an evil man is half a beast and half a devil.

Joseph Hall

A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.

Gian Vincenzo Gravina

A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.

Henry Ford

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Cervantes

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the Jack London dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

Much Ado About Nothing

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

Don Quinn

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.

Bert Leston Taylor

A butterfly flapping its wings in Galviston will somewhere down the road create a monsoon in China.

Slacker

A Canadian is just an unarmed American with health insurance.

John Wing Jr

A calorie is a calorie, and I want to get the most for my money.

Martin Frankel

A bore talks about himself. A brilliant conversationalist talks about you.

Ernest Prabhakar

A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.

Homer Simpson

A bus station is where the bus stops. This computer is a WORK station.

Roger B. Dannenberg

...I will have hideous nightmares involving huge monsters in academic robes carrying long bloody butcher knives labelled Excerpt, Selection, Passage and Abridged.

Helene Hanff

A Brother is someone you grok.

Earle M. Herbert

A child educated only at school is an uneducated child.

George Santayana

A child learns what he lives.

Dorothy Law Nolte

A cat that jumps on a hot stove will never jump on a hot stove again. Neither will it jump on a cold stove.

Michael Cameron

A car is just a big purse on wheels.

Johanna Reynolds

A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.

Carl Sagan

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.

Ronnie Corbett

A child without a vision is at risk of failing and living only day to day.

Jim Lewis

A car can massage organs which no masseur can reach. It is the one Jean Cocteau remedy for the disorders of the great sympathetic nervous system. A buck in the hand is worth two on the books.

David Farber

A chaste woman ought not to die her hair yellow.

Menander

A change in the weather is enough to renew the world and ourselves.

Marcel Proust

A Chernobyl man won the three-legged race.

Jay Leno

A chameleon on plaid.

Herbert Hoover about FDR

All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really Ernest Hemingway

happened. All carry on luggage had to fit in the ass of the person sitting in front of me. Well, I lost my luggage, but I gained a friend and confidant for life.

Dennis Miller

All fashionable vices pass for virtues.

Moliere

All games are built on prophecy.

Marian Helsby

All Galaxy Class Starships are equipped with their own dramatic lighting system.

Dan Fahs

All human error is impatience, a premature renunciation of method, Franz Kafka a delusive pinning down of a delusion. All great truths begin as blasphemies.

G.B. Shaw

After all is said and done, the human struggle always filters down to Baked Potatoes substance abuse. All good work is done in defiance of management.

Bob Woodward

All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin. And therefore as a free man, I take pride in the words, Ich bin ein Berlinner.

John F. Kennedy

All I need is some feathers, a dress, some oil, an easel, some sleeping dram, lots of paper, a prostitute, and the best portrait painter in England.

Blackadder II

All I really wanted was for Mac to put the damn dog out, I swear.

Lady Macbeth

All I could think was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful, and yet again... wonderful.

LA Story

All men are created evil. Some are just more evil than others.

Adam Rixey

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

Rita Rudner

All is well that ends well.

John Heywood

All in all, things where easier to fix when the people running the network were the ones with the nukes.

Tim Showalter

All intellectual improvement arises from leisure.

Samuel Johnson

After all is said and done, much is said and little is done.

Olmstead

Adultery is pretty much laughed off today.

John Dobbin

Advertising is legalized lying.

H.G. Wells

Adopt Macaulay Culkin and rob the little monkey blind.

David Letterman

Adorable wind-up monkey with a powerful taste for human flesh.

David Letterman

Advertising the fact that Matthew Perry is single and looking is like People sending a man walking with a hundred pounds of hamburger strapped to his back through a famine infested country.

Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.

Horace

Adults choosing between good and evil is like kids choosing between celery and cookies.

Adam Rifkin

Adults are just obsolete chidren, and the hell with them.

Dr. Seuss

Advertising gives us a new option, whereas before all we had were boredom and mania.

Crazy People

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

Mark Twain

Adweanne

Rocky

African sun was pure and good. Never needed a hat, just brotherhood.

NWH

After a day of being a two-faced political weasel, a fella gets awful lonely.

David Letterman

Affluence trivializes, excessive affluence trivializes to the absurd.

Dren Geer

Afflictions are good, as every filmmaker knows, because they generate emotion and win Oscars.

Mr. Cranky

After considerable thought, I have concluded that a Ponderance is merely a Rumination dressed up in fancy clothes.

Ed Smith

After dark all cats are leopards.

Native American Proverb

After learning some tricks of the trade, many people think they know the trade.

Eugene Kleiner

After five years of playing football, they gave me a college degree.

Forrest Gump

...the two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Harlan Ellison

...there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, elminate the money system, institute complete automation, and destroy the male sex.

Valerie Solanis

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it.

Peggy Joyce

Air travel is hours of boredom punctuated by a few brief moments of terror.

Charles Lindberg

Alcohol can clean a bathroom, it ought to be able to clean your arteries.

Ted Metzler

All I want is food and creative love.

Rusted Root

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.

Ashleigh Brilliant

All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others.

Alan Truscott

All bleeding eventually stops.

Hayden Meeker

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing

and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

Alia jacta est. The die is cast.

Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon

Alice soon came to the conclusion that this was a very difficult game indeed.

Lewis Carroll

All are but part of one stupendous whole, whose body nature is, and Alexander Pope God the soul... All applicants from outside the English speaking world must possess a fluent command of English before admission. Cambridge accepts that the United States of America is a part of the English speaking world, but only just.

Cambridge University web site

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.

Samuel Butler

All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others.

George Orwell

All a man needs to be elected President is the kind of profile that looks good on a postage stamp.

B.B. Franklin

A leopard never changes his stripes.

Al Gore

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

Tom Wolfe

A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticizing him and trying to improve him.

J.B. Priestly

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Doug Larson

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Vice President Dan Quayle

A legend is a lie that has attained the dignity of age.

H.L. Mencken

A Lisp programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.

Alan Perlis

A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.

Bismarck

A list is only as strong as its weakest link.

Donald E. Knuth

A libertarian is just an anarchist on the gold standard.

Alexis Gilliland

A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work Anatol Holt by being declared to work. A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Lew Col

A lot of people have these quotes pages full of funny and sometimes thought provoking things people they know or admire say. Most of the time the quotes are painfully sarcastic or full of angst and ultraviolence. This is useless and will not be supported

Randy Goldstein

here. A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.

Robert Frost

A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me cry...

Don McLean

A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial appearance of being right.

Thomas Paine

A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.

Max Weinreich

A hat is wasted on a man with no head.

Mad About You

A handsome man is not quite poor.

Spanish proverb

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

Andre Maurois

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

C.E. Ayres

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned Carrie Snow a car. A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as Bob Edwards bad. A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but also more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

George Bernard Shaw

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Aristotle

A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.

Richard M. Nixon

A man is rich in proportion to the things he can afford to let alone.

Henry David Thoreau

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man looks in the abyss, there is nothing staring back at him. At that moment he discovers his character. That keeps the man out of the abyss.

Wall Street

A near miss a HIT.

George Carlin

A neck wound that resembled, in the words of one bystander, a really bad hickey.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

A motorcycle is a combination of pony, blow dryer, and vibrator perfect for girls of all ages.

Colin MacDonald

A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, a libido, a denial.

Nirvana

A man of great memory without learning hath a rock and a spindle and no staff to spin.

George Herbert

A man in general is better pleased when he has a good dinner than when his wife talks Greek.

Samuel Johnson

A man in my position... which is, seated upright...

David Letterman

A man would discover sorrow if all his wishes were satisfied.

Aesop

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles Alexander Smith in the road. A man can be forgiven if he can quote Shakespeare in an economic crisis.

H.R.H. Prince Philip

A man of convictions, none of them pending.

David Letterman of Oliver North

A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are portals of discovery.

James Joyce

A man of principles. None of them interesting.

John Dobbin

A man may be born, but in order to be born he first must die, and in Gurdieff order to die he must first awake. A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares.

Elbert Hubbard

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Robert Frost

A haiku is a a Japanese poem containing three lines of five, seven, and five syllables, containing a cutting, or pause, word, as well as spam, oelestra, or Spice Girls imagery.

Joshua Schachter

A lady is known by the product she endorces.

Ogden Nash

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Lao Tsu

A group of hackers devised a protocol for transmitting Usenet over Unix-Haters Handbook the Internet, which was completely subsidized by the federal deficit. A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.

Brander Matthews

A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Carolyn Wells

A grunge band from Seattle, well this sure beats raising cattle.

Weird Al Yankovic

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

A. Whitney Brown

A land without ruins is a land without memories - a land without memories is a land without history.

Abram Joseph Ryan

A mohawk for the mind. Snip away the shades of grey matter. No matter, nevermind.

Adam Rifkin

A masochist is a person who likes a cold shower in the morning, so he takes a hot one.

Dave Barry

A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.

Paul Erdos

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

But I like my idea better.

Calvin

If one cannot catch a bird of paradise, better take a wet hen.

Nikita Khruschev

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Henry David Thoreau

If people have that much free time, they should give it to me.

Aleecia McDonald

If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.

Lin Yutang

If only I could kill the killer.

Alanis Morissette

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

Nora Ephron

If only God would give me a clear sign, like a large deposit in my name in a swiss bank.

Woody Allen

If only god would give me a sign... like making a large deposit in my name to a swiss bank account.

Woody Allen

If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.

Vannevar Bush

If you can dream it you can do it. Always remember that this whole Walt Disney thing was started by a mouse. If you can dream it, you can do it.

Walt Disney

If you can only remain pure in your stupidity, someday you may get Charles Bukowski a phone call from hell. If you do not wish a thing heard, do not say it.

Klingon proverb

If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.

Ron Dippold

If you believe everything you read, better not read.

Japanese proverb

If you build it, they will come.

Field of Dreams

If novelty was the essential ingredient of modern art, then repetition Joel Achenbach is the hallmark of postmodern craft. If there were no schools to take the children away from home... the insane asylum would be filled with mothers.

Edgar Watson Howe

If there is something laudable, make sure that it is audible.

Madge M. Mullin

If there were in the world today a large number of people who Bertrand Russell desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others we could have a paradise in a few years. if the network is the computer, then the computer SUCKS.

Nathan Torkington

If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense...

Ghostbusters

If the idea of a protocol behaving like a rabid, diseased sex-crased

John Kennedy

bunny rabbit appeals to you, AppleTalk is for you. If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.

William Penn

If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does, it must Robert South be by what he gives. If the world were clear, art would have no purpose.

Albert Camus

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything Will Rogers comes there ten years later. If there is anyone here that I have not offended, I deeply apologize.

Brahms

If the price of peace is the blackening of my name, I will gladly take Michael Collins it. If life were predictable, it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.

Eleanor Roosevelt

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Tom Robbins

If looks could kill they probably will in games without frontiers, war without tears.

Peter Gabriel

If looks could kill, you would be an Uzi.

Salt n Pepa

If men are going to destroy the planet Earth and all its inhabitants with violence and wars, all men should be killed, to preserve the rest of human kind.

Betsy Warrior

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson

If life must not be taken too seriously... then so neither must death.

Samuel Butler

If the shoe fits, buy it.

Imelda Marcos

If the shoe were on the other foot, Microsoft would have left it in and called it a feature.

Derren Whiteman

If men were angels, we would need no government. But men are not angels.

Aristotle

If men could get pregnant not only would abortions be legal but you John Ridley could get them at McDonalds. If my mind had the power to heal me, you would think it would also Lynda Callicotte have the power to keep me out of graduate school. No such luck. If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.

Neil Simon

If no one out there understands, start your own revolution and cut out the middle man.

Billy Bragg

If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies. Helen Castle If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.

Vice President Dan Quayle

If we could bottle it, we could cork it.

Mike Palmer

If we still lived in the middle ages, the fact that the world is round William S. Burroughs would be a top secret, enabling us to attack the enemy from the rear. If we would guide by the light of reason, we must let our minds be bold.

Louis Dembitz Brandeis

If we were perfect strangers, I might have loved you perfectly.

The Mystery of Edwin Drood

If writers were bakers, this sentence would be exactly a dozen words long.

Douglas R Hofstadter

If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity.

John F. Kennedy

If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.

Mark Twain

If you are always pressing the envelope, you will suffer many paper Scott Fahlman cuts. Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Mickey Mouse

Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence... those are the three pillars of Western Philosophy.

Aldous Huxley

art and science are the same basic fabric, just in art you tend to arrive at important developments without the need for documentation on how you got there

Brad Barkett

Art flourishes where there is a sense of adventure.

Alfred North Whitehead

Artificial intelligences make mistakes too, only faster.

Larry Wall

Art is a moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television.

Rita Mae Brown

Art is a lie by witch you tell the truth.

Pablo Picasso

Art is what you can get away with.

Andy Warhol

Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Art is anything you can get away with.

Marshall McLuhan

As a composer i take my hat off to you. As a man i put on ten.

Arturo Toscaninni

Art is much less important than life, but what a poor life without it.

Robert Motherwell

If you commit a crime, you are guilty.

Rush Limbaugh

If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.

Slous

If you cannot be free, be as free as you can.

Scent of the Roses

If you do bad things in the vicinity of a rock and roll record, chances are you were sick before you got there.

Frank Zappa

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

George Bernard Shaw

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Harry S. Truman

If you choose not to live in a cluster, uh, dorm...

Jim Zelenka

If you carry with you your childhood, you never become older.

Abraham Sutzkever

If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.

Stoppard

If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time. Linda Evangelista If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede Napoleon Bonaparte cannon shots. If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

Jack Handey

If they could easily perceive themselves and others as part of a Gayl Lepore network, children would teach us all sorts of new ways of socializing and communicating. We need children to accelerate this for us because we are too ingrained in traditional modes to see the breakthrough applications that we could be building in fields like education and recreation. If this department has a grapevine, I am a raisin in another county.

Berna Massingill

If this department has a grapevine, she is the raisin bran.

Rohit Khare

If this video was a turd, it would be, like, the same thing. Only if it was a turd, it would be kinda cool.

Beavis and Butt-head

If this were a trial I think we could reach a verdict on the strong circumstantial evidence alone.

Scott Adams

If thy enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Chinese Proverb

If this department has a grapevine, Rifkin would be something nutbased.

Rohit Khare

If time were a color, I bet it would be a tasteful off-white.

Greg Parrish

If two men agree on everything, you can be sure that one of them is Lyndon Baines Johnson doing the thinking. If two men say the same thing, you can be sure one of them is lying. Irwin Corey If we are to begin packaging ourselves as boxes of cereal, Democracy will die... for you could not win the presidency without proving unworthy of the job.

Adlai Stevenson

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the beige can of leftover Span.

Johnny Carson

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the beige can of leftover Spam.

Johnny Carson

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

James Madison

If we can get two women on the Supreme Court, surely we can get one on you.

Reality Bites

If you have the freedom to do what you want, you have to pay a price. And that price is almost always stability. Except for SML, in which the price is your sanity.

Sean Simmons

If you have the means, I highly recommend it. It is so choice.

Ferris Bueller

If you involved in too many things, the only thing you will excel at is being busy.

Roland Gustafsson

If you want divine justice, die.

Nick Seldon

Illegal drugs, fire arms, bomb making materials, lewd and obscene pornographic material...

Tim Byars

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Jules de Gaultier

Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.

Lauren Bacall

If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

A. J. Liebling

If you hit a home run, you can take your time running the bases.

Casey Stengel

If you just want the best, turn to yourself for the rest, and forget about the ones who have it all. Be careful of the ones who have it all.

Bad Religion

If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.

Bette Davis

If you have not done these things, you should. These things are fun, Dr. Seuss and fun is good. If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.

George Burns

If you have been to Moscow during Soviet times, you will probably Ken Thompson remember paying almost nothing to be ignored by a waiter in a restaurant. Now you pay a fortune to be ignored by ten waiters. If you have sex with a cow, you basically win.

Terry Rokop

Il buono, il bruto, il cattivo.

Age Scarpelli, Luciano Vincenzoni, and Sergio Leone

Il faut cultiver notre jardin. It is necessary to cultivate our garden.

Voltaire

In a world where carpenters are resurected, anything is possible.

The Lion in Winter

In a free society, some are guilty, all are responsible.

Abraham Joshua Heschel

Imagine a world without hypothetical situations.

Debbie Rothman

Imagine being told by the Vice President that your job is unnecessary.

Jay Leno

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them in

Jef Raskin

the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. Imagine leaving Christie Brinkley in search of a trophy wife.

Howard Stern

Imagine every particle in the universe exploding away from each other at the speed of light.

Ghostbusters

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...

Steven Wright

Ignorance and freedom are incompatible.

Thomas Jefferson

ILEN... your tickets are on the kitchen table, in case the bright white envelope with HUGE honking black lettering that says iLEN somehow eluded you.

Kate Cronin

Imagine feeling completely powerless... like a marble statue... now imagine the biggest flock of pigeons you ever saw...

Scott Adams

If you kill one person, you are an assassin. If you kill a million people, you are a conquerer. If you kill everyone, you are a god.

Conrad Bland

If you freak her out and she winds up in the hospital then YOU WIN.

Joshua Schachter

If you miss the beginning, hang it up.

Slacker

If you milk a bull he will be your friend for life.

Yakov Smirnov

If you go to the family reunion to meet women.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you think that it is noisy outside go into a quiet room and listen to Three Govinanda your brain. Badgercatcher If you understand everything, you must be misinformed.

Japanese Proverb

If you think I wear the cloak of filth, then let me tell you baby, I wear it real good.

Diamanda Galas

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce

Winston Churchill

If you drive a camaro, life just seems better.

Rugburns

If you dress well enough, everyone will presume you have a social life.

N.Y. Times

If you lit a match there, it would explode.

Howard Stern

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

Graham Summer

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

Bobcat Goldthwait

If you ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow you need butter, milk, cheese and a equilateral chainsaw.

Half Man Half Biscuit

In adversity a man is saved by hope.

Menander

In a word, Vodka. In a few more, Amaretto, Rum, Gin.

Mike Wallace

If someone tells you that the fully armored man of the Middle Ages Nicole Sebastiani

was so encumbered by his armor that he could not rise if he fell, you may well ask yourself, first, if it is reasonable to assume that professional soldiers would go on wearing armor that kept them from fighting... If something goes wrong, it is more important to talk about who is going to fix it, than who is to blame.

Francis J. Gable

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Pope John Paul I

If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy Anton LaVey him. If the creator had a purpose is equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.

Arthur Koestler

If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem.

C. Durance

If the code and comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

Norm Schryer

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

Norm Schryer

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

George Washington

If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would Stanley Garn presumably flunk it. If you were online with a very large OC customer and people were Vijay Gill calling you in the middle of a complex diverse BGP setup, and kept yelling homosex, I guarantee you would lose your shit so fast. If your life at night is good, you think you have everything.

Euripides

Impropriety is the soul of wit.

William Somerset Maugham

Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.

Napolean Bonaparte

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

Rita Rudner

If you wish peace, work for justice.

Pope Paul VI

If you were being paranoid, you were being paranoid on the wrong level.

Sean Simmons

If you wish to appear agreeable in society, you must consent to be taught many things which you already know.

Johann Caspar Lavater

In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it.

Daniel Waters

Immortality... a fate worse than death.

Edgar A. Shoaff

In a society where everone is guilty, the only crime is getting caught.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Impeccability, a finely honed strategic sense, and an intelligent

Joshua Geller

application of personal ferocity beat out fear and hate every time. imminent death of the net predicted. again.

Chris Hanson

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Jack Paar

Immerse my self in material gratification in a desperate attempt to replace the attention so cruelly denied me. That or maybe an ice cream or something.

John Dobbin

If you wish to be useful, never take a course that will silence you. John Jay Chapman Refuse to learn anything that implies collusion, whether it be a clerkship or a curacy, a legal fee or a post in a university. Retain the power of speech no matter what other power you may lose. If you can take this course, and in so far as you take it, you will bless this country. In so far as you depart from this course you become dampers, mutes, and hooded executioners. If you want truly to understand something, try to change it.

Kurt Lewin

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

Woodrow Wilson

If you want to play house with the unwashed masses, be my guest.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

If you want to start a religion, you might do better on the orgy front Professor Beildelman than the castration front. If you want to destroy my sweater, just hold this thread as I walk away.

Weezer

If you want happiness for an hour take a nap. If you want happiness Chinese Proverb for a day go fishing. If you want happiness for a year inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a life help someone else. If you want to fight discrimination, you must first make the injustice visible.

Brent Capps

As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.

Eddie Vedder

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.

Calvin

Any excuse will serve a tyrant.

Aesop

Any lawyser can get you money. A really good one will get you a body part.

Rachael Dooley

Any deviation will result in termination.

The Management

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

Finley Peter Dunne

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last. Winston Churchill An angry Dogbert denied that his ego was so big he started a tabloid Scott Adams devoted entirely to himself. An evil deed is not redeemed by an evil deed of retaliation. Justice is never advanced in the tacking of a human life. Morality is never upheld by a legalized murder.

Corretta Scott King

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look Hedy Lamar

stupid. Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. Dale Carnegie Any fool can be fussy and rid himself of energy all over the place, but a man has to have something in him before he can settle down to do nothing.

J.B. Priestley

Any fool with money can have a Mercedes, but few can have taste.

Rohit Khare

An author ought to write for the youth of his own generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmaster of ever afterwards.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

An artist cannot speak about art, any more than a plant can discuss horticulture.

Jean Cocteau

Anticipatory plagiarism occurs when someone steals your original idea and publishes it a hundred years before you were born.

Robert Merton

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.

Robert Heinlein

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

John von Neumann

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Samuel Goldwyn

Anyone can become ANGRY. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way. That is not easy.

Aristotle

Anyone who has never hacked sendmail.cf has no soul. Anyone who has hacked it twice has no brain.

Peter da Silva

Any sin or repudiation against the mother is punished by banishment from the community.

Ancient Babylonian law

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Publilius Syrus

Anyone can hate. It costs to love.

John Williamson

Any clod can have facts, but having opinions is an art.

Charles McCabe

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.

Charles McCabe

Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.

Gore Vidal

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.

Soren Kierkegaard

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.

Arthur Somers Roche

Anxiety is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

Dean Inge

An eternity with Beelzebub will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil.

Blackadder III

And all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.

Roger Waters

Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are Edward Abbey wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others. Anal expulsive... slurp and burp...

Dan Connolly

An old expression suggests that when you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Excel, of course, is not a hammer. It is a Swiss Army knife. Unfortunately, all the blades except one are broken.

Bruce Tognazini

An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.

Victor Hugo

An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere, while the pessimist sees only the red stoplight. The truly wise person is colorblind.

Albert Schwietzer

An optimist is a guy who has never had much experience.

Don Marquis

An object in motion tends to stay in motion, until it needs gas or a taco or something.

Porsche Carrera S Advertisement

And every spring, a new graduating class enters the workforce. Gord Campbell Some have a well-rounded view of operating systems, but for many there is only Unix. And here I sit so patiently, trying to find out what price, You have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.

Bob Dylan

And God thought the earth was pretty cool, but still no naked chicks, so he made one. And a naked dude, too.

Beavis and Butt-head

And death walks, grinning, in the parade.

T.S. Eliot

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

G. K. Chesterton

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

Charlie McCarthy

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

A. P. Herbert

An efficient organization is one in which the accounting department E.W.R. Steacie knows the exact cost of every useless administrative procedure which they themselves have initiated. An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.

Neils Bohr

An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card.

Dr. Alex Comfort

An eye for an eye makes the world blind.

Gandhi

An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject and how to avoid them.

Werner Heisenberg

An eigenvalue is a unique scalar which when it multiplies an eigenvector, produces a resultant vector equivalent to the operator of the eigen-equation applied to the same eigenvector. But you already knew that.

Ron Resnick

An entire city block populated by morons that are so blessed with Lex Gibson whatever it is that God uses to punish the weaker branches of the tree of life that any sort of advanced technology stops working here. This helps explain why we use Microsoft operating systems run on Intel motherboards. America has the attention span of a ferret on double espresso.

Dennis Miller

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Arnold Toynbee

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence Oscar Wilde whithout civilization in between. America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.

Georges Clemenceau

Amnesia is not knowing who one is and wanting desperately to find Tom Robbins out. Euphoria is not knowing who one is and not caring. Ecstasy is knowing exactly who one is... and still not caring. Among the outlaw spellings that canyon residents have awakened to LA Times see were HOLLYWEED, PEROTWOOD, CALTECH and GO NAVY. Amid a multitude of projects, no plan is devised.

Syrus

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

Kulawiec

And Znow a Zima tazte tezt. Tazte like zhit.

Kevin Nealon

And when you gaze into an abyss for a long time, the abyss also gazes into you.

Nietzsche

And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

the Beatles

Andie McDowell is a spy-nun-love interest forced to imitate a dolphin. This is the only correct casting of Andie McDowell.

James Reffell

Angela has no friends or neighbors who can identify her, because for four years she has lived entirely on the Internet.

Caryn James reviewing The Net

Angels we have heard on high tell us to go out and buy.

Tom Lehrer

Angry voters in a number of states also voted overwhelmingly to impose term limits on members of Congress, apparently because there was no way to vote for putting them directly in jail.

Dave Barry

Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.

H.G. Bohn

And with a needle in his vein, he knew he could not explain, just what it all means.

Jellyfish

Another improvement that we made was that we built our gas chambers to accommodate two thousand people at one time.

Rudolf Hoess

Another genius foiled by an incapable assistant.

Calvin

Andrew is the operating system of the future and always will be.

Mary R. Thompson

Brothers quarrel like thieves inside a house, but outside their swords Japanese proverb leap out in each others defense. Bring me my broadsword and clear understanding.

Jethro Tull

Brontosauruses are very thin at one end, thick in the middle and thin Anne Elk again at the other end. But he made too many enemies of the people who would keep us on XTC our knees. Bring Captain Solo and the stock options to me.

Dan Martinez

Build tunnels. Nobody burns their tunnels behind them.....

John Dobbin

Build for your team a feeling of oneness, of dependence on one another and of strength to be derived by unity.

Vince Lombardi

Andrew is so incredibly reliable that almost any printing command will work, as long as it is long and complex enough...

Nathaniel Borenstein

Bring forth the sacrificial worms. Huh uh huh.

Butt-head

And the sky was made of amethysts, and all the stars are just like little fish.

Hole

and the obvious answer to that is yes, you smoke crack like an engineer drinks espresso.

Fred Green

and the fist of darwin shall smite thy stupid ass

Marcy Lewis

And the strange flavour of AI work is that people try to put together Douglas Hofstadter long sets of rules in strict formalisms which tell inflexible machines how to be flexible. another vote for who the fuck is slenk.

Martin Frankel

Any political group that bashes the poor is neither religious nor right.

Barbara Reynolds

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.

James Klass

Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do.

Ted Nelson

Any time is the right time for an explosion.

Butt-head

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Arthur C. Clarke

Any sufficiently repeatable miracle is indistinguishable from mundane technology.

Joe Barrera

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

Alan Briggins

Any sufficiently complicated C or Fortran program contains an ad hoc, informally-specified, bug-ridden, slow implementation of half of Common Lisp.

Philip Greenspun

Any time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, Johnny Carson

a bank robbery has just taken place. Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Any verbose and tedious solution is error-prone because programmers get bored.

Bjarne Stroustrup

And therefore, the universe is unstable and we all died a long time ago.

Physics proof

And remember that at the end of the day this is just an ant farm with Dennis Miller beepers... And now Red in the Silent Spot.

Red Skelton

And in the other corner, you could count down to the end of the Megan Coughlin year. And in another corner, you could count down to the millennium. And in yet another corner, you could count up from the previous millennium. Unfortunately, my Dilbert desk calendar has DILBERT by Scott Adams in the corner, which throws off all my plans. And now for something completely different... a man with three buttocks.

Monty Python

And so you see I have come to doubt all that I once held as true I stand alone without beliefs the only truth I know is you.

Paul Simon

And numbers grabbed out of the ass of one Adam Rifkin.

John Dobbin

And we put a little sand in it to make the experience a little more pleasant.

Hudsucker Proxy

And now, the sound of John Denver being strangled...

Monty Python

And of all the sacraments and of all the sins, the greatest of these is love.

Michael Malone

And if you fool yourself, you will make Him happy. You really are illogical.

Nirvana

And if you believe that one, I have a cheap IBM mini to sell you

The sales man

And my heaven will be a big hell, and I will walk through the front door.

Peter Gabriel

And nobody likes a man who takes money from the government, except maybe Marilyn Monroe, which is why the CIA killed her.

Scott Adams

Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen.

Rich Rosen

Anything is possible on paper.

Ron McAfee

ANYTHING will burn with enough gasoline and dynamite.

Robert Heinlein

Anyone with money to burn will always find himself surrounded by Joe Ryan people with matches. Anything but history, for history must be false.

Sir Robert Walpole

APL is a write-only language.

Roy Keir

Anything done while honking your horn is legal.

Rules for driving in New York

Anyone who thinks animals have no will... has never bathed a cat.

Jennifer L. Dziura

Anyone who thinks otherwise is a moron, because I said so.

Matt McIrvin

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

Abraham Lincoln

Avoid running at all times.

Satchel Paige

As private parts to the Gods, are we, they play with us for their sport.

Lord Melchett

Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as Lord of the Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India or Director of Corporate Planning.

The Official MBA Handbook on business cards

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.

Winston Churchill

At this they hauled ass back to Inker for a VAST pizza and gallons of beer leaving Thomas to rust quietly.

Voxers

At this point, wanting to get my point across with the proper sign language, I tried to strangle him.

Nikki Gustas

Architecture is petrified music.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Apathy on the individual level translates to insanity on the mass level.

Douglas Hofstadter

As long as you have a keyboard, you have the key.

Persephone Silverthorn

As long as you can feel confused, then you know your mind is free. Norman Spinrad As no less an authority than the Pat Robertson has stated that all witches are in league with Satan, I would prepare to see a side of Samantha that only comes to the surface after a few Zimas.

Scott Potter

As close to a man as you can come without shaving your palms.

Blackadder IV

As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.

H.D. Thoreau

As long as somebody let the cat out of the bag, we might as well spell it correctly.

David Farber

As long as people masturbate, fart, and take dumps, people will listen to my show.

Howard Stern

As it is more blessed to give than receive, so it must be more blessed to receive than to give back.

Robert Frost

As good as the usual black-cube multi-story office building does when sticking out like a sore thumb on a skyline of skiffs.

Rohit Khare

As I grow older and older, and totter toward the tomb, I find that I care less and less who goes to bed with whom.

Dorothy L. Sayers

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

Oscar Wilde

AOL and TimeWarner offer up the new org chart of a combined Dave Pell company. Case would be Chairman. Levin would be CEO. And Ted Turner would maintain his role as being pretty darn odd. AOL really pushes that bozo theme to the limit, though.

The Washington Post

Apparently the Amazing Screenwriting Mom has learned the fine art of plot editing with that most useful of tools, the Nerf Knife.

Mr. Cranky

apparently the moon is in the house of seriously fucked up shit.

May Jawdat

Apparently, Mr. Gandhi has renounced his philosophy of nonviolence for a philosophy of whoop-ass.

Celebrity Deathmatch

Apparently part of the contest is getting a response out to them.

John Dobbin

Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is a good thing.

Clueless

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. Weisert As genitals to wanton boys are we to the gods. They play with us for sport.

Blackadder II

As far as I am concerned, paranoia is nothing but heightened awareness.

Jameel al Khafiz

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.

C.G. Jung

Authorities are now saying that the war on drugs will be bigger than Jay Leno World War II. Oh, great... more Time-Life books. At first, I was opposed to the so-called satellite mind-control transmissions.

Barbara Rush

At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the Eric Idle amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted. At the fresh fish counter in the supermarket, you can buy real squid. Calvin At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.

Salvador Dali

At some point, most engineers like myself start to think of computers as just a tool, like a glorified screwdriver. Or, more likely, they think of them as crappy pieces of junk, a necessary evil

Josh Carter

in modern society. At that moment I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon.

When Harry Met Sally

At the rate America is decaying morally, we shall have to change our national symbol from an eagle to a vulture.

Vance Havner

At the record company meeting, on their hands a dead star...

the Smiths

As we ascend the social ladder, viciousness wears a thicker mask.

Erich Fromm

As usual, I think they are discussing things in terms of a specific implementation without the context of well-defined terms.

Ernest Prabhakar

As we acquire more knowldege, things do not become more comprehensible, but more mysterious.

Albert Schweitzer

At Microsoft, they eat their own dog food. At Apple, we drink or own Kool-Aid.

Ernest Prabhakar

As three laws were good enough for Newton, I have modestly decided to stop there.

Arthur C. Clarke

An orgasm is just a reflex like a sneeze.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Van Roy

An ounce of prevention is better than pounding the table.

David Farber

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Spanish proverb

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Michael Korda

An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.

John Junor

An injury is much sooner forgiven than an insult.

Earl of Chesterfield

An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.

Camus

An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.

Konrad Adenauer

An infinte number of rednecks, in an infinite number of pickup Stephen Webb trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinte number of road signs, will produce all the great works of litareture - in braille. Astral projection is not a bad way to travel, although there is usually Woody Allen a half-hour wait for luggage. Asking him for a certain level of complexity would be like asking a Mr. Cranky bison to crap silver dollars. Asking me about analogies is like... okay, I may be the wrong man to ask.

John Laroquette

At certain times I like sex. Like after a cigarette.

Rodney Dangerfield

At age fifty, every man has the face he deserves.

George Orwell

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

Don Herold

Back then... those were the naive youthful days of Street Fighter II.... As opposed to the brutal harsh reality of Mortal Kombat II.

Andrew Crown

Baby...

The Late Elvis Presley.

Back of every achievement is a proud wife, and a surprised mother- Brooks Hays in-law. Back in the world of disposable emotion...

Howard Jones

baby-X holds the position of Rootless Cosmopolitan at Our Lady of baby-X Intermittent Availability, where he is a student of the Philosophy of Interference and the Persistence of Vision. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is a daring adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

Bad artists copy. Great artists steal.

Pablo Picasso

Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.

Dorothy

Bad design should make you physically ill.

Rohit Khare

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.

Mel Brooks

Baldric, you have the intellectual capacity of a dirty potato.

Edmund Blackadder

Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.

David Thompson

Back off, Grammar Nazi.

Megan Coughlin

Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me.

Jerry Seinfeld

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the stationto-station rate.

Howard Kandel

As we rehearsed, poetry first, sausage later.

Blackadder III

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Josh Billings

As sure as you can steer a train you can change your fate.

They Might Be Giants

As you cruise the information highway, do not be afraid of the strange men you see walking on the shoulders, muttering to themselves. They work for us.

Tony Tribby

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Oscar Wilde

Back on the job just to earn a few bob for good liquor and grub at the Kilkenny Pub.

Rugburns

As you know, we take requests for terminations very seriously. Yours was no exception. In our continuing efforts to provide the very best customer service to out-of-state clients, your request has been granted. The requested subject was taken behind the barn and shot.

Jeremy Elson

As you wish.

Princess Bride

As you ramble through life, brother, no matter what your goal, keep Murray Banks your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole. Ah, my trombone. Let me show you how it works.

Riker

Conventions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.

Nietzsche

Context is important, but not nearly as important as content.

Adam Rifkin

Consuming Jaegermeister is like drinking liquid valium.

The Spot

Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad Anna Freud training. Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.

Wernher von Braun

Creation is quite different from sex, unless you take everything to a Ken Nagle metaphoric level, which if you do, you should never allow your children to play with Legos. Contemplation is the fornication of the mind.

Gary Benson

Cool is only three letters away from Fool.

Mike Muir

Cool, a toilet. They should put more toilets in videos.

Beavis

Corners wear off, said the big O, and shapes change.

Shel Silverstein

Copy nature and you infringe on the work of our Lord. Interpret nature and you are an artist.

Jacques Lipchitz

Creativity in programming is to find deep simplicities in a complex process.

Harlan Mills

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is Peter de Vries good for dandruff. Condoms only work during the school year.

Rush Limbaugh

Courage is grace under pressure.

Ernest Hemingway

Covered in hope, and vaseline, still cannot fix this broken machine.

Nine Inch Nails

Conceit causes more conversation than wit.

La Rouchefoucauld

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

Pablo Picasso

Confucious say too much.

recent Chinese saying

Computers are the tools of the devil. It is as simple as that. There is no monotheism strong enough that it cannot be shaken by Unix or any Microsoft product. The devil is real. He lives inside C programs.

Phil Greenspun

Creativity is the juxtaposition of formerly unrelated ideas to product The Journal of NIH new ideas. Research Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous.

Bill Moyers

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

Ben Franklin

Crime does not pay... as well as politics.

A.E. Newman

Crime is a job. Sex is a job. Growing up is a job. School is a job. Going to parties is a job. Religion is a job. Being creative is a job.

David Byrne

Credit is what keeps you from knowing how far past broke you are. Zingers Creature from the black latrine.

Blackadder II

Each success only buys an admission ticket to a more difficult problem.

Henry Kissinger

fuck fuck fuck. sigh. kill. whoa, maybe I should like do my work.

Adam Rixey

FTR, it makes no difference with his illy mechanism. The cat is half-dead until opens the box.

Rohit Khare

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

H. H. Williams

fuck. thats it. emotion, mindset, verb, action, everything.

Chris Heiser

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy was a PUNK ASS degenerate HACK, GOOSESTEPPING around in his NEON GREEN LACED DOC MARTINS, screaming WAGNERIAN OPERA with SLIM JIMS cramed in his NOSE.

Paul Mazaitis

Fuck you and the prepositional phrase you rode in on.

John Jantos

Fuck them, get addicted to us.

Jose Calvo

Furry four-legged male cheese lover seeking mate.

David Letterman

Gimme some sugar, baby.

Army of Darkness

Gimme, gimme, gimme more donuts....

Elvis

Funk at a whole new level. The rhythm is the bass, and the bass is the treble.

Warren G. and Nate Dogg

Fun is a good thing but only when it spoils nothing better.

George Santayana

Fun is Nuf spelled backwards.

Adam Rifkin

Funky... Unexpected... Introspective.

Debbie Gibson newsletter DEBHEAD

Gak. I remember SUIF now, I think, and not fondly...

Rohit Khare

Garbage In

Gospel Out.

Garish is not enough.

Howard Rheingold

Gave his life for tourism.

Steve Martin on King Tut

Genetic engineering is like legos, only with really small blocks.

Dmitri Schoeman

General flames go to alt.flame. Flaming the entire AOL community From the alt.sex.stories goes to alt.aol-sucks. FAQ General notions are generally wrong.

Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

Genius hath electric power which earth can never tame.

Lydia M. Child

Genius is an African that dreams of snow.

Vladimir Nabokov

Genius does what it must. Talent does what it can.

Emerson

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Thomas Alva Edison

Genius is another word for magic, and the whole point of magic is that it is inexplicable.

Margot Fonteyn

Genius is pain.

John Lennon

Crotch Masculine Deodorant Spray. When a man wants to feel good, he reaches for his Crotch.

Steve Archer

Dan Quayle hopes that, with luck, someone will step forward with a Jay Leno donor appendix. Dan Quayle is the Rosetta Stone of American comedy.

Dennis Miller

CRT emissions are physically addictive.

Cecil Adams

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation.

Johnny Hart

Cut life support to all quarters with children

Picard

Death is harsh and cruel... not some cute chick.

The Maxx

Curiosity killed the Kerouac cat.

Bad Religion

Cute animals and kids never go out of style.

John Dobbin

Computer science is too important to be left to computer scientists.

a recent Caltech provost

Chicks in their twenties tend to be prolific writers. They generally have a pretty easy to read style which is what I like.

John Dobbin

Chickens, like two-edged swords, often come home to roost.

Suzy Kohout

Chicken. Egg. Me.

John Dobbin

Cheese Flavored Six Pack...

John Dobbin contemplates rock band names

Dammit. i wish there were some sheep around here i could fuck just Chris Grimes to spite you. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Jack Handey

Dance with the one that brought you.

Ken Thompson

Consider the postage stamp. Its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Josh Billings

David Hasselhoff and optical storage technology make this all possible.

Anu Kapoor

Crime is down, and oddly enough, so is tourism.

Brain Candy

consider your own movement on earth. Even if you are walking in a Alfred Lawson straight line, the earth itself is rotating about its axis and revolving around the sun, which in turn is revolving around the galaxy, which is in turn moving about the universe. So your true movement in space is nothing like a straight line. It is more like a Zig, a Zag, and then a Swirl. Consistent mediocrity, delivered on a large scale, is much more profitable than anything on a small scale, no matter how efficient it might be.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Consciousness is just a stupid hack.

Danny Hillen

Conservatism is the policy of make no change and consult your grandmother when in doubt.

Woodrow Wilson

Computers save time like kudzu prevents soil erosion.

Al Castanoli

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.

H.L. Mencken

Considering what a wonderful invention computer are, they certainly have a way of making you feel like pouring coffee into their private parts and listening to them scream.

Dave Barry

Considering that over half the traffic on this list is in response to postings or forwards from others, I do believe that you may have a better crack conncection than the rest of us, and suggest you kick down with your contact before the IS Death Squad opens a Touble Ticket on yer ass.

Dana McIntosh

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year Bernard Berenson ago. Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

H.L. Mencken

Dear DEC, Sending me the README from the patch is not going to fix my problem. It will only anger me. Much like waving a steak just out of reach of a hungry bear. Yer buddy, jim

Jim Zelenka

Death is the mother of all beauty.

Wallace Stevens

Decision is a sharp knife that cut clean and straight. Indecision is a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind.

Ian McKeithen

Decide promptly, but never give any reasons. Your decisions may be right, but your reason are sure to be wrong.

Lord Mansfield

Dear scroll bar. You are wonderful. My days have benefited from Scott Berkun the glory of your existence. I fully appreciate you and your amazing powers. May all of my applications be graced with your presence. dear women, stop being evil. love, may

May Jawdat

Debugging is parallelizable.

Jeff Dutky

Dead puppies can be lots of fun. Collect and trade them with your friends.....

Ken Nagle

Darkness envelopes the earth, but people in Portland and Seattle

Jay Leno

notice no difference. Dare to be stupid.

Weird Al Yankovic

Dear God... this... this... parachute is a KNAPSACK...

Friends

date of easter indicator is crossing the line from function to frivolity. imagine if you will, an M car with cupholders. oh wait.

Vijay Gill

Gifts are very hard to get, much much harder than grants.

Mani Chandy

FoRK is nothing more than high tech Pro Wrestling. And Pro Wrestling is an extrapolation of the society in which we live.

Tim Byars

Four people were killed, one seriously, and eight more received slight injuries...

Japan Times

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

John Diefenbaker

Fortune favors the bold.

Virgil

Fortune cookies get broken before they do anything profound. So do a lot of people.

Adam Rifkin and Samantha Crouse

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Ovid

Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed.

Ray Simard

Freedom defined is freedom denied.

The Illuminatus

Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.

Alan Dean Foster

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air.

Jack Benny

Give me somewhere to stand, and I will move the Earth.

Archimedes

Fragrance... is our strongest link to the past, our closest fellow traveler to the future.

Tom Robbins

Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.

Albert Camus

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. BACKSPACE IS DELETE.

Joshua Schachter

Frame is a good enough piece of software that there are actually rewards to taking an intelligent and formal approach to your problem. But if you want to be stupid, you can think of Frame as a version of Microsoft Word with most of the bugs taken out.

Philip Greenspun

France has culture but no civilization. England has civilization but no culture. The United States has neither. Canada has both.

Robin Mathews

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. Karl Marx Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one.

A. J. Liebling

Freedom without discipline breeds laziness and apathy.

Adam Rifkin

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.

Liebling

Freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom to use

Mark Twain

neither. Freud said that the essence of the comic was the conservation of psychic energy. But then again Freud never played second house Friday night at the Glasgow Empire.

Ken Dodd

For it is the doom of men that they forget.

Merlin

Freud is the father of psychoanalysis. It has no mother, by the way.

Adam Curry

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.

Kahlil Gibran

From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Friendship, of itself a holy tie, is made more sacred by adversity.

Charles Caleb Colton

From the back to the middle and around again.

Robert Harley

Goths are sort of like mimes with long hair and trenchcoats. Neat.

Adam Rixey

Got a bowling ball in my stomach. Got a desert in my mouth.

Tori Amos

Governments never learn. Only people learn.

Milton Friedman

Grad school is the snooze button on the clock-radio of life.

John Rogers

Got a machine head. Better than the rest.

Bush

Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks.

Herodotus

Gun control is punishing law-abiding citizens in their constitutional Newt Gingrich rights. The difference between Poland and Afghanistan is the right to bear arms. Had Germany the right to bear arms, there might have been no Holocaust. Hanging out with people more pathetic than you are interferes with your ability to have self-pity.

Rohit Khare

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.

Mildred Barthel

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Jeff Wayman

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

Ernest Prabhakar

Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity.

William Hazlitt

Grub first, then ethics.

Bertolt Brecht

Greed captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

Wall Street

Greed will save our paper company, and that other malfunctioning company, the United States of America.

Wall Street

Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance.

Samuel Johnson

Growing up is all about finding out that people are gay.

Erin van Yuga

grep... grep... grep...

frog with UNIX stuck in

its throat Groening has managed to tap into the wellsprings of good, oldfashioned, no-political-agenda orneriness that fueled his earliest work.

Ken Tucker

Grown men do not need leaders.

Edward Abbey

Gum would be perfection.

Friends

Guest, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

Benjamin Franklin

Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.

Samuel Goldwyn

Geoff got sued for sexual harassment and all I got was this lousy tshirt.

Anu Kapoor

Get stoned

Drink liquid cement.

Gentleman, include me out.

Samuel Goldwyn

Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers.

Robert Graves

Gerald Ford and George Bush just went to the golf course to kill a couple of spectators.

David Letterman

Genius without education is like silver in the mine.

Ben Franklin

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Mark Twain

Get next to a clue and hope the wind blows, dude.

Fitz McKinzie

Get out of my facial.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Get forgiveness now

tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.

From womb to tomb, you suffer.

Rush Limbaugh

Get down. Shut up.

Forrest Gump

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

The Shawshank Redemption

Get a REAL problem.

Kara Freel

George Washington was first in war, first in peace... and the first to have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.

Ashley Cooper

ghoughpteighbteau spells potato.

Jan L.A. Van de Snepscheut

Girls who are boys who like boys to be girls dig their girls love their boys dig their boys love their girls.

Blur

Getting melted down by heat rays would have been better. That was Joe R. Lansdale at least quick, but being bored to death was sort of like being nibbled to death by ducks. Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire Mitch Kapor hydrant.

Getting disemboweled always makes me kind of mad.

Weird Al Yankovic

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Abraham Kaplan

Give every man thy ear but few thy voice.

William Shakespeare

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day... teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.

Chinese proverb

Give light and the darkness will disappear of itself.

Desiderius Erasmus

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Kaiser Wilhelm

Give me chastity and self-restraint... but not yet.

Saint Augustine

For the man sound in body and serene of mind, there is no such thing as bad weather.

George Gissing

For the moon never beams without bringing the dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

Edgar Allen Poe

For another, you can hit people with it. This is one of the key qualities for a good web product, and the paper weight here really delivers.

Faisal Jawdat

For best results, wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results, drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.

Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Alexander Pope

Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for the benefit of rich people in poor countries.

Bernard Rosenberg

For visions come not to polluted eyes.

Mary Howitt

For every person that believes there is an easy way out, there are a hundred and one persons waiting to stop him.

Mephisto

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.

H. L. Mencken

For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.

R. Clopton

For NASA, space is still a high priority.

Vice President Dan Quayle

For here we are not afraid to follow the truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.

Thomas Jefferson

For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain and long words Bother me.

Pooh

For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged by better information or fuller consideration to change opinions.

Ben Franklin

For people who no longer need the magazine.

ad for Penthouse brand condoms

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.

Virginia Woolf

For of those to whom much is given, much is required.

Acts

For the egoist has so far the advantage over every other species of devotee, that his idol is ever present.

Catherine Gore

For security reasons, the mailing list, all archives, the computers it is maintained on, and the members who post to it, have been shredded.

Faisal Jawdat

For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Rudyard Kipling

For there is no sea, with out the dolphin

Oppian

For something that does not exist, the Internet Engineering Task Force has had quite an impact.

Scott Bradner

For some women, shopping is a sex compensation, so the shop must Lady Dartmouth seduce the customer. Forgiving comes from within. You had the power to go home all this time if you wanted to.

Adam Rifkin

Forget the badminton, stick with the math. No one ever sticks an algorithm up your butt.

Kevin and Bean

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but Johnny Carson phone calls taper off. Forgive and forget.

Cervantes

Cherry blossoms fall. Cherry blossoms fall and fall. Cherry blossoms fall.

Lloyd Wood

During a carnival men put masks over their masks.

Xavier Forneret

Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.

Fortune

Each generation wastes a little more of the future with greed and lust for riches.

Donald Marquis

Due to several of these sorts of comments, you leave me no choice but to declare a Monty Python Interdiction Zone. Anyone quoting Monty Python will be subjected to an enema comprising of pureed John Cleese and Terry Gilliam, soaked with gasoline, and set on fire.

Richard Bullington

During my eighty-seven years, I have witnessed a whole succession Bernard Baruch of technological revolutions. But none of them has done away with the need for character in the individual or the ability to think. During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

Rodney Dangerfield

Due to the postal strike, the assignment is extended to one week from today. I do not give out extensions without good reason.

Forbes Burkowski

Dude, your company is teetering on the very BRINK of technological RELEVANCE. Now is not the time to make feeble sport of the company whose BOOTED HEEL is at your THROAT.

Dan Martinez

Duct tape is like the force...it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Carl Zwanzig

Draft beer is best. So should it be with writing.

Adam Rifkin

Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with melting snowballs.

Larry Wall

Dream tomorrow. Cherish yesterday. Live today.

Maggie Keenan

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Mark Twain

Doughnut holes are made of the same thing as the hole in your toilet Megan Coughlin seat, but nobody ever publicizes that. Draw SOMETHING resembling ANYTHING.

When Harry Met Sally

Drama is life with all the dull bits cut out.

Alfred Hitchcock

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbour. It makes you shoot at your landlord... and it makes you miss him.

Irish Proverb

Drink and cook the prodigal son, fondue forks for everybody.

They Might Be Giants

Don Ho will not emerge from the Valley of Darkness.

LL Cool J

Dying is a wild night and a new road.

Emily Dickinsom

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

William Somerset Maugham

Dweezle Dwyzle Dwazle Dwome. Time for this one to come home. Tooter the Turtle During times of crisis the more timid elements run for cover.

Hudsucker Proxy

Each person needs different limits to set him or her free. Finding yours is what practice is all about.

W. A. Mathieu

Each place has its own advantages - Heaven for the climate and Hell for society.

Mark Twain

Each small task of everyday life is part of the total harmony of the universe.

St. Theresa of Lisieux

Each of us is the center of the universe. So is everyone else.

ee cummings

Each of us sleazes by at our own pace.

David Farber

Duty largely consists of pretending that the trivial is essential.

John Fowles

Drive offensively, the life you save may be your own.

Car Wars

Drug Deaths Are Shooting Up.

Headline in The Oregonian

Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when Juan Manuel Fangio I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio. Drugs are for the weak. Yoohoo is for the hardcore.

Hayley Asay

Drugs instantiate sex, lies and videotapes.

the ARs

DOS is the greatest computer virus ever written

UNIX user

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.

H. L. Mencken

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.

E.B. White

Democracy is the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people.

Oscar Wilde

Democracy is not a spectator sport.

Bill Bradley

Democracy is grounded upon so childish a complex of fallacies that H.L. Mencken they must be protected by a rigid system of taboos, else even halfwits would argue it to pieces. Its first concern must thus be to penalize the free play of ideas. Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Jawaharlal Nehru

Deeds, not stones, are the true monuments of the great.

John L. Motley

Define self-reference for me, please.

Megan Coughlin

Demonstrating, once again, that subtle difference between creativity Dogbert and complex stupidity. Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

George Bernard Shaw

Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

Senator Soaper

Dinner music at a festive banquet for great men is the most tasteless Kant absurdity that debauchery could have devised. Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

G.B. Shaw

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by H.L. Mencken Jackasses. Dem special effects is FAN tastic.

David Letterman

DEMENTED AND SAD, but social.

The Breakfast Club

Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.

James Russell Lowell

Describing the Internet as the Network of Networks is like calling the Space Shuttle, a thing that flies.

John Lester

Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.

Abraham Lincoln

Deny your maker.

Alice in Chains

destroy destroy. stand up. walk around

Paul Mazaitis

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

Smashing Pumpkins

Determine what you want, then resolve to pay the price to get it.

Bunker Hunt

Develop aversion in PVM.

Dan Meiron

Diamonds are chunks of coal that stuck to their job.

Mary Jess

Devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of hand on hand, or mouth on mouth.

Tennessee Williams

Dennis Rodman is the Rohit of the NBA.

Joe Kiniry

Dinosaurs destroys man. Women rule the earth...

Jurassic Park

Diddly squat, bits, vision, and entertainment value.

Robert Harley

Double Latte Bolivian Mint Crack With a Touch of Angel Dust, Shaken not stirred. To Go.

Neal Katz

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.

Voltaire

Digital technology is the universal solvent of intellectual property rights.

Tom Parmenter

Dignity is like a top hat. Neither is very much use when you are standing on it.

Chistopher Hollis

Diligent U.S. censors have managed to find sexually-explicit pictures on computers in Finland, France and elsewhere, and have been offended by them for hours.

Jim Warren

Digital information lasts forever... or five years, whichever comes first.

Jeff Rotherberg

Digging your own grave is fun, making your own coffin is morbid.

John Dobbin

Dig yourself a hole and bury it.

David Farber

Diffusing computation. Check your spelling dude, the word is CONfusing.

John Dobbin

Dig him up and shake his hand, appreciate the man.

They Might Be Giants

Differentials are the ghosts of departed quantities.

Alfred North Whitehead

Did we ever...

When Harry Met Sally

Discipline is remembering what you want.

David Campbell

Come down off your charlie horse.

David Farber

Come in the Bahamas.

Crazy People

Come get me when they show the shower scene in Dressed to Kill.

PCU

Come on. The first thing Uncle Eli teaches the little sperm in Reeboks is how to sneak into the ball park.

The Opposite Sex

Coming in second place just means you were the first person to lose.

Jeff Hawkins

Coming up with a Cool Name is the hardest part of writing a new program.

Rob Earhart

Chaos often breeds life when order breeds habit.

Henry Adams

Chaos is a friend of mine.

Bob Dylan

Character is much easier kept than recovered.

Thomas Paine

Change is bad. Give me bills every time.

John Dobbin

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

Tom Waits

Change is certain. Progress is not.

E.H. Carr

Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.

Blair Houghton

Change your socks whenever we stop.

Forrest Gump

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Robert C. Gallagher

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

G.K. Chesterton

Commitment, n. Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, and the pig is committed.

Richard Knapp

Computer science has the unfortunate characteristic that many of the pioneers in the field are still alive and doing research.

Adam Rifkin

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

Edsger W. Dijkstra

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Commiting suicide would be the last thing for me to do...

Herman Finkers

Commit drive-by shootings on the information super-highway.

Bruce Sherrod

Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.

George Bernard Shaw

Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people. David Sarnoff College football is a game which would be much more interesting if H.L. Mencken the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity. Colours seen by candlelight will not look the same by day.

E.B. Browning

Completion of any task within the allocated time and budget does not bring credit upon the performance personnel

it merely proves that the task was easier than expected.

Compassion is no substitute for justice.

Rush Limbaugh

Competition brings out the worst in people and the best in products. David Sarnov Comprehension is a problem here. You want to begin your Fran Connor paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by two or three sentences that illustrate your point. Your final sentence should sum up and conclude what you said. Your above assault on English syntax should not be tolerated...

Chili peppers burn my gut.

Side Hackers

Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are Fran Lebowitz both easy to beat and fun to cheat. Children have to be educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves.

Ernest Dimnet

Children have more need of models then of critics.

Joseph Joubert

Childhood is short and maturity is forever.

Bill Watterson

Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Jack Handey

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.

Harold S. Hulbert

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Garrison Keillor

Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.

Mark Twain

Caught a bolt of lightning, cursed the day he let it go.

Pearl Jam

Checking that europa actually HAS gcc and cc, an extremely suspect proposition given this department.

Rohit Khare

Caution. Blade is sharp. Keep out of children.

Darren Leigh

Children and the simple-hearted are nearer to God than most of us.

Maurice Francis Egan

Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency.

Raymond Chandler

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found G. K. Chesterton difficult and left untried. Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.

Haim Ginott

Christ, what a liar. Things like that just want me to spew half digested Rice Chex all over my office. In point of fact, the only thing that holds me back is the knowledge that a good, nutritious breakfast is the key to a happy and productive day.

Martin Frankel

Christmas is when the children get something, and the parents pay. A deficit is when the parents get something, and the children pay.

Mike Harris

CBS executives are a more advanced form of weasel.

David Letterman

Check her passport or green card. If she is from Varga, then she must be a Vargin.

Michael Lianez

Change is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be fish.

Ovid

Chance favours the prepared mind.

Louis Pasteur

Chance favors only the prepared mind.

Louis Pasteur

Cars are the best things. You just sit in them, and they take you places.

Tara Morrison

Cats are essentially narcissistic masochists.

Paul Mazaitis

Character may be manifested in great moments, but it is created in the small ones.

Phillip Brooks

Charity sees the need not the cause.

German Proverb

Dogmatism is puppism come to its full growth.

Douglas Jerrold

Civility is at the mild end of morality.

Bill Maher

Civilization is revving itself into a pathologically short attention span. The trend might be coming from the acceleration of technology, the short-horizon perspective of market-driven economics, the next-election perspective of democracies, or the distractions of personal multi-tasking. All are on the increase.

www.longnow.org

Clarity is my curse.

John Dobbin

Civilized man conceals from himself the extent of his subordination Camille Paglia to nature. The grandeur of culture, the consolation of religion absorb his attention and win his faith. But let nature shrug, and all is in ruin. Fire, flood, lightning, tornado, hurricane, volcano, earthquake - anywhere at any time. Disaster falls upon the good and bad. Civilized life requires a state of illusion. Clasp the hands and know the thoughts of men in other lands.

John Masefield

Chunky bar breath and your Enquiring mind, when I see you in the morning looking like pork rind.

Rugburns

Clearly, I need to start soliciting fashion advice from Martin.

Dan Martinez

Coffee without brandy is a terrible mix.

Sailor of the Seven Seas

Close enough is subject to negotiation.

Joel Saltz

Cluefulness is neccessarily correlated with ambition to achieve anything. The first rank at least has that much of a self-selection bias in its favor.

Rohit Khare

Clinton got his harrassment and whitewater cases mixed up, and accidentally shredded a pair of panties.

Jay Leno

Clinton slings bullshit better than a street sweeper in Pamplona.

Dennis Miller

Clinton wants it both ways more than Dennis Rodman... He makes Ronald Reagan look like Steve Buscemi... Deep down, we are all Hillary.

Dennis Miller

Clinton and I exist in the same concentric circle of the mularkey dartboard.

Dennis Miller

Clothing makes the man, but no clothing makes the woman.

John Dobbin

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

George Carlin

Clothe an idea in words and it loses its freedom of movement.

Egon Friedell

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain

Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow till The Sound of Music you find your dream. Hamburgers are a medium rarely well-done.

Boston Common

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Sextus Aurelius

A well-balanced breakfast is an important start to a good ressurection.

Kristie Home

A whole hog is better than no hole at all.

David Farber

Actually, I was just going to say that Married with Children was my Jon Ferro example of the pinnacle of edge-losing-ness. Actually, I think what would be most appropriate for this forum is if Majdi Abbas we were all to shut up now. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, three hundred pounds, they make ice.

Homer Simpson

A wise man hears one word and understands two.

Jewish proverb

A wedding ring is like a tourniquet. It cuts off your circulation.

MAD Magazine

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.

Baltasar Gracian

Actually I have real references, they work on commission.

Mark Denovich

Actually Digital threatened to sue Microsoft over having copied Robert Harley large chunks of VMS for WNT, unless they keep an Alpha version of WNT alive... that was before they got the pictures of Bilbo Gates doing heroinn acid with a call-girl from Proxima Centauri. Actually Nostril Weasels has a certain mystique to it as well...

John Dobbin

Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery.

Aldous Huxley

Actually, for those of you counting at home, two war crimes. ... Of course, only the losers face war-crime tribunals.

Sam Greenfield

Actually, cats do this to protect you from gnomes who come and steal your breath while you sleep.

John Dobbin

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Chinese proverb

A witty saying proves nothing.

Voltaire

Aaahhhh... nothing like a fine breakfast of snapple, cheetos, and rolaids...

Rohit Khare

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

of somebody else.

A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end.

F. Schubert

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Herbert Hoover

Above all else, hire the best people. If you choose to ignore this advice, I will give it to you again in six months for twice the price.

Faisal Jawdat

About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good Ernest Hemingway after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after. A very interesting person to cuss and discuss with.

Kendall Bullen

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

John Ciardi

A waste is a terrible thing to mind.

Custodians of Love Canal

A typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program.

Apple MPW C compiler error message

A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and the one that we take Franois de La the least care of all to acquire. Rochefoucauld A vacuum with nipples.

Otto Preminger on Marilyn Monroe

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Tennessee Williams

A violent man will die a violent death.

Lao Tsu

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.

William Arthur Ward

A process which led from the amoeba to man appeared to the philosophers to be obviously a progress, though whether the amoeba would agree with this opinion is not known.

Bertrand Russell

A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded.

Abraham Lincoln

Acid

better living through chemistry.

Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.

Katharine Hepburn

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

Benjamin Disraeli

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both H.L. Mencken ears to the ground. A relationship is a pervading and changing mystery. Brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to.

Eudora Welty

A real man would not shoplift the pootie from a single mother.

Jerry Maguire

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for

Joey Adams

nothing. A repo man spends his life getting into tense situations.

Repo Man

A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection. Rules for driving in New York A politician would do well to remember that he has to live with his conscience longer than he does with his constituents.

Melvin R. Laird

A poet who reads his own verse in public may have other nasty habits.

Robert Heinlein

A positive anything is better than a negative nothing.

Jerry Maguire

Adam Forrest Rifkin. Feminist radar fork.

Robert Harley

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that Mark Twain nobody had said it before him. Adam Forrest Rifkin. I staff mirror, naked.

Robert Harley

Adam Forrest Rifkin. First naked air form.

Robert Harley

Addiction is a drag.

Dennis Hopper

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Wallace Sayre

Academics get paid for being clever, not for being right.

Donald Norman

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the William James consequences of any misfortune. Adam Forrest Rifkin. Offer radiant smirk.

Robert Harley

Adam Forrest Rifkin. Skim torrid fanfare.

Robert Harley

Adam Forrest Rifkin. Infrared skirt foam.

Robert Harley

Adam Forrest Rifkin. Modern skirt affair.

Robert Harley

Access to power must be confined to those who are not in love with Plato it. Actions lie louder than words.

Carolyn Wells

A woman will do anything for a man she once loved except love him again.

Oscar Wilde

Everything inside is eatable, I mean edible, I mean everything can be eaten.

Willy Wonka

Everyone, please note that you are supposed to consult Ted for a Eva Crider fair assessment of everything on art. He obviously knows more than anyone else about the aesthetic value of everything. Everything in the world may be endured except continual prosperity.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Everything goes over your head. You should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer.

Blackadder IV

Everyone who knows how to read has it in their power to magnify themselves, to multiply the ways in which they exist, to make their life full, significant, and interesting.

Aldous Huxley

Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing onself.

Charles Baudelaire

Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.

Sophia Loren

Everything now seems to be under federal control except the national debt and the budget.

Bob Goddard

Everything must degenerate into work if anything is to happen.

Peter Drucker

Everything right is wrong again.

They Might be Giants

Everything right is wrong again, just like in the long long tray.

They Might Be Giants

Faith is an ocean you can walk on.

Dime Store Prophets

Everything is deeply intertwingled.

Ted Nelson

Everything should be real-time, OO and distributed. Well, almost everything.

Roman Ginis

Everything flows.

Heraclitus

Everything he says is either wrong, trivial, or a product name.

Andrew Lines

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.

William Somerset Maugham

Excess is bad in every way.

Oleg Cassini

Evolution is the natural way to program.

Tom Ray

Excuse me, while I kiss the sky...

Jimi Hendrix

Excuse me. AFU is a newsgroup. A fact is something completely different.

Gregory Franklin

Everywhere you leak, the world hangs a bucket.

Gallagher

Evidence refutes liberalism.

Rush Limbaugh

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

Everywhere I look, nothing but redshifts, other homepages receding Brian Upton from me at the speed of light. Evolution has a lot of dinosaurs in its path.

Carver Mead

Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage.

Carole Mallory

Excuse me while I whip this out.

Blazing Saddles

Everytime you meet a situation, though you think at the time it is an Eleanor Roosevelt impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you were before. Excuse me, I have an announcement. That Safeway over there...

Andrew Crown

They are officially... fuckers. Faith is good, but skepticism is better.

Guissepe Verdi

Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone ELSE does R. Buckminster Fuller the thinking. F U cn rd dis U mst uz Unix.

Tim Roberts

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

Dennis Wholey

Exhale, and get a grip on reality.

Reality Bites

Extra cash today, generic box shifter tomorrow, rotting corpse the day after.

Robert Harley

A young Jedi Knight named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine Star Wars until he turned to evil, helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force. A woman who demands equality is selling herself short.

George Bernard Shaw

A woman reading Playboy feels a little like a Jew reading a Nazi manual.

Gloria Steinem

A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.

G.K. Chesterton

A Zen philosopher once said, a flute with no holes is not a flute, and Chevy Chase a donut with no holes is a danish. Think about it. A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to convince anyone of the existence of God.

Alan Perlis

A writer is like a bag lady going through life with a sack and a pointed stick collecting stuff.

Tony Hillerman

A yawn is a silent shout.

G.K. Chesterton

A word to the wise is enough.

Miguel de Cervantes

Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes.

Oscar Wilde

Failure or success seems to have been allotted to men by their stars. E.M. Forster But they retain the power of wriggling, of fighting with their star or against it, and in the whole universe the only interesting movement is this wriggle. Fanatics have their dreams, wherewith they weave a paradise for a sect.

Keats

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim.

Santayana

Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.

Mary Pickford

Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things we do not see.

Martin Luther

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not Hebrews seen. Fall into yourself... Fall as in a dream. Love can last forever, though Pearl Jam impossible it seems. Far too many people idealize and idolize instead of loving.

Adam Rifkin

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

F.P. Jones

Familiarity breeds contempt. And children.

Mark Twain

Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.

Theodore Roosevelt

Far better it is to dare to mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, Theodore Roosevelt even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing Stanley Baldwin it. Always presume ignorance before malice.

Ernie Prabhakar

Always remember, Dogbert is just a small white naked version of Rohit.

Ernie Prabhakar

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

Samuel Butler

All power corrupts, but we NEED electricity.

D.W. Jones

Always thought it was okay to screw a taxpayer.

David Letterman

All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been Aristotle convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth. Allow me to sound like Adam for a minute while I apologize for being so quiet lately.

John Dobbin

All photography is accurate - none of it is truth.

Richard Avedon

All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.

Sir Walter Scott

All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore all men are Socrates.

Woody Allen

All my exes live in Texas.

George Strait

All men would still really like to own a train set.

Rita Rudner

All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.

Carl Sagan

All of reality is just a blur of Republicans and meat.

Zippy the Pinhead

All my life I wanted to be someone. I guess I should have been more specific.

Jane Wagner

All men live in abject fear of beautiful women. All women are beautiful. Therefore, all men are cowards.

Megan Coughlin

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

Rita Rudner

All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn.

Ernest Hemingway

All sunshine makes a desert.

Arabian proverb

All technology should be assumed guilty until proven innocent.

David Brower

All people walk through life, some always looking back, others always looking forward. I always look upward.

Sly

All phone calls are obscene.

Karen Elizabeth Gordon

All software sucks. ALL software sucks.

Jon Slenk

All serious daring starts from within.

Eudora Welty

All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.

Bobby Knight

All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.

Saint Patrick

All science is either physics or stamp collecting.

Ernest Rutherford

All rumors are true. Especially if your boss denies them.

Dilbert

All we need is a little creativity, enthusiasm, and diplomatic immunity.

Martin Frankel

All we wish is to be left alone.

Jefferson Davis

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Italian proverb

After the first death, there is no other.

Dylan Thomas

Against the assault of humor, nothing can stand.

Mark Twain

After reviewing papers for IPPS, I see the appeal of your papers on Infospheres. At least they have a strong vision. Now I want to see the next step.

John Thornley

Ah, your flesh-mother used to bring me pudding.

Homer Simpson

Ah yes. Me, I often find that when I have an inadequate amount of extract of the Wild Vindaloo in my bloodstream, it induces a state similar to, but in many ways unlike, Louisiana.

Matt Sheahan

Ah, the thrill of watching kicking, blocking, tackling, running ... but J. Wagner enough about fall sales at the mall. Ah, argument by profanity. Very persuasive.

Joe Barrera

Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from Peter da Silva him before he cuts himself.

Aim to be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful.

Warren Buffett

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

W. Clement Stone

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Age does not depend upon years, but upon temperament and health. Tryon Edwards Some men are born old, and some never grow old. Always be ready to give an answer for the faith that is within you.

The Book

Although the Buddhists will tell you that desire is the root of suffering, my personal experience leads me to point the finger at system administration.

Philip Greenspun

Although this sentence begins with the word because, it is false.

Douglas R Hofstadter

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be violent psychopath who knows where you live.

John F. Woods

Always avoid meetings with time-wasting morons.

Scott Adams

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Mark Twain

All wrong-doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the best thing Arnold Bennett to do at that time. All you do is eat and couch and fondle the remote control.

Reality Bites

All you do is sponge.

Reality Bites

alt.binaries.pictures.erotica has soft core, medium core, hard core, over easy core and sunny side up core.

Robert Harley

All men are equally insane, those of us outside of the asylums just hide it a little better.

Stephen King

Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.

William Safire

All of these free condoms are really burning a hole in my pocket.

Chris Caldwell

A toast ...to... umm.. whatever.

Bruce Sherrod

A stop-gap measure is better than no gap at all.

David Farber

A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterwards.

Jean Paul Richter

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.

Daniel Webster

A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author.

S. C. Johnson

A statesman who keeps his ear permanently glued to the ground will have neither elegance of posture nor flexibility of movement.

Abba Eban

A still tongue makes a happy life.

The Prisoner

A spirit with a vision is a dream with a mission.

Rush

A trauma is when it happens to me. No bid deal is when it happens to you.

Matt Groening

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Jack Benny

A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.

Dutch proverb

A ship in harbor is safe... but that is not what ships are for.

John A. Shedd

A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing.

Marilyn Monroe

A shadow is the... mobile, persistent, distributed, self-descriptive, Sandor Spruit self-contained, pro-active, cooperative, trustworthy, object-oriented, software analog of some real world object. A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he Mark Twain was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. A sweater makes anyone look like a babe.

Richard Goodman

A task becomes a duty from the moment you suspect it to be an essential part of that integrity which alone entitles a man to assume responsibility.

Dag Hammarskjold

A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.

H.W. Dodds

A technique succeeds in mathematical physics, not by a clever trick, O.G. Sutton or a happy accident, but because it expresses some aspect of a physical truth. A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Michael Winner

A successful technology creates problems only it can solve.

Alan Kay

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner

A nightmare of in-line hand-optimizations and micro hacks. Register variables with names like p, pp, and ppp being used for multitudes of differebt purposes in different parts of a single function.

Unix-Haters Handbook

A painter should not paint what he sees, but what will be seen.

Paul Valery

A pact between Microsoft and Barney. Sealed in purple blood.

Dmitri Schoeman

A penny saved is worthless.

Dave Barry

A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.

Gloria Steinem

A pathetic, poorly written, pseudo-intellectual, pseudo-spiritual, pseudo-document of schmaltz. But if they want me to be in the movie, sign me up.

David Duchovny on Bridges of Madison County

A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.

Phyllis Schafly

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

Edward Abbey

A people who expect to be ignorant and free expect what never will, Thomas Jefferson and never can, be. A retentive memory is a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness.

Elbert Hubbard

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Dave Barry

A stupid person can do anything but think.

Bob Dobbs, Jr.

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any Patricia Neal wonder drug. A person should never be ashamed to own that he is wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

Alexander Pope

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

James Dent

A piano is a piano is a piano.

Gertrude Steinway.

A picture is worth a thousand words. So draw a picture of the Gettysburg address.

Leo Rosten

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

Chauncey Depew

a scene is a collection of sexual references that masquerades as an art support group

Brad Barkett

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

Peter McArthur

All the good ones are taken. The act of being taken makes them good.

Adam Rifkin

All the lemmings are coming home to roost.

David Farber

All those who are not racially pure are mere chaff.

Adolf Hitler

All that was meant to bore you shitless.

I. Goulden

All the loose nuts in America end up in Los Angeles because of the continental tilt.

Frank Lloyd Wright

All this proves is that anyone setting themselves up as a kind of Declan McCullagh digital moral compass quickly finds themselves plunged into a kind of virtual Bermuda Triangle, where vertigo reigns and you hope to hell you pop out the other side still on course. Technology is never a substitute for conscience. All true beauty is analytic.

Edgar Allen Poe

All things are only transitory.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

All this from a species which still gets excited about digital watches.

Douglas Adams

All this freaking bicycling is making my perineum sore.

Adam Rifkin

All these years of thinking, ended up like this, in front of all this beauty, understanding nothing.

Bruce Cockburn

All these people, and doubtless many more, were at some time during a long night castigated, vilified, embarrassed or, worst, bored, for which he most humbly and respectfully apologizes.

Howard Potter

All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

Dave Barry

All the trouble in the world is due to the fact that man cannot sit still Blaise Pascal in a room. A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Canada Bill Jones

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

David Letterman

A society in which women are taught anything but the management L. Ron Hubbard of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation, is a society which is on the way out. A small case of mood poisoning. Must be something I hate.

Wild Palms

A room-spent night does not a boyfriend make.

Adam Rifkin

A revolution is not a dinner party.

Mao Tse Tung

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

A rocky road is easier to travel than a stone wall.

David Farber

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Publilius Syrus

A room without books is like a body without a soul.

Cicero

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.

John Tudor

A simple, half-done job is more virtuous than a complex, wellexecuted one.

Unix-Haters Handbook

A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.

Professor Steiner

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent Jim Fiebig by the government in less than a second. All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture

Bumper sticker

All the things I really like to do are immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Alexander Woollcott

All the words of love surround her.

Billy Joel

All the world is wild at heart and weird on top.

David Lynch

All the physics you have learned so far is massless, frictionless, and Dr. Chyu pointless. A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Donald Kaul

A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a months study of books.

Chinese Proverb

Admiral, there be whales here...

Scotty

Evian spelled backwards is naive.

Reality Bites

Every cloud has a silver bullet.

Married with Children

Every country has the government it deserves.

Joseph de Maistre

Every child had pretty good a shot to get as far as their old man got. Billy Joel But something happened on the way to that place. Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once Pablo Picasso she grows up. Every day I cry a few tears for a world spun so wildly out of control.

John Dobbin

God, I was a teenager in the mall obsessing about this cheerleader who would never go out with me, playing this videogame.

J.C. Herz

God was able to create the world in only seven days because he had Andy Finkel no installed base to consider. Every generation yields the new born hope unjaded by their years.

Sarah McLachlan

Every action has a positive reaction, even if it has a negative result.

Slacker

Every breath leaves me one less to my last.

Dream Theater

Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.

Miguel de Cervantes

Every battle is won before it is ever fought. Sun-tzu, The Art of War.

Wall Street

Every difficulty slurred over will be a ghost to disturb your repose later on.

Frederic Chopin

Every disagreement in the world is a matter of definition and degree.

Kaylanis Law

Every character you save saves power.

John Dobbin

Every burned book enlightens the world.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gold is tried by fire, brave men by adversity.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

God made the integers. All else is the work of Man.

Kronecker

Good music is the key to good design. Go out and get yourself some CDs with that big fat advance check from The Man.

Brady Clark

God made the Idiot for practice. Then He made the School Board.

Mark Twain

God not only plays dice, He sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen.

S. Hawking

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, William Brag Wednesday, and Friday. The Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

Going to the bathroom and reading a book are in no way mutually exclusive. Finish a page, tear it out and wipe your ass.

John Dobbin

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Alfred Jarry

God not only plays dice, he also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen.

Stephen Hawking

God put me on this Earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I Calvin am so far behind, I will never die. God must love the comman man, he made so many of them.

Abraham Lincoln

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Pablo Picasso

Everybody who knows anything about history firsthand is dead. Dave Barry This means our only source of history is historians, who are useless because they keep changing everything around. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

Henry Miller

Even the penile enlargement fad has to be measured against the Web...

Rohit Khare

Even when I close my eyes, your silhouette is smiling at me.

They Might Be Giants

Everyone and his bisexual brother writes erotica.

Andrew Stellman

Everybody remember where we parked.

Kirk

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

David Letterman

Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around.

They Might Be Giants

Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.

Jerry Maguire

Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.

They Might Be Giants

Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people.

the Refreshments

Everybody knows lesbian sex is more satisfying than heterosexual sex.

Threesome

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you do not keep moving.

Will Rogers

Even in paradise, you have to go to the crappiest beach first to appreciate the really monster death-defying ones.

Rohit Khare

Even rats learn from experience.

George Skarbek

Every little event is like a pebble in the water that ripples outward and touches places the pebble never could. One set of friends started examining their OWN lives long after discussion of you or me had left the conversation.

Adam Rifkin

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired

Dwight D. Eisenhower

signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.

Frank Moore Colby

Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong about the facts.

The Old Philosopher

Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive.

Ayn Rand

Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.

Don Vonada

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

Yogi Berra

Even evil people sometimes get up in the middle of the night to eat chocolate chip cookies.

Di Francis

Even I dip my ladle into the english well every now and then.

Adam Rifkin

Eventually, people realized that the Information Superhighway was Dave Barry essentially CB radio, but with more typing. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.

Gandhi

good thing I bought more gin last night. Just in time to deal with this HAIRY NOTES PROBLEM.

Brendan Hoar

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Gail Godwin

Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent.

Weird Al Yankovic

Haiku is pointless. Culturally obnoxious. Complete waste of time.

Lloyd Wood

Half of philosophy is knowing when to shut up.

Nicholas Brownlow paraphrasing Ludwig Wittgenstein

Hair is a privilege, not a right.

Principal Skinner

Hakeem will become the most popular name for newborn babies.

David Letterman

God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs...

Jurassic Park

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

Go to the law for a sheep and lose your cow.

German Proverb

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

Jewish proverb

God created Adam lord of all living creatures, but Eve spoiled it all. Martin Luther Goals are dreams with deadlines.

Diana Scharf Hunt

God created man, and finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a Paul Valery

companion to make him feel his solitude more. God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.

James M. Barrie

God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

Robin Williams

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Margaret Lee Runbeck

Happiness is the longing for repetition.

Milan Kundera

Handcrafted with pride in the United States by non-exploited, entrepreneur- type craftspeople who ride their bikes a lot

Gabe Underwood

Happiness is a warm gun. Bang bang, shoot shoot.

John Lennon

Hand me that piano, and then fold up the cow.

overheard when moving

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Ingrid Bergman

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Mark Twain

H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken. There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.

Maxwell Bodenheim

Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude.

Joseph Wood Krutch

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Ogden Nash

Half our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think, J. Churton Collins and thinking where we ought to feel. God cannot alter the past, but historians can.

Samuel Butler

God gave... legs to the horses, gills to the fish, wings to the birds, heads to the men, and brains to the women.

A. Namelesspoet

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Gluttony is not a secret vice.

Orson Welles

Go ahead... make my day...

Clint Eastwood

Go oft to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused path.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Glenn Frey was an absolutely inspired casting choice. What a great way to kill some time on Christmas Eve.

John Dobbin

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.

Desiderata

Go in pieces.

Sarah Esser

Good evening, and welcome to Introducing My Grandfather To. Tonight I shall be introducing my grandfather to the pornographer and steeple-chase jockey, Benton Asher.

Hugh Laurie

Good evening, and welcome to Trying To Borrow A Fiver Off.

Hugh Laurie

Good thing we have a free press or we might have had to wait for a court to convict him.

Jim Mullen

Good things come to those who wait. Crap arrives the fastest.

Rich Hall

Good afternoon, Tech Pacific, Tara speaking...

Tara

Good ideas and innovations must be driven into existence by courageous patience.

Admiral Hyman Rickover

Good habits result from resisting temptation.

Ancient Proverb

Gonna take my hips to a man who cares.

P.J. Harvey

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Bob Hope

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

La Rouchefoucauld

God I would love to drag his frat boy ass to a Chaos UK concert.

alt.punk to Adam Rifkin

God hates me. This I know. I saw it in the shape of my Quaker Instant Oatmeal this morning. The tracks and valleys left by the spoon were unusual and probably demonic.

Robert Rodgers

God himself could not sink this ship.

unknown Titanic Deck Hand

God help me, I sort of like the interface for this........

John Dobbin discovers msn.com

Go to an extreme and then retreat to a more useful position.

Brian Eno

God has made many doors opening into truth which He opens to all Kahlil Gibran who knock upon them with hands of faith. God has made Canada one of those nations which cannot be conquered and cannot be destroyed, except by itself.

Norman Angell

God is a combination of Stalin and Castro.

Professor Beildelman

God is in the Details.

Mies van der Rohe

Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow

Linus Torvalds

Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.

Frank Lloyd Wright

Give us the truth, the networks say. Based Upon. Well, Inspired By. Al Martinez Okay, Suggested by. Hinted By. Dreamed By. Giving requires good sense.

Ovid

Glass, china, and reputations are easily cracked and never well mended.

Benjamin Franklin

Glass of milk Standing in between extinction in the cold and explosive radiating growth. So the warm blood flows Through the

They Might Be Giants

large four-chambered heart, Maintaining the very high metabolism rate they have. Glancing at the table of contents, it looks like YASHEEOFLS, yet another spin on how to encode everything OO into a functional language with subtyping.

Robert Harley

Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story.

John Barth

Everyone knows that the best song for fucking is Assimilate by Skinny Puppy. Of course Deep Down Trauma Hounds is a close second.

Chris Rapier

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer Fear is the beginning of wisdom.

Bertrand Russell

Fate keeps on happening.

Anita Loos

Fear is the Mind Killer. It is the little death that leads to total obliteration.

Bene Gesserit Axiom

Fearlessly, the idiot faced the crowd, smiling.

Pink Floyd

Fear of corrupting the mind of the younger generation is the loftiest Holbrook Jackson form of cowardice. Fear is a slinking cat I find beneath the lilacs of my mind.

Sophie Tunnel

Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have Frederick Douglass the exact measure of the injustice and wrong which will be imposed on them. Find me and turn thy back on heaven.

Emerson

Fear not to negotiate, but never negotiate out of fear.

John F Kennedy

Fellow alumni run thicker than water.

David Farber

Fellow citizens, we cannot escape history.

Abraham Lincoln

Feminism was established as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.

Rush Limbaugh

Fast, fat computers breed slow, lazy programmers.

Robert Hummel

Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.

Jacques Delille

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to change it every six months.

Oscar Wilde

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Animal House

Fight like a robot. Kill like a chicken.

Deral Fenderson

File deletion is forever. Welcome to the future.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy

Enlightenment is the conversion of religious experience to religious Steven Puerto life.

Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity.

Paul Goodman

Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.

Robert G. Ingersoll

Finite slack, I think. Just infinitely lazy...

Rajit Manohar

Fingering is a real hassle for me.

John Dobbin

Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention.

Jack Woodford

Fiction was invented the day Jonas arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Fiction can be fun, but I prefer the reference section.

Ace Ventura

Feelings are everywhere. Be gentle.

J. Masai

First and foremost, the stupid people need to shut up and let the more intelligent folks speak.

Pankaj Chowdhry

First, I suspected a bug in printf, then in the data storage types, then Rohit Khare in the loop optimization. As usual, though, it was a bug in the documentation. First you want to kill me. Now you want to kiss me. Blow.

Army of Darkness

First, director Oliver Stone forces three hours of Jack down our throats in the form of his JFK assassination theories. With his most recent effort, we all have to swallow three hours of Dick... Dick Nixon that is.

Mr. Cranky

First you see the tree in the painting then you see the painting in the Japanese saying tree. First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.

Leo Rosenberg

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Josh Billings

Examine what is said, not who speaks.

Arabian Proverb

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act Aristotle rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. Exactly the same, only purple.

Ed Matthews

Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.

Robert Firth

First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.

Gandhi

Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before.

Joseph Campbell

Fly low, stay cool, and go with the flow.

Arthur F. Ross

Floating point arithmetic is not associative.

Berna Massingill

Flow, flow, flow, the current of life is ever onward.

Kobodaishi

Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.

Walt Kelly

Follow the dreamer, the fool, and the sage, back to the days of The Innocent Age.

Dan Fogelberg

Fodder Muckers is a great band name.

Adam Rifkin and John Dobbin

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die.

Klingon Proverb

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare for doom.

Klingon proverb

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Alexander Pope

Flies in the vaseline, we are. Keep getting stuck here all the time.

Stone Temple Pilots

Football is a mistake. It combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.

George Will

Food is not the boss in my life. I am stronger than the temptation of Richard Simmons any food. For a minute there, room-service took on a whole new meaning.

Crocodile Dundee

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.

Richard Feynman

Ensgin Expendable, step on that rock

Kirk

Every thought you make becomes a reality.

Slacker

Every time I close the door on reality, it shines through the window. Ashleigh Brilliant Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.

Bellamy Brooks

Egosurfing is the act of feeding your own name to the search engines and visiting the resulting hits.

Wired

Everybody gets so much information all day long that they loose their common sense.

Gertrude Stein

Every year it takes less time to fly across the Atlantic, and more time to drive to the office.

Cousin Woodman

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. Samuel Beckett Every time I learn to live by my means, my means get meaner.

Adam Rifkin

Every time I look at you, I go blind.

Hootie and the Blowfish

Eight-ball is a racist game. The white ball knocks the black ball last. Boomerang Education makes us what we are.

C.A. Helvetius

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.

Napoleon Hill

Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.

G.M. Trevelyan

Egad, a base tone denotes a bad age.

They Might Be Giants Palindrome

Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.

Emo Phillips

Every person you see on TV has sold their soul to get there.

Joe Kiniry

Every place has its advantages and disadvantages. Pittsburgh has its Greg Plesur snow, but Palo Alto has those giant carrion weasles. You decide which is worse. Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.

Schopenhauer

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Will Rogers

Everyone has Patriots, but I all I have is Scuds.

Rugburns

Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery.

Beverly Johnson

Everyone said she looked beautiful even without her head.

Cracker

Everyone has part ownership of the songs.

Eddie Vedder

Everyone has a story that would break your heart.

Claudia Shearer

Everyone I know goes away in the end.

Nine Inch Nails

Every obnoxious act is a cry for help.

Zig Ziglar

Every now and then, a little learning makes us think we know a lot.

Vaughn Manning

Every noble work is at first impossible.

Thomas Carlyle

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

H. L. Mencken

Every view of the world that becomes extinct, every culture that disappears, diminishes the possibility of life.

Octavio Paz

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

H.L. Mencken

Every morning I get up and start combing my hair. Then I really need a drink for that thirst I worked up.

John Dobbin

Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.

Ross Callon

Every once in a while an ad campaign comes along that shows the Denis Leary softer, compassionate side of business. No one remembers that crap. Every morning I stop off at SevLev and pick me up a Super Big Gulp to start my morning right.

John Dobbin

Either that file gets deleted, or you do.

Golden Years

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Woody Allen

Euclid alone has looked on beauty bare.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which Jerome Lettvin

otherwise require harder thinking. Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.

Edgar R. Fiedler

erpf...uh...kill me now... better yet, kill him now.

Dmitri Schoeman

Eschew obfuscation.

Bumper sticker

Emacs is a fine windowing system, but I still prefer glass.

Tom Christiansen

Elvis is dead. Give it up.

Michelle Hall

Emacs would have loaded the poor machine to the point where there was no more time to spend animating the dinosaurs, and everyone would have been home by lunchtime. And that would have made a very boring movie.

John West

Embarrasingly enough, the link I sought was not on your page, so my frustration toward you was misdirected.

John Dobbin

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.

Bob Marley

Emacs is a disease, not a tool.

Robert Rodgers

emotionally-envious, sexually-jealous insolent little dysfunctional bastard

baby-X

Empowerment comes from within. Not from without.

Adam Rifkin

Enthusiasm is faith set on fire.

George Adams

Empirical research has shown that quality tends to the be consequence of quantity when it comes to creativity...Those who produce more master-works also produce more rubbish.

Keith Simonton

Energy, like the biblical grain of the mustard seed, will remove mountains.

Hosea Ballou

Empire had the betting ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, Clerks finds out Vader is his father, uh, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. Eat Thai food like the Thai do... sparingly.

Rohit Khare

Eat, drink, and be Maui.

Hawaiian saying

Easy to use is easy to say.

Jeff Garbers

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

William Feather

Elanor and Niphredil bloom no more east of the sea.

J.R.R. Tolkien

Elle MacPherson is another story altogether... pant, pant.

Robert Harley

Either your head will explode or you would be nice and serene or your head would explode AND you would be nice and serene.

Bethany Jozwiak

Ears pierced free

while you wait.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.

Robert Frost

Education is the fire-proofer of emotions.

Frank Crane

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Irsin Edman

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.

W. B. Yeats

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self confidence.

Robert Frost

Ebert could beat the crap out of Siskel.

David Letterman

Ecosystems, schmecosystems.

Exxon

Earth is a single point of failure.

Patrick Greenwell

Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.

Jeff Berner

Earth below us, drifting, flowing. Floating weightless. Coming, coming home.

Peter Schilling

If you want a place in the sun, you have to put up with a few blisters.

Abigail Van Buren

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.

George Bernard Shaw

Hell is... other people.

Jean Paul Sartre

Hell hath no fury like a critic whose cult icon has gone public.

Peter Rainer

Head em up and load em out.

Thanh Boyer

Hell hath no fury like a process spawned.

Adam Rifkin

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

Milton Friedman

Hell is a city much like London--A populous and smoky city.

Percy Shelly

hen people of good faith come together as one.... the rest of us end up in concentration camps.

Steve Gifford

Heroism is not only in the man, but in the occasion.

Calvin Coolidge

Hershey Bar is like the best candy bar ever.

Michelle Gardner

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Steven Wright

Hey Beavis. I was just, like, thinking and stuff. It was pretty cool.

Butt-head

Help, am dying of repiratory shit... need flickage.

Rohit Khare

help, my typewriter is broken...

ee cummings

Help me help you.

Jerry Maguire

Help us put pot back on the streets where it belongs.

Saturday Night Live

Hello, Bitter party, your table is ready. Bitter, party of one.

unknown TV sitcom

Hello, Jane speaking.

Jane

Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned, Nor Hell a fury, like William Congreve a woman scorned.

Heaven is a girl that I know so well.

Def Leppard

Heather says real life sucks losers dry.

Heathers

Health nuts will feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Red Foxx

Help put the science in Computer Science.

Steve Park

Heather Locklear put the nasty in Dynasty.

People

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Redd Foxx

Her face was burned on my brain...

When Harry Met Sally

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks in batting Casey Stengel practice. I was the best I ever had.

Woody Allen

I was sitting here fast asleep when a trill from flora woke me up to some arriving email...

Robert Harley

Here was a man who not only had a ready mind and a quick wit, but Rope could also sing. here is more to life than increasing its speed.

Wilferd A. Peterson

Here, we use a lunchbox instead of a soapbox.

Samantha Crouse

Henry VIII and his six knives.

Blackadder IV

Hey, I could summon a demon to terrorize that church. Cool.

Shawn Knight

Hey, by the way, if you leave milk in the refrigerator too long, it turns into a clear yellow liquid.

John Dobbin

Hey there, blimpy boy, flying in the sky, oh fancy free...

Homer Simpson

Her other recommendation, which also applies equally to conventional weddings, is actually at odds with the unfortunate current practices of society as a whole. That is to plan the occasion remembering that its purpose is not to show off your love for each other, but to establish yourselves as a public and dignified unit in the society in which you move.

Miss Manners

Herbert J. Schmuck, unlike any other author of his time, is able in his finest work, The Harmonious Odors of Putrefication, to depth the nature and the reality of human verisimilitude.

Michael Patrick

Hey, kickee.

Friends

Hey, think of all the money I save Mankind by not going out with anyone.

Megan Coughlin

Hey, there are some pretty good quotes in here. Although there are far too many of them. Delete three.

Joshua Schachter

HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

James Brown

Hey, that makes this the first recorded instance of someone playing Steve Gifford StarFleet when they shoulda been doing work. Yeah, this is historic. Hi, nice to see you back. By the way, I want to die.

John Dobbin

Hi. My name is Warner Brandes. My voice is my passport. Verify me.

Sneakers

High thoughts must have high language.

Aristophanes

Hey, you gotta be equal.

Encino Man

History is little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind.

Edward Gibbon

Hitch your wagon to a star.

Emerson

His head is like Sputnik. Look at that noggin.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

Hiro used to feel that way, too, but then he ran into Raven. In a way, this is liberating. He no longer has to worry about trying to be the baddest motherfucker in the world. The position is taken.

Neal Stephenson

his ass is, uh, something bad that rhymes with ass.

Kristiina Wilson

His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat.

Jeffrey Carl

His mind is like a steel trap... full of mice.

Foghorn Leghorn

Hmmm. Rif Coogan. Adam RIFkin.

Megan Coughlin

History shall confirm or deny our success.

Libertis mission statement

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

Winston Churchill

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Abba Eban

Hit a child because you love him, and the child learns to love being hit.

John Dobbin

Hot and dry sounds cool to me.

John Dobbin

Hold a true friend with both hands.

Nigerian Proverb

Honesty, courage, loyalty and duty are not only their own reward, but the only reward a self-respecting person needs.

Robert Heinlein

Honesty may not be the best policy, but it is worth trying once in a while.

Richard Nixon

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Bumper sticker

Home is is the place where your computer lives and runs your life.

Chrome Cowboy

Hoez are savvy women who know how to use their brains to get what they want.

HWA

HODIE NATUS EST FRATER RADICI... Today the brother of the Multics

root was born. Homework is bad. Going home is bad.

Darrell Long

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to Princess Bride die. Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.

UHF

Homer Simpson, report for much worse duty.

Smithers

Honesty is best often kept to yourself.

John Dobbin

Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might feel proud to call his own, but I wish to sell out. I have sported that kind of jewelry long enough.

Mark Twain

Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress.

Mahatma Gandhi

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.

Emily Dickinson

hoping for the incomplete. the melting icefall. intoxication furthers. Anu Kapoor Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have is not permanent.

Jean Kerr

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields

Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed.

Neil Armstrong

Housework can kill you if done right.

Erma Bombeck

I was thinking of just pouring a pound of coffee in the litter box raw.

John Dobbin

I was thinking of her in terms of a toy, like a firetruck. When the firetruck breaks, you cry a bit then forget about it and play with the police cruiser.

John Jantos

I will not be pushed, prodded, folded, stamped, briefed, debriefed or The Prisoner filed. I am a man. My life is my own I think the phrase rhymes with clucking bell.

Blackadder IV

I think the portion of grades that are due to pure luck is almost nil, Sam Kass if you disregard the luck that causes the surrounding circumstances. I think you should always gratefully take whatever small blessings the world throws your way - otherwise, the world may start throwing them in another direction.

John Thornley

I think you can see Little Women and still keep your penis.

John Dobbin

I think you have the rudaments of a soul. You will not discover it Ann Marie Clark until sorrow separates you from all artifice. Break down the false in your life and use the rubble to build something real. I went to the Missing Persons Bureau. No one was there.

George Carlin

I will never see myself in the mirror with my eyes closed.

They Might Be Giants

I went to a convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was a spontaneous combustion.

Dorothy Parker

I will avoid that like the plack.

Thanh Boyer

I will go further and dry-erase-marker you in.

John Thornley

I will make it a felony to drink small beer.

William Shakespeare

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded... Woody Allen dead. I will not lie down. I will not go quietly.

Don Henley and Axl Rose

I will not be officious.

from the Minnesota police code of ethics

I think the media sux bunny rabbits through a straw.

Robert Harley

I think I see the light at the end of the zone.

Thanh Boyer

I think I need to make a faisalfaq.com page, where the most frequently said reply is heh.

Kriste Jordan

I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.

Yogi Berra

I think most Scottish cuisine was based on a dare.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

I think that timeline, like most, diverges into junk. A fine example of historical myopia, with more detail in the last five years than the previous twenty.

Rohit Khare

I think the best way to insult an illiterate bully is to write him a nasty letter.

Paul Paternoster

I think the cheribum are the ones that hang from the roof of the cave.

Dennis Miller

I think that I can confidently swear, to god and all things holy, that Greg Plesur if I AM getting the cold that I suspect is stalking me, I will pick up the pick axe that I bought from Jody and start a spree of crime and killing of Old Testament proportions. I will commit such damage to American civilization that, hundreds of generations from now, parents will be telling legends about me to their children in front of the camp-fires that will be the most technologically advanced sources of light and heat that I will leave for them to inherit. Where I walk I will leave a trail of scorched and salted earth. Dogs will no longer be domesticated. I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.

Charles Barkley

I think in the world we are moving to people are going to stop paying for information, and will be paying to not get information. More signal, less noise.

Gordon Irlam

I thought computer algorithms was their jargon for numerical analysis.

Joel Franklin

I thought I had wavy hair until I shaved. Instead, I find that I have straight hair and a very wavy head.

Shel Silverstein

I though Adam was a small white naked version of Rohit.

Duck

I thought my monkey had rabies... turned out he had just gotten into DL the Cool Whip. I think this kind of traffic is only clouding the minds of the team, much as we all keep in the back of our minds.

Rohit Khare

I think this is bad for the TV.

Butt-head

I thought of losing my virginity as a career move.

Madonna

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score Calvin and a laugh track. I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.

Jack Handey

I think if you really like a girl you have to pay a LOT of attention to Dave George her. But try telling that to those jerks on the jury. I thought I was the Duke of Earl when I made it with the red head girl in the Chevrolet.

Billy Joel

I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was just strangling an ostrich.

Craig Stacey

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Mark Twain

I want to run the risk of ruining what is a lovely recession.

George H. W. Bush

I want to thank my parents for loving me and taking care of me, and Johnny Franklin Garret the rest of the world can kiss my ass. I was able to climb the latter so you should be able to fill the former.

Adam Rifkin

I was accepted into this department as a decoration.

James Cook

I wanted to make it sound like I was in a restaurant.

Friends

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off Steven Wright to the side. I want you to take me. I want you to break me. And I want you to throw me away.

Nine Inch Nails

I want you to kill someone in ten lines or less.

Jon Bennett

I was young and foolish then, I feel old and foolish now.

They Might Be Giants

I want you to break me and I want you to throw me away.

Nine Inch Nails

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.

Vice President Dan Quayle

I want to run away. But only children can run away. Adults only fail.

Rohit Khare

I want to play with her head like a drum kit.

Steven Wright

I want to marry Dorothy Parker. Well, actually I probably just want Peter Berger to divorce her. I was always envious of those Web logs that displayed their archive Rafe Colburn in a nifty calendar format where you can select a day and see the entries for that date. I then remembered that when you know Perl, envy is unwarranted. I want to find a cute early bird to eat my early worm.

John Dobbin

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Jack Handey

I want to decide who lives and who dies.

Crow T. Robot

I want to cover every bit of your body in pepper and then sneeze all Blackadder IV over you. I was too busy laughing at the image of you running across the Sahara with tournament darts, trying to bring down a giraffe.

Megan Coughlin

I was really impressed with hawaii from several perspectives, but available chicks was not one of them.

Joe Kiniry

I was more impressed by what came out the last time I blew my nose.

Blackadder IV

I was really looking forward to some excessive indulgence. Keep me posted on the next time this is happening.

John Thornley

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Steven Wright

I was put on earth to give people reading lists they could never hope Christy Regenhardt to finish. I was the person who stood in the middle of the room, trying to be the center of attention, but actually just watched everyone else.

Cristen Sankey

i was thinking more along the lines of my dating life than major political trends. although it may be argued that the two are one and the same.

May Jawdat

I was once in a spelling bee, but I lost because the other contastents cheeted.

Paul Paternoster

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I Woody Allen looked into the soul of the person sitting next to me. I was told it had been blown up by Oliver Cromwell. I understood

Winston Churchill

definitely that he had blown up all sorts of things and was therefore a very great man. I went from Pheonix Arizona, all the way to Tacoma, Philedelphia, Atlanta, L.A.

Steve Miller

I was walking around the house, looking for things to rewire.

Tim Allen

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye... and dragged it fifteen feet.

Emo Phillips

I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.

Linda Ronstadt

i wish my intestines were multithreaded

Len Lanphar

I wish I was in Tijuana eating barbecued iguana.

Wall of Voodoo

I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that.

Christie Brinkley

I woke up this morning and my penis was missing again.

King Missile

I wish everyone would just wake up and buy a Macintosh.

Alan McElrath

I was cured all right.

A Clockwork Orange

I was born here, and I have left, and inexorably I return.

Megan Coughlin

I was called a sex thimble.

Dudley Moore

I will rule out PERL on grounds of total illegibility and insecurity. It is possible to write decent programs in Perl. I know both of the people who actually do it.

Jonathan Shapiro

I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed. I never understood the frequency.

REM

I will scream or sulk and pout, until my poor skeleton steps out.

XTC

I will smash the CIA into a thousand pieces.

John F. Kennedy

History is a set of lies agreed upon.

Napoleon Bonaparte

I can see how this would make it a lot harder to apply oneself to work, especially at CMU, where work is so pointlessly and excruciatingly odious.

Bruce Sherrod

I can really identify with video games. The more I play them, the more I find they mirror the aggression and sex which I yearn for in my own life.

Paul Santa Clara

I can speak French but I cannot understand it.

Mark Twain

I could eat you.

Jon-Anne Siefert

I could have put a serious picture of myself here, but I think I look like a cartoon character in this shot. I like cartoons.

Mike Belt

I could prove God statistically.

George Gallup

I could sure go for some charbroiled hamburgers and french-fried potatoes.

Jungle Goddess

I could take a Ventrue but that TOAST OTTO ritual just really sucks.

Otto on MasqueradeMUSH

I could never marry an awful heffalump, or I might get squished.

Blackadder III

I can tell she wanted to fuck me by the way she was female.

Geoff Spear

I could be arguing in my spare time.

Monty Python

I could do it in a tree. I could do it you would see. She has got a real John Dobbin does Dr. hot bod, maybe she would like my rod. Seuss I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.

Michael Prichard

I consider several hours of time to be significant unless very little Mani Chandy was contributed in those several hours, whereas less than an hour is probably not significant unless the ideas contributed in that short time made a big difference to the paper. I choose toilet paper through the process of elimination.

George Carlin

I do not like work even when another person does it.

Mark Twain

I did not design this game. I did not name the stakes. I just happen to like apples. And I am not afraid of snakes.

Ani DiFranco

I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I create nothing.

Wall Street

I dare not speak ill of any man behind his back, but I believe the man is an attorney.

Samuel Johnson

I DO think floor is another word for hamper.

John Dobbin

I do not seek. I find.

Pablo Picasso

I do what I do just to survive.

Coolio

I finally wised up and stopped buying things with rebates. If they want to give me money back, just sell it cheaper. No gimmicks.

John Dobbin

I figured your password was Geraldo, you know, your chihuahua, and it was...

Batman Returns

I fight for truth, justice, and my own enjoyment.

Sledgehammer

I fight authority, authority always wins.

John Cougar Mellencamp

I found it hard, was hard to find, oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Nirvana

I gave up eating candy for Lent. Mommy was proud and so were the nuns. I thought it was okay to eat the candy if the wrapper was on. I was just sucking out the juices.

Rugburns

I find it very disturbing that you people know how to use my penis better than I do.

Tatia Markland

I feel the pain of everyone and then I feel nothing.

Dinosaur Jr.

I find it strange that a family can be torn up by something so simple Jack Handey as a pack of wild dogs. I for one could offer a lot of thoughts on any subject, but in many D.P. Chassin cases they would be based on speculation at best, or misinformation at worst. I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I emote the light fantastic over these things.

Adam Rifkin

I expect that Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.

George Meredith

I feast on a Turbo Dog. It keeps me sane.

Heathers

I fear for all the young people I convinced to plunge into this wonderful idealistic pursuit of journalism. I shudder at the disillusion that awaited them.

Ed Asner

I fear you must blame your own perverse urges.

Picard

I even bubble if you pop my cork just right.

Jon Gillespie

I feel like complete cat sphincter right now

Kevin Zygmontas

I feel like a snowflake in an avalanche.

Adam Rifkin

I feel like Keith Richards looks. ugh.

Matthew Haughey

I care about the job, but mostly I want to be inspired.

Jerry Maguire

I cannot conceive otherwise than that He, the Infinite Father, Benjamin Franklin expects or requires no worship or praise from us, but that He is even infinitely above it. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Jon Stewart

I feel fine.....Everything seems a little smaller.

Picard

I dream of a world where someday you can buy liquor, cigarettes, Dogbert and firearms at a drive-thru window and use them all before you get home. Basically, anything that gets rid of people is okay with me. But before you go, buy my new book... I drank Pledge for a week, and whenever I farted, I polished a chair. Billy Joel I drink the fifth.

John Dobbin

I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan

I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

Ghostbusters

I find panic dumps enormously entertaining.

John Dobbin

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

Franklin P. Adams

I dub thee Admiral Angst.

Dan Brown

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a Charles Dickens

touch that never hurts. Hates job. Hates spouse. Hates life. Loves Cheetos.

David Letterman

He is wise who is warned by the misfortunes of others.

Aesop

Haste makes waste.

John Heywood

He just jellied up the sidewalk. Waring Hudsucker is abstract art on Hudsucker Proxy Madison Avenue. He is the best sailor who can steer within fewest points of the wind, Henry David Thoreau and exact a motive power out of the greatest obstacles. He is now a heretic with a travel budget. And we intend to take care Rohit Khare of at least one of those. He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Mark Twain

He is not only dull himself, but the cause of dullness in others.

Samuel Johnson

He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was vertical.

Trouble with Harry

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

J.R.R. Tolkein

He knows not his own strength that hath not met adversity.

Ben Jonson

He kept his motor running, but he never kept it clean.

Skid Row

He is dead. Somethat that he disagreed with, ate him

Vijay Gill

He is happiest who has the power to gather wisdom from a flower.

Mary Howitt

He is mad, bad, and dangerous to know.

Lady Caroline Lamb

He is a master of time suckage.

Reality Bites

Have respect for the instrument. There may be days in your lives where that will be the only thing you can control.

Busoni

Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.

St. Francis de Sales

Harpists spend ninety percent of their lives tuning their harps and ten percent playing out of tune

Igor Stravinsky

Having a baby is one of the hardest and most strenuous things known to man.

Anna Raeburn

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

David Letterman

Have a seat while I take to the sky.

Tori Amos

Have a tude, weinerdude.

Reality Bites

Have him watch Springer. Remind himself that these idiots are lusted after. Works for me...

John Dobbin

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care Rita Rudner of them. Have car, will travel.

Tom Tarka

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, advertising wondrous things.

Tom Lehrer

He has low enough morals that he wil undoubtedly be able to buy us out in ten years.

Rohit Khare

He has his ass on the wrong end of his head.

David Farber

He frequently only opens his mouth to lace his shoes.

MLS Commissioner Doug Logan responding to some disparaging comments about league management made by DC United coach Bruce Arena.

He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful.

Sydney Smith

He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.

Horace

He believed in the primacy of doubt, not as a blemish upon our ability to know, but as the essence of knowing.

James Gliek in The Life and Science of Richard Feynman

He drops more names than a telephone book with bad binding.

Michel Marriott

He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal. He could clear the Savannah after every meal.

The Lion King

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

Chuck Smith

His train of thought is still boarding at the station.

Calvin

History is bunk.

Henry Ford

History is an argument without end.

Pieter Geyl

History is composed of the smallest, often undetected mistakes.

John Irving

He got me involved in some kind of fruit company.

Forrest Gump

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Douglas Adams

He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in vials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers.

Jonathan Swift

He had a coprophagic smile.

Martin Amis

He had an empathic relationship with her.

John Thornley

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I Abraham Lincoln ever met. He looks at the world through coma-induced eyes.

Howard Stern

He loves me, we have great sex, and he fixes my car.

Amy Fisher

He made one crucial mistake. He looked bad on TV.

Dennis Miller

He pledged to be faithful to the cow from his prison cell.

Kevin and Bean

He only possesses one thing

the gift of flight. And you have taken that away from him.

He that can have patience can have what he will.

Ben Franklin

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

Ben Franklin

He rules with an iron thumb.

David Farber

He pushed me off a building, just when I was beginning to feel good about myself.

Catwoman

He plays the game to find the answer, the sacred geometry of chance.

Sting

He comes from a light blue collar family.

Slacker

He cannot be alone.

Jerry Maguire

He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh.

Koran

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.

John Stuart Mill

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts... for support rather than illumination.

Andrew Lang

He uses telnet like a pro... and he drinks Johnny Walker Red.

Ed Briggs

He who laughs last

missed the punch line.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Bertolt Brecht

He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.

Joseph Joubert

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Giacomo Leopardi

He who knows nothing, loves nothing. He who can do nothing, Paracelsus understands nothing. He who understands nothing is worthless. But he who understands also loves, notices, sees... The more knowledge is inherent in a thing, the greater the love... Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries knows nothing about the grapes. He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Dr. Johnson

He who lives by the sword, should go out and get himself a really nice sword.

Lev L. Spiro

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Jack Bross

He was a wine taster without a tongue.

Richard Jeni

He who desires but acts not breeds pestilence.

William Blake

He who does not enjoy his own company is usually right.

Coco Chanel

He thinks scruples are a Russian currency and morals are wall

Sabrina

paintings. He was a small claims court jester.

Steven Wright

He tried to kill me with a forklift...

Fugitive Alien I

He travels the fastest who travels alone.

Rudyard Kipling

He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his won disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.

Samuel Johnson

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Sinbad

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed Galileo Galilee us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. I do not believe that any type of religion should ever be introduced into the public schools of the United States.

Thomas Edison

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Isaac Asimov

I distrust all systematisers, and avoid them. The will to a system shows a lack of honesty.

Nietzsche

I do know a few things about anatomy, Jean-Luc.

Beverly

I do have a life outside this house, you know.

Marge Simpson

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Shakespeare

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

James Thurber

I discovered an invisible empire of the air. Intangible, yet solid as granite.

Lee De Forest

He who is bent on doing evil can never want occasion.

Publilius Syrus

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby Friedrich Nietzsche become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. He who forgets will be destined to remember.

Pearl Jam

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

Voltaire

I discovered the secret of the sea in meditation upon the dewdrop.

Kahlil Gibran

He who stops being better stops being good.

Oliver Cromwell

He will always be a slave who does not know how to live upon a little.

Horace

He who would be friends with God must remain alone or make the whole world his friend.

Mahatma Ghandi

He who talks of wheel of life may merely be spokesman.

Johnny Chen

Have the boy sent to the bridge.

Picard

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.

Ben Franklin

He was using pins to create microholes in the top of the beer bottle. James Cook He who always goes against the fashion is himself its slave.

La Rochefoucald

He writes A, he says B, he means C, and it should be D.

Joel Franklin

I think Newt Gingrich should dance with the gal that brung him. And the gal that brung him was the tax-and-spend issue and crime and welfare.

William Weld

I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity.

Calvin

I realized my heart had abducted my mind and they were last seen headed south...

Melissa Etheridge

I read the news today, Oh boy...

John Lennon

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

John Heywood

I prefer the company of equals.

Riker

I prefer cremation. Make me toast, well done, please.

Samantha Crouse

I promise I will not get any film in which humans are messily devoured.

Wen-King Su

I quit. I hate this shit, and this shit obviously hates me back.

Rohit Khare

I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest.

Alexandre Dumas Pere

I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.

William F. Buckley

I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve. I have a history of losing my shirt.

Barenaked Ladies

I have a theory that hieroglyphics are really an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphynxie.

When Harry Met Sally

I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.

Jolyon Silversmith

I have a microwave fireplace. You can lay down in front of the fire all night in eight minutes.

Steven Wright

I have a long journey to take, and must bid the company farewell.

Sir Walter Raleigh

I have a headache this big, and it has a boot to the head written all over it.

Jeff Magnuson

I have a hard time getting pissed at a compiler that was free, so I like the non-free ones better.

John Dobbin

I have a solution for X, but it involves Uma Thurman, some linseed Duck oil, and a pair of jumper cables - none of which I have at my disposal at the present moment.

I have a jean folding seminar to attend.

Reality Bites

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

Charles de Gaulle

I have been placed upon this Earth to torment you. YOU....

Dan Martinez

I have been poor and I have been rich. Rich is better.

Sophie Tucker

I put a humidifier and a de-humidifier in the same room and let them fight it out.

Steven Wright

I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.

Calvin

I nfs mounted a goat once

QJ

I no longer want to be rich, sucessful, etc. All I want is to be comfortable and happy.

John Dobbin

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Gore Vidal

I never met a man who knew so much about nothing.

Seinfeld

I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me.

The Beatles

I once listed all the good things I did over the past year, and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them. That was a good feeling.

Robert Fulghum

I now qualify for the witless protection program.

Adam Rifkin

I once named a Usenet server tatooine, for the vast wasteland that Usenet is. Maybe this thread should be relegated there also.

Eric Germann

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.

Bananas

I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.

Steven Wright

I never thought that being obnoxious would get me where I am now.

Billie Joe Armstrong

I never trust a man unless I have his pecker in my pocket.

Lyndon B. Johnson

I personally could have a gallon of Alan.

Friends

I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.

Orson Welles

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Steven Wright

I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lived next door Steven Wright complained. So I shot him with a gun with a silencer. I plead the Fifth Commandment.

Guys and Dolls

i predict stale humor

Joshua Schachter

I pine for the sheer stupidity of the old macho days, when men would brandish hammers and build huge, bulky cars that sucked up gas and tore open the ozone layer and crushed small animals

Denis Leary

beneath totally useless but totally cool-looking tail fins. When men were apes with good shoes and a dental plan. I never thought I would owe my life to a traditional English breakfast.

MacGyver

I never swallowed a goldfish. I should.

Doug DeJulio

I pity duh fool.

Mr. T

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

G.B. Shaw

I resolve to show no tolerance for those less fortunate... redefine morality to suit my short term objectives... and conquer the planet earth and make all the inhabitants my slaves.

Dogbert

I rob from the rich and give to the middle class... well, UPPER middle class.

OPM

I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

J. Edgar Hoover

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

J. Edgar Hoover

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday.

Steven Wright

I really like the word Nyarlathotep.

John Dobbin

I promise to get drugs off the street and into the hotel room where they belong.

Marion Barry

I resent the insinuendoes.

David Farber

I represent angry, gun toting, meat eating people.

Denis Leary

I recently obtained an Open Firmware specification book, and found it quite useful. As soon as I try to read this book, I become sleepy as if I read a phone book.

Hamada Naoki

I refuse to allow facts to cloud my argument.

John Dobbin

I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion.

Robert Louis Stevenson

I recommend spreading grape jelly on your torso and slapping your forehead against an overripe cantaloupe.

Dogbert

I really wish the people who are in charge of the jewish conspiracy to control the world would let me in on it.

Andrew Stellman

I get everything I want when I get part of you.

Nine Inch Nails

I give you my word, I will never carry frozen poultry in my luggage.

John Dobbin

I get women naked, and pass the savings on to you.

Tony Halasohoris

I got married so I could STOP dating.

When Harry Met Sally

I got myself a bad-ass new ACM SIGLinux shirt at the Fajita Fest Wesley Felter today. I love America, where you can sell shirts depicting a penguin beating the richest man in the world to death. I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

Chauncey Depew

I guess what I am saying is that you would have to be more specific Sam Greenfield in order for me to answer your question.... But my post does have a lot of acronyms I had a beautiful day today. I even died and lived to tell about it.

The World According to Garp

I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.

Jack Handey

I have a conservative penis.

Michael Miller

I hated my place in the world.

Jerry Maguire

I hate every boy I ever kissed. While going through my shaky mental list, I could not think of one who was not deserving of my hatred... even the so-called good guys.

Tara Morrison

I hate the idea of causes, and if I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country.

E. M. Forster

I hate mankind, for I think myself on of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

Samuel Johnson

I had a hard day at the orifice.

random gynecologist

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hate quotations.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I got arrested trying to smuggle books into Kentucky.

Steven Wright

I got just two words for you, neither of which I am allowed to utter. Adam Rifkin I got a wild hair growing you-know-where.

George Carlin

I hate myself and want to die.

Nirvana

I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.

Mallrats

I have no exucse for being late, but I have a reason.

Joel Franklin

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Oscar Wilde

I have noticed that cats are little impressed by religion.

Sherri Tepper

I have no use for men who fail. The cause of their failure is no business of mine, but I want successful men as my associates.

John D. Rockefeller

I have no genitalia, I sold my kids for cheese.

Weird Al Yankovic

I have forgotten more law than you ever knew, but allow me to say, Sir John Maynard I have not forgotten much.

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.

Josh Billings

I have come up with some interesting variations, especially in the area of compound verbs.

George Carlin

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

T. S. Eliot

I have a photographic memory, but I keep forgetting to put the film in.

Peter Campbell

I have a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it.

Blackadder II

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future.

Vice President Dan Quayle

I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming James Gordon Bennett I never made one. I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I have never made one.

James Gordon Bennett

I have loved the stars too fondly to ever fear the night.

Robert Miller

I have looked in so many places that I am sure I am closer to its being found than it being lost.

Winnie the Pooh

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Blaise Pascal

I have found power in the mysteries of thought.

Euripides

I have great faith in fools - self confidence my friends call it.

Edgar Allan Poe

I have high hopes. Time to move that rubber tree plant.

John Dobbin

I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming.

Blade Runner

I have a feeling good taste is not one of your strong points.

Golden Years

I got these glasses because I knew my parents would pay for them. I Fleur Dragan got the ones that made me look like an art curator, like a secretary... not like a real secretary, like a secretary in a porn film. I got your oak between my legs. More like a redwood.

John Dobbin

I gotta keep juggling all the balls.

Howard Stern

I grew up dreaming of being on Oprah... but not the show.

Matthew Perry

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

Camillo Di Cavour

I have David Hasselhoff and Laura Branigan singing a duet.

Howard Stern

I have dirty thoughts about everyone I meet.

Howard Stern

I have delusions of adequacy.

Bruce Sherrod

I have kitten breath.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

I have learned more from my mistakes than from my successes.

Sir Humphry Davy

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Fred Allen

I have just signed legislation outlawing Russia.

Ronald Reagan

i have found that the closer to midnight it gets, the closer to my ass anything i say becomes.

Owen Davis

I plead alignment to the flakes of the united snakes of a merry cow, Matt Groening and to the Republicans for which they scam, one nacho, underpants, with licorice and jugs of wine for owls. I played first chair in the high school band until they gave me an instrument.

George R. Hext

I like to carry around three or four cans of that tire patching spray just in case something happens.

Paul Bossi

I like this wal-mart funeral home idea.

John Dobbin

I like this opera crowd. I feel tough.

Seinfeld

I like these zero-action requests.

Adam Rifkin

I like the stress, it keeps me bright-eyed and perky. Okay, wild-eyed Jan Ruocco and high-strung, whatever. I lost a button hole today.

Steven Wright

I make my own water. Two glasses of H, one glass of O.

Steven Wright

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.

Barbara Bush

I married beneath me. All women do.

Lady Astor

I managed to write a reasonable length note without mentoning basketball and without using greater than signs.

John Dobbin

I like the word INDOLENCE. It makes my laziness seem classy.

Bern Williams

I like to eat my friends, I make no bones about it.

The Police

I like my sugar with coffee and cream.

Beastie Boys

I like that you corrected my change to your text.

John Dobbin

I like my mixed metaphors shaken, not stirred, thank you.

Eric Raymond

I like long walks. Especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he Jerry Maguire almost is. I love getting mail. Just the fact that someone licked a stamp for you is very reassuring.

Thomas Magnum

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

Nancy Mitford

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

I lost closer friends the last time I was deloused.

Blackadder IV

I love you, and I support you, and come nightfall you are going to owe me SO big.

Mad About You

I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I make my living off the evening news, just give me something, something I can use.

Don Henley

I may be wrong, but you will always be short.

Keith Rogers

I may despise what you say, but I will defend to the death your right Voltaire to say it. I may not bring skill to this venture, but at least I bring opinion.

James Cook

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Winston Churchill

I need this Texas trip like I need a hole in the head.

JFK

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.

Oscar Wilde

I myself manage to hold large numbers of wholly irreconcilable views simultaneously, without the least difficulty. I do not think others are less versatile.

Salman Rushdie

I never drink... wine.

Dracula

I need to find a mountain that has a serious chance of killing me.

Kevin Kozicki

I must find the oaf who did this thing, explain to him his offense, give him a chance to apologize, and kill him.

Robert A. Heinlein

I must first reveal my personal bias in this discussion, since I worship at the First Church of PDF Really Sucks.

Bruce Tognazzini

I never know how much of what I say is true.

Better Midler

I must say, their term limits proposal is looking better to me every day.

Bill Clinton

I miss the comfort in being sad.

Kurt Cobain

I must admit my education in the assgoblin arena has been sadly lacking, perhaps you can clue me in

Vijay Gill

I move we recess to go outside and throw up.

Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty

Helen Keller

to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. I looked it up in the dictionary under L, and there it was... the meaning of life. It was less than I expected.

Dogbert

I look at a hundred deals a day. I pick one.

Wall Street

I like to think of my life as having sex with a woman in a coma John Dobbin while wearing a condom. I get what I need, but nobody else notices I was there. I like rules. Rules are good.

John Dobbin

I live in San Francisco, where Halloween is redundant.

Will Durst

I might as well be dead, but I could kill you instead.

PJ Harvey

I need you here with me, not way over in a bucket seat.

Cake

I never did drugs because I am drugs.

Salvador Dali

I need to make some progress on this talk, but I also need some tacos...

Rohit Khare

I like women. I prefer they be nude and subservient, but I like them. John Dobbin I like to verb words.

Calvin

I liked Beauty and the Beast a lot. Bitter, isolated, and physically repulsive. I can identify with that.

Kevin Goldsmith

I love it when you talk like a beer commercial.

All of Me

I love the smell of sophistry in the morning.

Eric Rowe

i suffer for art. or from it, rather.

Brad Barkett

I think he will really enjoy living here. There are so many things he Gordon Irlam can complain about. I subscribed him to crack, since he is obviously smoking it.

Richard Bullington

I suggest you step out on your porch to see it all.

Pearl Jam

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Steven Wright

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Shirley Temple

I suggest that we allow clear assertions that can be understood by humans familiar with the domain of discourse.

Mani Chandy

I thig I hab a feether.

Cindy Parker

I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.

Ralph Nader

I see this glass not half-empty, but half-full and more.

George H. W. Bush

I think frank and open discussion is a good thing, and we should be willing to admit that we have made mistakes and that others have

Mani Chandy

done work ahead of us. I tell you the past is a bucket of ashes.

Carl Sandburg

I thank the NRA for defending my right to hunt bunny rabbits with an automatic weapon.

Bobcat Golthwait

I think a lot of gay people who are not dealing with their homosexuality get into right-wing politics.

Armistead Maupin

I still contend that shiftiness is a leading cause of murder.

Greg Plesur

I overslept one day and got so far behind that now I think I am ahead.

Calvin and Hobbes

I suppose some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

T. S. Eliot

I once thought that Verilog was a misbegotten spawn of Satan, with Martin Frankel despicable syntax, miserably inadequate data structures, and hopelessly redundant semantics. I now believe that anyone who finds fault with Verilog must fundamentally misunderstand its design and purpose. Throughout, I managed to maintain the philosophic basis of my entire existance, to wit, never believe anything which anyone will ever agree with. I swear I recognize your breath...

Pearl Jam

I take heart in the fact that your death resulting from you simply forgetting to breathe is likely.

Kevin Zygmontas

I take my chances, every chance I get.

Mary Chapin-Carpenter

I take a shower every week, whether I need it or not.

CT Gardner

I take all major forms of death.

Jarett Kobek

I suppose hating bunnies is just completely evil.

John Dobbin

I taught I taw a puddy tat.

Tweety

i take refuge in the fact that what i lack in perversity i make up for in obscurity.

Andrew Stellman

I should sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University.

William F. Buckley, Jr.

I should edit more, but hey. Life sucks.

Fleur Dragan

I slept and dreamt that life was joy, I awoke and saw that life was service, I acted and behold, service was joy.

Rabindranath Tagore

I should be allowed to think, and I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea, if by random whim one occur to me but sadly, this can never be, I am not allowed to think.

They Might Be Giants

I shot Jon and all I got was his bloody tshirt.

Elliott Evans

I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.

Emperor Charles V.

I never lie when I have sand in my boots

LaForge

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory.

Apocalypse Now

I love the smell of Nutrasweet in the morning.

Adam Rifkin

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning...

Colonel Kilgore

I never let my schooling get in the way of my education.

Mark Twain

I love the confidence that makeup gives me.

Tyra Banks

I love the culture of victimhood.

Calvin

I love my dead gay son.

Heathers

I love not man the less, but nature more.

Lord Byron

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madmen, starving hysterical naked.

A. Ginsberg

I see mom in the url, must be promising.

Brian Richardson

I saw the sign. And it opened up my eyes.

Ace of Base

I saw the worst bands of my generation applied by magic marker to They Might Be Giants dry wall. I seem to be having problems with my lifestyle.

Arthur Dent

I see your schwartz is as big as mine.

Spaceballs

I see your point. And raise you a line

Elliot Smorodinsky

I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I do not live.

Francoise Sagan

I serioiusly doubt I will ever evolve to the level of a Voxer.

Tim Byars

I shall return.

Douglas MacArthur

I saw Eternity the other night, like a ring of pure and endless light, all calm, as it was bright, and round beneath it, Time, in hours, days, years, driven by the spheres, like a vast shadow moved, in which the world and all her train were hurled.

Henry Vaughan

I sold out a true friend for a bunch of swatch dogs and diet cokeheads.

Heathers

I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.

Walt Whitman

I snaked your bagel. I just wanna munch.

Encino Man

I sound my barbaric yawn over the rooftops of the world.

Adam Rifkin

I see further by standing on the shoulders of giants.

Sir Isaac Newton

I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes...

Thoreau

I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.

Graffito in Los Angeles

I had already anticipated your lameness, and made plans to go to ballroom or something

Vijay Gill

I would rather be rich than stupid.

Jack Handey

I would rather be governed by the first two thousand names in the Cambridge telephone directory than by the faculty of Harvard.

William F. Buckley

I would rather exercise than read a newspaper.

Kim Alexis

I would not cross the road to piss on him if he was on fire.

Nici Sterling

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent Jack London glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time. I write this book not for the moment, but for all time.

Joel Franklin

I would sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University.

William F. Buckley, Jr.

I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory.

Quintus Curtius

I would rather starve than eat your bread.

Pearl Jam

I wrote a story about my mother. It was called the Castrating Zionist.

Woody Allen

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

Steven Wright

I write one page of masterpiece to ninety one pages of shit. I try to put the shit in the wastebasket.

Ernest Hemingway

I want a woman with the body of Cindy Crawford and the mind of Homer Simpson.

The Second Half

I want to be a lion. Everybody wants to pass as cats.

Counting Crows

I want to be like them in every way.

Butt-head on the Beastie Boys

I want a car as powerful as a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a nerfball.

Homer Simpson

I want electricity to become so cheap that only the rich can afford candles.

Thomas Edison

I thought we all were children of God.

Hunchback of Notre Dame

I thought, hey I can leave, I can leave, but now I know that I was wrong. Because I missed you.

Lisa Loeb

I thought they were joking when they said a degree was proof that you can read and write...

Robert Harley

I tried to have one night stands, but they just kept coming back for more.

Michelle Morrell

I want it so clammy that putting a hand in a golf glove feels like giving a water buffalo a prostate exam.

Dan Moffett

I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace. It involves Russia.

Woody Allen

I want something to organize my life and it should play tetris.

Chris Grimes

I want pizza.

Multiplicity

I view the landslide of C use in education as something of a calamity.

Niklaus Wirth

I walk along a thin line darling, dark shadows follow me.

Elvis

I used to worry about what life was for - now being alive seems sufficient reason.

Joanna Field

I think Santa needs a fifth of scotch.

Jay Leno

I think rational arguments are against the charter of this newsgroup, Per Abrahamsen but what the heck, here are two. I think reality walked out of here five minutes ago.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I think someone installed HateDoubler onto my PC.

Bruce Sherrod

I wanna own a combine someday. A Zamboni too.

John Dobbin

I wanna trade you for granite.

John Dobbin

I used to practice with a ketchup bottle in the bathroom.

Toni Braxton

I used to go to Liars Anonymous but I told them I was cured and they believed me. Suckers.

John Dobbin

I walked into the adult book store, and my heart was beating faster Rugburns than the drums at the tip of Zimbabwe. They never taught me nothin bout this in Catholic school. I walk along darkened corridors.

They Might Be Giants

I USED TO HEART MY DUMB FRIENDS UNTIL I DECIDED TO CLUB THEM ALL WITH A SPADE AND SELL THEIR DIAMONDS TO BUY MORE RAM.

Faisal Jawdat

I thought that the chief thing to be done in order to equal boys was Elizabeth Cody Stanton to be learned and courageous. So I decided to study Greek and learn to manage a horse. I thought that you should be the first to know. I joined the psychotic Hugh Moore friends network. I try to use these words as often as possible, regardless of whether or not they are really appropriate.

John Thornley

I used to be Snow White, but then I drifted.

Mae West

I used to be a Capricorn, but then I changed my mind.

Andy Breckman

I used to be disgusted, now I try to stay amused.

Elvis Costello

I toast, therefore I am.

Red Dwarf

I told all of our original investors that they would lose their money

Jeff Bezos

for sure. I tried to use my halo as a life preserver, but it sprung a leak.

Foetus

I use not only all the brains I have, but all I can borrow.

Woodrow Wilson

I understand. I used to believe in things when I was a kid.

Homer Simpson

I unfortunately let AOL start up.

Suzy Gooch

I wonder how hard the LSAT is... I wonder if I could get into law school... I wonder if I could be a lawyer without choking myself to death one cold, quiet winter night...

Robert Rodgers

I know of no more valuable commodity than information.

Wall Street

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

Socrates

I know nothing.

Ken Thompson

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death.

Patrick Henry

I learned all the theories, and realized that ethics theories are the bunk. With ethics, practice is all that matters. What you do is what you are.

Adam Rifkin

I know you are super busy, though, so if you cannot respond, I will remain your friend, but I will be forced to poison you with Sweet Tart concentrate.

Kriste Jordan

I like a nice dark blend... espresso or something similar. Dark but not bitter is the key word for me - the African coffees are always nice.

Megan Coughlin

I like a man who grins when he fights.

Winston Churchill

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

George Bernard Shaw

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning.

Sheryl Crow

I have to sharpen my adze so I can continue working on my carving Megan Coughlin of Boutros-Boutros Gali. I have trouble enough trying to fit it in in very low periods.

Robert Harley

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock Elayne Boosler every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.

Leo Tolstoy

I kept my nose to spite my face.

Barbara Streisand

I just went over the Emancipation Proclamation and Lincoln never signed it.

Eddie Murphy

I just watched the wall, i might as well be drunk.

Steve Bajzek

I knew a Southern bigot who was a bed wetter. He used to go to his Woody Allen Klan meetings in rubber sheets. i have now officially read every single quote in your quote file. i now officially have no life.

May Jawdat

I know faisal. That alone qualifies me for several dozen high-tech jobs.

Tripp Lilley

I know everyone says sense of humor, but I really have to go with breast size.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

E.V. Lucas

I had a splitting headache, and Chris had to lead me around by the hand to liquor stores.

Mike Wallace

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

I had to wake up to call in sick to work.

Kristin Buckwalter

I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.

Vice President Dan Quayle

I had to quit my job to have time to read my email.

Adam Curry

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

Much Ado About Nothing

I had to use FORTRAN on many occasions to help my parents out. Most courts would consider that child abuse.

Andrew Stellman

I just want you to be happy.

Megan Coughlin

I just want what every woman wants... a nice home, a loving family, Kathy Ireland an occasional spanking... I just used an emoticon, I feel so unclean...

Mike Wallace

I just think we should give them REAL toilet paper.

Blackadder IV

I just think the whole thing is a testament to my inner peace. Or a testament to my deafness.

John Dobbin

I just think my life would be a lot easier if I were a John Grisham character.

Adam Rifkin

I KNOW you, sir. I have SEEN you TRAIPSE on the FIELDS of Paul Mazaitis the APACAPSE. I have WATCHED you BEACH your BOAT on the BRANDED SANDS of the ISLE MOTAG. I have FELT the ANGELS BLEEDING, their SOILED SWEAT landing with a TRICKLE upon your UNFETTERED BROW. I have TASTED the BLACK GUM you have left on our SWEET STREETS in your MAD CHASE for the next SPEED BUMP. With my LEFT HAND

I have USHERED IN this AGE, and with my RIGHT, this BURRITO. I. KNOW. YOU. I just like it the way I like it.

When Harry Met Sally

I know all there is to know about the crying game.

Dave Berry

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Bill Hoest

I just finished a course called baseball connections for a salary increment. You cannot believe how little a person can know after living fifty years.

Linda Rifkin

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Steven Wright

I, on the other hand, have had just about all the discomfort I can stand for a day.

Mallrats

I, of course, never did anything wrong. Except maybe that fourway-stop. And a couple of other things. Maybe.

Michelle Morrell

I herewith commission you to carry out all preperations with regard Herman Goering to the Total Solution of the Jewish question in those territories of Europe which are under German influence. I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

Oscar Wilde

I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.

Jack Handey

I would just like a really really strong spork if thats not too much to John Fessenden ask.. I would use trial-and-error but that always turns into trial-andrenistall-windows for me.

Marc Popetz

I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.

Seinfeld

I would give it all. Catch me as I fall.

REM

I would be proud to partake in your pecan pieeee.

When Harry Met Sally

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.

William F. Buckley, Jr.

I would like, do homework and stuff, for your love.

Butt-head

I would like to thank the Academy, even though this is an Emmy.

Howard Stern

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

Lily Tomlin

I worry about being called a racist so much that when I do my laundry I refuse to separate the whites from the colors.

Dennis Miller

I have sworn on the altar of God Eternal to fight every tyranny against the mind of man.

TJ

I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record.

Violent Femmes

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

Jack Handey

I hope we never lose sight of one thing... that it all started with a mouse.

Walt Disney

I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.

Thomas Jefferson

I have the fourth Tiffany album. Somehow I suspect this is more pathetic.

John Dobbin

I have rarely, if ever, seen Acknowledgement sections as gratuitously profligate as yours.

Rohit Khare

I have something BETTER than chocolate.

Riker

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Oscar Wilde

I have the best hoobris in the business.

Rohit Khare

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I read and I learn. I do and Confucious I understand. I HEART CHEAP IRONY

Kristiina Wilson

I herd cyberpunks on the electronic frontier.

Chad McDaniel

I hold that a little rebellion is a good thing.

Thomas Jefferson

I hope he states that the conception of marriage. The faithful, monogamous part is out dated. That marriage as a partership is intact, marriage as a ball and chain is not.

Tim Byars

I just bought a second VCR to support my television viewing.

John Dobbin

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Steven Wright

I is a university student.

Bumper sticker

I just came back from the Vatican... kind of disillusioning... they had a Hard Rock.

Dennis Miller

I hear the handwriting on the wall.

David Farber

I hear my mom, I gotta go to bed.

Jerry Maguire

Jackie was a rich punk rocker, silver spoon and a paper plate.

The Nails

Jail dudes get to watch TV all day.

Beavis and Butt-head

Jealous was I ere I saw Suolaej.

John Dobbin

Java is a programming language whose primary purpose is in writing business plans.

John C. Randolph

Jackie the man Chan looks older in person, but his smile is even more disarming. I wanted to take a swing at him just for the honor of having him kick my ass.

Duck

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack burnt off his ------- ----.

Andrew Dice Clay

Jack Kerouac would have tossed him from a speeding vehicle.

Tom Gliatto

Its not the heat I mind... Its the Humanity.

Ryan Richards

If builders built buildings the way that programmers write programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Reede Stockton

If Canada is underdeveloped, so is Brigitte Bardot.

H.R. Macmillan

If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn.

Andrew V. Mason

If all has gone well, I am talking to myself, and you have a towel wrapped around your head.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee

that will do them in.

If David Copperfield really did pay money to Claudia Schiffer to be Richard Goodman his fiancee, I would have even more respect than ever for him and for the power of money. If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

Fred Allen

If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it.

Tom Lehrer

If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

Los Angeles Times Syndicate

If asked to be interactive, killing people is about as interactive as I get.

Justin Broughton

If error is corrected whenever it is recognized as such, the path of error is the path of truth.

Hans Rechenbach

If everyone walked around naked in the world, there would be less misunderstanding.

Chicago Sons

Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.

Bill Watterson

Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive.

William Buckley

If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.

Paul Reiser

Ideas are part of a web... there is no beginning and no end, only evangelism and faith.

Rohit Khare

Ideals are ironically far from ideal to have.

Mark Denovich

If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.

Don Marquis

Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.

Jerome K. Jerome

If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself.

Dorothy Law Nolte

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

William Blake

If a great man could make us understand him, we should hang him.

Geroge Bernard Shaw

In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from.

Peter F. Drucker

If atheism is a religion, then bald is a hair color.

Mark Schnitzius

If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap when everyone Socrates must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart. If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed.

Benjamin Franklin

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.

Lao-tzu

Klaatu Barada Nikto.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

King Jeremy the Wicked ruled his world. Jeremy spoke in class today.

Pearl Jam

Law is order, and good law is good order.

Aristotle

Lavatory hand-dryers are factory-delivered with key words and letters scratched out.

Cecil Adams

Layered protocols give the software implementor a chance to ruin his performance in each layer.

Don Gillies

Lawyers are like beavers. They get in the main stream and jam it up.

W. Freund

Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies but let wasps an hornets break through.

Jonathan Swift

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Victor Borge

Laugh, and the world laughs at you.

Peter Campbell

Laughing makes me warm.

Sam Heitov

Laughter is a good way to begin a friendship and the best way to end one.

Oscar Wilde

Laughter is a tranquilliser with no side effects.

Arnold Glasow

Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together. Max Eastman Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot.

Josh Billings

LA is like several thousand square miles of American Express junk mail, but without the same sense of moral depth.

Douglas Adams

Lack of skill dictates economy of style.

Joey Ramone

LA, SF, and NY make Sodom and Gomorrah look like Disneyland.

John Dobbin

Labels are devices for saving talkative persons the trouble of thinking.

John Morley

L.A. El Lay. La-La Land. The Land of Fruits and Nuts. The City of Al Martinez Fallen Angels, of palm trees, smog, and kosher burritos. Aldous Huxley described it as a place of dreadful joy. Raymond Chandler said it had the personality of a paper cup. La cervelle des petits enfants, ca doit avoir comme un petit gout de noisette.

Charles Baudelaire

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer Simpson

Kids these days. With their televisions and their Nikes and their Megan Coughlin crack cocaine. When I was a kid, we got high by beating each other over the head with the legs of the deer we killed... and we liked it that way. Kristy Swanson is like the energizer bunny of movie plugs.

Richard Goodman

Kurt Cobain, the voice of our youth, considered a bullet the pathway to truth.

Michael Swaine

Laugh it up, Fuzzball.

Han Solo

Jump right into my nightmare. The water is warm.

Jerry Maguire

Join us and the boys of summer for action. Which would be fine if we were running a gay chatline.

NewsRadio

Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.

Leo Tolstoy

Joseph Stalin as The Fiddler on the Roof...

Friends

Judge what you have really done, and not what you think you have done.

Isaac Stern

join the club, learn the handshake, shoot yourself.

Kristiina Wilson

Judge a man by his questions, not his answers.

Voltaire

Just a little faster...its not usually this soft.

Greg Marmaland

Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes

John Wichers

Junk journalism is the evidence of a society that has at least one thing right, that there should be nobody with the power to dictate where responsible journalism begins.

Tom Stoppard

Just as our eyes need light in order to see, our minds need ideas in order to conceive.

Nicolas Malebranche

Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good Stephen R. Schwambach solutions seldom black or white. Beware of the solution that requires one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner. The reason there are two sides to begin with usually is because neither side has all the facts. Therefore, when the

wise mediator effects a compromise, he is not acting from political motivation. Rather, he is acting from a deep sense of respect for the whole truth. Just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture by sitting on it...

Blackadder IV

Just as iron rusts from disuse, even so does inaction spoil the intellect.

Leonardo da Vinci

Last fall, Dietel, Morris, Silberschatz, and Tannenbaum published a Greg Fife major paper that proved that the Halting Problem can be reduced to playing a friendly game of risk. Language is the dress of thought.

Samuel Johnson

Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.

Elsa Maxwell

Language is a virus from outer space.

William S. Burroughs

Language is a complementary moist lemon-scented cleansing square.

Stephen Fry

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

Steven Wright

Last night we did it in doggie style

I sat up and begged while she rolled over and played dead.

Last week, Marion Barry was sworn in for his fourth term as mayor Dennis Miller of Washington, DC. He was treated for second degree burns after his fingers touched the bible. Last Halloween was bad for me. I got real beat up. I went to a party Jim Samuels dressed as a Pinata. Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.

Woody Allen

Last night I had a dream that my flour sack was kidnapped and the abductors started sending me muffins in the mail.

Frasier

Know you know, and knowing is half the battle. The other half is mostly treachery and groin kicks.

Dayv

It will make the bus in Speed look like Herbie the Love Bug.

KROQ

It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped Robert Fuoss issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. It would be considered perfectly good manners to take a leak out the window.

David Letterman

It would be damn hard to burn the library of Alexandria if it had mirror sites.

Jack Collins

It would not be better if things happened to men just as they wish.

Heraclitus

It would be an inconvenient rule if nothing could be done until

Winston Churchill

everything can be done. Knowing the length of your gym schedule, that means you will be in the gym for most of the afternoon.

John Thornley to Adam Rifkin

Knowledge itself is power.

Francis Bacon

Know the score.

William S. Burroughs

Kneel, and prepare to receive me.

KROQ

Jealousy is the great exaggerator.

Friedrich von Schiller

Knowing when to optimize is as important as knowing how.

Tom Neff

Knowledge is power.

Francis Bacon

If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

Khalil Gibran

If you sat a monkey down in front of a keyboard, the first thing typed would be a unix command.

Bill Lye

If Las Vegas really had hookers who were intelligent, well-spoken, clean, educated, free of disease and looked like Elizabeth Shue, every city and town in America would be depopulated of males, because they would have run off to Las Vegas to pursue the dream.

Mr. Cranky

If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a Snoopy restaurant. If you wanna change the world, shut your mouth.

Cracker

If you need a friend, get a dog.

Wall Street

If you still do not understand this process please shut off your computer and go home.

Adam Kaplan

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

James Goldsmith

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Maslow If you need a love doctor, I have like a medicated degree.

Butt-head

If you only knew the power of the Dark Side.

Darth Vader

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain

If you plan to face tomorrow do it soon.

Gordon Lightfoot

If I could find a font that was less legible, I would do so.

Megan Coughlin

If I could go through the dorms and shoot people, exam pressures would be put into perspective.

Professor Ralph Noble

If God had not meant for some people to be poorer than others, he would not have published the Bible in paperback.

In God We Trust

If homosexuality were natural, God would have created Adam and Bruce.

Anita Bryant

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

George Ade

If I buy a crate of oranges, and discover that the first layer is entirely rotten, it is not rational to suppose that the rest is of surpassing excellence to make up for it.

Bertrand Russell

If I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.

All of Me

If I should die before I wake... I guess someone gets an extra donut in the morning.

Dennis Miller

If I had any humility I would be perfect.

Ted Turner

If I owned Texas and hell, I would rent out Texas and live in hell.

Sheridan

If I entered into an agreement with that man, I would be sticking my Samuel Goldwyn head in a moose. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Unix-Haters Handbook

If a picture is normally worth a thousand words, then that picture is worth about twelve.

Rohit Khare

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

If a man carries his own lantern, he need not fear darkness.

Hasidic saying

If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.

Robert Ingersoll

If it can kill you, it can probably get you high.

Robert Campbell

If a million people belive in a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. Anatole France If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

John Kenneth Galbraith

If a man neglects education, he walks lame to the end of his life.

Plato

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

Rita Rudner

If a man loves the labour of his trade, apart from any question of success or fame, the gods have called him.

Robert Louis Stevenson

If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing properly.

Journal of Irreproducible Results

if it helps, treat this as the ramblings of a raging cynic.

John Jantos

If its theme were any more artificially sweet, this movie would be classified a carcinogen.

Mr. Cranky

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

Thomas Carlyle

If I were to start the killing, I would be sure to do it in a remote, wide-open place or someone is likely to get hurt.

Sam Kass

If I was the last man on Earth I bet we could do it in public.

Butt-head

If I wanted to talk to myself, I could do that in the shower.

Joel Franklin

If I were to begin life again, I should want it as it was. I would just open my eyes a little more.

Jules Renard

If I had a dollar for every unfinished thought...

Adam Rifkin

Happy the people whose annals are blank in history-books.

Thomas Carlyle

If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life.

Glenda Jackson

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

Mahatma Gandhi

If I had no duties, and no reference to futurity, I would spend my life in driving briskly in a post-chaise with a pretty woman.

Samuel Johnson

I am not fit for this office and never should have been here.

Warren Harding

I am not asleep.

Ronald Reagan

I am not an Economist. I am an honest man

Paul McCracken

I am not arrogant.

Rush Limbaugh

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Andrew W. Mathis

It is always worthwhile to spend huge amounts of time writing nifty Seth Golub programs that save small amounts of time. It is better aim for the stars and hit the moon, than to aim for the trees, and hit the ground.

Suzanne Oggenfuss

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

Henry Allen

I am not arguing against using computers in school. I am arguing against our sleepwalking attitudes towards it, against allowing it to distract us from important things, against making a god of it.

Neil Postman

i am neither living nor dead, and being purely coincidental runs in my family.

Florence King

I am not a wimp.

George H. W. Bush

I am not a crook.

Richard Milhouse Nixon

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.

Dennis Ritchie

I am not now, and never have been, a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.

Gloria Steinem

I am not an animal.

Elephant Man

It is an immutable law in business that words are words,

Harold S. Geneen

explanations are explanations, promises are promises - but only performance is reality. It is a very good book, but it was not a book meant to be read.

Yaser Abu-Mostafa

It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a Ross Callon single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea. It is a luxury to be understood.

Emerson

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you Jerome K. Jerome are an exceptionally good liar. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Oscar Wilde

It is better to have a regular income than to be fascinating.

Oscar Wilde

It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

Pat Robertson on equal rights

It is a lovely, old, gothic building, if somewhat inclined to smell like urine.

Megan Coughlin on the demolished interior of the Multnomah County Central Library in Portland

It is better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass.

Daniel Kaminsky

It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies.

Arthur Calwell

It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.

Andre Gide

It is better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Socrates

It is better to go into a corner slow and come out fast than to go into Stirling Moss a corner fast and come out dead. It is an illusion to think that more comfort means more happiness. Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, and to be needed.

Storm Jameson

It is better to debate a question without settling it, than to settle a question without debating it.

Joseph Joubert

It is a lightsaber. The weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as random or clumsy as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

Star Wars

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is a myth, not a mandate, a fable not a logic, and symbol rather than reason by which men are moved.

Irwin Edman

It is a statistical impossibility that everyone in the neighborhood can Dave Engledow be a complete butthead. It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Aeschylus

I am ignorant and impotent and yet, somehow or other, here I am

Aldous Huxley

unhappy, no doubt, profoundly dissatisfied... In spite of everything I survive. I am in a macho movie called GUNMEN, and I can guarantee you Denis Leary that you never see my ass on any screen but if you do, it will not be shaved. It will be hairy and hoary and very, very white. I am large, I contain multitudes.

Walt Whitman

I am in deep smit.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

I am in tomorrowland.

Rohit Khare

I am alt.discordia.

Anu Kapoor

I am a romantic. Love affairs are the only real education in life.

Marlene Dietrich

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete.

Bette Davis

I am currently using my powers for evil.

Shawn Ferry

I am human hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore.

John Dobbin

I am feeling really stupid now...

Toad the Wet Sprocket

I call you Lestat because you Suck.

Adam Rifkin

I BREAK HABITS WHILE THE NUNS ARE STILL IN THEM.

Rev. Ivan Stang

I break my self-imposed pedanticism diet to extol its pleated jocularity, its geneology of wistful balladeering and carnival zeal.

Kasey Hicks

I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

Ace Ventura

I came to shut you up. I came to drag you down. I came around to tear your little world apart.

Garbage

I am the keeper of the cheese... and you are the lemon merchant.

Ren Hoek

I am gayer than a cocaine tupperware party

Brad Barkett

I am Dyslexic, of Brog. Fesistence is rutile. You will be assissitated. Peter Chang I am dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.

Joshua Schachter

I am filled with humidity.

Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

I am fine, really... See, I can still remember my password...

Alex Wetmore

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

W.C. Fields

I am going to save up every rupee. For someday, I will get back to America, and when I do, I will exact vengeance on this man. I cannot forget it. He haunts me. He is a very bad man. Very, very bad man.

Seinfeld

I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.

Jules Renard

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for

Winston Churchill

the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. I am Pentium of Borg. Arithmetic is irrelevant. Prepare to be approximated.

Andrew Toppan

I am the Alpha and the Omega. The archgenesis and the destroyer of worlds. She is Karen.

Sam Kass

I am the future.

Senator Dan Quayle

I am always willing to learn, however I do not always like to be taught.

Winston Churchill

I AM A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER, AND I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

Chris Farley

I am become Death, the Destroyer of worlds

Oppenheimer

I am as pure as the driven slush.

Tallulah Bankhead

I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.

Winston Churchill

I am an athlete, not an entertainer.

Jerry Maguire

I am an object at rest, flowing down through the point of least resistance time and time again, waiting for the next nexus of least resistance to present itself and let me through.

Adam Rifkin

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Leonardo da Vinci

It could be argued that I know slightly less about what it means to be in a healthy long-term relationship than your average monkey does about what it feels like to drown in quicksand.

Dan Martinez

It could be argued that having e-mail is a prerequisite to dating me.

Megan Coughlin

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.

Arthur C. Clarke

It hurt real bad.

John Wayne Bobbitt

It gets late early out here.

Yogi Berra

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.

Bertrand Russell

It is a common failing of man not to take account of tempests during fair weather.

Machiavelli

It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data.

Arthur Conan Doyle

It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations if you live near him.

J.R.R. Tolkien

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or Thomas Jefferson no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. It seems that when the situation is at its worst, you people are at your best.

Starman

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that

Jack Handey

man. It smells like fried dog hair.

Ghostbusters

It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henry

It looks like a penis, only smaller.

Ford Fairlane

It may be that they started off retarded, or it may be that Delphi did it.

Robert Rodgers

It seems that the Webcrawler is fast and loose, and Lycos is slow and tight. Maybe Lycos would give you more of what you want.

Bob Allison

It is impossible for ideas to compete in the marketplace if no forum for their presentation is provided or available.

Thomas Mann

It seems an anonymous benefactor posted, to certain pruriently popular newsgroups, pictures of intrepid amazons baring their mighty bosoms on the Disney ride. The legal, technical, moral, ethical, and erotical implications are deliciously staggering.

Netsurfer Digest

It seemed like a silly idea at first, but now I sleep much better with my eyes closed.

Wade Kwon

It seems everything in the world gets more valuable as it ages, except the human body.

Ken Roesler

It requires the consumption of several souls of graduate students...

Paolo Sivilotti

It really is a shame that this is the only planet we have a choice to live on.

Howard Stern

It happens. People just explode. Natural causes.

Repo Man

It got quiet. Any of you out there who have met me should realize the staggering import of that statement.

Rohit Khare

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that the thougts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

Paul Ward

It is a kind of spiritual snobbery to think one can be happy without money.

Camus

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of java that the thoughts aquire speed, the hands aquire shakes, the shakes become a warning, it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

Dennis Ferguson

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

George Bernard Shaw

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Rod Serling

It is difficult for me to comprehend the fact that some people actually do not consider all uses of explosives to be recreational.

Ragnar Benson

It is better to have loved and lost

much better.

It is easier to port a shell than a shell script.

Larry Wall

It is hard to fail, but it is worse to never have tried to succeed. In this life we get nothing, save by effort.

Teddy Roosevelt

It is better to have tried and failed than never to have failed at all.

David Farber

It is better to limp all the way to heaven, than not to get there at all.

William Sunday

It is far safer to be feared than loved.

Machiavelli

It is good to know the truth, but it is better to speak of palm trees.

Arabic proverb

It bungles the brain

Thanh Boyer

It bothers me when people say, We lost Uncle Jim. It SOUNDS so careless.

Irene Lisenbee Galvin

I came back as a bag of groceries accidentally taken off the shelf before the date stamped on myself.

They Might Be Giants

I bet the human brain is a kludge.

Marvin Minsky

How terribly conservative of you. You should have gone bobbing for mascara.

Adam Rifkin

However, you must be aware of the following procedures ... otherwise you could find yourself checked into the Rain-Man Suite of the Hotel Smackdown.

Mike Wallace

However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea.

Tom K. Ryan

HTTP is the COBOL of transport protocols.

Joe Kiniry

HUGE coconut cake with tiers, and there was this very rich chocolate sauce on the side...

When Harry Met Sally

Human equality is a contingent fact of history.

Steven Jay Gould

Hudsucker needs a pawn. A proxy. A puppet. Some jerk we can really push around.

Hudsucker Proxy

Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

Tom Robbins

Human strength lies not in extremes, but in avoiding extremes.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

H.G. Wells

Humans are always trying to enslave ourselves. A job, a relationship, kids...

Slacker

Hume suffered the usual misfortune of metaphysicists, of not being understood.

Kant

I almost sided with the adults. I still like to think of myself as a

John Dobbin

child in all matters where permission is required. I thought I was supposed to be able to wait until I had children before I had to play the bad guy. I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

Art Buchwald

Husbands are like fires. They go out if left unattended.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I agree with Mr. Dobbin.

Arthur Narro

I admire your courage to bring us this news.... But as with all Kane Tan bearers of such news... such blasphemy to the existence of the Jihad of DOOM, we will have to cause you severe pain and dump multiple cores into your site through electronic mail.... Such is our anger.... Hard drives in your campus will spin faster than their allowable rate, burning out gigabytes of your precious memory, plastic will burn, metal shall melt.... Such is our woe..... The equipment in your very lab shall be disassmebled, as will all those who are in the lab. No one shall escape the wrath of the humble followers of Doom..... Such is to come..... I agree.. lets get back to the important business of nanog, such as bashing UUnet.

Rodney Caston

Hung manic. What a combo.

John Dobbin

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

James Thurber

I am a greedy, selfish bastard. I want the fact that I existed to mean something.

Harry Chapin

I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT AND I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH May Jawdat MONEY TO CALL PEOPLE WHO DRIVE CARS THAT COST MORE THAN I DO. I also miss the right xterm sometimes. I will not send as shadow.admin anymore. Really.

Derrick Brashear

I am the voice inside your head... I am the hate you try to hide.

Nine Inch Nails

I am the sixty-megabyte core file you cannot find.

anonymous crossposter to a kazillion groups

I begged somebody to jam a nail gun into my ear and end the agony Mr. Cranky by firing away like Charlton Heston at a Barney Frank fund-raiser. I believe aborting the keyboard with coke is only allowed to save the life of the motherboard.

Arch Moberly

I bet David Lee Roth is in a bar somewhere trying to convince a girl Butt-head he used to be the lead singer for Van Halen. I bet drinking in the back of the bus with your girlfriend on school trips must have put you in a damn coma.

John Dobbin

I can be as bad as you want me to be.

John Atheneos

I assure you there is a second tier, and a third, and a fourth. In this

Rohit Khare

assignation there is no justice, no fairness, no democracy, but it is meted out just the same... I best pull out my strap and lay them busters down.

Nate Dogg

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.

Vice President Dan Quayle

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

Will Rogers

I believed you for a fleet of moments.

Thanh Boyer

I believe that massively parallel technology will effectively complete the PC revolution.

MasPar Computer president and CEO Jeffrey Kalb

I believe we are free to be chained, to be slaves, to be chained, or to Booth and the Bad Angel be free. I believe. I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.

Frank Deford

I believe I found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It is us.

Konrad Lorenz

I am very interested in the Universe. I am specializing in the universe and all that surrounds it.

Peter Cook

I believe that one day everyone, everywhere will know the wonders Stimpson J. Cat of my nipples. I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness.

Steve Martin

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

Steven Wright

I came, I saw, I kicked his ass.

Ghostbusters

I can hide more easily. No one looks up in the rain.

John Dobbin

I can jump black holes

Stephen Hawking

I bet squirrel tales would be sort of cool to bite. If I were a duck.

John Dobbin

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

Jack Handey

I better say something funny soon, or Stellman will have more quotes in your quotes file than me.

Bruce Sherrod

I can guarantee you that with me as fearless leader we will NOT take a vow of celibacy.

Tim Byars

I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but Abraham Maslow only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. I came, I saw, I left.

Robin Williams

I can jump spreadsheets

Bill Gates

I can jump dictionareys

Vice President Dan Quayle

I can mend the break of day, heal a broken heart, and provide temporary relief to nymphomaniacs.

Larry Lee

I can only address myself in single human beings now.

Slacker

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

Garrison Keillor

I actually have killed and would kill a shrimp or a fish or a clam. My morality is very specific to my own circumstances.

Megan Coughlin

I actually enjoy arguing with idiots. It tends to free me from the constraints of having to support my arguments.

John Dobbin

How much easier it is to be critical than correct.

Benjamin Disraeli

I am a jelly doughnut.

John F. Kennedy

I believe in peace and bashing two bricks together.

Archbishop Gumby

I believe in gangsta rap, gays and geeks and ghosts. I believe that we die of all the things we hate the most.

Todd Snider

I believe in getting into hot water. It keeps you clean.

G.K. Chesterton

I believe in animal rights as well as human rights. I think that is part Abraham Lincoln of being a total human being. How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

George Washington Carver

It makes a difference whose ox is gored.

Martin Luther

Interesting, he said, and threw another log on the calculator.

The Bug Scientist from Outer Space

Intermission gave way to a miracle.

Jellyfish

Ireland is the sow that eats her farrow.

James Joyce

irc wont ruin my grades. nothing can ruin my grades. that would May Jawdat entail my grades getting worse, which is physically impossible unless the registrars office starts using letters of the cyrilic alphabet. IOT trap

mos dumped

IRC is an ideal medium for asking questions extremely slowly, and not reading the answers carefully.

Michael Meeks

Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.

Don Galer

Intelligence reports are only useful for the intelligent.

Shane Henry

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

Herman Wouk

Increasingly, we go to a company and we find not a company but a product. Increasingly, that product is not so much a product but

Marc Andreesen

features of a product, and increasingly, those features are not features but an idea. Increasing vision is increasingly expensive.

R. A. Janek

Incorporate first, do something later.

John Dobbin

Incredible shrinking race.

Public Enemy

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Benjamin Franklin

Indeed, Captain Picard, you have found him.

Spock

Instead of sponge bath, they send St. Bernard to lick you.

David Letterman

Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.

Thomas Henry Huxley

Irrationality is the square root of all evil.

Douglas Hofstadter

In many industries, such as biotech, the cost and time required to develop a new product are enormously high. In these markets, it is sensible for the government to grant an award to innovators such that investors have the proper incentives to fund new health discoveries. ... To argue that the Internet sector suffers from a lack of funding incentive would be, pardon the pun, patently absurd.

J. William Gurley

In lieu of running the world, I run a public access UNIX system in NYC.

Nicholas Jarecki

In Mexico we have a word for sushi. Bait.

Jose Simon

In modern war... you will die like a dog for no good reason.

Ernest Hemingway

In my neighborhood, a man can get further with kind words and a gun, than with kind words alone.

Al Capone

in my experience, MS Exchange does little more than prevent your computer from being able to send mail. never make the mistake of installing it on your system.

Andrew Stellman

In my mind, wives and dogs provide similar functionality. All I want is some creature to lick my face.

John Dobbin

In love there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek.

French proverb

In Brazil they throw flowers at you. In Argentina they throw themselves.

Marlene Dietrich

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next-best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Theodore Roosevelt

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.

Theodore Roosevelt

In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.

Edward P. Tryon

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

W.B. Prescott

In my beginning is my end.

T.S. Eliot

In Florida, felons cannot adopt children. But evidently they can have custody of any they may have brought into this world. Because the ability to procreate is, in fact, a main indicator of fitness to raise your offspring.

Megan Coughlin

In Heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

Friedrich Nietzsche

IOT trap

core dumped

Invoke not Reason. In the end it is too small a deity.

Alan Moore

In general, they do what you want, unless you want consistency.

Larry Wall

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

Thomas Jefferson

In every situation, its good to have an agenda. The agenda here is wasting time.

Chris Heiser

In MY book food should be nutrition AND entertainment.

Calvin

In diving to the bottom of pleasure we bring up more gravel than pearls.

Honore de Balzac

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Thomas Jefferson liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot ... they have perverted the purest religion ever preached to man into mystery and jargon, unintelligible to all mankind, and therefore the safer engine for their purpose. Keep your laws off my body.

John Dobbin

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.

Helen Keller

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

Benjamin Franklin

Keeping a quote file seriously improves your conversational skills.

James Cook

Justice is truth in action.

Benjamin Disraeli

Justified, ancient, ice cream van. You know the drill.

John Dobbin

Just zen it.

Adam Rifkin

Justice consists in taking from no man what is his.

Thomas Hobbes

Justice is incidental to law and order.

J. Edgar Hoover

Justice is a byproduct of winning.

Law and Order

Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

Lucille Ball

Just let me enjoy this for a minute.

Jerry Maguire

Just let it lie.

When Harry Met Sally

Keep passing the open windows.

John Dobbin

Keep frisking yourself.

David Letterman

Kato, man, I do believe the time has finally come for a seventh friend.

Matthew Perry

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Russell Beland

Joey, we ALWAYS know what you mean.

Friends

Jody, you have a monster can of whoop ass or three just waiting to Martin Frankel explode on some fool. You just need to get in touch with your inner can opener. John Wayne, John Huston, Bill Holden, Bob Mitchum, Clark Denis Leary Gable, Babe Ruth, Lee Marvin, Sam Peckinpah. Men who drank and fought and puked and ate raw meat right off the bone and drank some more and fought some more and puked again and kept on drinking. Men who died of massive heart attacks or sudden brain seizures or who just plain f-ing blew up. Jeremy spoke in class today.

Pearl Jam

Jerks and academia often go together.

Randy Bryant

Jerry Maguire inspired me. Not that this will have any lasting effect, John Dobbin but it really did make me want to go out and change the world. In much the same way Days Of Thunder made me want to go out and drive really fast. Grosse Pointe almost inspired me to buy a gun, but it still fell way short of the other two flicks. Karate is the only form of birth control for a Catholic.

Phyllis Diller

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Samuel Goldwyn

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years Dave Barry and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. Insinuation really makes it happen. And your opinion opened up my Folk Implosion eyes. You kept me itching with a contradiction, that all we knew was never memorized. Information flows uphill and against the wind, to where it can do the most damage.

Peter Evans

Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Instant availability without continuous presence is probably the best Lotte Bailyn role a mother can play. In this town of chimpanzees I was a monkey.

Beck

In unix there are no morals, only determinism.

Faisal Jawdat

In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Pliny the Elder

In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a pleasuredome erect.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood

In years past, flipping someone off tended to earn you a mouthful of Suck calcium chiclets. These days, you extend your middle finger and someone immediately crowns it with a big, gaudy brass ring. Infatuation, like the common cold, must run its course.

Eli J. Schleifer

Just what the world needs, more cynical world weary thirteen year olds...

John Dobbin

Just take five minutes out of your day and rub somebody the right way.

Rugburns

Just remember to remove the fingernails.

Adam Rifkin

Just throw away all that computerized shit listing all human data. No one knows anything about human beings. You have to love the people because they always lose.

Leslie Woolf Hedley

Just think of it--Cosmic Wimpout, the game of the Information Highway.

David Sternlight

Just think of it, war breaks out and nobody turns up.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Just like margarine our name is spreading.

Fairport Convention

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Dan Fylstra

Innocence, most often, is good fortune and not a virtue.

Anatole France

Information is the key to prosperity.

Brazil

Just shut up and get on with the killing.

Jon Slenk

In America only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, in Australia you have to explain what a writer is.

Geoffrey Cotterell

It is in these hills that Juan Valdez and his trusty goat gather coffee beans every morning.

Butt-head

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Jerome K. Jerome

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

Dave Barry

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

H.L. Mencken

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument.

William Gibbs McAdoo

It is not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Phil White

It is necessary for man to have choice to be good or evil, even if he chooses evil. To deprive him of this choice is to make him something less than human... a clockwork orange.

Stanley Kubrick

It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have Richard Nixon

to beat somebody. It is impossible to make something foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

Edsel Murphy

It is incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial... or something.

Butt-head

It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.

C.W. Leadbeater

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man Ralph Waldo Emerson can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. It is one of the chief merits of proofs that they instill a certain amount of skepticism as to the result proved.

Bertrand Russell

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

Voltaire

It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Fletcher Knebel

It is much safer to obey than to rule.

Thomas A. Kempis

It is rare that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.

Alexandre Dumas

it is only the strong who are capable of ripping off their own limbs.

Matt Messner

It is possible to commit no mistakes, and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.

Jean-Luc Picard

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

Clive James

It is regrettable for the education of the young that war stories are always told by those who survived.

Louis Scutenaire

It is preferable to incur a mild punishment than to perform an onerous task.

Roald Dahl

It just shows what the law of supply and demand can do when it gets really, really out of whack.

WSJ on Netscape

It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.

John Andrew Holmes

It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved.

Niccolo Machiavelli

It is more complicated than you think.

Ross Callon

It is when you sit down and watch a show, and it just flashes by and Jeremy Beadle then suddenly it is finished, and you have no questions. That is quality television. It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Roger Babson

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

Gore Vidal

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.

William Somerset

Maugham It was done by guys who were not afraid of long formulas, Gauss and Laplace.

Joel Franklin

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

W.C. Fields

It was more like pounding my bloodied head against the corner of a Joe Kiniry dirty, old red brick mantel of a fireplace while having an aneurysm, an ulcer, a stroke, and a brain hemorrhage - all at once. I tell ya, I have the scars to prove it. It was too much work not to have a war.

Blackadder IV

It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life.

P.D. James

It was pretty surprising for mom to be working in the yard and to have a duck fly into her butt.

Megan Coughlin on the perils of duck ownership

It was only after their population of fifty mysteriously shrank to eight, that the other seven dwarfs began to suspect Hungry.

Mike Jittlov

It was not so long ago that people thought semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very, very small snack foods.

Geraldine Ferraro

It puts the lotion on its skin.

Silence of the Lambs

It looks worse than it really is.

Jerry Maguire

It may slow your thesis a bit, but this sort of experience is always good.

Mani Chandy

It must be human. No inanimate object could be that perverse.

DJ Byrne

It might be scary if my life were to become a farce from which Steve Sisson there were no escape, but not so scary as, say, a ten-foot spider with big googly eyes and fangs. It takes a nation of millions to hold us back.

Public Enemy

It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would.

Kate Moss

It must be spring backhoe planting season.

Sean Donelan

It needs no dictionary of quotations to remind me that the eyes are the window of the soul.

Sir Max Beerbohm

It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob. You have no idea.

The Brain and Pinky

It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to managment than the creation of a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old institution and merely lukewarm defenders in those who gain by the new ones.

Machiavelli

It was a strange Position to see yellow.

David Hume

It was a beautiful, almost poetic way to cap what had been a textbook career of brilliant, original mathematical insights punctuated with outbursts of random, deeply unhinged violence.

Olin Shivers

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu Mark Twain speech. It turns out that elf cookies are pretty weak individually, but they have a fudgy group consciousness and they attack in packs like wolves.

Greg Plesur

It took us over a minute to get one of our programmers to click on the bunny. He kept saying how cute it was.

John Dobbin

It just so happens that I have had PLENTY of great sex.

When Harry Met Sally

It is not length of life, but depth of life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not funny that a man should die, but it is funny that he should be killed for so little, and the coin of his death should be what we call civilization.

R. Chandler

It is not enough to have knowledge, one must also apply it. It is not enough to have wishes, one must also accomplish.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

It is not possible to step in the same river twice.

Heraclitus

It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we Moliere are accountable. It takes zero politically correct assholes to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark...

Dennis Miller

it takes more than simple sex to crash the routers at digex. ... it takes Shawn Ferry FDDI bondage, and subnetting your partner. It takes a village to raise a child.

African adage

It takes two to speak the truth - one to speak and another to hear.

Henry David Thoreau

It takes two to get one in trouble.

Mae West

It takes two people to play frisbee. Buy a boomerang.

Slacker

It takes a very unusual mind to undertake the obvious.

Alfred North Whitehead

It takes a wise man to recognize a wise man.

Xenophanes

It takes about the same amount of effort to write a good screenplay as it takes to make a complete typeface family. Often, they are both scripts, they both have characters, they both require a lot of editing, and having the good idea is half the job.

Dave Siegel

It is possible to be below flattery as well as above it.

Thomas Babington Macaulay

It is so easy to miss pretty trivial solutions to problems deemed complicated. The goal of a scientist is to find an interesting problem, and live off it for a while. The goal of an engineer is to evade interesting problems.

Vadim Antonov

In the desert, you can do a lot more stuff without getting caught by the cops.

Beavis and Butt-head

In the Connolly vernacular, making a pin-cushion is creatively procrastinating. Like reading the FoRK faq.

Dan Connolly

In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man is not king, he is considered insane.

Richard Kinsey

in the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is not allowed to be the banker in Monopoly.

Andrew Stellman

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins. Not through strength, but by perseverance.

H. Jackson Brown

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

Franz Kafka

In the land of the deaf, the one-eared man is king.

Tom Tromey

In the words of the Fonz... Correctomundo.

Josh Dubey

In the wildness is the preservation of the world.

Henry David Thoreau

In the long run, miscegenation is the only hope for the species.

David Gillett

In their early days they were like the young unicorn, wild and uncommitted, which creature cannot be caught by the hunter, no matter how skillful. Nay, but he can only be tamed of his own free will.

from the apocryphal writings of St. Macrina

In the world of words the imagination is one of the forces of nature. Wallace Stevens In the time honored tradition of email, just ignore the question.

John Dobbin

In the U.S. Government, there is a lot more incompetence and a lot less conspiracy than is generally believed.

a NASA spokesperson

In the same day, I read my book on lethal viruses, went to a wedding, and saw this movie. Somehow, I managed to have EbolaTim-Susan-Contact dreams that night, which were quite bizarre indeed.

Megan Coughlin

In choosing a friend, go up a step.

Jewish Proverb

In college I took special courses to overcome my disabillities, or so I thought. However, my grades in know way reflected my I.Q or what I thought I was capable of doing. I would get frustrated, depressed as well as obsessed, because I could not fogure out what was wrong with me.

from alt.attn-deficit

In communities where men build ships for their own sons to fish or fight from, quality is never a problem.

J. Deville

In brief, she assumed that, being a man, I was vain to the point of imbecility, and this assumption was correct, as it always is.

H.L. Mencken

In America everyone is intitled to an opinion. However you are not entitled to a professional opinion.

Michael Padlipsky

In an information economy, the most valuable company assets drive Peter Chang

themselves home every night. If they are not treated well, they do not return the next morning. In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, the party always Yakov Smirnoff finds you. In America, you are ruled by an elected president, congress, and senate. In Canada, we are ruled by a boy with supernatural powers.

Dave Foley

In America, the BEST people are put on pedestals so that lesser folk Tom Clancy can take shots at them. In my opinion, television validates existence.

Calvin

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.

Lenny Bruce

In course of life, will eat own weight in Slim Jims.

David Letterman

In charity there is no excess.

Francis Bacon

In case your aim is better than your judgment.

Last of the Mohicans

In calm water every ship has a good captain.

Swedish Proverb

In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.

Alan Perlis

In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.

R. Mitchell

In Saturday morning cartoons you get taught all these values. Scooby snacks are all about bribery. Smurfs teach you safety in numbers.

Slacker

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section.

George Carlin

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams

In such ugly times, the only true protest is beauty.

Phil Ochs

In that old Baudrillardian challenge, if one stages a bank robbery and carries the performance all the way to the bank, fooling even the teller and guards, one arguably has succeeded in redefining oneself not as an actor, but as a bank robber.

www.suck.com

In the arcades, everyone was en route from the physical world to J.C. Herz cyberspace. Every videogame cabinet was a gate from one world to the other. In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax...

John Simon

In situations where there are multiple players with different agendas, there is nothing worse than failure as a result of deliberate inaction - and there is nothing better than success as a result of deliberate inaction.

Scott Berkun

It is the triumph of reason to get on with those that have none.

Voltaire

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do what you can.

Sydney Smith

It is tempting to deny the existence of evil, since denying it obviates Alexis Carrel the need to fight it. It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It is the most radical empire to all that which is radical.

Butt-head

It is the mind that makes the body.

Sojourner Truth

It is the business of little minds to shrink.

Carl Sandburg

It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end T.H. Huxley as superstitions. It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Hawkwind

In the absence of glamour we are nothing.

Luke Vahle

In the Norse mythology Loki originally was on the side of the rest of the gods, helping them once or twice using a particularly nast forms of trickery. He was a cunning negotiator with a talent for technicalities. He was sort of the Norse equivalent of a lawyer, no doubt the reason they tied him down in a pit dripping acidic venom on him.

Martin Terman

In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.

Galileo Galilei

In order to see birds its is necessary to become a part of the silence.

Robert Lynd

In order to solve this differential equation you look at it until a solution occurs to you.

George Polya

In order to live free and happy, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not Richard Bach always an easy sacrifice. In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.

Dwight Eisenhower

Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.

Denis Waitley

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

Lynda Barry

Lord, what fools these mortals be

Robin Goodfellow

Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.

William Shakespeare

Lousy sex is nothing compared to a good base Ogg.

Mojo Riser

Lorena Bobbitt has been charged with malicious wounding and one Kevin Nealon count of littering. Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Matt Groening

Love cures people. Both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.

Karl Henninger

Oh well. Such is wife.

John Dobbin

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction.

Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Love is a paradox. He loves me, he loves me not.

Anne Clark

Love is a power too strong to be overcome by anything but flight.

Cervantes

My father is Palestinian which explains my violent tendencies and my mom is Irish which explains my violent tendencies as well.

Nadiya El-Khatib

Loving humility is marvellously strong, the strongest of all things. There is nothing else like it.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Mark Twain

Luck is the residue of design.

Branch Rickey

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

Robert Frost

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

H. L. Mencken

Love letters are the campaign promises of the heart.

Robert Friedman

Love your neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood wisely.

Louise Beal

Love is what I got. Remember that.

Sublime

Love is like a snowmobile flying over the frozen tundra that suddenly flips, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasles come.

Matt Groening

Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Casablanca

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ken Hubbard

Love... is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.

I Murdoch

Love, respect, community, and the dollars too. The whole package. Quong.

Jerry Maguire

Lovely girls are terribly insecure. They are convinced that their legs Richard J. Needham are too thick, and their bottoms are too big, and their bosoms are too small. They are conviced that their nose is the wrong shape, that their ears stick out, and that their eyes are too close together. They need a man who will tell them they are exactly right as they are. They do not believe him, but they need to hear it said. Of course, success invites arbitrage, and on the Internet, that means someone is selling what you sell for cheaper.

J. William Gurley

Of course, one could argue that revenue is not the proper metric for measuring the success of a company with a potentially negative gross margin.

J. William Gurley

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, Mark Twain

yet he has left it out of his heaven. Off with the horns, on with the show.

Bono

Offense and pleasure are not mutually exclusive.

John Dobbin

Of those to whom much is given, much is required.

John F. Kennedy

Oh man, Gabby and Fairuza. My dick will be thrilled.

John Dobbin

Oh Lord, stop me from being catty, but not yet.

Florence King

Oh - the Promise Keepers are forbidden from beating anybody ... but their wives.

Steve Ledebur

Oh FUCK the longings and agonies of youth.

John Irving

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. Of why Lewis Carroll the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings. Of government, at least in democratic states, it may be said briefly that it is an agency engaged wholesale, and as a matter of solemn duty, in the performance of acts which all self-respecting individuals refrain from as a matter of common decency.

H.L. Mencken

Oh how i love being tragic. Oh how i love outright lies.

Michelle Hall

Oh good, drunk people with metal sticks. How festive.

John Dobbin

Oh stop it. This is beneath even you.

Clerks

Oh Really

Lucy

Oh, better add Forrest Gump, too.

things that left Megan Coughlin quite bitter

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Oscar Wilde

Man is only man at the surface. Remove his skin, dissect, and immediately you come to machinery.

Paul Valery

Man kills for food. Sometimes for beverage.

Woody Allen

Man makes the money, money never makes the man.

LL Cool J

Man is only truly great when he acts from the passions.

Benjamin Disraeli

Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.

Mark Twain

Man is the measure of all things.

Protagoras

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Wernher von Braun

Man...a creature made at the end of the work week when God was tired.

Mark Twain

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Plotinus

Mankind is still the most extraordinary computer of all.

John F. Kennedy

Mankind... grows beyond its work, walks up the stairs of its

John Steinbeck

concepts, emerges ahead of its accomplishments. Many hands make light work.

John Heywood

Many a man fails to become a thinker only because his memory is too good.

Nietzsche

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

Jim Backus

Many candles can be kindled from one candle without diminishing it.

the Midrash

Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.

Mignon McLaughlin

Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.

Syrus

Many things are worth dying for, but none worth killing for.

Albert Camus

Many people have played themselves to death. Many people have eaten and drunk themselves to death. Nobody ever thought himself to death.

Gilbert Highet

Many of the biggest, most exciting things in your life will happen because you made a bold and irrational decision.

Patrick Combs

Maris and I have taken to giving each other gag gifts. I gave her a cookbook.

Frasier

marilyn manson action figures, now with controlable satanism.

Steve Archer

Many of us spend our lives searching for success when it is usually so close that we can reach out and touch it.

Russell H. conwell

Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Walt Kelly Afternoon, there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday ... Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

Irwin Corey

Marriage is a three-ring circus. Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Pleasuring.

Adam Rifkin

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue.

Winston Churchill

Man who has tool in box is not necessarily carpenter.

Confucius

Marriage is a good way to spend the winter.

Trouble with Harry

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

Voltaire

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucine, but sharing the burden Calvin Trillin of finding the fettucine restaurant in the first place. Marketing is the creation of long-term demand, while sales is the execution of marketing strategies. Marketing is buying the land, choosing what crop to grow, planting the crop, fertilizing it, and

Robert X. Cringely

then deciding when to harvest. Sales is harvesting the crop. Look famous... be legendary... appear complex... act easy... radiate presence... travel light... seem a dream... prove real.

Brenda Janish

Look forward to the day when NRA stands for No Longer Relevant. Dennis Miller Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.

Henry David Thoreau

Lives based on having are less free than lives based either on doing or on being.

William James

Live forever. We could start a band.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Little Red Riding Hood

Scum Killer

Little secrets, tremors turned to quake. The smallest oceans still get big, big waves.

Pearl Jam

Live long and multi-task.

Mike Smithwick

Live the imagination. Lick the reality.

Andrew Plotkin

Live together like brothers and do business like strangers.

Arab Proverb

Little things affect little minds.

Benjamin Disraeli

Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.

Michelangelo

Logging into vaxen is good for you. It teaches patience.

William Bardwell

Love of bustle is not industry.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Love with extreme lucidity and barbaric ferocity.

Mark Leyner

Logic and cold reason are poor weapons to fight fear and distrust. Only faith and generosity can overcome them.

Jawaharlal Nehru

lo, i am lame

Rob Earhart

Live every day like your hair was on fire.

Michael Jackson

Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.

Joseph Wood Krutch

Lock up your libraries if you like, but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.

Virginia Woolf

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.

Mel Brooks

Look - we have just landed upon the outpost of death. My soul is puking.

Charles Bukowski

Look at the Warren Commission. A Shriner Convention without go Slacker carts. Look at all the Indians

General Custer

Look both ways before crossing the streams.

Kendall Bullen

Look before you leap.

Samuel Butler

Look where all this talking got us, baby.

Live

Look around you, all you see is sympathetic eyes.

Simon and Garfunkel

Look, you granola-munching earth-shoe-wearing liberal FREAK, it Marc Unangst has everything to do with California. Lord, deliver me from the man who never makes a mistake, and also the man who makes the same mistake twice.

Dr. William J. Mayo

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue.

Airplane

Looks like the guy in my prison-rape fantasy.

Marilyn Manson

Lord, deliver us from these fruitloops, for they neither snap nor crackle nor pop.

Esther Filderman

Loose talk is noose talk.

Brazil

Oh brother. What blather. Look out when someone uses the word leverage.

John C. Dvorak

Now. Or never.

Henry David Thoreau

Nuclear war may not be desirable.

Edwin Meese III

Nuke the unborn baby gay whales for Christ.

Bumper sticker

Now, suddenly, dynamic HTML makes the Web as interactive as my old Apple IIc.

Peter Merholz

Now, when I want to eat a cookie, I just eat a cookie.

Seinfeld on being an adult

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

Robert F. Kennedy

Only the free have disposition to be truthful. Only the truthful have W. H. Auden the interest to be just. Only the just possess the willpower to be free. Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

Gary Willis

Only the young die good.

Oliver Herford

Obedience to the law is freedom.

sign above entrance to U.S. Penal establishment

Nuclear war would really set back cable.

Ted Turner

Obviously this person studied at the Adam Rifkin school of film criticism.

John Dobbin

Obviously someone read their tea leaves wrong.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.

Plato

Obscenity is such a tiny kingdom that a single tour covers it completely.

Heywood Broun

Obsession to the point of ridiculous merits ridicule.

Adam Rifkin

Of all the countless folk who have lived before our time on this planet not one is known in history or legend as having died of laughter.

Sir Max Beerbohm

Objects are just data stuctures with an attitude.

Alex Morrow

Obligatory comment on you then right back to talking about me...

John Dobbin

Of course it has civilian applications. You might wanna kill your friends, someday.

Jim Zelenka

Only he who attempts the ridiculous can achieve the impossible.

Hao Shan Liao

only in our easy, simple, spontaneous action are we strong.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Only geniuses and idiots are mentally self-sufficient.

Stanislaw Lem

Only God, or possibly Jeff Hutzleman, knows that.

Paul Mazaitis

Only God can make a tree, but only Man can drive by it so fast.

Ferrari Driver.

Only a vaRool would use such language in public.

Riker

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash Steven Wright on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house. One thought he was invisible, and the other thought he could fly. They were both wrong.

Marked for Death

Only a funeral could induce me to return there.

Barton

Our love for God is tested by whether we seek Him or His gifts.

Ralph Sockman

Our little group has always been, and always will, until the end.

Nirvana

Our keyword list read like the buzzwords on the back of a netscape server box.

Joe Kiniry

One thing that gets me down is when people put bandanas on their dogs.

Kids in the Hall

Open-minded people look at the world around them and try to find M. Elizabeth Hunter the lessons there that apply to their own lives, while narrow-minded people look at the lessons their own life has brought them and try to apply these to the world at large. Open your eyes and you can see the flames of your wasted life.

Counting Crows

Only when the clock stops does time come to life.

William Faulkner

Only one man would dare give me the Raspberry.

Spaceballs

Only one man understands me, and even he does not.

Hegel

Oooo, that was a quick.

Cindy Parker

One who finds no satifaction in himself seeks for it in vain elsewhere.

La Rochefoucauld

One with the law is a majority.

Calvin Coolidge

One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary Friedrich Nietzsche actions to habit, and mean actions to fear.

Only in your dreams, Commander.

Troi

Ooh, you called me a goose. Yeah, you can more than deal with me, Steve Bajzek I have to admit. That one hurts even more than when you called me a virual buffoon. Oog make mission statement.

Steve Dorner

Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable.

Plato

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Thomas L. Martin

ok, so proof by lack of counterexample is invalid. i can prove it by mathematical induction, though, if you accept the law of conservation of bitterness.

Geoff Spear

ok, you have to understand that there is indeed a reason why i didnt May Jawdat call you yesterday. the reason is that i am a rotten horrible terrible person and a bad sister. i will call you tonight. Ok, wait a moment here. Hold on. There. Now you see the change was made in real time.

Frame showperson

Old age and guile will always triumph over youth and enthusiasm.

Mack Rhinelander

Okay. HATING this.

Friends

Now I have to decide if I want to battle evil or perpetrate it....

Greg Plesur

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a large admission fee.

Kim Hubbard

Nothing was happening when all of a sudden, still nothing was happening.

Douglas Adams

Now go away so we can talk about you.

Friends

Now come, before I color the wall with sort-of-brain.

Blackadder IV

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Monty Python

Now blah blah blah is all I do.

Heathers

Now and then there is a person born who is so unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else.

Don Marquis

Okay, in the pursuit of honesty and because of the respect in which I hold you people I should probably admit that I intend to savor your deaths as I would the gentlest sips of fine wine. Sorry about the initial confusion.

Greg Plesur

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

Maurice Chevalier

Oh credit to dementia.

Megadeth

Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.

Trotsky

Old gnus. Eye remember ewe.

Adam Rifkin

Okay, squouija me, then.

Adam Rifkin

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Sir Walter Scott

Novocaine for the soul. You better give me something to fill the hole before I sputter out.

Eels

Nothing recedes like success.

Walter Winchell

Nothing suceeds in which high spirits play no part. Only excess of strength is proof of strength.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Nothing revives the past so completely as a smell.

Vladimir Nobokov

Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend Balzac that he is superior to the other. Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

Andrew Young

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something J.M. Barrie else. Nothing is quite so out of step with reality as the idea that the rich are working less because they are making too little money and the poor are working less because they are making too much.

John Kenneth Galbraith

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

Tussman

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Dogbert

Nothing risque, nothing gained.

Alexander Woollcott

Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all.

Oscar Wilde

Occam got a Razor. Newton got some Laws. Heisenberg got an Ron Resnick Uncertainty Principle. Judge Stearns got a Decision. LaMacchia got an Exemption. And all I got was this lousy tee-shirt. Now you can write your thesis on Gameboy if you know how to bull.

PCU

Nothing is worse than procrastination. When I look at ten decisions, Percy Barnevik I regret there will be nine of them where I delayed. Better roughly and quickly than carefully and slowly. Of all noises, I think music is the least pleasant.

Samuel Johnson

Nothing is worse than majority. It consists of a few leaders, some rogues who adapt, the weak who assimilates, and the great masses who follow far behind, knowing not what they want.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.

Thomas Macaulay

Nothing is too wonderful to be true.

Michael Faraday

Nothing is wasted which makes a memory.

Ned Rorem

Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern. One is apt to grow old fashioned quite suddenly.

Oscar Wilde

Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.

Milton Friedman

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Winston Churchill

Nous aimons nos sinthomes plus de nous nous aimons.

Jacques Lacan

Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.

P. Buhr

Now the actual correct mathematical solution to this differential Ron Myers equation is insane, so physicists use a special trick which is that you guess. Now if only someone would go ahead and make these for every NBA player. I think it would be riotously fun to throw Michael Jordan up against the wall and dent his mucking head.

John Dobbin

Now it may be a sad reflection on the way young people feel, but early Monday morning is losing its appeal.

Housemartins

Nothing is more dangerous than a one-liner file, when a man has only one one-liner.

Adam Rifkin

Nothing is more terrifying than ignorance in action.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.

Henry Ford

Nothing is intrinsically good or evil, but its manner of usage may make it so.

St. Thomas Aquinas

Now is the time for all good men to come to.

Walt Kelly

Now if we can just keep it from exploding.

Real Genius

Modesty is such a lonely word, everyone is in the nude.

John Dobbin

Mine is the last voice that you will ever hear. Do not be alarmed.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Morality is not defined by individual choice.

Rush Limbaugh

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike.

Oscar Wilde

Morality is not really the doctrine of how to make ourselves happy, but of how we are to be worthy of happiness.

Immanuel Kant

Mirror mirror on the coast cook some bread and make me toast.

John Dobbin

Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.

Chaim Weizmann

Morning is a concept I only approach from the night before.

Harry Chapin

More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. Woody Allen One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Morning is not my day.

Thanh Boyer

More trouble is caused in this world by indiscreet answers than by

Sydney J. Harris

indiscreet questions. More men should feel obligated to apologize to me after trying to pick me up.

Megan Coughlin

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.

Aristotle

Mortality is a cheap price to pay for existence.

Bob Geldof

More people rust out than wear out.

H. Jackson Brown

Milk does the body GOOD.

Encino Man

ML attempts to enforce good programming with the functional model. I think it enforces good programming by preventing the development of large projects in ML.

Robert Rodgers

MIT... looks like how Caltech would be if it was bigger and had no honor code.

Greg Davis

Mixed emotions, pal. Like seeing Larry Wildmon going off a cliff in my new Maserati.

Wall Street

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Oscar Wilde

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

John Ciardi

Miss Manners is not quite so naive as to believe that love produces Miss Manners any agreement of views after that first rapturous discovery that both people like movies and the outdoors. Mockery requires self-awareness.

Rohit Khare

Modern man thinks he loses something - time - when he does not do Erich Fromm things quickly. Yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains... except kill it. Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.

Stanislaw Lec

Mmm. Meetings. Only seppuku could be this much fun.

John Prevost

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

Thomas Dewar

Might does not make right but it sure makes what is.

Edward Abbey

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Susan Ertz

mmmMmm, cat herding

Aleecia McDonald

Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...

Homer Simpson

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

William Shakespeare

Mmmm... strawberry. Mmmm... apple. Mmmm... purple.

Homer Simpson eating donuts

Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans. John Lennon

Life is so constructed that the event does not, cannot, will not match Charlotte Bronte the expectation. Life is really just a game, but there is some assembly required.

Tom Wilson

Life is pretty stupid, with a lot of hubbub to keep you busy, but not really amounting to much.

LA Story

Life is thick sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.

Voltaire

Life is too important to take seriously.

Corky Siegel

Life is like a cash register, in that every account, every thought, every deed, like every sale, is registered and recorded.

Fulton J. Sheen

Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day.

Peter Applebome

Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something.

The Princess Bride

Life is playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as Samuel Butler one goes on. Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Oscar Wilde

Life is too short for arguments. Every nanosecond a person spends disagreeing or disrespecting or hating or chiding, is one less nanosecond a person has for finer things.

Adam Rifkin

Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.

Ted Turner

Life has taught me to think, but thinking has not taught me to live.

Alexander Herzen

Life has a funny way of biting you when your pants are down.

Michael Molloy

Life is a series of little deaths out of which life always returns.

Charles Feidelson, Jr.

Life is the continuous adjustment of internal relations to external relations.

Herbert Spencer

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Life is a joke, and death is the ultimate punch line. Welcome to hell. Trevor Schadt Life is a quarry, out of which we are to mold and chisel and complete a character.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Life is a great sunrise. I do not see why death should not be an even Vladimir Nobokov greater one. Money often costs too much.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monkey good. Sphincter bad.

Roberto Herrera

Mongo merely pawn in game of life.

Blazing Saddles

Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations. Thomas Jefferson

Money is far more persuasive than logical arguments.

Euripides

Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.

Charles M. Schulz

Life is not a spectator sport. Just do it.

Nike

Life is like a sewer... What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Tom Lehrer

Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes.

Louisa May Alcott

Money is the sinews of love, as of war.

George Farquhar

Money is the seed of money, and the first guinea is sometimes more Jean Jacques Rousseau difficult to acquire than the second million. Missed it by that much

Maxwell Smart

Most women do not want to be liberated from their essential natures Vice President Dan Quayle as women. Most rock journalism is people who can not write interviewing people who can not talk.

Frank Zappa

Most projects start out slowly

and then sort of taper off.

Most women have no characters at all.

Alexander Pope

Most so-called moral dilemmas simply dissolve when one gathers all the knowledge that is actually available. We waste an immense amount of precious energy trying to make decisions before we really have to or are able to. Once we see something clearly, the question of morality more or less takes care of itself. Authentic morality is the child of understanding.

Jacob Needleman

Mostly dead is very different from all dead. All dead, nothing you can do but go through the pockets looking for loose change.

The Princess Bride

Mother Theresa gets laid more than you and I.

John Dobbin

Mother Teresa is a nice lady because it makes her feel good. I light Mark Denovich things on fire for the same reason. The relative merit of either action can be argued, but the base motivation is exactly the same. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Robert Orben

Most people who are rich chose their parents wisely.

Philip Greenspun

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just George Carlin enough not to quit. Most think grammar is the person who owns the house to which we Adam Rifkin go over the river and through the woods. My country right or wrong is like saying, My mother drunk or sober.

G.K. Chesterton

My book recommends a twirling wedgie for people who ask for too Dogbert much.

My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian.

Paulina Porizkova

My computer has a hard drive, and my disk is always floppy.

Rugburns

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abe Lincoln

Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards.

Soren Peterson

Most of the truly meaningful things that happen in a classroom are only tangentially related to the subject matter being taught.

Dallin Malmgren

Most of the world is carpeted, and one day we will do the cleaning.

Seinfeld

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

Calvin

Most of us ask for advice when we know the answer but we want a different one.

Ivern Ball

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Dorothy Parker

Most men do not mature, they simply grow taller.

Leo Rosten

Most men say they can short out the toilet seat-up alarm with an errant stream of urine.

Dennis Miller

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry Soren Kierkegaard past it. MOTHER IN LAW is an anagram for WOMAN HITLER.

Adrian Plass

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of children.

The Crow

Most of my life is designed around protecting certain illusions. Shattering them now seems foolish.

John Dobbin

Most general statements are false, including this one.

Alexander Dumas

Most men employ the first part of their life, to make the rest miserable.

de La Bruyere

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abe Lincoln

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Henry David Thoreau

My body has certainly wandered a good deal, but I have an uneasy suspicion that my mind has not wandered enough.

Noel Coward

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

Animal House

My bathroom went to art school, now I piss in a collage.

Rugburns

My bills always die in subcommittee.

Calvin

Music is the best means we have of digesting time.

W.H. Auden

Music is the universal language of mankind.

H.W. Longfellow

Music washes away from the soul the dust of every day life.

Berthold Auerbach

Mistakes are the price we pay for a full life.

Sophia Loren

Misfortune shows those who are not friends.

Aristotle

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Russell Baker

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.

Sophia Loren

Must...defy...laws...of...physics...

The Tick

Mister Worf, show these children the airlock.

Picard

Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it, but a kiss can be even deadlier Batman Returns if you mean it. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

My experience tells me that, instead of bothering about how the Mahatma Gandhi whole world may live in the right manner, we should think how we ourselves may do so. We do not even know whether the world lives in the right manner or in a wrong manner. If, however, we live in the right manner, we shall feel that others also do the same, or shall discover a way of persuading them to do so. My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Orson Welles

My dreams are getting way too literal.

Calvin

My entire life is crammed into printer-paper boxes and stacked up against the bedroom wall.

Ari Rapkin

My brothers they never went blind for what they did, but I may as well have.

Alanis Morissette

My brothers and sisters all hated me because I was an only child.

Weird Al Yankovic

My boys need to breathe.

Seinfeld

My brain is my second favorite organ.

Woody Allen

Music causes us to think eloquently.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Music is my mistress and she plays second fiddle to no one.

Duke Ellington

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.

Ludwig von Beethoven

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

Adlai E. Stevenson

My definition of smart means being able to deal honestly with Robert X. Cringely people yet somehow avoid the twin perils of either pissing them off or of committing myself to a lifetime of indentured servitude trying too hard to be nice. Life goes slower when you graze.

Northern Exposure

Liberty is the right to do what the law permits.

Montesquieu

Liberty is the only thing you cannot have unless you are willing to give it to others.

Libertarian Motto

Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Soren Kierkegaard

Liberty must be limited in order to be possessed.

Edmund Burke

Liberty is food easy to eat but hard to digest.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

Harry Emerson Fosdick

Liberals measure compassion by how many people are given welfare. Conservatives measure compassion by how many people no longer need it.

Rush Limbaugh

Life consists of what man is thinking of all day.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.

Sarah Bernhardt

Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.

Wall Street

Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, Dr. Samuel Johnson passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified. Lies and betrayals, fruit covered nails, electricity and lust...

Pavement

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Gauguin

Life begins when you get a job.

Ronald Reagan

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

Rush Limbaugh

Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be Mark Twain sorry. Leave the beaten track occasionally and dive into the woods. You will be certain to find something you have never seen before.

Alexander Graham Bell

Learn to pray correctly, scientifically. Employ tested and proven methods. Avoid slipshod praying.

Norman Vincent Peale

Let your conscience be your guide.

Pope

Let us not go faster than God. It is our emptiness and our thirst that he needs, not our plentitude.

Jaques Maritian

Let us love temperately, things violent last not.

Philip Massinger

Let us never negotiate out of fear but let us never fear to negotiate.

John F. Kennedy

Let your mind go and your body will follow.

LA Story

Learning is discovering that something is possible.

Fritz Perls

Lemme esplain - no dere is not time. Lemme sum up.

The Princess Bride

Legos, Playdoh, and Crayolas should be part of EVERY household. Ari Rapkin

Lemme tellya about flannel. It gets me hot.

Mr. Mom

Liars when they speak the truth are not believed

Aristotle

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Let every day be a building block for your castle of dreams.

Kathryn Major

Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know it just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, and teachers.

Richard Bach

Learning is its own exceeding great reward.

William Hazlitt

Let him not quit his belief that a popgun is a popgun, though the Ralph Waldo Emerson ancient and honorable of the earth affirm it to be the crack of doom. Let each man exercise the art he knows.

Aristophanes

Levity is the soul of wit.

Eli Perkins

Machines should work. People should think.

Richard Hamming

Machines that say please make me nervous.

Golden Years

Lyrics are the deep thoughts of our generation.

Adam Rifkin

Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke...

Obi Wan Gates

Lump lingered, last in line for brains, and the one she got was sort of rotten and insane.

Presidents of the USA

Lugubrious is to hubris as cantankerous is to...

Paolo Sivilotti

Mammories, as a pair in the moonlight...

Judy Rosman

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Rita Rudner

Mallomars look like breasts, whereas pinwheels have pleats.

Adam Rifkin

MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts.

Winston Churchill

Major funding for The Great Depression was provided by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

heard on PBS

Lump slipped on a kiss, and tumbled into love.

Presidents of the USA

Madonna is the true feminist. She exposes the puritanism and Camille Paglia suffocating ideology of American feminism, which is stuck in an adolescent whining mode. Madonna has taught young women to be fully female and sexual while still exercising control over their lives. Made exclusively for the best blobs of protoplasm ever assembled into primates.

bOING bOING BLAST

Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.

Voltaire

Man is by nature a political animal.

Aristotle

Macintosh, so easy even Americans can use them.

Swedish ad

Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends.

Coco Channel

Magic Johnson threatened to spit in their Gatorade if they lost.

John Dobbin

Make up your melons.

Encino Man

Make it so.

Picard

Make me one with everything on it.

Zen master to hot dog vendor

Make a little birdhouse in your soul.

They Might Be Giants

Make a note of the word gobbledy gook. I like it. I want to use it more in conversation.

Blackadder IV

Make a hole with a gun perpendicular.

They Might Be Giants

Literature is the question minus the answer.

Roland Barthes

Make that three canings. And a flogging with a sock filled with manure.

Adam Rifkin

Man first learned to walk upright so he could free his hands for masturbation.

Lily Tomlin

Man and woman are two locked caskets, of which each contains the Isak Dinesen key to the other. Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

Oscar Wilde

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Lily Tomlin

Make your bargain before beginning to plow.

Arab Proverb

Makes me want to stick my fist through your face.

Filter

Make up your mind, decide to walk with me around the lake tonight Toadies by my side... Man is a temporary infestation on a minor planet in an insignificant Douglas Adams system located in an average galaxy. Man is born to live, not to prepare to live.

Boris Pasternak

Man cannot live by words alone, though he is sometimes forced to eat them.

Adlai E. Stevenson

Man by nature wants to know.

Aristotle

Man cannot discover new oceans until he has courage to lose sight of the shore.

Chinese Proverb

Man is an exception, whatever else he is. If it is not true that a G.K. Chesterton divine being fell, then we can only say that one of the animals went

entirely off its head. Like many things in life, you can do exactly what you were going to Steve Jobs do in the first place and change the names. Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office.

Frasier

Listen to the kidneys. They are smarter than you are.

James Cook

Like a ski resort full of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetric as it might seem.

Marc Unangst

like being quotefiled by faisal is any sort of accomplishment

Adam Rixey

Like excrement, it contains enough undigested nuggets of nutrition to sustain life for some.

Dennis Ritchie

Lisa Marie refused to take the four-year intensive NASA training program that would teach her to moonwalk.

David Letterman

Line up alphabetically by height.

Casey Stengel

Lips that taste of tears, they say are the best for kissing.

Dorothy Parker

Like a goose, I just pass it on...

Adam Rifkin

Linear layout, with scrolling, supports visual contiguity, which is essential for rapid comprehensibility.

Michael Hoffman

Listen, if anything happens to Yoko and me, it was not an accident.

John Lennon

Lisp has all the visual appeal of oatmeal with fingernail clippings mixed in.

Larry Wall

like diapers, politicians should be changed regularly. for the same reasons.

Andrew Stellman

life is cool, netscape blows

Rob Earhart

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.

Rich Rosen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering, and it is all over much too quickly.

Woody Allen

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

Calvin and Hobbes

Life is full of decisions, but you never get to make any.

Linus van Pelt

Life is fired at us point-blank.

Jose Ortega

Life is a do-it-yourself kit.

Phyllis Diller

Life is a game of bridge

and you have just been finessed.

Life is a dead-end street.

H.L. Mencken

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

Jean de La Bruyhre

Like Russian Roulette with six bullets loaded.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Like warm silly putty...

John Dobbin

Likely early candidates are The Ruthless People Soundtrack, The Falcon and The Snowman Soundtrack and Bachelor Dance Party.

John Dobbin

Like Cain in Kung Fu. Travel the earth, have adventures.

Pulp Fiction

Like most rich people, Tom would rather see his son cut into pieces Mr. Cranky and fed to Hudson River carp than have any of his money end up in the hands of some union-loving liberal. Like the ski resort full of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.

Alan McKay

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Helen Keller

Life is but a walking shadow...

William Shakespeare

Let there be many windows to your soul, that all the glory of the world may beautify it.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Let me just point out that this is all I saw I of your message. Then my head exploded.

Sam Greenfield

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Mark Twain

Let r be a group, g be a field, and f be a ring.

Rohit Khare

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Charles Dickens

Let me thank you for putting me back in my snail shell.

They Might Be Giants

Let the marketplace decide.

Tim Byars

Let me take my chances on the wall of death.

REM

Let me speak to our mutual friend.

The Professional

Life itself is the proper binge.

Julia Child

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Life sucks, get a helmet.

Denis Leary

Life with no f is a lie.

Mad About You

Life, like a dome of many-coloured glass, stains the white radiance of eternity.

P.B. Shelley

Life would be far more interesting if people could explode at will.

Sam Kass

Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.

Stephen Butler Leacock

Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat Dag Hammarskjold is possible--not to have run away. Life without learning is death.

Cicero

Life was simple before World War II. After that, we had systems.

Admiral Grace Hopper

Lighten up, you two. Your penises are both of sufficient size.

Brad Daly

Like a fly to a bug zapper, you are drawn to the cafeteria.

Brendan Gray

Lighten up, Charlie. You have a pickle up your ass.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

Our dress code is that you must.

Scott McNealy

Our duty is to be useful, not according to our desires, but according Henry F. Amiel to our powers. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

Rita Rudner

No man is free who is not master of himself.

Epictetus

No man needs sympathy because he has to work. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.

Theodore Roosevelt

No man is an island, entire of itself.

John Donne

No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.

Fran Lebowitz

NNTP packets and compressed UUCP batches ship around untold gigabytes a day of trash. This trash is known, collectively, as Usenet.

Unix-Haters Handbook

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Aesop

No animals were harmed in the making of this film. We found it like that.

Mykl

No amount of sophistication is going to allay the fact that all your knowledge is about the past and all your decisions are about the future.

Ian E. Wilson

No man is truly great who is great only in his lifetime. The test of greatness is the page of history.

William Hazlitt

No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.

Abraham Lincoln

No idea is so outlandish that it should not be considered with a searching but at the same time steady eye.

Winston Churchill

When in doubt, use brute force

Ken Thompson

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Mark Twain

No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He ALWAYS wants to have sex with her.

When Harry Met Sally

No historian can take part with - or against - the forces he has to study. To him even the extinction of the human race should merely be a fact to be grouped with other vital statistics.

Henry Brooks Adams

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of

Frank Lloyd Wright

the hill, belonging to it. No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.

Peter Burris

No good deed goes unpunished.

Clare Boothe Luce

No human thing is of serious importance.

Plato

No academic ever expects to be taken seriously by more than three other people, because really, we write for three other people in our field.

Howard Gardner

no more net surfing for me any longer, now I web spelunk.

Bruce Sherrod

No nation was ever drunk when wine was cheap.

Thomas Jefferson

No nation has ever taxed itself into prosperity.

Rush Limbaugh

No one can eat fifty eggs.

Reality Bites quoting Cool Hand Luke

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.

Sir Frederick G. Banting

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

H.L. Mencken

No more merciful beheadings, and cancel Christmas.

Alan Rickman

No more babies for her, she got her test tubes tied.

Thanh Boyer

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Aristotle

No box is big enough to contain our imaginations.

The Spot

No evil can happen to a good man.

Plato

No doubt the much-ballyhooed Bob.

Frasier

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at Honore de Balzac least one woman. No conflict exists between the pleasure a modern American finds in Hugh Hefner material things and his struggle to discover a new scientific truth, or evolve a new philosophy, or create a work of art. The good life, the full life, encompasses all of these - and all of them satisfy and spur a man on to do more, see more, know more, experience more. No culture can live, if it attempts to be exclusive.

Mahatma Gandhi

No conspiracy. Now hand me the keys.

Chris Heiser

When in doubt, do what the President does

guess.

When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing

Marvin Gaye

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.

Dom Helder Camara

When I was a little kid, my mom used to always say, Only God is

Susie Clime

perfect. When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I Noel Estabrook was an only child....eventually. When I was born I did lament and cry, and now each day doth shew Richard Watkins the reason why. When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships.

Andy Warhol

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.

Robert M. Hutchins

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call Jack Handey the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns. When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie, Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie, Police Academy.

Homer Simpson

When I die, I hope to go the Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.

Ayn Rand

When I asked him for his autograph, he said I had to talk to his agent, and when I asked who his agent was, he started to unzip his pants.

Laurie L.

When I gave food to the poor, they called me a saint. When I asked why the poor were hungry, they called me a communist.

Dom Helder Camara

When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So one day when I was six, I did... the next day I had my first headache.

Pi

When I saw him, I liked him. When I liked him, I Loved him. When Julia Lasalle I Loved him, I lost him. When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

Jack Handey

when i was a freshman here i dated this horrible guy who used to wear ruffly shirts like that, becuase he was SUPERGOTH. he turned out to just be a big wanker. which is really the same thing.

Kristiina Wilson

When I think of the past it brings back so many memories.

Steven Wright

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Woody Allen

When in doubt, use brute force.

Ken Thompson

When Mr. Gotti says take a dive, you take a damn dive.

David Letterman

When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.

Calvin Coolidge

When I write my music I see all the rivers flowing... sensual,

Laura Nyro

spiritual, religious, animal, intellectual... When I woke up late, I felt behind all day. When I wake up early, I feel ahead all day.

Eric Bax

When my old man wanted sex... my mother would show him a picture of me.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I hear anyone talk of Culture, I reach for my revolver.

Hermann Goering

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. Leo Tolstoy I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say Do what you like now. When I was younger, I was kiddnapped by a cult of kickboxing ninja who made me play a grueling steel cage match of basketball to the death every night.

Duckman

No matter how many communes anybody invents, the family always creeps back in.

Margaret Mead

Nobody, as long as he moves about among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.

Carl Jung

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

Mark Twain

Normal is just a setting on your dryer.

Patsy Clairmont

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving Ellen Goodman through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it. None of the women that Ken knows have brushes or combs. When their hair gets tangly or knotted, Ken is there for them.

J.J. Barkas

Nonviolence is the first article of my faith. It is also the last article of my creed.

Mahatma Gandhi

None love the bearer of bad news.

Sophocles

Not having sendmail is like not having VD.

Ron Heiby

Nostalgia is a seductive liar.

George Ball

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and Dave Barry oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vitalingredient in beer. Normally destruction and stuff is cool but here... here it just falls flat.

Butt-head

Not at all, said the woman to the man, I was thinking of an unrelated thing.

They Might Be Giants

Not counting the mezzanine.

Hudsucker Proxy

Not all the conservative are stupid, but all the stupid are

Benjamin Disraeli

conservative. Nothing destroys authority so much as the unequal and untimely interchange of power, pressed too far and relaxed too much.

Francis Bacon

Nothing in education is so atonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts

Henry Adams

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

Calvin

Nothing I do is my fault.

Calvin

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational Dogbert things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. Nothing easy is ever simple.

Plucky Duck

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

Rita Rudner

Nothing ever goes away.

Barry Commoner

Nothing great is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes Epictetus or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing can be done in one trip.

Snider

Nothing can resist the human will that will stake even its existence on its stated purpose.

Benjamin Disraeli

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing can so prevent you from learning the truth as the belief that Jon Hart you already know it. Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing Mark B. Cohen a winning candidate. Nothing bad ever happens without equal or greater benefit in return. Napoleon Hill Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as in steady purpose.

Mary Wallstonecraft

Norman is so fat, he has furniture disease - his chest is in his drawers.

Jim Cornette

Norman is so stupid, mind readers charge him half price.

Jim Cornette

New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour, but to me it is not scary, cuz I stay away from dairy.

Friends

Never worry about a book corrupting a child... Worry if your children are not getting ideas from books.

Richard Peck

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

David Letterman

Never wash chocolate cake down with mead. Ever.

Douglas Lathrop

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire.

Dan Zevin

Never, ever do the cups and balls with clear cups.

Penn and Teller

No matter how far a man may travel, he will never get ahead of himself.

Malagigi

No matter how cool your interface, it would be better if there were less of it.

Alan Cooper

No man would eat a Princess Cake.

John Dobbin

No member of a rowing team is ever praised for the rugged individuality of his rowing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

No matter where you go, there you are.

Buckaroo Banzai

Nice guys finish last.

Leo Durocher

Nice night for an evening.

Stephen Wright

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.

F.J. Raymond

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Evan Davis

Not a man to mince words. People yes. But not words.

Terry Pratchett

No one is much pleased with a companion who does not increase, in Samuel Johnson some respect, their fondness for themselves. NFS was a leap forward from one miserable file system, to many united miserable file systems.

Felipe Cabrera

Nice try, but no banana. None of the above. Born to be wild. Bad to mostly from songs the bone. I gonna give you every inch of my love. Nietzsche must have had a bad childhood.

Rob McLay

Nigga is a state of mind.

John Dobbin

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad name.

Henry Kissinger

Ninty-eight Blue and Green Slaad at the door, Ninty-eight Blue and Biff the Wonder Twit Green Slaad, Take one down, they gate in two more, Ninty-nine Blue and Green Slaad at the door... Nirvana... the place where the powers that be and their friends hang Zonker Harris out. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir pelcgb.

Dave Polaschek

When gossip grows old it becomes myth.

Stanislaw J. Lee

When grasshopper learns to stagger drunk like a flea, he will be ready to leave the monastary.

Anu Kapoor

When Gods were more Man-like, men were more god-like.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Whatever bubbles, bubbles up.

Lucas

Whatever is not eternal is eternally out of date.

CS Lewis

When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

Simon Fulleringer

When an idea is wanting a word can always be found to take its place.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When angry, count ten before you speak. If very angry, a hundred.

Thomas Jefferson

When art communicates, a human experience is actively offered and actively received.

Raymond Williams

What we lack in brains we make up for... in good attentions...

Mom and Dad Save the World

What we are talking about is a massive evolution, not a massive revolution.

Mani Chandy

What we believe is the most powerful option of all.

Norman Cousins

What we see depends on mainly what we look for.

John Lubbock

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Cool Hand Luke

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she Rita Rudner will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk. When a woman has been scorned there are no accidents.

Christen Runge

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

Rita Rudner

When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opening.

Sir James Goldsmith

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

Frederick Ryder

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does Nietsche not become a monster. Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.

George Orwell

Who lives by the sword shall die by the sword.

Matthew

Whatever this is called, this is exactly what we have.

Piyush Mehrotra

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.

Charlotte Whitton

When a immovable object meets an irresistable force, someone has to laugh at the stalemate.

Richard Goodman

When a dog runs at you, whistle for him.

Henry David Thoreau

When a democracy is in trouble, the remedy is more democracy.

Andrew Jackson

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down.

Collis P. Huntingdon

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is Arthur C. Clarke possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. Whatever you have, you must either use or lose.

Henry Ford

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Mahatma Gandhi

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Bernard Levin

Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.

Francis Bacon

Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.

Emerson

What we wish, that we readily believe.

Demosthenes

When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.

Ethiopian Proverb

When the catalogs get tough, the garden gets compost.

Truman Bullard

When the rich think about the poor they have poor ideas.

Eva Peron

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Elayne Boosler

When we see the whip, we hear the crack.

Rugburns

When the music hits, I feel no pain at all.

Tim Armstrong

When sitting, just sit. When walking, just walk.

Zen Proverb

When the insects take over the world, we hope they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

Bill Vaughan

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Raoul Duke

When publishing is made free, only the criminally insane will publish.

Rohit Khare

When she says all men are like a disease then I wonder how much more I can stand.

Offspring

When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.

Henry Miller

When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Marquis de Lagrange

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Thomas Paine

When the sun shineth, make hay.

John Heywood

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Voltaire

When the will defies fear, when duty throws the gauntlet down to R.G. Ingersoll fate, when honor scorns to compromise with death - that is heroism.

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.

Donald Douglas

When two people make love, there are at least four people there. Sigmund Freud The two who are actually there, and the two they are thinking about. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one Dave Barry individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. When there is no peril in the fight, there is no glory in the triumph.

Pierre Corneille

When there is food, there are many problems. When there is no food, there is only one problem.

Chinese Proverb

When you are day trading, if something sounds too good to be true, Andy Borowitz go for it. When you are in any contest, you should work as if there were - to the very last minute - a chance to lose it. This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.

H.L. Mencken

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. Warren Farrell When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. When we can begin to take our failures no-seriously, it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them. It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves.

Katherine Mansfield

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.

Helen Keller

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, A.A. Milne you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it. When we are collecting books, we are collecting happiness.

Vincent Starret

When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger and other represents opportunity.

John F. Kennedy

What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.

Jewish proverb

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.

Pearl Bailey

What the world needs now is another folk singer like I need a hole in my head.

Cracker

What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.

Frank Adams

What the world needs now is a good Megadeth album.

David Ellefson

What you cannot understand you cannot possess.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming out. Words are kind of important.

Dennis Miller

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Winston Churchill

When the going gets tough, the tough hide under the table.

Blackadder III

When the going gets tough, the tough change their minds.

Dennis Miller

When the going gets tough, philosophers equivocate. They bury their heads in the sands of analogy.

John Knasas

When The Going Gets Tough The Dice Get Hosey

Ian Schrieber

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Lynch

What you think about, you do. What you do, you become.

G. Gordon Liddy

What you need to do is try and be the best person you can be, instead of comparing yourself to how pathetic other people are.

Dan Frey

What you fear in the night and the day comes to call anyway.

Counting Crows

Not one shred of evidence exists that life is serious.

Joseph Campbell

One does not make friends. One recognizes them.

Garth Henrichs

One good turn asketh another.

John Heywood

One is the loneliest number. Two is as lonely as one, just shifted to the left.

Dave Barr

One good turn deserves another.

Gaius Petronius

One form to rule them all, one form to find them, one form to bring Sendmail comment them all and in the darkness rewrite the hell out of them. One is very crazy when in love.

Sigmund Freud

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Ernest Bramah

One man with courage makes a majority.

Andrew Jackson

One man, scorned and covered with scars, still strove, with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable star.

Man of la Mancha

One must work hard at procrastination, or something might get done ahead of time.

Chris Heiser

One must have loved a woman of genius to comprehend the happiness of loving a fool.

Talleyrand

One must care about a world one will not see.

Bertrand Russell

One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.

George Eliot

One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.

Calvin

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

Samuel Johnson

One of the greatest gifts you can get as a writer is to be born into an Pat Conroy unhappy family.

One of the secrets to life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.

Jack Penn

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exiting discoveries.

A.A. Milne

One of the greatest labour-saving inventions of today is tomorrow.

Vincent T. Foss

One of the nice things about history is that it never goes out of date. Kevin Hughes One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a Mark Twain cat has only nine lives. One of the things that I want to get back is the idea that the Web version is the original, and if you really need paper product you derive it from there. Tim had a little application which he used to translate HTML files into text, collate them, and print a book that included a table of contents and index.

Robert Cailliau

One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.

Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

One swallow does not make a summer.

Aristotle

One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, One ring to bring them all, And in the darkness bind them.

Tolkein

One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea. Friends One should not attempt to cross a chasm in two bounds.

Chinese saying

One should always be wary of anyone who promises their love will last longer than a weekend.

Quentin Crisp

Neither tempest tossed nor temptor sent.

Edgar Allen Poe

Neither a burrower nor a lentil bee.

William Shakespeare

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Lin Yutang

Nearly all of the consequences of the widespread adoption of Java Doug Lea are pretty scary if you think too hard about them. People who know nothing about distribution are building distributed systems. People who know nothing about concurrency are building concurrent programs. People who know nothing about OO frameworks are building GUIs. Necessity knows no laws.

Pubillius Syrus

Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nature was enough until human nature came along.

Emily Dickenson

Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.

Roger Bacon

Naturally, we went the wacky capitalization route, though we admit Adam Engst that it takes hard work, not just wacky capitalization, to make for a super-cool product.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Red Buttons

Never run in the rain with your socks on.

Billie Joe Armstrong

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

Kimberly Johnson

Never stay too long in your bed, never lose your heart, use your head.

Chess

Necessity is the mother of the re-invented wheel.

Charlie Gibbs

Necessity has no law.

St. Augustine

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Mark Twain

netnews.alt.censorship temporarily unavailable. Please try later.

the Andrew Message System

Netscape was apparently relying on security by obscurity in this case.

Sameer Parekh

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth.

Benjamin Disraeli

Never eat anything bigger than your head.

Kilban

Neural nets are cool. I have one. I like to put alcohol on it.

Manuel Sanches

Never be the first to believe, never be the last to deceive.

Chess

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

Never assume intelligence.

Jeff Cantor

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

Dave Barry

Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that you will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.

Marcus Antonius

Nature does nothing uselessly.

Aristotle

Nature is a whore.

Nirvana

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Fran Leibowitz

Nature abhors a virgin - a frozen asset.

Clare Booth Luce

Never eat more than you can lift.

Miss Piggy

Never can be too prepared, especially for unlikely events.

John Dobbin

Never bet the devil your head.

E.A. Poe

Other sports exist only to keep you occupied until baseball season comes around again.

Dave Barry

Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks, and US Senators.

Will Rogers

Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of Stewart B. Johnson ourselves... to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by

our today. Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence.

Hebrew Proverb

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.

Mike Adams

Opportunity is when luck and preparation come together.

Vince Lombardi

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Thomas Edison

Once divided, nothing left to subtract. Some words when spoken, can be taken back.

Pearl Jam

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it

Homer

Once more unto the breach, dear friends

Henry V

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest Rainer Rilke human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the sky. Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling.

Gabrielle Reece

Originality is undetected plagiarism.

Dean W.R. Inge

One test is worth a thousand expert opinions.

Bill Nye the Science Guy

Originality is nothing but judicious imitation. The most original Voltaire writers borrowed from one another. The instruction we find in books is like fire. We fetch it from our neighbors, kindle it at home, communicate it to others, and it becomes the property of all. Our courtship was fast and furious. I was fast and she was furious.

Max Kauffmann

Our mind is capable of passing beyond the dividing line we have drawn for it. Beyond the pairs of opposites of which the world consists, other, new insights begin.

Hermann Hesse

Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.

Alex Schure

Our water pressure is so low, you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

Peter Campbell

Our thought is the key which unlocks the doors of the world. There is something in us which corresponds to that which is around us, beneath us, and above us.

Samuel McChord Crothers

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Nelson Mandela

Our world is one of nuclear giants and ethical infants.

Gen. Omar N. Bradley

Our research methods consisted of picking our noses while making

Robert Rodgers on PC

the obvious assumption.

World reporting

Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.

slashdot

Our patience will achieve more than our force.

Edmund Burke

Out of sight is out of mind.

Arthur Clough

Our society is spiritually malnourished because we have abandoned Laura Esquivel the kitchen. Our number one business is your number two.

Roto Rooter Sewage Inc.

Once and for all, there is a great deal I do not want to know. Wisdom sets bounds even to knowledge.

Friedrich Nietzsche

On the other paw, this is gonna be more fun than sneezing on strangers.

Dogbert

On the good side the open bar at the rear of the plane helped eradicate the fear said engine would cease functioning while the wheels were not chocked.

Scott Potter

On Earth Day I was going to plant some trees, but I planted my ass on the couch.

Rugburns

On the plus side, these pellets are excellent.

Dilbert

Older women are the best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.

Ian Fleming

One of the greatest tragedies of life is the murder of beautiful theory Ben Franklin by a gang of brutal facts. One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Will Durant

One of the main advantages of Unix over, say, MVS, is the tremendous number of features Unix lacks.

Chris Torek

One of the lesser known trials of Hercules...

John Dobbin

One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course.

Bits and Pieces

On the business front, UNIX has been under attack from a variety of sources, primarily by the nonexistant Windows NT. Luckily, the UNIX vendors have their own nonexistant products with which to answer the threat.

Stephen C. Johnson

On one side of the road is a church. On the other is a liquor store. Both of which are keeping us poor.

Public Enemy

One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Robert Firth

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

George Carlin

One can not take any old organ and just put it anywhere you please. Voxers at Large

Once again, I have been too crude. But you seem to enjoy that.

Charles Fleischer

Once again, it would be a different world if I were God.

Men Behaving Badly

One could not be a successful scientist without realizing, in contrast James Watson to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrowminded and dull, but also just stupid. One conjugation error, three capitalization errors, and one punctuation error, all in one sentence - yes, I can see why you consider yourself an authority on the English language.

Joe Barrera

One beer and one towel, please.

skeleton in a saloon

On top of the News, ahead of the Times.

New York Newsday

On a clear disk you can seek forever.

Peter Denning

On a ceiling, on a voice of letters let me say, I wanna leave it again. Pearl Jam Once you have flown, you will walk the Earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.

Leonardo da Vinci

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.

Geraldo Rivera

No, well actually yes. I think so. Or something.

Robert Harley

No. There is another.

Yoda

No, you pretty much want to nail them too.

When Harry Met Sally

No. This is alt.gothic. The ghetto has no exit.

Natalia Lincoln

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Todd Blanchard

No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

Goldfinger

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Joe Theismann Norman Einstein. Nobody is more of an expert on teenage chick flicks than me.

John Dobbin

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody Joe Theismann like Norman Einstein. Nobody roots for Goliath.

Wilt Chamberlain

No, I air dry.

Jerry Maguire

No, I am not responsible for you. Your karma is not mine.

Charles Manson

No, it is not only our fate but our business to lose our innocence, and once we have lost that, it is futile to attempt a picnic in Eden.

Elizabeth Bowen

My people, we have no bunghole.

Beavis as Cornholio

My problems dim in the face of the world, but the explode in all unreality.

Deborah Volk

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being,

Ayn Rand

with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute. My philosophy of life is that the meek shall inherit nothing but debasement, frustration, and ignoble deaths...

Harlan Ellison

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

Mary Ellen Kelly

My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence.

Edith Stillwell

My true religion is kindness.

Dalai Lama

My problem is that my talents are undervalued.

Calvin

My teen angst bullshit now has a body count.

Heathers

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated, but not signed.

Christopher Morley

My seat in the almost-empty theater. I was in front of man-wholoved-movie-and-kicks-seat-in-front-of-him-vigorously-wheneverexcited, immediately behind Flatulant Man, and his evil sidekick, Giggling-through-whole-Fucking-Movie Boy.

Jim Zelenka

My reality checks have been returned for insufficient funds.

djwhite

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib.

Woody Allen

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

Ashleigh Brilliant

My soul knows that I am part of the human race, as my spirit is part D.H. Lawrence of my nation. In my very own self, I am a part of my family. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

Albert Camus

No time for love, Dr. Jones.

Clerks

Not returning calls is good. Writing someone an incredibly boring letter so they decide to stop trying to correspond with you is better.

Megan Coughlin

Not taking and consuming, but giving, risking and creating are the George Gilder characteristic roles of the capitalist, the key producers of the wealth of nations. No shirt, no shoes, ..no cervix.

Vince Farquharson

No user reads documentation straight through.

Rohit Khare

No society can surely be flourishing and happy when part of the members are poor and miserable.

Adam Smith

Not only does God play dice with the universe, he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.

Neils Bohr

Not only did I not know anything, but each time I tried to learn something, it actually ate memory.

Joel Franklin

Not much between despair and ecstasy.

Chess

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.

Emily Dickinson

Not only does God play dice with the universe, but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen.

Stephen Hawking

Not to mention the jews and the blacks.

Seinfeld

Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.

Profesoor W.

Not, I think, today, Commander.

Picard

Not to know what happened before one was born is always to be a child.

Cicero

Not to speak ill of another requires only your silence.

Lewis Carroll

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

P.T. Barnum

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

H. L. Mencken

No, DINOSAURS are big-boned. Put the fork away.

Denis Leary

No price exists except that which is cleared.

NYSE motto

Nobody ever got the death penalty for attempting suicide.

John Dobbin

Nobody else combines his great humanity, personality, sense of Robert Harley humor and his outstanding ability as scientist, engineer and teacher. Nobody owns life, but anybody who owns a frying pan owns death. William S Burroughs Nobody controls his own life. The best you can do is to choose to fill the roles given to you by good people, by people who love you.

Valentine Wiggin

No relation. Although we both need to get laid.

Andrew Crown

No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall.

Willy Wonka

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

Jonathan Swift

No wonder Jocelyn Elders wears glasses.

Jay Leno

No weasing the juice.

Encino Man

No one traveling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive.

Thorstein Veblen

No poet or novelist wishes he were the only one who ever lived, but W. H. Auden most of them wish the were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted. No one said winning was cheap.

Jerry Maguire

No one says Hey Dude with the gusto and verve that Tim does.

Rohit Khare

No one move and nobody gets hurt.

Counting Crows

My long-term research ideas involve putting an OO language and distributed-programming-made-easy interface atop some global

Rohit Khare

namespace technology. Never make a promise or plan, take a little love where you can.

Chess

My lips are registered weapons.

Butt-head

My life is more like Planet of the Dopes.

When Harry Met Sally

Never matter. Never mind. Generation. Degeneration. Regeneration.

Adam Rifkin

Never mistake a clear view for a short distance.

Paul Saffo

Never look at the trombones... it only encourages them.

Richard Strauss

My job is not all that difficult, but I do have to know the entire alphabet.

Vanna White

My my my the feigned gaps in thy Weltannshaung...

Rohit Khare

My karma ran over your dogma.

Bumper sticker

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

Benjamin Disraeli

My inner child is toting an Uzi.

Drew Olbrich

My life has been weird since I discovered sex.

Kristin Buckwalter

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Bumper sticker

Never kick a fresh cow dropping on a hot day.

Harry S Truman

Never is about six months.

Charlie Gibbs

Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.

G.K. Chesterton

Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting for centuries for somebody ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.

John Andrew Holmes

Never underestimate the power of a fight between Jesus and Santa

Tim Skirvin

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes. Dr. Warren Jackson Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.

Andrew Tannenbaum

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

General George S. Patton, Jr.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Erma Bombeck

Never leave a moment too soon, never waste a hot afternoon.

Chess

Never have so many fought for so little.

Winston Churchill

Never moon a werewolf.

Mike Binder

Never promise more than you can perform.

Publilius Syrus

Never mistake motion for action.

Ernest Hemingway

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

Winston Churchill

Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never.

Winston Churchill

Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.

Ruth Gordon

My Gorgonite brothers are doing what the Gorgonites do best. They Small Soldiers are hiding. My grandfather could sharpen a kitchen knife like no one else. He could use it to slice bread so thin it only had one side. To apply butter you had to fold the bread first.

Donald Theisen

My good intentions are completely lethal.

Margaret Atwood

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Ashleigh Brilliant

My words are a matter of pride.

The Lion King

My views do not represent the views of KSU because I think that their ideas are more fucked up than a football bat.

Michael Simone

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always empty, and the fridge is always eating.

Rugburns

NASA Announces New Deck Chair Arrangement For Space Station Tom Neff Titanic. My whole existence is flawed. You get me closer to God.

Nine Inch Nails

My whole life is this family, and it does not work without him.

Jerry Maguire

Mykl. Kangal. Faisal...sounds like a spell being cast or something......

Kriste Jordan

Mythology is a rendition of forms, through which the formless form Joseph Campell of forms can be known. My heart goes out to you. You should probably go buy some consumer electronics. That always helps me.

Gray Jones

My friend is that one whom I can associate with my choicest thought.

Thoreau

My money is all wrinkled. I have to go home and iron it.

Bob McKown

My friends would think I was a nut, turning water into wine.

Peter Gabriel

My favorite ritual is eating three bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and watching TV cartoons all Saturday morning.

Calvin

My father was a nun. The court asked him occupation and he said none.

Blackadder IV

My fax is getting acne, and it needs some tetracycline.

Rugburns

My favorite cooking utensil is the telephone.

John Dobbin

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right.

Vice President Dan Quayle

My favorite magazine. Soft, strong, and thoroughly absorbant.

Blackadder IV

My favorite part of dinner

Riker

Put this in your mouth and repeat after me. Wallamalloo, wallamalloo, wallamalloo.

Australian proverb

Put your Nose to the Grindstone

Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.

putting the mental in sentimental... one drama at a time.

Kriste Jordan

Procrastinators have the advantage of working with the very latest data available.

Tom Talley

Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.

H.L. Mencken

Public speaking is very easy.

Senator Dan Quayle

Published for You by a Large, Uncaring, Conglomerate.

Washington Post

Put it to the wall, Mr. LaForge.

Picard

Quenching the thirst of those below depends upon the imperfect plumbing of those above.

Reg Whitaker on trickledown economics

Production is not the application of tools to material, but of logic to work.

Peter Drucker

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Don Marquis

Prior planning prevents piss poor performance.

Bill Rifkin

Pretty daring of you to be storing important files on a Unix system.

Robert Seastrom

Pretty Wooden would be a great name for a band.

Adam Rifkin

Press the bomb button. You and the lion die as one.

Heathers

Pride is a wonderful terrible thing. A seed that bears two vines. LIFE and DEATH.

Scarlett Ibis

Proofreading is more effective after publication.

Barker

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Publilius Syrus

Prophecy is the wit of a fool.

Vladimir Nabokov

Price of admission

your premise.

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

Jack Handey

Profanity is the inevitable linguistic crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.

Bruce Sherrod

probably just wait until the right moment to make a move and have Adam Rixey her rip my heart out and toss some quicklime on it and then throw it in a blender, chug it, snarf it so it goes out her nose, and then flush the remnants down the toilet.

Profanity often lends itself to contentment not found even at prayer. Mark Twain Plot is like a spine... if you rip it out, something dies.

Josh Byer

Pittsburgh is an acquired distaste.

Nicholas Brownlow

Pleasure is the start and end of living happily.

Epicurus

Pleasure is the only thing to live for. Nothing ages like happiness.

Oscar Wilde

Please, no mouse balls, dyslexic agnostics, Iraqi drivers ed, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.

Brad Templeton

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Don Marquis

Playing on the edge means being willing to go into the unknown. It means approaching that place where real growth occurs.

Stephen Levine

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic Dave Barry table. Please break the laws of the physical universe for my convenience. Amen.

Emo Phillips

Please baby, please baby, baby baby please baby.

Spike Lee

Play for more than you can afford to lose, and you will learn the game.

Winston Churchill

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.

Jonathan Kozol

Piety requries us to honor truth above friends.

Aristotle

Pick your poisson, he said, fishing for compliments.

Adam Rifkin

Poisonous asps. Very dangerous. You go first.

Indiana Jones

Pulling his suspenders so tight his head and ass switch places.

David Letterman

Put a lid on it, and everything will be all right.

Squirrel Nut Zippers

Please refrain from touching that extremely cool piece of equipment.

Dave Wiggins

Pure caffeine... cures headaches, fatigue, aches, pains, neuritis, neuralgia...

Medicine Man

Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

H.L. Mencken

Psychology is half of unsobriety. The other half is proof.

Adam Rifkin

Psychoanalysis is confession without absolution.

G.K. Chesterton

Psychoanalysis is the mental illness it purports to cure.

Karl Kraus

Purraps it depends on whether your organ is tumid or flaccid...

Robert Harley

Please Note. As of the ending date of this statement, this account is now closed. ... Getting Cash From Our ATMs Will Become More Convenient For You

Crestar Bank closing statement

Please never use the term oral exploration again.

John Dobbin

Please try not to be such a wienerhead.

Dave Barry

Please enjoy San Francisco without me, as I am poor and deathly afraid to meet half of you anyway.

Duck

Points and lines, lines and points, welcome to the third dimension. If only I had the time...

Adam Rifkin

Please do not speak. It will only save you embarassment in the future.

Mark Argent

Prove to me that you are NOT a Psycho Bitch.....

Mike Darweesh

Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

Corry

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now, only much better.

Laurie Anderson

Parity is for farmers.

Seymour Cray

Paranoia is rarely baseless.

John Dobbin

Paranoia will get you through times of no enemies better than enemies will get you through times of no paranoia.

Pete Granger

Pedestrian pushbuttons at stoplights are placebos.

Cecil Adams

Perhaps we foraged for sustenance together, snorfeling water at a nearby stream...

Hudsucker Proxy

Peel me off this Velcro seat and get me moving.

Green Day

perl is not just an insane language. it is the insane language of CHOICE.

Vijay Gill

Overload

core meltdown sequence initiated.

Out of the penis-pan, into the crossfire.

Andrew Plotkin on Bruce selling his Magic cards to buy a paintball gun

Overnight successes take a long time. It takes perseverance. You just have to keep on going.

Steve Jobs

Paint the White House black.

George Clinton

Over the weekend, Howard Cosell was pronounced dead. He immediately argued that the doctor was in no position to make that call.

Bill Maher

Overall, however, the adaptation falls flat, lacking the true grit of its Brad Wieners reviewing characters, lacking, in fact, in both the Fear and Loathing the radio adaptation of Departments. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt person doing Chinese proverb it. Persistent people begin their success where others end in failures.

Edward Eggleston

Perfection is the child of time.

Joseph Hall

Perfection is in thoughts, not words.

Adam Rifkin

Perhaps it means nothing, or as we know, sometimes a person can mean nothing.

Ann Marie Clark

Phoebe is Phoebe but Ursula is HOT.

Friends

Physics is becoming so unbelievably complex that it is taking longer and longer to train a physicist. It is taking so long, in fact, to train a physicist to the place where he understands the nature of physical problems that he is already too old to solve them.

Eugene Wigner

Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation.

Richard Feynman

Philosophy is useless, theology is worse.

Dire Straits

Perhaps the only dismaying aspect of excellence is that it makes living in a world of mediocrity an ongoing prospect of living hell. The subtle distressing perturbation.

Harlan Ellison

Personally I do not take a stand on the quaint customs that may take Phill Hallam-Baker place in the colonies. If they wish to speak in a certain way then that is their business. When the greatest cultural aspiration of a society is to place a MacBurger Bar and Hagen Das Ice Cream palour on every highstreet of the globe it seems somewhat irrelevant to start taking them up on their vocabulary. Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.

Golden Years

People would rather live with a problem they cannot solve rather than accept a solution they cannot understand.

Woolsey-Swanson Rule

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as Will Rogers much as committees. Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Marion Barry

Patience is passion tamed.

Lyman Abbott

Patience is a remedy for every sorrow.

Pubilius Syrus

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other George Bernard Shaw countries because you were born in it. Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Titus Maccius Plautus

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the Mark Twain food fight it out inside. Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.

Emily Dickinson

Pascal is not a high-level language.

Steven Feiner

Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.

M. Devine

Patience and perseverance pave the pathway to all goals.

Kathryn Major

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.

Bertrand Russell

Programming X Windows is like trying to find the square root of pi Unix-Haters Handbook

using roman numerals. Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long. Ogden Nash Programs are like waffles... you should always throw the first one out.

Burt Sutherland

Protect your software at all costs

all else is meat.

Progress is not striving for economic justice or fairness, but economic growth.

Rush Limbaugh

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to Rich Cook build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Promising a demo may be a bit ambitious, given the current status of the implementation project.

Paolo Sivilotti

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Samuel Johnson

Owen will eat a mint and then will enjoy his fresh, minty breath.

David Letterman

Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intellegnece and Dostoevsky a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great saddness on Earth. Paint him red, and then kill him.

High Plains Drifter

Pain is better than emptiness, emptiness is better than nothing, and nothing is better than this.

King Missile

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

Eric Hoffer

Pat Buchanan is so homophobic he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Dennis Miller

Passion for destruction is also a creative passion.

Slacker

Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace is much more precious than a piece of land.

Anwar Sadat

Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice.

Barnel Spinoza

Peace is the ideal deduced from the fact that there have been interludes between wars.

Jerry Pournelle

Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.

Bokonon

That which does not freak us out, makes us stronger.

Woody McCandlish

That which does not kill us makes us hungry.

Lord Corun

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

Friedrich Nietzsche

That was pretty acrobatic. You managed to kiss your own ass.

Richard Goodman

That which does not kill me is surely defective and should be returned to the manufacturer for replacement.

Anu Kapoor

That was so funny, I just shot milk out my nose. Which is strange, because I am not drinking milk right now.

Jeff Magnuson

That was ZEN... this is TAO.

Peter da Silva

That kind of shuts down the brain stem.

David Letterman

That Rifkin guy is an animal.

Howard Stern

That scene last night where they were shovelling the dogs into the furnace was truly priceless.

John Dobbin

That was Zen. This is Tao.

Peter da Silva

That was three days ago, a while back.

Rohit Khare

Thank God for fools. Without them, none of us would succeed.

Mark Twain

Thank you for your total obedience and heartfelt submission.

Clifford Low

That song makes me want to knock something over.

Butt-head

That tense is imperfect. Being present would make it perfect.

Adam Rifkin

That was my destiny and you cheated me out of it.

Forrest Gump

That was a bad year for whine.

Adam Rifkin

That makes no cents. I thought it was decent. So begins my descent. Adam Rifkin That man is cynical with a capital sin.

Bostom Common

Tat tuam asi. Thou art that.

Assorted eastern philosophers

Tally me banana. Daylight come and me wanna go home.

Day O

tcl me elmo

QJ

Taunting death is only fun until you lose.

Andrew Potratz

Tandem Computers are amazingly fault-tolerant... they let me work Maddi Hausmann here. That men do not learn very much from history is the most important Aldous Huxley of all the lessons that history has to teach. That is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Winston Churchill

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

A. Whitney Brown

That homosexuality has been a natural condition of kings, composers, engineers, poets, housewives, and bus drivers, and that it has contributed more than its share of beauty and laughter to an ugly and ungrateful world should be obvious to anyone who is willing to peer beneath the surface.

Martin Greif

That is why I have failed where others have succeeded.

Jacques Clouseau

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.

Thoreau

That requires zero thinkstroms of thought.

Jan L.A. van de

Snepscheut TeX is cool. I mean, if it had legs and breasts, it would be a clfsv or Len Lanphar something. Sugar substitute... dandruff... for milk, saliva... for coffee, mud...

Blackadder IV

Such grudges. Give us a kiss, Worf.

Q

Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain.

Heathers

Suicide is not abominable because God forbids it. God forbids it because it is abominable.

Immanuel Kant

Summer afternoon, summer afternoon... to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.

Henry James

Summer has filled her veins with light and her heart is washed with C. Day Lewis noon. Summer is ready when you are.

the Breeders

Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results are usually disappointing.

Robert Orben

Support your local medical examiner. Die strangely.

Nikki Gustas

suck message order out of. to read frustrating makes messages.

Scott Berkun

Sun Microsystems. A Step Ahead of Your Cows.

John Byrnes

Take the L out of the world and all you have is a word.

Pavement

Thanks for the Mammories.

baby to mother

That a majority should be able to compel others to live in their kind Herman Rubin of world is specifically what those who founded our country did not believe in. That ... is truly fucking sick and disgusting. And coming from me, I Martin Frankel think that really means something. That aged looking kid in the back of the class was actually Rupert Murdoch. There is no conspiracy.

Dan Martinez

Tennis is irrelevant.

Bjorn Borg

Testes, testes, one, two, three... huh huh... Score one for the Secret Cervix.

Butt-head

That book was so good, it had me on the edge of my feet.

Thanh Boyer

Thanks for reading this far. You now have a real insight into my personality.

Sutherford Bryon

Thank you very little.

Chevy Chase

Thanks to the technical marvel of desktop publishing, clueless people will now have the benefit of my immense wisdom.

Dogbert

Thank you, drive through please...

Beavis

TCFA. Too cool for acronyms. For you acronymphomaniacs.

Kate Clinton

Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Politics is show business for ugly people.

Jay Leno

Poor Inferno, condemned to technological purgatory.

Adam Rifkin

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Will Rogers

Poor boys and pilgrims and families and we are going to Graceland. Paul Simon Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come Ronald Reagan to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Niels Bohr

Prejudice is the child of ignorance.

William Hazlitt

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

Frank Zappa

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.

Mao Tse-Tung

Political theater needs more theater and less politics.

Rohit Khare

Politically Incorrect

and damn proud of it

Positions are for hockey players.

H. Ross Perot

Pot is like a gang of bandits in your brain. They wait for thoughts to Kevin Rooney come down the road, then tie them up and trash them. Pot. Kettle. Event horizon.

Dan Martinez

Political journalism in America has always been more akin to stenography than inquiry.

John R. MacArthur

Political power flows from the barrel of a gun.

Mao Tse-tung

Politicians are like diapers. They need changing every so often and for much the same reason.

H. Ross Perot

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

John Quinton

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

Nikita Khrushchev

Precious and few are the moments we two can share.

Carpenters

Practice yourself what you preach.

Titus Maccius Plautus

Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing.

Bits and Pieces

Power Users believe computer salesmen.

Richard Murnane

Power corrupts. Absolute power really turns on the chicks.

Jeff Mink

Practice makes perverts.

Adam Rifkin

Practice makes perfect, perfect is a fault and fault lines change.

REM

Plaintiff Wile E. Coyote is a citizen of Arizona. Defendant Acme is Scott Berger a Delaware corporation whose products are sold by mail order in every state in the nation. Plaintiff seeks damages for injuries caused by defects in an extensive list of products purchased from Defendant for use in his profession of predator. Practically perfect in every way.

Mary Poppins

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

J. P. McEvoy

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.

Soren Kierkegaard

Prejudice is the reason of fools.

Voltaire

Prepare to be assimilated dahling.

Zsa Zsa of Borg

Prepare to die like a man, Baldrick... Or as close as you can come to Blackadder a man without actually shaving the palms of your hands. Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power, corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

Power is Me sneaking into your home through a wire.

Todd Rungren

Power is the means, not the end. Secure it first, then get on with your ends. Just see that the means do not BECOME the ends.

Piers Anthony

Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus.

Rich Rosen

Talk radio is a carnival... an amusement show. Fancy parades as Peter Laufer fact. Uninformed opinion is championed as thoughtful commentary. Groundless innuendo gets the same respect as investigative journalism. Hate is heralded as a valid response to problems. Take your work seriously but yourself lightly.

C.W. Metcalf

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Euripides

Talking and saying nothing is an art I have not mastered.

Jerry Maguire

Talking and eloquence are not the same.

Ben Jonson

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. Friedrich Nietzsche Taking the bull by the horns is often a sound course of action... as long as you and the bull agree on when you can let go.

Robert Fuoss

Talk of revolution is one of avoiding reality.

J.K. Galbraith

Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy.

Richard M. Nixon

TCP is more exciting than UDP, and the way you know that is by the size of the header.

a CMU computer science professor

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Laurie Anderson

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Ken Kesey

Take up smoking. Jaywalk. Play with blasting caps. Swim right after a big meal. Stick something small in your ear. Take your choice of dangerous activity, and do it with gusto. Future generations will thank you.

Lawrence A. Bullis

Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.

Andrew Jackson

Take this card. Call if you have danger or boredom. Do NOT call the zip code.

The Flaming Carrot

Take the red line north. DONT GO SOUTH. SOUTH IS BAD.

Ian Konen explains the finer points of Chicago travel

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.

T.S. Eliot

Television is a medium, so called because it is neither rare nor well done.

Ernie Kovacs

Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.

Aldous Huxley

Technology is useless without art.

Sam Greenfield

Technology makes it possible to have our appendices out when they Neal Stephenson get infected, so that we are able to live long enough to get our heads out of our asses and learn about the world. Technology is so helpful and powerful... until someone trips over the electrical cord.

Travis Collins

Poor taste leads to crime.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.

Frasier

Porsche... for men who want to get jobs from women they hardly know.

Crazy People

Tell the truth and run.

Yugoslav proverb

Tell me whom you love and I will tell you what you are.

Arsene Houssage

Tell me the words I might have ate.

Green Day

Tell me more about these habits.

Beverly

Television is the first truly democratic culture --- the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what the people do want.

Clive Barnes

Television is chewing gum for the eyes.

Frank Lloyd Wright

Technically it is a proper usage. The least common, most worthless usage, but still acceptable.

Scott Potter

Photons have neither morals or visas.

David Farber

Physical toughness will make your opponent weaken, mental

Vince Lombardi

toughness will make him crack. Quoth the raven, eat my shorts.

Bart Simpson

Questions are a burden for others. Answers are a prison for oneself. The Prisoner Questions are not a rejection of prior beliefs. They are merely a backup of an existing hypothesis.

Sean Tompkins

Question with boldness even the existence of a God, because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.

Thomas Jefferson

Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them.

Ralph Gerard

Reboot your machine. Do not reboot your machine.

NT error message

Reasoning by metaphor is crap. Reasoning by analogy is like crap. My what a big pathetic fallacy you have.

Wayne Baisley

Recollection is the only paradise from which we cannot be turned out.

Jean Paul Richter

Randomly shooting Intel employees would still upset them, even if they were assured that their odds of being shot were not high.

Kurt Glaeseman

Rats. I thought I could make an easy four bucks.

Calvin

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every Pamela Starr dream precedes the goal. Reader, imagine you were an idiot. And imagine you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

Read my lips...

George H. W. Bush

Read. Learn. Evolve.

talk.bizarre credo

Reading comp.sys.powerpc would distract me from my sword duty of doing algorithms, graphics and being whined at by Josh.

Anu Kapoor

Reading legal mush can turn your brain to guacamole

Amiga ROM Kernel Manual

Ray, a man unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.

George Heinz

quotesfile that. after you dump her.

Joshua Schachter

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.

Larry Wall

Real men do not commit suicide. Real men know just how much life sucks. Real men grit their teeth and take it bill after bill, war after war, tumor after tumor.

Denis Leary

Real men put quiche in their pipe and smoke it.

Sean Simmons

Sex is emotion in motion.

Mae West

Senility might be fun. I think it will be a very smooth transition for me.

Megan Coughlin

Seg fault. Core dump. Machine panic. Lost contact with all afs file

Sam Greenfield

servers. WAR BREAKS OUT. THE SUN EXPLODES. MERHABIAN SHAVES HIS MUSTACHE. Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.

Garrison Keillor

Sex is just the sublimation of the math urge.

David Wald

Sex is not dentistry, the slick filling of aches and cavities.

Margaret Atwood

See, two less phosphors had to die to display that.

John Dobbin

Seeing that the criminal justice system was not defending my rights, Chris Esko I released myself into my own custody. Send lawyers, guns, and money...

Warren Zevon

Self is the only prison that can bind the soul.

Henry van Dyke

Sex builds no roads, writes no novels, and sex certainly gives no meaning to anything in life but itself.

Gore Vidal

Reality is futile. You will be distorted.

Ernest Prabhakar

Reality is just a group hunch.

Frank Zappa

Reality is a special case.

David Nicol

Reality is a sandwich I did not order.

Zippy the Pinhead

Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Douglas Adams

Refined sugar is gonna be a tough one to crack.

Adam Rifkin

Reality keeps ruining my life.

Calvin

Real Swaraj will come, not by the acquisition of authority by a few, Mahatma Gandhi but by the acquisition of the capacity by all to resist authority when it is abused. Realism became an outmoded literary mode when no one, from the Warren Commission to Oliver Stone, was able to provide us with a plausible account of the assasination of President Kennedy. This freed us to notice that no one had ever given us a plausible account of WWI either.

Karen Joy Fowler

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Calvin

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of caffeine.

Fred Green

Seven, seven... no tomorrow.

Violent Femmes

Serving it up hot, baby. Yo baybee. Final Four baby. Seven sevenfooters. South of the border baby.

Michael Patrick impersonates Dick Vitale

Set the cart before the horse.

John Heywood

Seven years of college down the drain...

Animal House

Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.

Heathers

Read this if you are a site designer. Do not read it if you are prone

David Siegel

to sending long flaming e-mail messages. Religion and sex are power plays, manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling sin, selling God, the numbers look the same on the credit cards.

Queensryche

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.

Anatole France

Remember who I was, and not who I might have been.

Vivian Lee

RELAX. HAVE SOME DIP.

George Carlin

Relationships would be so much simpler if people just changed color with their mood.

Sarah Young

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Napoleon

Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next Weekend Update several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs. Relationships like rehab, are for quitters.

Tim Byars

Remember, folks, fine print makes fine reading...

Robert S. Thau

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.

Faith Whittlesey

RETIRED PROFESSOR SEEKING semi-attractive, semiintelligent lady, with no cultural pretensions.

classified ad in the National Review.

Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark Lisa Simpson and Disney. Romance is in movies and books. Real love is hard work.

Adam Rifkin

Remember that all worlds draw to and end and that noble death is a treasure which no one is too poor to buy.

C.S. Lewis

Remember, grasshopper, your most dangerous enemy is yourself. The issue is not so much what you COULD do with any of these opportunities, the issue is what WILL you do.

Ernie Prabhakar

Remember, high-tech means breaks down next week, while cutting edge means breaks down this afternoon.

Bruce Sterling

Remember that happiness and satisfaction come from within, not from without.

Adam Rifkin

Remember that the party platform is like the running board on your car, something to get in on, not something to stand on.

William Crosman

RESISTENCE IS FUTILE....

The Borg

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Chinese proverb

Resistance is futile... Life as you know it is over. From this day forward, YOU will service... US.

Locutus of Borg

Respectfully submitted for your perusal.

Twilight Zone

Restaurants Beef Up Vegetarian Menus.

Wall Street Journal

Remember, this is for posterity, so please, be honest.

The Princess Bride

Remember, there are ways of succeeding that we would not personally have chosen.

Bjarne Stroustrup

Remember, the strong get funded...the weak get jobs. As it should be.

Bob McKisson

Religion makes no sense because it tries to reconcile the inconceivable, explain the unexplainable, and achieve the unachievable.

Adam Rifkin

Remember, statisticians are nothing but mathematicians broken down by age and sex.

Martin Frankel

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother Dan Quayle and child. Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

Vice President Dan Quayle

Republicans are using borrowed money to criticize Democrats for overspending.

Jay Leno

Remember, the Christmas Spirit is not what you drink.

Ian Anderson

Ride that wave, then wave the ride goodbye.

Adam Rifkin

Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.

Jim Cornette

Revenge is best served cold... It is very cold in space.

Kahn

Revisionist history usually begins during the IPO.

Eugene Kleiner

Right-handers go over there, left-handers go over there, the rest of you, come with me.

Yogi Berra

Right, because not everyone likes in ON the cake because it makes it very soggy.

When Harry Met Sally

Right now, your memory is growing while your life is shrinking.

Van Halen

Right now, science is building a better tomato.

Van Halen

Right now, oysters are being robbed of their sole possession.

Van Halen

Right now the Internet gives an awfully good imitation of providing Vernor Vinge superhuman intelligence capability, both in terms of the total hardware that is out there and the fact that the Net has all these human-equivalent peripheral devices called users that can be appropriated in a distributed way to attack problems. Richard Nixon, scum of the earth, was buried with honors in the land of his birth.

Michael Swaine

Roe versus Wade are alternative methods for crossing the Potomac. Dan Quayle Rohit puts the HELL in Helvetica.

Adam Rifkin

Rowing goes along with boolean ORs.

Paul Reynolds

Ronald Reagan is the Fred Astaire of foot-in-mouth disease.

Jeff Davis

Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.

Peter York

Rock... hard place... me...

Friends

Row F. Ahead of the Gs, hobnobbing with the Ds and Es.

Seinfeld

Richard can suck my Richard recursively.

Adam Rifkin

Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the twentieth century.

Rush Limbaugh

Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.

Ann Landers

rugby makes you sweaty and gay. sometimes the two are more related than you might think.

May Jawdat

Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition.

Alan Turing

Science is moving closer to weaponry, and Art is moving closer to commercialism. And never the twain shall meet.

Frank Zappa

People want to know how much you care before they care how much you know.

James F. Hind

People who achieve mastery have the ability to be outrageous.

Gita Bellin

Science is one thing and Wisdom is another. Science is an edged tool, with which men play like children, and cut their own fingers.

Thomas Love Peacock

Scientists in New Guinea have discovered a culture whose members Kevin Knight communicate exclusively through the use of plan files. Schools focus too much on problem students.

H. Ross Perot

Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty Ashley Montague without any proof. Science does not promise absolute truth, nor does it consider that such a thing necessarily exists. Science does not even promise that everything in the Universe is amenable to the scientific process.

Isaac Asimov

People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense.

Ken Kesey

People say that everyone has a few skeletons in their closet. Not R.M. Weiner me. Well, not yet anyway. I mean, the bodies are still decomposing. People should get beat up for stating their beliefs.

They Might be Giants

People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.

Jon Bentley

People should be aware of the dangers of killing themselves.

TIME magazine

People tell me one thing one day and out the other.

Joshua Schachter

People who are modest usually have reason to be.

Adam Rifkin

People only see what they are prepared to see.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

People say crazy stuff during sex. One time I called this girl mom.

Clerks

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all... apathy of human beings.

Helen Keller

Sealing himself in a ziploc bag would work too, but there are logistical problems with that.

John Dobbin

Second word sounds like dance.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

scalable enterprise ennui for the new millenium

Brad Barkett

Saying there is one true religion is like saying there is one true cup, when the world is filled with water.

Ann Clark

Seattle is a state of mind, not just a state of the union.

Michelle Morrell

Security, get that floozy off my bridge.

Picard

Security is a process, not a product.

Bruce Schneier

Security for Unix is like Mutitasking for MS-DOS

Kevin Lockwood

See the worst, but look at the best.

Lord Robert Baden-Powell

Saying a database is ODBC-compliant is like saying Titanic is a VHS-compliant movie.

Ken North

Savior and Destroyer, Mirror of Life and Death.

Terry Brooks

Science, as actually practiced, is a complex dialogue between data and preconceptions.

Steven Jay Gould

Scientists are learning something that many of us have suspected Dave Barry for a long time, namely that the universe is made up almost entirely of dirt. More and more, scientists are suspecting that the Big Bang was in fact the explosion of a small but very densely packed vacuum cleaner bag. Scientists are peeping toms at the Keyhole of Eternity.

Arthur Koestler

SCCS, the source motel. Programs check in and never check out.

Ken Thompson

Scarred for Life. No compensation. Private Investigation.

Mark Knopfler

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always H.L. Mencken come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. People who take issue with control of population do not understand H. Kendall that if it is not done in a gracefull way, nature will do it in a brutal fashion. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Kierkegaard

People deny reality. They fight against real feelings caused by real circumstances. They build mental worlds of shoulds, oughts, and might-have-beens. Real changes begin with real appraisal and acceptance of what is. Then realistic action is possible.

David Reynolds

People forget how fast you did a job, but they remember how well you did it.

Howard Newton

People fear to offend or hurt others, not because they are kind but because they do not care for the truth.

Susan Sontag

People in networked markets have figured out that they get far better information and support from a rock than from most Linux distributors.

Joshua Nowell

People look better under arrest,...it gives you an aggressive fashion look.

John Waters

People like that I generally have the urge to deal with by thrusting reality in their face as bluntly as possible, and then beating them about the head with it.

Sean Simmons

Personally, I think BASIC is superior because it has a longer name than C or LISP, Pascal and Scheme have lower-case letters, and FORTRAN just basically sucks.

Andrew Stellman

Pessimism never won any battle.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerves give to wisdom.

Elbert Hubbard

Philadelphia is not dull

it just seems so because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.

PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER... itty bitty living space.

Aladdin

People have been trained to be stupid. They need a word-checker to Harlan Ellison spell, they need a titular watch to tell time, and they need a goddamn PC to give them their sex and their community. People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they Abraham Lincoln like. People are stupid, and the small consolation we get from the understanding that they will all die does not make the enduring of the present any brighter.

Richard Bullington

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Dave Barry

People who think for a living have always been especially prone to confuse thinking with living.

G. L. Sicherman

People who fight fire with fire with fire usually end up with ashes.

Abigail Van Buren

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

Calvin

People can be very frightened of change.

Kirk STVI

People are always looking for things to do to pass the time that would pass anyway.

Samuel Beckett

People have to go out of their mind before they can come to their senses.

Timothy Leary

People catch worms to go fishing. People eat fish that just ate

Dogbert

worms. There is definitely a wasted step here. Penalty for premature evacuation.

Reality Bites

People are stupid. ALL THE TIME.

Paul Mazaitis

People are usually more convinced by reasons they discover themselves than by those found by others.

Blaise Pascal

People are always making rules for themselves and always finding loopholes.

William Rotsler

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature ... Life is Helen Keller either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do Helen Keller the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. She treats me like I got a bad case of smallcox.

Rugburns

she suffers for her art, and now we can too.

Faisal Jawdat

She uses tired cliches like coasters... a place to rest her mind before picking it up and using it again.

Janet Schwind

She tasted like cigarettes.

Forrest Gump

She told me not to mess around, but I done let the deal go down.

George Thorogood

she turned out to be an actual budweiser girl. ...we had an Owen Davis interesting conversation. Not scintillating, but it kept me from being rude and focusing on her breasts. Sex is the most fun I ever had without laughing.

Woody Allen

Sex. In America, an obsession. In other parts of the world, a fact.

Marlene Dietrich

Shameless nymphomania is hard to get tired of.

John Dobbin

Shades of grey wherever I go. The more I find out, the less I know.

Billy Joel

Sex... to save the friendship.

Seinfeld

SGI sold out to Microsoft and all I got was a lousy Farenheit t-shirt. Martin Frankel Shame is the feeling you have when you agree with the woman who Carl Sandburg loves you that you are the man she thinks you are. She was the world and I was on top.

C and C Music Factory

She was no stranger to sin. She was no stranger to anyone.

Sister Act

Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.

Andy Warhol

Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.

M. C. Reed.

Self-denial is the shining sore on the leprous body of Christianity.

Oscar Wilde

Self-esteem is such a fragile thing, truly immune to reason.

Rohit Khare

Sendmail is, shall we say, unique. Some people say that a monkey would bang out the complete works of Shakespeare on a typewriter give an unlimited amount of time. In the meantime, what they would probably produce is a valid sendmail configuration file.

Nicholas Petreley

Sendmail is my life. Sendmail sucks. Therefore, my life sucks.

Nick Cuccia

Send me some jokes. The grosser, the better. Road kills would be nice.

Rumman Gaffur

Sending e-mail is simply sending garbage at the speed of light.

Deborah Daw

Send them illegal copies of things they own the copyright on. This is like stealing pens from a police station.

John Dobbin

Self-esteem is the basis of any real democracy.

Gloria Steinem

Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire within ourselves.

Nathaniel Branden

She left her sex appeal in her diapers.

Howard Stern

She lives all alone on a dark and windy street in a room at the top of Leo Kottke the stairs. She smokes cigarettes and stares at the wall not knowing that my heart lives there. She knows Jesus, John Lennon, and Cobain, personally.

Sheryl Crow

She was sending me more mixed signals than a dyslexic third-base coach.

Jack Bross

She was so glad to see me go, that I have almost a mind to come again, that she may again have the same pleasure.

Samuel Johnson

She holds the hand that holds her down. She will rise.

Pearl Jam

She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.

Gypsy Rose Lee

She looks so good, she makes a dead man come.

Tom Waits

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Mark Twain

She is the only woman in France who makes me forget I am a sextagenarian.

King Louis XV on Madame du Barry

She finds you crusty.

Encino Man

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Mark Twain

Satisfaction is hard, satisfiability is merely NP-hard.

Rohit Khare

Satanic Verses is a despicable book that could not have been written Orson Scott Card by a person who wished to behave decently and responsibly. Save the planet and kill yourself.

Bloodhound Gang

Sashimi Camarilla. Covert fish eating activities. Route some unagi my way.

Cameo Wood

Rush Limbaugh is like a shopping cart with a broken wheel. No matter where you put him, he drifts to the right.

Dennis Miller

Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish.

Lao-tzu

Scratch most feminists and underneath there is a woman who longs to be a sex object. The difference is that isnot all she longs to be.

Betty Rollin

Scrambled eggs, oh my baby how I love your legs.

Paul McCartney

Scotty, we need shields in the next three seconds, or we all die.

Sean Simmons

Save water

bathe with a friend.

Save the energy for important things, like ending world hunger or finding the next Nirvana.

Samantha Crouse

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Dave Barry

See, I have two different sets of notes here, his and mine. And looking at his notes is enough to send someone into an alternate universe.

Hugh Young

See, I am just a frustrated artist. The sex urge feeds into the art urge Nathan Loofborrow which feeds into the computing urge. So I have a need to program a ray tracer to fulfill the previous two levels of abstration. Shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased.

Erik Bloomquist

She got the goldmine. I got the shaft. We split it right down the middle, and she got the better half.

Jerry Reed

She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.

George Bernard Shaw

She had nothing left to say, so she said she loved me... and I stood there greatful for the lie.

Gin Blossoms

Sag Niemals Nie. Never Say Never.

John Dobbin

Sample of alt.angst for your delectation.

Robert Harley

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

Barry Switzer

Some have learnt many Tricks of sly Evasion, Instead of Truth they Benjamin Franklin use Equivocation, And eke it out with mental Reservation, Which is to good Men an Abomination. Some of the things must be believed to be seen.

Ralph Hodgeson

Some of us pump, and some of us slump.

Encino Man

Some of this technology is so advanced you need a fifth-grader just to understand it.

Dan Rather

Some of these were more or less randomly selected in my zeal to fill the machine.

John Dobbin

Some folks never exaggerate... They just remember big.

Audrey Snead

Some people pay a compliment as if they expect a receipt.

Kin Hubbard

Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want.

Ford Fairlane

Some people never find it, some people only pretend, but I just want to live happily ever after, now and then.

Jimmy Buffett

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

William Dean Howells

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

Gordon R. Dickson

Some people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Oscar Wilde Some intellectuals have a problem with the choices others make. They naturally assume that they know better and their choices should prevail. I believe Lenin had a similar perspective...

Rick Rashid

Some dudes ackshully freeze their sperm. Beavis prefers to make his fresh daily.

Butt-head

Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.

Kurt Vonnegut

Some men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not Henry David Thoreau the fish they are after. Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the Polybius goal, while others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting at the last moment more vigorous efforts than before. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

Art Buchwald

Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital.

Aaron Levenstein

Stare into the subliminal for as long as you can.

They Might Be Giants

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government

Monty Python

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will.

Jawharlal Nehru

Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Strictly Ballroom is a quality I look for when purchasing pants.

Adam Rifkin

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Strange to find the calendar my enemy and scared that when I die so Toad the Wet Sprocket will the things I think about. State your business. Avoid eye contact. Leave quietly, and no one will get hurt.

University Office Wall

Statistics are human beings with the tear wiped off.

Paul Brodeur

Stamina huff and puff. Bowels regular.

John Dobbin

Staccato signals of constant information, a loose affiliation of millionaires and billionaires and baby...

Paul Simon

Stable is a very relative term around here...

Linda Branagan

Stalinism begins at home.

Tom Neff

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces, while handicapped people Denis Leary make handicapped faces. Sometimes cool bands have to play songs that suck to get chicks.

Butt-head

Sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.

Homer Simpson

Sometimes I feel like a pelican because everywhere I turn there is this enormous bill on front of me.

Blackadder III

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I think more creativity is put into muffin recipes than into the rest of society combined.

Seinfeld

Sometimes I think we need to kill everyone in control and just set up new standards for society to live by. Then I realize what a ridiculous thought this is, as history has proven.

Adam Rifkin

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Sigmund Freud

Sometimes you just have to do something bad, just to know your alive.

Northern Exposure

Sometimes you have to act like a wus and stuff to get chicks.

Butt-head

Sometimes you just have to look reality in the eye and deny it.

Garrison Keillor

Sometimes I just like to sit on shore next to the pond and stare off across the water. Then after the beer runs out, I like to pee in the weeds and track mud on the living room carpet.

Lev L. Spiro

Sometimes I give myself the creeps.

Green Day

Sometimes I get the urge to break into the post office at night and lick all the stamps. Then I would see how long I can stick to the wall by my tongue.

Scott Adams

Sometimes I get morning wood in the late afternoon.

Butt-head

Software is about getting things working. It is not about pretending to be a math guy.

Robert Rodgers

Software is to computers as yeast is to dough.

Chuck Bradshaw

So, my brother is human after all.

Robert Picard

So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name...

Lionel Hutz crossexamines Appu

Some people are too big, some people are too small, some people are just right... But they talk too much.

Grandmother Lisenbee

Some people call it abuse, but I call it just being nice.

Howard Stern as Michael Jackson

Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think Heathers

to bring upon itself. Some cities die very fast, others very slow. Ask Leningrad who was The Singer more blest, they envied Hiroshima for her fireball from the west. Some books make me want to go adventuring, others feel that they have saved me the trouble.

Ashley Brilliant

SOFTWARE

formal evening attire for female computer analysts.

Software Engineering is a contact sport.

Dan Lovinger

Some day you will ache like I ache.

Courtney Love

Solutions are not the answer.

Richard Nixon

Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night.

William Blake

Stop me before I subreference again.

Dennis Miller

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts.

Robert Fulghum

Sign me up for enuui. Or not. Whatever.

Fleur Dragan

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

George Bernard Shaw

Silence like a cancer grows, hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you ...

Paul Simon

Silence is a friend who will never betray.

Confucius

Silence is so accurate.

Mark Rothko

Silence is better than unmeaning words.

Pythagoras

Specialization is for insects.

John Prevost

Speaking of sucking, I really need to be able to telnet from my Sprint Spectrum. Grrr...

Richard Bullington

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.

Dave Millman

Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June.

Al Berstein

Spagnum moss in toes makes you happy.

Jeannine Busick

Spelling is hard because English is a slut of a language. I blame the Norman conquest.

Andrew Plotkin

Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disapear.

The Beancounter Creed

SPARC has the low work-per-instruction of a simple RISC and Sun Robert Rodgers adds enough difficult features to achieve the low clock frequency of a traditional CISC implementation. Shut up, Beatrice.

Butt-head

Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned.

D. Graeme

Singapore is an astonishingly efficient and repressive hyper-modern William Gibson state, like Disneyland with death penalties.

Sir Stafford Cripps has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices Winston Churchill I admire. Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.

the Beatles

Sir, you SOUND crosseyed.

Howard Stern

Sir. There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder...

Mr. Spock

Shut up, kid.

Guinan

Shut the fsck up.

Robert Linnemann

Shy Fruiter and the Saplings would be a great name for a rock band. Dave Barry Silentium, stultorum virtus. Silence is the virtue of fools.

Francis Bacon

Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at Hello.

Jerry Maguire

Shyeah, sending email is always a sign of courage.

Nathan Loofborrow

Spiderman should be mandatory reading for the papacy.

John Dobbin

Souninge in mortal vertu was his speche, and gladly wolde he lerne, Geoffrey Chaucer and gladly teche. Sounds like a helix in the fabric of the cosmos.

Adam Rifkin

Stir it with your thumb, man. Lumberjack latte.

Mack Rhinelander

Sounds like a deficiency in proficiency to me.

Adam Rifkin

Space is bounded by its own curvature, but stupidity extends beyond infinity.

Severian

Space is big. Really big.

Douglas Adams

Stimpy, your wealth of ignorance astounds me.

Ren Hoek

Steve Jobs has said that Xwindows is brain-damaged and will disappear in two years. He got it half right.

Dennis Ritchie

Still edible, change your shirt.

Jerry Maguire

Still stings these shattered nerves. Pigs, we get what pigs deserve.

Nine Inch Nails

Still waters run deep.

Hudsucker Proxy

Stop being so... testosterony...

Friends

Stone thrown in river. A realization ripples. So it means nothing.

Ann Marie Clark

Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact we think it is infinite.

Dan Quayle

sorry about your computer trauma - this is why i work with peopleno one expects them to work correctly.

Christy Regenhardt

Sorry, my thing was in there with me.

Friends

Sorry if I was a little... rambunctious...

Adam Rifkin

Spiral my ass. More like freefall.

John Dobbin

Sorry if I assaulted any open wounds.

Adam Rifkin

Spinning is an early sign of drug abuse, you know.

Megan Coughlin

Sorry about the mess.

Han Solo

Sorry about the hand.

Jerry Maguire

Sorry about that Chief

Maxwell Smart

Soylent Green is made out of people.

Charlton Heston

SONY - because Caucasians are just too damned tall.

Crazy People

Son, you got a panty on yer head.

Raising Arizona

Sometimes you need a volcano to light a match.

Miami Rhapsody

Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest.

Jean Paul Richter

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

Rita Rudner

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super Rita Rudner heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt.

H.L. Mencken

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Rita Rudner

Men do not stumble over mountains, but over molehills.

Confucious

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Julius Caesar

Mental hopscotch, close your eyes and count to ten.

Missing Persons

Men willingly believe what they wish.

Julius Caesar

May your head fall off at an awkward moment.

Blackadder

Men were made big, and small. Samuel Colt made them all equal. Now, Gaston Glock has made some better than others.

Dave Wiggins

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.

Jules Feiffer

Men were born to lie, and women to believe them.

John Gay

Men trust their ears less than their eyes.

Herodotus

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Dorothy Parker

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Rita Rudner

Men wear underpants until they disintegrate into vapor.

Jerry Seinfeld

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do Rita Rudner it out of sight of women. Men do less than they ought, unless they do all that they can.

Thomas Carlyle

Men can be analyzed, women... merely adored.

Oscar Wilde

Microsoft, more money than brains.

Tim Byars

Microsoft is now talking about the digital nervous system. I guess I would be nervous if my system was built on their technology too.

Scott McNealy

Microsoft, by some accounts, the second most capitalized company David Shenk on the planet, is the only corporate colossus in history whose entire product line could be eliminated with a giant magnet. Microsoft just absolutely sucks. And if Apple has any balls that will Tim Byars be their new ad slogan. Middle age is when what makes you tick needs rewinding.

VFW Magazine

Microbrain, growl for me, let me know you still care.

Q

Middle age is when you are impressed not with the fact that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but rather with how difficult the fence looks to get over.

North Vernon Sun

Middle age is youth without its levity. And old age without decay.

Daniel Defoe

Midnight, and the kiddies are sleeping...

David Letterman

Microsoft operating systems are bad, and their morals are even worse. But they make some good applications.

Linus Torvalds

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.

Winston Churchill

Men make history and not the other way around.

Harry S Truman

Men make history, but they do not do so under conditions of their own choosing.

Karl Marx

Men make gods, and women worship them.

James G. Frazer

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Rita Rudner

Men love war because it allows them to look serious. Because it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.

John Fowles

Microsoft provides so much trollbait, it practically attacks itself.

Adam Rifkin

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that Rita Rudner is a combination address book, telescope and piano. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Rita Rudner

May peace and plenty be the first to lift the latch on your door, and happiness be guided to your home by the Candle of Christmas.

Irish Toast

May God answer all your prayers

then mistake your worst enemy for you.

May the angel of death skip your house altogether

and send Satan instead.

May you and your partner be as close as brothers

Cain and Abel

May the force be with you.

Luke Skywalker

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin

May you live in interesting times.

traditional Chinese curse

May you lose all your teeth

but one should remain for a toothache.

May your daughters be like the flowers in the field

wither away and fade.

May your fondest wish be granted.

traditional Chinese curse

May the best loser win.

Adam Rifkin

Much as I love someone, they will not be handcuffing me to a cast iron bed.

Richard Goodman

Murder is the sport of the elected.

the Police

Murdered by pirates is good.

Princess Bride

Much like aging, inflation has no effect on cartoon characters.

Adam Rifkin

Mr. Helms will be providing the country with much-needed humor as chair of the Senate Foreign Relations committee.

Kurt Loder

Mr. Cranky has been known to exaggerate now and again, but... I kid you not... after I saw this film, I wanted to drive my car into a tree.

Mr. Cranky

Mr. Quick Brown Fox, jump over me again and I will kill you.

Lazy Dog

May you make a widow and orphans happy

your own.

May you live all the days of your life.

Jonathan Swift

Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.

George Bernard Shaw

Marsupials and marzipan made me what I am.

Adam Rifkin

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Rita Rudner

Mathematics in general is fundamentally the science of self-evident F. Klein things. Mathematics is a logical method ... Mathematical propositions Ludwig Wittgenstein express no thoughts. In life it is never a mathematical proposition which we need, but we use mathematical propositions only in order to infer from propositions which do not belong to mathematics to others which equally do not belong to mathematics. Mathematicians usually present the weirdest case first.

Joel Franklin

Mathematics has given economics rigor, but alas, also mortis.

Robert Heilbroner

Mars needs women. Venus needs a swift kick.

Vince Farquharson

Mary had a little RAM

only about a MEG or so.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, A full moon on a dark night, And the road downhill all the way to your door.

An Irish Wish

Someone is staring at you in personal growth.

When Harry Met Sally

Someone whose passion is to get Windows NT installed properly is, Ernest Prabhakar IMHO, much less interesting than one whose passion is to get Windows NT everywhere, which is less interesting than someone whose dream is to turn everyone into a desktop publisher. The bigger the dream you are pursuing, the more fun your life will be, to you and those around you. Some refer to it as a cultural Chernobyl. I think of it as a cultural Stalingrad.

JG Ballard on Eurodisney

Me ke aloha pau ole. May our friendship be everlasting.

Polynesian toast

McKinley shows all the backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Theodore Roosevelt

Someone in a club tonight has stolen my ideas.

They Might Be Giants

Somehow I imagined this experience would be more rewarding.

Calvin

mechanical engineers build weapons. civil engineers build targets.

Wendigo

Sometimes the only person you can really trust is a critic.

Robert DeNiro

Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand.

Cool Hand Luke

Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Some who are too scrupulous to steal your possessions nevertheless Kahlil Gibran see no wrong in tampering with your thoughts. Some will die in hot pursuit while sifting through my ashes.

Butthole Surfers

Some people say the best revenge is living well. Fuck that, the best revenge is your ex getting fat.

Gary Perez

Some people wish for peace for our children and their children. This is not enough. We must insist on peace for ourselves.

King Abdullah of Jordan

Some people say the pen is mightier than the sword. I say fuck the pen, because you can die by the sword.

Tom Araya

Somebody got up on the wrong side this morning.

Riker

Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational network.

Ross Callon

Somebody in his family had fought and died in every single American war.

Forrest Gump

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are Jack Handey losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

Men and women can never be friends, because the sex thing always When Harry Met Sally gets in the way. Men are all alike in their promises. It is only in their deed that they differ.

Moliere

Maybe if you were a few years older, or I was a few years younger, or we lived in biblical times...

Friends

Maybe Jesus was right when he said the meek shall inherit the earth Robert A. Heinlein - but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three. Maybe you can tell me what posts are inappropriate for the long haul so I can temper my forwarding finger...

Adam Rifkin

Maybe you should get a cup.

Butt-head to Beavis

Mick Jagger and I just really liked each other a lot. We talked all night. We had the same views on nuclear disarmament.

Jerry Hall

Maybe men are the enemy, but I still love the enemy.

Jerry Maguire

Maybe some people think verbing fantastics language.

Adam Rifkin

Mice would be good. Then I can get a snake and feed the players who play bad to the snake.

John Dobbin

Maybe we just fix the choreography. Keep the dwarf clear.

Spinal Tap

Maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

Rodney Dangerfield

Melrose Place is a really good show.

Reality Bites

Memory is the cabinet of imagination, the treasury of reason, the registry of conscience, and the council chamber of thought.

Saint Basil

Megan......Jesus......Well, the shoes are similar......

John Dobbin

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

Rita Rudner

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie The Way We Were twice, voluntarily.

Rita Rudner

May your name be always associated with charity

as you rot away in the poorhouse.

Maybe I should have screwed up.

Ken Thompson

Maybe all I need is a new metaphor for reality.

Queensryche

Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.

R.S. Barton

The company that owns it wanders around trade shows looking at all the screens. If they see anyone doing XORs they set their lawyers onto them...

Gordon Irlam

The company of just and righteous men is best.

Euripides

The country that draws a broad line between its fighting men and its Sir William F. Butler thinking men will find its fighting done by fools and its thinking

done by cowards. The condition upon which God has given liberty to man is eternal vigilance.

John Philpot Curran

The coast was clear.

Lope de Vega

The Coens - intellectuals that they are - reveal their utter contempt for working-class existence by representing plebian culture as the playground of the absurd.

Mr. Cranky

The Counselor and I will be indisposed today.

Riker

The cool part about being a fish is that you never have to leave school.

Adam Rifkin

The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.

Marion Barry

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

William Somerset Maugham

The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lackjaw.

Tallulah Bankhead

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ambrose Bierce

The costliest women are the ones who cost nothing.

Alfred de Musset

The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for people to eat.

John McNulty

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

W.C. Fields

The damned cats like pushing the reset button on my computer.

Adam Rifkin

The daughters were mad and the boyfriends were glad because they Rugburns got an education by burning the candle at both ends. The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.

Bernard Avishai

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.

Vince Lombardi

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

William James

The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.

William J. Broad

The day-to-day travails of the IBM programmer are so amusing to most of us who are fortunate enough never to have been one

like watching Charlie Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.

The day of individual happiness has passed.

Adolf Hitler

The curtain rises on a vast, primitive wasteland, not unlike certain

Woody Allen

parts of New Jersey. The difference between a coward and a brave man is usually a matter of timing.

Robert Heinlein

The computing field is always in need of new cliches.

Alan Perlis

The creative instinct has always been a stronger motive than mere profit to do truly new and revolutionary things.

Phil Karn

The devil is real. He lives inside C programs.

Philip Greenspun

The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.

Oscar Wilde

The descent to Hades is the same from every place.

Anaxagoras

The age of the Immortal. Old enough to know better, but still too young to resist.

Lord Deviant

The aim of education is the knowledge not of fact but of values.

W.R. Inge

The Air Force pinned a medal on me for killing a man and discharged me for making love to one.

Leonard Matlovich

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Doug Larson

That would cost a hand and a foot.

Thanh Boyer

That would be dishonorable... and cool.

Steve Bajzek

That will come in very handy in the extraordinarily unlikely event that I have to impersonate you.

John Dobbin to Megan Coughlin

That which we call sin in others, is experiment for us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The acme of wisdom is to know that you know nothing.

Aristotle

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in one is priceless.

The Lion

The ability to restrain ourselves is a fundamental feature of being Adam Rifkin human. This is why adultery is not a natural function, and is instead considered wrong. The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously.

Henry Kissinger

The Ancient Japanese considered the Go board to be a microcosm of the universe. Although when it is empty it appears to be simple and ordered, in fact, the possibilities of gameplay are endless. They say that no two Go games have ever been alike. Just like snowflakes. So, the Go board actually represents an extremely complex and chaotic universe.

Pi

The Americans call me by value, and the Europeans call me by name.

Niklaus Wirth

The air is full of farewells to the dying, and mournings for the dead. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.

Thomas Jefferson

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.

Vice President Dan Quayle

The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug M. Devine someone with it. The brain is not an organ of thinking but an organ of survival, like claws and fangs. It is made in such a way as to make us accept as truth that which is only advantage. It is an exceptional, almost pathological constitution one has, if one follows thoughts logically through, regardless of consequences. Such people make martyrs, apostles, or scientists, and mostly end on the stake, or in a chair, electric or academic.

Albert Szent-Gyorgi

Take it easy. But take it.

Woody Guthrie

Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.

George S. Patton

Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.

Malcolm Herbert

Take me back to LA, where I can see the air I breathe.

Ronald Reagan

Take long walks in stormy weather or through deep snow in the Henry David Thoreau fields and woods, if you would keep your spirits up. Deal with brute nature. Be cold and hungry and weary. Take me some place where the caffeine is thick.

Rohit Khare

Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

Will Rogers

Surely nothing can be THAT funny.

George Melly on being told by Mick Jagger that his wrinkles were laughter lines

Surely the strong and noble residents of Willow Glenn are down to earth types. They are people of the soil. They know about nature and toil. These people are not going to be antsy, panicky, afraid-ofa-leetle-leezard types. If the lizard has them scared, it must be because it is mightier than their SUVs and meaner than the many Lexus vehicles they have arrayed in their defense.

Robert Rodgers

Sure as I was borne in Ireland, I was weaned on whiskey but raised on gin.

Rugburns

Take me to the ocean and leave me there, leave me all alone with the sun and the air.

Juliana Hatfield

Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.

Kipling

Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get.

W.P. Kinsella

Success is never final.

Winston Churchill

Success is a journey, not a destination.

Ben Sweetland

Success consists of getting up one more time than you fall.

Jerry Maguire

Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.

Bill Davidsen

Success is a great deodorant.

Elizabeth Taylor

Stupid is as stupid does. Fuck off Forrest.

Bruce Sherrod

Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what Glen Beaman you are going to be thinking tomorrow. Studies in Contemporary State-Sponsored Terrorism... also known as gym class.

Calvin

stupid yuppies and computer nerds who make too much money are willing to pay a lot of money to live someplace where the espresso bars outnumber the poor people.

Andrew Stellman

Study art and logic

learn to draw your own conclusions.

Study widely. Question thoroughly. Deliberate carefully. Analyze clearly. Act conscientiously.

the sage kings Yao and Shun as described by Yamazaki Ansai

Stupid is as stupid does.

Forrest Gump

Stupid people shop at Wal Mart, she shops at Wal Mart, therefore... John Dobbin Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.

R. S. Barton

Taco Bell... Walk, do not run, for the border.

Nathan Loofborrow

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

Take a chill lesson.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around...

Pearl Jam

Style over substance.

Cyberpunk motto

Sure thing, man, I used to be a laboratory myself once.

Keith Richards

Suspicion breeds confidence.

Brazil

The blithe devastation of that last line is as toxic, as fearless in its nihilism, as anything that ever escaped the lips of Johnny Rotten.

Owen Gleiberman

The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no competition.

William Van Horne

The birth of an idea is that happy moment when everything appears Rudolph Diesel possible and reality has not yet entered into the problem. The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for Harriet Beecher Stowe deeds left undone. The chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.

Alfred Adler

The chief ingredients in the composition of those qualities that gain

Joseph Addison

esteem and praise, are good nature, truth, good sense, and good breeding. The church is only a secular institution in which the half-educated speak to the half-converted.

W.R. Inge

The bug stops here.

Harry S Truman

The broken network is the broken computer.

Mike Wiese

The business of life is to go forward.

Samuel Johnson

The brick the student Dave Nicol failed threw was hard.

John Klassa

The brain that processes these words as you read them is NOT the one you were born with.

Steven Jay Gould

The bug is mightier than the fix.

Cyrano de Bergerac

The beverage. Icee, bro. This is what put this place on the map.

Encino Man

The bigger they come the harder they fall.

Robert Prometheus Fitzsimmons

Sweetness is a trait men develop to strip women of their clothing.

John Dobbin

The certainty of misery is better than the misery of uncertainty.

Pogo

The characteristic of genuine heroism is its persistency. All men Ralph Waldo Emerson have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have resolved to be great, abide by yourself, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common the heroic. The cause of the riots were the rioters.

Dan Quayle

Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head.

William Shakespeare

Swanney taught us to adore and respect the national health service. Trainspotting For it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs. We stole prescriptions or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them. Or traded drugs with cancer victims, alcoholics, old-age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics, and bored housewives. Sylvester Stallone said it was immaturity that caused him to bounce Jay Leno from one supermodel to the next. I think the real reason was because he could. Swab the poop deck, raise the mizzenmast

Picard

Sweep first before your own door, before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors.

Swedish Saying

The charm of sleepless nights is the idea that tomorrow will not come.

Jean Baudrillard

The chick pea is neither a chick nor a pea. Discuss.

Mike Myers

The civilization of one epoch becomes the manure of the next.

Cyril Connolly

The classes that wash the most are those that work least.

G.K. Chesterton

The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.

Friedrich Nietzsche

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be H.L. Mencken vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics. The capacity to recognize higher orders that unify diverse phenomena and make complex situations more simple. This is the essence of creative and productve thinking and problem solving.

Moshe Rubenstein

The chick has been beaten out for awards by Right Said Fred.

John Dobbin

The California state bird is the middle finger.

Jay Leno

So anyway, after I graduated, a number of years passed, in chronological order...

Dave Barry

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs... a cool flick about a maid who makes it big.

John Dobbin

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Bertrand Russell

So many obituaries...And always the wrong ones

Marian Balsam

Sneakers will be fine. And nothing else. I cynically believe this is the only way womens sports will catch on.

John Dobbin

So we immediately rushed out and set up our own Lost Manual Review Committee.

HavenTree

So near is falsehood to truth that a wise man would do well not to trust himself on the narrow edge.

Cicero

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

Friends

So much time and so little to do ... strike that, reverse it.

Willy Wonka

So this is the ship they say is unsinkable.

Titanic

so this is what happens when Steve Jobs hooks up with Tito Fuentes. incidentally, tuning castanets generally requires a router. and a chisel.

Andrew Stellman

So many women, so little nerve.

Bruce Sherrod

So you see, the only truth proof of what you are is in the way you hear the truth.

Lemmy Kilmeister

So many assholes, so few bullets

Ford Fairlane

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.

Holmes

Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all.

Winston Churchill

Shoot first, use the ask questions part to reload, then resume

Saul Devitt

shooting. Sin is sort of goofy.

Professor Beildelman

Simply the thing I am shall make me live.

William Shakespeare

Silly Rifkin, tricks are for kids.

John Dobbin

Simplicity, carried to an extreme, becomes elegance.

Jon Franklin

Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot, who was My Shoe cordial, Is now transmitting static. The carpet died, a palm collapsed, The cat keeps doing poo. The only thing that keeps me sane Is talking to my shoe. Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.

Dave Butler

Simple acknowledgement, not involving some complex arcane ritual involving sanctioned white lies and insincere replies.

Richard Goodman

Simply put, there is no way to leave a suicide note without looking corny.

Tara Morrison

Simplicity, of all things, is the hardest to be copied.

Sir Richard Steele

Since director Ron Shelton imagines most losers of the world look Mr. Cranky like Kevin Costner, it becomes easy to set up these unbelievable sports stories where the loser ends up achieving some kind of career goal while boning the most beautiful woman in the area. Shooting up the enemy. Yeah.

Imperial Teen

Shock. Denial. Fear. Booze. Boners. Acceptance.

Adam Rifkin

Shoe. Car. Clothing line. Soft drink. We know what the four jewels of the celebrity endorsement ring are.

Jerry Maguire

So godawful that it ruptured the very fabric of space and time with the sheer overpowering force of its mediocrity.

Mr. Cranky

So Father Mason clutching his crucifix baptized the baby in whiskey and licorice, what a lovely way drowning sins in tooth decay.

Jellyfish

Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream she said. The one that makes me laugh, she said.

The Cure

Show me a man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.

Robert Morley

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Alan Kay

The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right.

Quentin Hogg

The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts life.

William James

The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

Paul Valery

The best way to realize the pleasure of being rich is to live in a smaller house than your means would entitle you to have.

Edward Clarke

The best test of truth is the power of the thought to get itself accepted in the competition of the market.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

The best teacher, until one comes to adult pupils, is not the one who H.L. Mencken knows most, but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and the wonderful which slips into the infantile comprehension...The best teacher of children, in brief, is one who is essentially childlike. The best defense is a strong offense, and I intend to start offending right now.

James T. Kirk

The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.

Brendan Francis

The best way to find something lost is to buy a replacement.

Ann Landers

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand...

Frank Herbert

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

Voltaire

The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve Alfred North Whitehead change amid order. The audience of elderly Barbra fans I saw this movie with seemed Mr. Cranky completely enthralled throughout... but then again, they also seemed enthralled by the opening popcorn commercial. The author makes no guarantee that the story will satisfy you. THAT is entirely in your HANDS.

disclaimer in alt.sex.stories

The beginning is the most important part of the work.

Plato

The best education in the world is that got by struggling to get a living.

Wendell Phillips

The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Theodore Roosevelt

The best advice on the art of being happy is about as easy to follow as advice to be well when one is sick.

Anne Sophie Swetchine

The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.

Sandy Cooley

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W. C. Fields

The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Bob Dylan

The best lesson life has taught me is that the idiots in many cases are right.

Winston Churchill

The best laid plans of mice and Megan etc. etc...

John Dobbin

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Samuel Butler

The art of art, the glory of expression, and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity.

Walt Whitman

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

William James

Sleep is for Pitt students.

CMU saying

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful Tom Stoppard objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art. Slavery is not the evil thing people make it out to be. I myself would love a few slaves.

John Dobbin

Slap me with the splintered ruler.

Alanis Morissette

Smart is when you believe only half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which half to believe.

Robert Orben

Smallness and bitterness can only last as long as we allow them.

Joyce Hifler

Sleep deprivation makes everything really neat.

Henry Rollins

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

Fran Leibowitz

Sleep is actually a good substitute for coffee

Bill Arms

sleeze... I need sleeze....very much so........

Sam Miller

Sleeping on this couch is like spooning with Adam.

Joe Kiniry

Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.

Demosthenes

The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.

Ken Krattenmaker

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

H.L. Mencken

The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks he is above average.

Sam Levenson

The bathroom was a NyQuil cup.

Dennis Miller

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical T. Lehrer conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.

Bill Murray

The Army said I was too heavy. The police force said I was too dumb.

Homer Simpson

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.

Tom Lehrer

The basis of a democratic state is liberty.

Aristotle

The average pointer points somewhere in X.

Henry Spencer

Sloppy, raggedy-assed old life. I love it. I never want to die.

Dennis Trudell

Slow down you crazy child, take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.

Billy Joel

Small towns in Germany are usually about ten kilotons apart.

Jake McGuire

Small talk hangs like a dirty cloud saying nothing real but deafening Toad the Wet Sprocket loud. Strong reasons make strong actions.

Shakespeare

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

Dave Barry

The baby has my brains.

She must have. I still have mine.

The baby-eating bishop of Bathenwell.

Blackadder II

The ballot is stronger than the bullet.

Abraham Lincoln

The background is Scotch... a very frugal people. My father give me Dennis Miller this Swatch on his death futon. The band of cutthroats was not there for any good.

Nicolai Gogol

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

Oscar Wilde

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the Chamfort first one was useless. The only thrill I got from the film was from bouncing up and down on my chair, wondering if a spring would break, fly up my ass and rip out my heart on the way to my brain.

Mr. Cranky

The only truth is that there is no truth.

Laura Esquivel

The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.

Earl Warren

The only thing worse than not getting what you want is getting what Oscar Wilde you want. the only problem with kittens is that eventually they get cooped up in little boxes with unstable particles

Andrew Stellman

The only people I fear are the ones that never have any doubts.

Billy Joel

The only problem I had with him is he wanted to go to church and I Charles Barkley wanted to go to strip clubs. I like Kevin Johnson. The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.

Georg Hegel

The only time i update my Netscape is when you tell me to, on the theory that at any other time it would plunge me into a world of darkness from which i might never return.

Richard Kinsey

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

Mr. Henry Breckenridge

The main thing is to make history, not to write it.

Otto von Bismarck

The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail.

Napoleon Hill

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

Honore de Balzac

The only thing standing between you and success is your sense of ethics.

Mark Denovich

The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance.

Benjamin Franklin

The only thing that saves my stand-up act is the material. The delivery works against it. Nobody ever asks me to do a Rice Krispies commercial.

Ben Elton

The only thing cooler than bands that get chicks are bands that SCARE chicks.

Beavis

The only thing that makes one place more attractive to me than another is the quantity of heart I find in it.

Jane Welsh Carlyle

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Tom Landry

The orgasm has replaced the cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.

Malcolm Muggeridge

The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost Steven Wright went back in time. The other day I was in Las Vegas. I was at the roulette table having a furious argument over what I considered an odd number.

Steven Wright

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

Yogi Berra

The other day I looked up my family tree. There were two dogs using it.

Rodney Dangerfield

The owls are not what they seem.

Twin Peaks

The only two things you get pronounced are MAN AND WIFE and Dennis Miller DEAD ON ARRIVAL. The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only reason we know things will work out for Tom in the end is Mr. Cranky because we know this project was sanctioned by Hollywood executives, who consider greedheads like Tom to be righteous heroes and can empathize with the real-life pain that results from missing a Lexus payment. The only rose without thorns is friendship.

Madeleine de Scudery

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane. Phaedrus The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

The only person who got all his work done by Friday was Robinson Andreas Wuertz Crusoe.

The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.

Calvin

The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

Marcel Proust

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

Erma Bombeck

The man is a fascist, like Himmler without the whimsy.

Frasier

The man in the mirror has sad eyes.

Marillion

The latest version of gwm will continue to be available... for as long Jon Ferro as I continue to want to be known as a walking lisp machine, or until I give up my cs-side access, whichever comes first. The last thing IBM needs right now is a vision.

Lou Gerstner

The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.

Calvin

The lifeblood of liberalism is the pursuit of perpetually unobtainable objectives.

Rush Limbaugh

The leaves of memory seemed to make A mournful rustling in the dark.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Plato

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.

James Matthew Barrie

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor Anatole France to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. Henry Kissinger The mass of men lead lives of quiet deperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

Henry David Thoreau

The mass media is supported and sustained by commercial entities. And corn flakes and Shakespeare are simply not kissing cousins. Leonard Bernstein and living bras are incompatible. And you cannot sustain adult, probing, meaningful drama when the proceedings are interrupted every twelve minutes by a dozen dancing rabbits with toilet paper.

Rod Serling

The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Right. Yeah.

Offspring

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

Andy Warhol

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long... and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.

Blade Runner

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Anatole France

The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law

Marion Barry

of gravity is racist. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.

John Burroughs

The lyf so short, the craft so long to lerne.

Chaucer

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.

Pierre Corneille

The man, who has seen the rising moon break out of the clouds at midnight, has been present like an archangel at the creation of light and of the world.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.

Vice President Dan Quayle

The Los Angeles riots were not caused by the Rodney King verdict. Rush Limbaugh The Los Angeles riots were caused by rioters. The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by Garrison Keillor a long trumpet passage. The Mall of America, in Bloomington Minn., is now offering college classes. The best part is, if you flunk out, you can just walk across to the food court and start your job immediately.

Jay Leno

The mail interface is just slightly more reliable than writing a message on a dollar bill and hoping the intended audience sees the message.

John Dobbin

The lottery is dreams for people who have no dreams.

John Dobbin

The lucky part is, we got the government rate for the rental. So instead of an arm and a leg, they charged us two arms, my three legs, and three quarters of my shirts.

Rustan Leino

The man who started more creations since Genesis - and finished none.

Hugh Johnson about FDR

The Marilyn Monroe Stamp was not a good idea. Men keep licking the wrong side.

Jim Mullen

The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.

William Blake

The man who runs may fight again.

Menander

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.

Thomas Jefferson

The laws of Congress and the laws of physics have grown increasingly divergent, and the laws of physics are not likely to yield.

Bill McKibben

The man who has no imagination has no wings.

Muhammad Ali

The mark of a true professional is giving more than you get.

Robert Kirby

The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others.

Hasidic Saying

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the Alan Ashley-Pitt

crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. The man who gets on best with women is the one who knows best how to get on without them.

Charles Baudelaire

The paper is rather basic if you ask me...

Rajit Manohar

The ocean is a desert with its life underground and a perfect disguise above.

America

The one real object of education is to leave us in the condition of always asking questions.

Bishop Creighton

The one thing I cannot forgive them for is that they forced our sons to kill their sons.

Golda Meir

The Olympics are not just about big corporations paying ridiculous Dave Barry sums of money to be official sponsors. The Olympics are also about ordinary sports fans paying ridiculous sums of money for lodging. The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

H. L. Mencken

The fjords were my idea. I won an award for it.

Slartibartfast

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart

The ocean is a body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world Ambrose Bierce made for man - who has no gills. The only inherent sin in society lies in huting others unnecessarily. Hurting yourself in not sinful - just dumb.

Robert Heinlein

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.

FDR

The only interesting answers are those which destroy the question.

Susan Sontag

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Pliny the Elder

The only completely consistent people are dead.

Aldous Huxley

The only good thing about being shot in the buttocks is all the free ice cream.

Forrest Gump

The one thing in the world, of value, is the active soul.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The object is Toledo, not to follow.

Dan Galvin

The one thing we can never get enough of is love, and the one thing Henry Miller we can never give enough of is love. The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.

John Kenneth Galbraith

The flakiest member of the orchestra, of course, is the piccolo.

Garrison Keillor

The first step is the hardest.

Marie Marquise du Deffand

The first step on the road to truth is to call things by their proper names.

Ancient Chinese Saying

The first bullet is never for you.

from Nikita

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

Abbie Hoffman

The first step toward immortality is living a life worth remembering.

Brandon Lee

The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.

Milo Bloom

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Paul Ehrlich

The freedom of a nation is measured by the freedom of its lowest class.

James Connolly

The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.

Marcus Aurelius

The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary.

Thomas Edison

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

Clarence Darrow

The first time was history, the second time, farce.

Karl Marx

The flamewar would have been nice, but I was really just trying to get quotefiled.

Tim Showalter

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material.

Robin Williams

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women.

Nancy Astor

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

Dave Barry

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Robert Heller

The first thing in life is to be true to yourself.

O.J. Simpson

The Force is duct tape, with a light side, a dark side, and holding the Carl Zwanzig universe together. The only attractive woman in this town is standing in a fountain, with water coming out of her armpits.

Blackadder IV

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.

James Branch Cabell

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Neils Bohr

The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.

Albert Schweitzer

The news of my impending death came at a really bad time for me.

Steve Taylor

the next race should be totally awsome. Imola, at San Marino. Chris Heiser highlights should be exploding ferrari engines and an arrows car actually finishing a race. also be on the lookout for italian officials trying to blame the bad crosswinds which caused a pit bunny to fall over and sprain her thumb on an improperly designed williams car which, in addition, may also have caused the death of ayrton senna at the tamburello curve. when questioned, frank williams will, for the first time in his professional carreer, laugh. The nice thing about neuroanatomy is that the playing field is level. James Cook The structures all look the same. The only way the Bill of Rights will protect you from much of anything nowadays is if you hold it over your head when it rains.

Samantha Crouse

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist knows it.

J. Robert Oppenheimer

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation.

Oscar Wilde

The only way to find love is by not looking for it.

Davis Feinberg

The optimum committee has no members.

Norman Augustine

The paper burns, but the words fly away.

Ben Joseph Akiba

The only way to keep a secret between two people is if one of them Mark Denovich is dead. The only way round is through.

Robert Frost

The only way to be happy is to not be happy all the time.

Brain Candy

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.

Henry Stimson

The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.

Arthur C. Clarke

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

Andrew S. Tanenbaum

The natural progress of things is for government to gain ground and Thomas Jefferson for liberty to yield. The new is beginning and for those who cling to the old the new will be horrible.

Hesse

The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

Peter De Vries

The only cure for grief is action.

George Henry Lewes

The only decent impression he can do is a man without talent.

Blackadder IV

The network is the business.

Mary Meeker

The night is young and we have umbrellas in our drinks.

The Tick

The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least interesting sight in Douglas Adams

the entire Universe. The night is my companion, the solitude my guide.

Sarah McLachlan

The most beautiful pictures are those one dreams about when smoking pipes in bed, but which one will never paint.

Cyprien

Trust in God, but tie your camel.

Arab proverb

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.

President Ronald Reagan

Trapped, like a trap in a trap.

Dorothy Parker

Trust in haste, regret at leisure.

Brazil

Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.

Yoda

Try to avoid telling a little English story that is in no way tied to the John Thornley test of the algorithm that you present. Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Charles Schultz

Try to avoid things that involve allergies or lots of money...

Ernest Prabhakar

Tread softly, for this is holy ground. It may be, could we look with knowing eyes, this spot we stand on is Paradise.

Christina Rossetti

Troll, troll, troll your post, gently down the datastream...

Jason Powers

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Jesse Dooley

Truants move on. Cannot stay long... Some die just to live.

Pearl Jam

True friendship is like sound health, the value of its is seldom know Charles Caleb Colton until it be lost. True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice.

Ben Jonson

Treat the media as you would any other watchdog. Stay calm, be friendly, let them sniff your hand and never turn your back.

Amy Sprinkles

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Publilius Syrus

True love is not nice, no no.

Jonathan Richman

Truly you have a dizzying intellect.

The Princess Bride

Try praising your wife even if it does frighten her at first.

Billy Sunday

Try deep-frying a Snickers bar, and thank me later.

David Letterman

Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and William Saroyan when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. Truth never hurts the teller.

Robert Browning

Truth is. Belief is not required.

Gerry Roston

Truth, like surgery, may hurt. But it cures.

Han Suyin

Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Tuber, or not tuber.

Yamlet

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Mark Twain

Trust, but verify.

Ronald Reagan

Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived.

Gibb

Truth is not determined by majority vote.

Doug Gwyn

True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance.

Henry David Thoreau

Tiresome and boring wholesale company seeks indolent people with a total lack of service-mindedness for a job that is completely without challenge.

FH Company

Tis better to have loved and lost... yadda yadda yadda.

Bart Simpson

To be, AND not to be.

Zen Shakespeare

To be understood is to be forgiven.

Pat Carr

Times when state in names is useful - when you are transmitting information over a very low bandwidth medium, eg, slide presentations to senior management.

Vijay Gill

Tipper Gore is so uptight, she walks with her legs crossed.

Dennis Miller

To a book collector, you see, the true freedom of all books is somewhere on his shelves.

Walter Benjamin

To badly split infinitives go where no man has before...

Douglas Adams

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Frank Lloyd Wright

To call this stuff sophomoric would be an insult to undergraduates.

George Will

To be out of place is not necessarily to be out of power.

Samuel Johnson

To be great is to be misunderstood.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be is to do

Sartre

to be nobody but yourself... in a world which is doing its best, night ee cummings and day, to make you like everybody else... means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting To be happy at home is the ultimate end of all ambition.

Samuel Johnson

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit Ashleigh Brilliant the target. To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.

George Washington

To be honest, I can imagine few things more confusing than being Martin Frankel new to the United States and being introduced to it by Samuel Kass.

To do nothing is also a good remedy.

Hippocrates

To do is to be

Nietzsche

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

B. Duggan

To fight for the right, without question or pause, to be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause.

Man of la Mancha

To dream the Impossible Dream, to fight the unbeatable foe, to bear Man of la Mancha with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go. To do anything truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.

Og Mandino

To cover my nervousness, I started eating an apple because I think if they hear you chewing on the other end of the phone, it makes you sound casual.

Seinfeld

To educate a man in mind, and not in morals, is to educate a menace to society.

Theodore Roosevelt

To create an entirely new OS from scratch, just because none of the Neal Stephenson existing ones was exactly right, struck me as an act of such colossal nerve that I felt compelled to support it. To add insult to injury.

Phaedrus

To action little, less to words inclined.

Horace

To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Charles DuBois

To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.

Gelett Burgess

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

William H. Walton

To generalize is to be an idiot.

William Blake

To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.

David Weingart

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

Benjamin Franklin

Tom Cruise, parents go away, prostitutes and teens, Rebecca DeMornay, glass eggs, dancing in underwear, Ray-Bans... this movie has it all.

Baked Potatoes

The millstone may break down but the river continues its course to the sea.

Kahlil Gibran

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

John Milton

The measure of a man is the way he bears up under misfortune.

Plutarch

The metaphor is probably the most fertile power possessed by men. Ortega Y Gassett The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.

Lew Mammel, Jr.

The men who make history have not time to write it.

Prince von Metternich

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior William Arthur Ward teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. The more bicep curls you do, the easier it is to pick people up.

Adam Rifkin

The more clearly one sees this world, the more one is obliged to pretend it does not exist.

John Irving

The more I find out, the less that I know.

Billy Joel

The more a person knows, the less he talks.

French saying

The meek shall inherit nothing.

Frank Zappa

The meek shall inherit the earth

they are too weak to refuse.

The most horrifying thing about Unix is that, no matter how many Patrick Sobalvarro times you hit yourself over the head with it, you never quite manage to lose consciousness. It just goes on and on. The most important political office is that of private citizen.

Louis Brandeis

The more things change, the more they suck.

Butthead

The more that I search for some definitive, the closer I am to fine.

Indigo Girls

The more the merrier.

John Heywood

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.

George Bernard Shaw

The most popular labour-saving device is still money.

Franklin P. Jones

The more I see the more I stand alone.

Concrete Blonde

The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.

Rush Limbaugh

The most dangerous moment in any financial market boom is the one where the suppliers of funds stop paying attention.

Peter Martin

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.

Arthur Koestler

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and Lao Tsu robbers there will be. The most persistent principles in the universe are accident and error. Frank Herbert The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders.

Linda Festa

The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to Olympic Games Creed take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well. The most wasted of all days in one without laughter.

ee cummings

Today there are a lot of novelists who seem to be writing to be

Pete Hamill

reviewed, not read. Tradition does not mean to look after the ash, but to keep the flame alive.

Jean Jaures

Tough shit requires a prune juice OD. Wimpy shit requires the pink Adam Rifkin stuff. Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

George Burns

Today is a good day to die.

Flatliners

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.

Spanish proverb

Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.

Mae West

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

Mae West

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mahatma Gandhi

Too much information. I call it datarhea.

William Rifkin

Too many tire tracks in the sands of time.

Don Henley

Too often in politics, the man of thought cannot act, and the man of Richard Nixon action does not think. Too many windows. What a pane.

Adam Rifkin

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be ignited.

Plutarch

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.

Plutarch

The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing Martina Navrtilova else. Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort John F. Kennedy of thought. Too many jokes... must... mock... Joey...

Friends

Too many of us who want eternal life do not seem to know what to do with one single rainy afternoon.

Rev. Robert Harris

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

James F. Byrnes

Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Humor is when you fall down a manhole and die.

Mel Brooks

Too lazy to fail.

Robert Heinlein

Too drunk to fuck is just drunk enough to bowl.

Steve Ledebur

Too many dinosaurs, too few meteors.

Seyma Atik

Too clever is dumb.

Ogden Nash

The universe is not hostile, nor yet is it friendly. It is simply indifferent.

John Hughes Holmes

The universe is made of stories, not atoms.

Muriel Rukeyser

The unexamined life is worth nothing.

Plato

The usual correlation between abundance of attitude and lack of clue applies here too.

Robert Harley

The USS Reagan

To boldly ... um ... I forget...

The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones.

William Somerset Maugham

The ultimate consequence of protecting men from the results of their own folly is to fill the world with fools.

Herbert Spencer

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

MLK

The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine.

George Washington

The U.S. victory in Gulf war was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression.

Vice President Dan Quayle

The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.

Aristotle

The Unicode Standard is a large, painful book, suitable for use as a blunt object, possibly as a seventh weapon in the game of Clue. It could play a telephone book in a movie if it were painted yellow and made more exciting. It could hold up a table if one leg were several inches short and in need of the sort of support that only a standard can provide.

Tim Showalter

The United States has much to offer the third world war.

Ronald Reagan

The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes H.L. Mencken the worst cigars. The wise learn many things from their enemies.

Aristophanes

The urge to destroy is also a creative urge.

Bakunin

The US condones violence in El Salvador.

Vice President Dan Quayle

The worst offense is intelligence. The best defense is belligerence.

Quality of Armor

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

The worst part is that she possessed many of the qualities also desired by superficial man.

Seinfeld

The US Postal Service has announced a new James Dean commemorative stamp. The stamp will be available beginning this week, or whenever the hell it feels like it.

Dennis Miller

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges Sir Peter Medawar and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly

wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the world put together. The vast array of better things I have to do than entertain your sorry Martin Frankel self is quite possibly beyond your imagination. The vanishing dot on the map of the spot, let me take you there. The They Might Be Giants dotted line surrounding the mind of a self called nowhere. The universe is simultaneously elegantly simple and profoundly complicated.

Adam Rifkin

The unlived life is not worth examining.

John Dobbin

The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.

Carl Sagan

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Jim Samuels

The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits Eden Phillpotts to grow sharper. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Bertrand Russell

The whole point of this sentence is to make clear what the whole point of this sentence is.

Douglas R Hofstadter

The winners never remember and the losers never forget.

Everett Dirksen

The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.

Edward Gibbon

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Mark Twain

The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Jerry Brown

The virgin kleenex tissue is difficult to coax, but once snared is quickly used and discarded. Thereafter, each tissue is always aroused and aflutter, eagerly awaiting the next juicy spillage.

Celeste Copland

The weather was foul, or perhaps, duck.

Spike Milligan

The weak and cowardly have no place in shuffleboard.

Phil Hartman

The universe does not have laws

it has habits, and habits can be broken.

The Universe is just one of those things that happens from time to time.

Alan Guth

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

Peter DeVries

The weakness of democracies is that once a general has been built up in public opinion it becomes impossible to remove him.

Edouard Daladier

The weather here is more interesting than the people.

Jennifer Jantos

The way to find what the mainstream will do tomorrow is to associate with the lunatic fringe today.

Jean-Louis Gassee

The way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden violence.

UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali

The way to make money is to start your own religion.

L. Ron Hubbard

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.

Jimmy Buffet

The way we treat the planet anyone would think we owned it.

Roger McGough

The world can come to us in Fragments, but the fragments themselves are not the enemy. If your pattern is strong enough, the fragments will form a whole.

Batik wall hanging

The words are still hanging in the air... you know, like a balloon attached to her mouth...

When Harry Met Sally

The world is a sick machine.

Green Day

The world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.

Horace Walpole

The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.

General Omar Bradley

The worker is the slave of capitalist society, the female is the slave of that slave.

James Connolly

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the Ernest Hemingway broken places. But those that it will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but that there will be no special hurry. Theatre is Art, Film is Entertainment, Television Is Furniture.

Peter Green

Their Christmas card is a copy of their pre-nuptial agreement.

David Letterman

The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mark Twain

The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man confines himself within ancient limits.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

The world belongs to the energetic.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The world begins to disappear. The worst things come from inside here. And all the kingsmen reappear for an eggman, falling off for what will never be together again.

Counting Crows

The woes of Software Engineering are not due to lack of tools, nor Niklaus Wirth of proper management, but largely due to lack of sufficient technical competence. A good designer needs to rely on experience, on precise, logic thinking, on pedantic exactness. No magic will do. The woman of my dreams knows how to break into systems.

Doug Tygar

The world is my oyster.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood

The world is not run by thought, nor imagination, but by opinion.

Elizabeth Drew

The world needs ditch diggers too.

Judge Smeals

The world needs people with leadership and compassion to help end Frank Reed Horton universal human suffering. The wisest mind has something yet to learn.

George Santayana

The woes of software engineering are not due to lack of tools or proper management, but largely due to lack of sufficient technical competence.

Niklaus Wirth

The wonderful thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

Grace Murray Hopper

The world is a very cool place.

Miller Brewing Co.

Theatre is a sweet craziness. Once you return home, you are a little bit smarter.

Tony Montenaro

The world would be happier if men had the same capacity to be silent that they have to speak.

Baruch Spinoza

The World Record holder for blowing a bugle whilst riding a bike uphill dragging four hundredweight of pig iron and holding his breath is buried at...

Spike Milligan

The world revolves around the sun, not your head.

Copernicus

The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles. But I had on thick tights underneath.

Naomi Campbell

The wrong way always seems more reasonable.

George Moore

The worm has turned for Monty Burns. Fate has pressed me to her scented bosom.

Monty Burns

The world we live in is a result of human choices and, it can be changed by making better, wiser choices.

Robert Redford

The world will little note nor long remember what we say here.

Abraham Lincoln

The years teach much which the days never know.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Their own government intervenes aggresively in the economy Guy Molyneux toblock real-wage growth - thereby effectively guaranteeing that the benefits of greater productivity flow only to capital, never to labor. The young man knows the rules but the old man knows the exceptions.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream...

The Beatles

The very-good is the enemy of the great.

Rohit Khare

There are lots of women around. Take my wife. Please.

Henny Youngman

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

Mae West

There are more gadgets available to substitute for a little common

Michelle D. Hudson

sense than have any right to exist. There are more old drunks than there are old doctors, so I guess we better have another round.

Willie Nelson

There are no bright sides in the FoRK universe, just the temporary absence of darkness.

Rohit Khare

There are lots of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

Real Genius

There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Benjamin Disraeli quoting Mark Twain

There is a theory which states that if anyone discovers what the Douglas Adams Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. There is a distinct singular American culture - rugged individualism Rush Limbaugh and self-reliance - which made America great. There is a dream dreaming us.

Kung Bushman saying

There is a God.

Rush Limbaugh

There is a limit to the practical application of democratic methods. You can inquire of all the passengers as to what type of car they like to ride in, but it is impossible to question them as to whether to apply the brakes when the train is at full speed and accident threatens.

Leon Trotsky

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has the right to blame us.

Oscar Wilde

There is a problem in that gcc checks things and gives warnings and Robert Harley complains when cc would happily compile code full of bugs that the author, Mr Name Withheld, probably never knew about. There is a very fine line between good manners and kissing butt.

Bill Maher

There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Hamlet

There are definitely people with whom I have e-mail contact whom Megan Coughlin I would not generally choose to contact sexually.... There are these horrible Noisy Boys working in the pod kitty-corner Megan Coughlin to mine, and I was going through batteries on my walkman at the rate of about two a day. There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

Heisenberg

There are some very large people around America today.

Gardner Patrick

There are still places where people think that the function of the media is to provide information.

Don Rottenberg

There are few good women who do not tire of their role.

La Rochefoucauld

There are far too many dead Seattle musicians.

Michelle Morrell

There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.

Benjamin Dana

There are way too many women fighting over a troll.

Howard Stern

There are two ways to tell a sexy male. The first is that he has a bad Bruce Sherrod memory. I forget the second. There goes the last lingering threat of my heterosexuality.

Patty and Selma

There comes a time when a man must face up to realities and confront them. Fortunately, this is not such a time.

Will Sherman

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Henry Kissinger

There can never be surprises in logic.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

The way it happens is that it happens and then you talk about it, rather than talking about it and then trying to make it happen.

Eric Clapton

The way of the portable computer user is as a stony path strewn with plugs and sockets, all the wrong size...

Terry Pratchett

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton

The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.

Adolf Hitler

The way I lost weight ... was to be unemployed and deeply depressed, sleep through breakfast and lunch, and have very little money to buy dinner. Will power was not an issue.

Jonathan Elgart

The way a man wins shows much of his character, and the way he loses shows all of it.

Knute Rockne

There can be hope only for a society which acts as one big family, and not as many separate ones.

Anwar al-Sadat

Theories are more like graduate students - once admitted you try hard to avoid flunking them out, it being much better for them and for the world if they can become long term contributors to society.

Allen Newell

The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.

Alexander Haig

The want of a thing is perplexing enough, but the possession of it is John Vanbrugh intolerable. There is always something to be learned in life... and usually in school.

Megan Coughlin

There is an explanation for Attila. For Haman. For Cortez. For Cesare Borgia. For Christie and Speck and Manson, and Nixon ... and Torquemada. But only the Nemotropin know the explanation, and they smile as best they can with bloody mandibles.

N is for Nemotropin

There is a destiny that makes us brothers, none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.

Edwin Markham

There is a differerence between being different and being new, a difference between questioning social customs and just being rude, a difference between being daring and simply breaking rules. Most people do not understand this difference. It makes them easy to tell them apart.

Jessica Marrell

There is an astonishing imagination, even in the science of mathematics... We repeat, there was far more imagination in the head of Archimedes than in that of Homer.

Voltaire

There is evil ever around, fundamental.

Eva Duarte de Peron

There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.

William Somerset Maugham

There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.

Arthur C. Clarke

There is less to this than meets the eye.

Tallulah Bankhead

There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of Ray Bradbury people running about with lit matches. There is little sense in worrying about winds and storms, for these William Wallace things come and go of there own accord. Worry instead about your ship and crew, your supplies and sails, for over them alone have you command. Always remember that hard work is the hull of your ship, and careful planning the rigging that supports your sails. Curse not the Gods when your hopes and dreams seem certain to be crushed upon the rocks of reality. For it was you alone who charted the course, and you alone who must keep your dreams afloat. There is more difference within the sexes, than between them.

Ivy Compton-Burnett

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The Woody Allen good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.

Steven Weinberg

The environment is in trouble, and the worse it gets, the harder it is on your skin.

Seventeen

The English certainly and fiercely pride themselves in never praising themselves.

Wyndham Lewis

The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

G.B. Shaw

The entire humor of which involves three twerps being played by two people.

Blackadder IV

The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.

Charles Dudley Warner

The entire software industry runs on coffee just as much as it runs

Dan Sorenson

on electricity. The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.

Walter Bilbey

The end of the human race is that it will eventually die of civilization.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The fact that it works is immaterial.

L. Ogborn

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.

Henri Bergson

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part.

Jack Handey

The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

George Bernard Shaw

The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Heathers

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

R. Buckminster Fuller

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses... behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.

Muhammad Ali

The English language is not sufficently expressive to convey how badly I needed to know that, Mark.

Martin Frankel

The instruction we find in books is like fire. We fetch it from our neighbors, kindle it at home, communicate it to others, and it becomes the property of all.

Voltaire

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the Adam Walinsky number of participants. The idea is like grass. It craves light, likes crowds, thrives on crossbreeding, grows better for being stepped on.

Ursula K. Le Guin

The human race has had long experience in surviving adversity. But Alan Gregg we now face the task of surviving prosperity. The human race is challenged more than ever before to demonstrate Rachel Carson our mastery, not over nature but of ourselves. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Mark Twain

The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.

Dave Barry

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

Ashley Montague

The interference of logic and real life can lead to disastrous consequences. Stick to one of them...

Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

The industrial revolution was neither industrial nor a revolution. Talk amongst yourselves.

Mike Myers

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

Will Rogers

The inappropriate cannot be beautiful.

Frank Lloyd Wright

The infinitely little have a pride infinitely great.

Voltaire

The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell.

Simone Weil

The infinite monkeys tried to pull a fast one on the public by producing two nearly identical productions of dichotomal quality.

Adam Rifkin

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain is gone.

Blackadder II

The fundamental idea of modern capitalism is not the right of the individual to possess and enjoy what he has earned, but the thesis that the exercise of this right redounds to the general good.

Ralph Barton Perry

The future is littered with prizes.

The Lion King

The frog does not drink up the pond in which he lives.

Native American proverb

The future belongs to charismatic communicators who are technically competent.

Patricia Fripp

The future belongs to the future itself.

Debbie Gibson

The future holds nothing else but confrontation.

Public Enemy

The film was so utterly boring that it actually made me pray to God Mr. Cranky that Chris Farley would emerge from somewhere and smack into something at a full run. The future is now.

Hudsucker Proxy

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

The goddamn cat never bit you. That was me.

Michelle Hall

The Genie can smell fear.

Tom Price

The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut Jamal Abdul Nasser stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make the rest of us wonder at the possibility that we might be missing something. The glory of a man is knowledge, but the glory of a woman is to renounce knowledge.

Chinese Proverb

The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.

Frank Crane

The goal should be to stop people from abusing the system, not to abuse people with the system.

Steve Baum

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

Russell Baker

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

St. Augustine

The direct use of force is so poor a solution to the problems of limited resources that it is commonly employed only by small children and great nations.

David Friedman

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in determination.

Tommy Lasorda

The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.

Edward Abbey

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

Warren Bennis

The doctors told me I had dain bramage.

Bob Nelson

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen

The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that Robert Heinlein science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship. The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.

Joan Baez

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

Katharine Whitehorn

The downside of coming off junk was I knew I would need to mix Trainspotting with my friends again in a state of full consciousness. It was awful. They reminded me so much of myself, I could hardly bear to look at them. The dreamers are the ones who conceive of what could happen and the scientists are the ones who make it happen. The best of humanity are those who combine both traits.

Peter David

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Travis McGee

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present... Abraham Lincoln As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. The difference between Rush Limbaugh and The Hindenburg is that Doonesbury one is a flaming Nazi gasbag, and one was a dirigible. The difference between MS Windows and a pet rock is the cost of upgrades.

Pyotr Filipivich

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Mark Twain

The difference between truth and fiction is that fiction has to make sense.

Mark Twain

The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat.

Jules Renard

The great masses of the people . . . will more easily fall victims to a Adolf Hitler great lie than to a small one.

The good news is that opportunity abounds for anybody and everybody with half a brain. A complete brain is not even required for success anymore. Only a half-baked plan and the determination to see the plan through.

Mike Causey

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Charles de Gaulle

The great majority of artists are throwing themselves in with lifepreservers around their necks, nd more often than not it is the lifepreserver which sinks them.

Henry Miller

The good thing about Vietnam was that there was always someplace to go, and there was always something to do.

Forrest Gump

The Greys are supposedly space aliens who are taking over the planet. I surmised that the Greys got you when your X died.

Robert Harley

The greatest problem of communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

George Bernard Shaw

The greatest right in the world is the right to be wrong.

Harry Weinberger

The guy just wanted a kiss, not the story of O.

The Opposite Sex

The groundwork to all happiness is health.

Leigh Hunt

The gulf between knowledge and truth is infinite.

Henry Miller

The greatness of a man can nearly always be measured by his willingness to be kind.

G. Young

The gothic fad had been done to death. Black clothing is now a bad joke. Vampires are overrated. Dark, ominous doom music is depressing by definition. And Anne Rice is a hack. The novelty is gone. Lighten up, people.

Chester G. Edwards

The Government that Governs Least, Governs Best.

Thomas Jefferson

The government has been satirized for your protection.

Bill Maher

The great thing about multitasking is that several things can go wrong at once.

Andrew B. Sweger

The Government is the only institution that can take a valuable commodity like paper, and make it worthless by applying ink.

Ludwig van Moses

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.

Vince Lombardi

The heart is a free and fetterless thing - a wave of the ocean, a bird on the wing.

Julia Pardoe

The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which David Russell to burn. The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar.

Douglas Adams

The world is collapsing around our ears. I turned up the radio, I can REM hear it. The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is.

Charles M. Schwab

The guy was so worthless than he could have been replaced by two flashing lights and a non-functional switch.

Steve Thiedke

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Gary F. Hevel

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.

Dante

The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of great moral crises maintain their neutrality.

Dante

The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by.

Felix Adler

The Human Body is a wonderful thing, and it deserves a decentsized suitcase.

Dr. Fegg

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for H. Allen Smith lists of Ten Best. The Handicapped Extrotion Gang... I like that anomie...

Rohit Khare

The Halting Problem is Ctrl-C decidable.

Stephan Missura

The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.

Dennis Waitley

The key to life is to become skillful enough to be able to do rewarding things.

Jim Rohn

The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to Frank Zappa cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business. The kind of people we liked to fight were two feet tall and armed with grass.

Blackadder IV

The key to this business is personal relationships. Fewer clients, less money.

Jerry Maguire

The key to being top banana is to never lose touch with the bunch.

Kreegah

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.

Henry Kissinger

The idea of naked women and computers combined really turns me on.

John Dobbin

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.

Henry Kissinger

The Ides of March have come.

Julius Caesar

The key to eating a black and white cookie, Elaine, is you want to Seinfeld get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet, still, somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie. All our problems would be solved.

The key to finding something is to look where it is.

Tigger

The key to good communication is brevity.

Boston Common

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.

Arnold H. Glasow

The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.

Gunther Grass

The greatest homage to truth is to use it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before Genghis Khan you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters. The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.

Thomas Henry Huxley

The greatest gift is the passion for reading. It is cheap, it consoles, it Elizabeth Hardwick distracts, it excites, it gives you knowledge of the world and experience of a wide kind. It is a moral illumination. The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.

Benjamin Disraeli

The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not on our circumstances.

Martha Washington

The greatest happiness comes from the greatest activity.

Bovel

The greatest invention in my lifetime was the Big Gulp.

Reality Bites

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.

Winston Churchill

The job of the poet is to render the world--to see it and report it without loss, without perversion. No poet ever talks about feelings. Only sentimental people do.

Mark Van Doren

The joke about the Computer Scientist, the Frog, and the Princess is Titus Brown personally relevant to me. Stay Away. The introspections of conscience help make us human and keep us Anitra L. Freeman decent. Ironically, those who need such introspection the most have the least of it. The journey toward home is not so much finding someone to love us as discovering how to love ourselves.

Dinah Eng

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Lao-Tsze

The journey of a thousand leagues begins from beneath your feet.

Lao Tzu

the internet is the trailer park for the soul

Marilyn Manson

To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable.

Aaron Copland

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.

Abe Lincoln

This spoon is carefully balanced for throwing.

Geoff Spear

This story does NOT contain a naked teenage nympho skydiver having midair relations with her six instructors and then landing, still naked, in a cucumber patch. Sorry, folks.

Dawson Rambo

This struct already has a perfectly good definition.

Apple MPW C compiler error message

This suffering will yield us yet a pleasant tale to tell.

Virgil

This should not be interpreted as an official response of any sort. Never mind who I am.

Dan Lovinger

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Dave Barry

Time is a great teacher, unfortuneatly it kills all its pupils.

Hector Berlioz

Time keeps everything from happening at once.

Buckaroo Banzai

Thus, the task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to Schopenhauer think what nobody yet has thought about that which everybody sees. Thus, we can go through the entire movie pretty sure that Forrest Gump and Good Will Hunting are going to run into each other at some point and discuss the finer points of advanced math or chocolates or war morality.

Mr. Cranky

Time has a wonderful way of weeding out the trivial.

Richard Ben Sapir

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Aeschylus

Those who call the shots are never in the line of fire.

Ani Difranco

Those who can

do.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being Plato governed by those who are dumber. This useless tidbit thanks to an increasing obsession with reading Newsweek cover-to-cover each week.

Sam Kass

This race is as tight as a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride back from the beach.

Dan Rather

Those who are the most moral are the farthest from the problem.

Anthony

Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled.

William Blake

Those who corrupt the public mind are just as evil as those who steal from the public purse.

Adlai Stevenson

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

George Santayana

Those visiting the House of Unix are not in for a treat. They are visitors to a U.N. relief mission in the third world, not to Disneyland.

Unix-Haters Handbook

This president is going to lead us out of this recovery. It will happen.

Vice President Dan Quayle

This thing with Kurt Cobain has gotten so bad, even the suicide prevention people are considering ending it all.

Howard Stern

This Universe must not fail.

Sir Oliver Lodge

This principle is so perfectly general that no particular application of it is possible.

George Polya

This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like.

Forbes Burkowski

This parrot is bleeding demised. It is an ex-parrot

John Cleese

This page is intentionally left blank.

IBM

This only grant me, that my means may lie too low for envy, for contempt too high.

Abraham Cowley

Time travel gives me nosebleeds.

LaForge

Though he soured the milk of human kindness, all is forgiven.

Jellyfish

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower.

William Wordsworth

Thousands of years ago the Egyptians worshiped cats as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Charles Herbig

Thought takes man out of servitude into freedom.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Through the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes.

Ray Bradbury

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Benjamin Franklin

Three books... Wait a minute. Nobody said anything about three books.

Army of Darkness

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This flick hits you like a naked senior citizen giving out raisins.

Baked Potatoes

This guy would go home with a gardening tool if it showed interest. Jerry Maguire This film was so painfully bad, I needed an epidural half way through it.

Dennis Miller on Swing Kids

This goes beyond the limits of good taste.

Beavis

This one is an ANSI standard fuse blower.

Steven Hawthorne

Three Fatty Acid Radicals would be an excellent name for a rock band.

Dave Barry

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Douglas Adams

Time is running out. We must both do something monstrous before we die.

Hunter S. Thompson to Ralph Steadman

Time is infinitely long and each day is a vessel into which a great deal may be poured, if one will actually fill it up.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Time to put on some excessive force.

Vijay Gill

Time to stop writing specification documents and start executing. We will execute until everyone is dead. Thank you, drive through.

Faisal Jawdat

Time the destroyer is Time the preserver.

T.S. Elliot

Time to die...

Roy Batty

Those who do not understand Henry Spencer are doomed to quote him.

John F. Haugh II

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

Edgar Allen Poe

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigue of supporting it.

Thomas Paine

Those who give up a little freedom for a little security, deserve neither freedom, nor security.

Benjamin Franklin

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

Dorothy Parker

Those who enjoy the train, and those who do not enjoy the train, get John-Roger Peter to the same destination at the same time. McWilliams Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender.

Gary Ward

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

John F. Kennedy

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Miguel de Cervantes

Those who live are those who fight.

Victor Hugo

There is no idea so good that everyone benefits.

Thorstein Veblen

There is no happiness where there is no wisdom.

Sophocles

There is no great genius free from some tincture of madness.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There is much Obiwan did not tell you.

Darth Vader

There is no defense like a good offense.

Real Genius

There is no CyberSpace, just a lot of people pretending.

Sam Kass

There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man.

Euripides

There is No God but Sendmail and SMTP is Its Prophet

Hugh Young

There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.

Jean Giradoux

There is no force so powerful as an idea whose time has come.

Everett Dirkson

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except

Mark Twain

Congress. There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

John Ciardi

There is no difference between Time and any of the three H. G. Wells dimensions of Space, except that our consciousness moves along it. There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.

Francis Bacon

There is no frigate like a book.

Emily Dickinson

There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking.

Sir Joshua Reynolds

There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function.

Georges Clemenceau

There is no public entertainment which does not inflict spiritual damage.

Tertullian

There is no loyalty. You are Jerry forking Maguire. King of the house calls. Master of the living room.

Jerry Maguire

There is no greater delight than to be conscious of sincerity on self- Confucius Analects examination. There is no greater prude than a reformed prostitute.

Tony Jackson

There is no more dangerous error than that of mistaking the consequence for the cause.

Friedrich Nietzsche

There is no off position on the genius switch.

David Letterman

There is no need for you to refer us to your lame home page.

Ken Chen

There is no relativity. Some people are just wrong.

Anu Kapoor

There is no proverb that is not true.

Cervantes

There will be time, there will be time to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.

T.S. Eliot

Thomas Jefferson was that funny black guy who was married to Weezie.

David Letterman

There you go with that word again. Forget proof, it just is.

John Dobbin

This world is a comedy for those who think but a tragedy for those who feel.

Horace Walpole

This web page is the most self-indulgent, egotistical thing I have ever done in my life. But the day is young. I can top it.

Scott Adams

This will be a memorable month

no matter how hard you try to forget it.

This web project is the most self-indulgent, egotistical thing I have ever done in my life. But the day is young. I can top it.

Scott Adams

Those that give up their freedom in the name of security shall have less of both and shall deserve neither.

Ben Franklin

Those stars are often a mark of quality.

Mack Rhinelander

This wallpaper is killing me. One of us has to go.

Oscar Wilde

Those German lawmakers seem to be anti-Neo-Nazi Nazis or something.

Sam Kass

This, of all my professional decisions, has been and will be the most Rohit Khare charged and charmed one of all. This was no boating accident.

Jaws

There was never a great genius without a tincture of madness.

Aristotle

There was a slight flaw in this plan. Bullets.

Blackadder IV

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.

George Carlin

There ought to be one day... just one... when there is open season on Will Rogers senators. There she was, lying in a coma. I could smell the hospital aroma.

Mojo Nixon

There never has been, nor will there ever be, any programming language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad code.

Lawrence Flon

There may be a hundred stances and sword positions, but you win with just one.

Yagyu Munenori

There was such a thing as belief put into action in those days.

Slacker

There needs to be another level like MT-SAFE maybe called MTNOT-FUCKED-BY-HP that could be added to the man pages to indicate compatibility.

Dmitri Schoeman

Distance lends enhancement to the view.

Thomas Campbell

Distributed computing is where someone tripping over a cable in another building can ruin your day.

D. Gifford

Disease and deprivation stalk our land like two giant stalking things.

Blackadder III

Discretion in speech is more than eloquence.

Francis Bacon

Distance and loneliness, of course. Neither of which is desirable in its unadulterated state. They need to be cut with baking soda.

Adam Rifkin

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Fred Baker

Dissection of the bird doth not reveal the mystery of its flight. But you do get a gander at its last meal.

Doug Johnson

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.

Albert Szent-Gyorgi

Divisive dependencies, distributed deadlocks, and partisan protocols have tightened gridlocks, aggravated race conditions, and promulgated double standards.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Do not take the entire world upon your shoulders. Do a certain amount of skylarking, as befits people your age. Skylarking, incidentally, used to be a minor offense under Naval Regulations. What a charming crime. It means intolerable lack of seriousness. I would love to have had a dishonorable discharge from the United States Navy - for skylarking not just once, but again and again and again.

Kurt Vonnegut

Do be a do-bee

Miss Sally

Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought.

Albert Szent-Gyorgi

Do be do be do

Frank Sinatra

Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight.

from the KC and the Sunshine band song used in the Ants March a Bud Bottle Back to the Hill commercial

Do not meddle in the affairs of Unix, for it is subtle and quick to core dump.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Lean too much on the approval of people and it becomes a bed of thorns.

Tehyl Hsieh

This is our NeXT cluster. These are top of the line Macintoshes....

unknown CMU tour guide

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an Ralph Waldo Emerson experiment. Do not be arrogant because of your knowledge, but confer with the ignorant man as with the learned.

Ptahhotpe

Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth.

Socrates.

This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. So please, no wagering.

David Letterman

This is one American Marine who will always tell the truth, Sir.

Ollie North

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.

Aesop

Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden

Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Buddha

Do not bait Happy Fun Boy.

Dan Martinez

Do no wrong, so clean cut, dirty his hands it comes right off.

Pearl Jam

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Jack Handey

Do not taunt depressed, annoyed, and unencumbered by fears of retribution in the afterlife, Happy Fun Mark.

Mark Denovich

Do not worry about your future.

Jerry Maguire

Do what you love, love what you do.

Allen Newell

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

Theodore Roosevelt

Do not urinate in the direction of the sun.

Pythagoras

Doctor Henry Breault, credited with inventing child proof bottle caps, died last week. Dozens of friends and relatives attended what was supposed to be an open casket funeral.

rec.humor.funny

Do you now where the power lays, well it starts and ends with you.

Rancid

Documentation and attachment to slides and WWW is not complete.

Mani Chandy

This is the sacred appendage compendium party pack.

Blackadder

Think, grasshopper...

Kung Fu

Think of yourself as the body at a Irish wake. They need you in order to have the party, but nobody expects you to say much.

Anthony Lake

This article is to prevent various automatic software from thinking this is an empty newsgroup and nuking it. If this had been a real article you would have become titillated.

Brian Reid

This child is getting wildly out of wing.

The Lion King

This chick is TOAST.

Ghostbusters

This is good beer. Remind me to take this world.

Lost Destiny

This article is an endless litany of bogus conclusions based off of optimistic, yet flawed assumptions.

Steve Davis

This bag will self-destruct in mother earth.

from a Japanese grocery bag

This boy is one of the top ten minds in the country. One day I hope to be two of them.

Real Genius

Thinking is the hardest work a man can do, which is probably why so few engage in it.

Henry Ford

This is CMU. We all lose.

Derrick Brashear

This is exactly what the geese do. Nice to see that arrogance is not a John Dobbin uniquely human character trait. This is a Woozle. His name is Peanut.

Jeff Dunham

This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall.

Monty Python

This is an age for heroes. The test of this century is whether we mistake the growth of wealth and power for growth of strength and character.

Vincent Thomas Lombardi

This is a signature Robert Altman film in that it plays out like a slow-motion train wreck.

Mr. Cranky

This is a one line proof... if we start sufficiently far to the left.

Cambridge University

math professor This is my graceland.

Ace Ventura

This is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far.

Man of la Mancha

This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This is Kent. This is what happens to a man when he gets too sexually frustrated.

Real Genius

This is hell. This is hell. I am sorry to tell you, it never gets better or Elvis Costello worse. This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Dorothy Parker

This is no two-bit suckiness we are talking here. This is major league. Sucks with a capital S. Big time Hooverism.

Reverend Heiny

This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown away with great force.

Dorothy Parker

This is just like spin-the-bottle ... only freakishly wrong.

Mike Wallace

This is the cunning Carla and the long-limbed Lenore.

Forrest Gump

This is the kind of low-grade grad-student abuse the American Science Establishment was built upon... such vile, ostentatious cluelessness...

Rohit Khare

This is the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

Blackadder Goes Forth

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Winston Churchill

This is NOT Mel Torme.

Top Secret

This is more than just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.

Heathers

This is more indicative of your stupidity than any ability I have to give good advice.

John Dobbin

This is not an abandoned vehicle.

Bumper sticker

This is like being on acid and walking into Disneyland.

unknown www first-timer

This is no time to act like a gentleman. I am a cad and shall react like one.

George Sanders

This is the thin edge of the wedge, folks.

Anne Harwell

this is the voice you have learned to giggle hysterically at, this is the glamboy voice of an overly dramatic sample. This is the true nature of home - it is the place of Peace, the shelter, not only from injury, but from all terror, doubt and division.

John Ruskin

This is why I have such a hard time with reincarnation. It really lends a sense of futility to everything.

John Dobbin

This large, nonvoting majority has been winning every election.

Slacker

This line from Shakespeare has delusions of grandeur.

Douglas R Hofstadter

This is, of course, too beautiful for me to put into context.

Paul Mazaitis

This note alone might be cause for putting you in a nice white coat.

John Dobbin

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

Douglas Adams

This is your receipt for your husband...and this is my receipt for your receipt.

Brazil

This monster is not human. It feels no pain. It cannot be reasoned with.

Butt-head

This movie... how should I put it... is ruled over by the gods of suck. May Jawdat This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

There is nothing women hate so much as to see men selfishly enjoying themselves without the solace of feminine society.

Katharine Tynan Hinkson

VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use unix.

W. Davidson

Visit the condom god before you visit the love goddess.

Nira

Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said come.

Butt-head

Uh, here you are, sir. Forty-four non-dairy creamers and a straw.

Butt-head

Uh, get out of my car and into my dreams, baby.

Butt-head

Type designers are greedy weenies.

Chank Diesel

Under every stone lurks a politician.

Aristophanes

Uh-oh. She sent him on the dreaded trip to oblivion.

Seinfeld

Unable to locate TEAEARLGREY.HOT

Enterprise halted

Virtual reality makes crack look like Sanka.

Dennis Miller

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

Mark Twain

Violence in this country is destroying the lives of our children and endangering our very future. The next Martin Luther King... or Colin Powell... might not live to adulthood.

Arsenio Hall

Virginians are fed up with a White House run by twentysomething kids with earrings and an axe to grind.

Ollie North

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.

Joel Barker

Virtue is not photogenic.

Kirk Douglas

Virtue is its own punishment.

Aneurin Bevan

Virtue is its own revenge.

E.Y. Harburn

Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have

Confucius

neighbors. Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.

Jonathan Swift

Ultimately, communism cannot be, by definition, imposed by the state. Evidently, only Gene Roddenberry can pull it off. Er, God Rest His Ass.

Mike Wallace

Unlike the phone system, the Internet has no Ma Bell or FCC to Paul Boutin mandate new policies for the entire system. Not even Microsoft can make us all upgrade our routers. I think. Unlike grownups, children have little need to deceive themselves.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Unlimited campaign spending eats at the heart of the democratic process.

Barry Goldwater

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays H. L. Mencken out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. Unless of course you mean one of those surreal dreams where the Michelle Morrell characters suddenly sprout wings and fly through a bagel in the sky. Unless we remember we cannot understand.

Edward M. Forster

Unless you die, you will continue to get older.

Dave Barry

Unrequited love has made me what I am.

Evan Van Wyck Keely

Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is Caroline Donnelly dumb. Two people talking is a conversation. Three is a conspiracy.

Brian Bankler

Two barrels of tears do not heal a bruise.

Chinese Proverb

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Kohn

Two and two continue to make four in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five.

James McNeill Whistler

Twisting under schizophrenia, falling deep into dementia.

Metallica

Um... words...

Butt-head

Two days is like industry standard.

Swingers

Two boys arrived yesterday with a pebble they said was the head of Pablo Picasso a dog until I pointed out that it was really a typewriter. Twelve step programs are my new religion.

Too Much Joy

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Frank Lloyd Wright

Two roads diverged in a wood and I... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Howard Kandel

Turn up the Eagles, the neighbors are listening...

jbay

To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.

Robert Heller

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent... that is to triumph over old age.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

To mankind in general, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth stand out as the Max Beerbohm supreme type of all that a host and hostess should not be. To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.

Thomas Edison

To humanize the facts, figures and financial data of our annual report, we decided to aim it at a real-live person, a typical investornext-door. We chose Cindy Crawford.

Pepsico

To love another person is to see the face of God.

Les Miserables

To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois.

Jules Renard

To him who is in fear, everything rustles.

Sophocles

To my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life of the lamb for the sake of the human body. I hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man.

Mahatma Gandhi

To my surprise I find out I have a great imagination.

Ivana Trump

To most people nothing is more troublesome than the effort of thinking.

James Bryce

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

Richard Jeni

Tune in. Turn on. Drop out.

Timothy Leary

To me, everyone is a confused liberal.

John Dobbin

To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother.

Victor Hugo

To me, coming from you, friend is a four letter word.

Cake

To me gold is just as fucking useless as little green portraits on paper. Unless I need to make some false teeth or something. Make the standard something based on something I could use, like felatio or intercourse. Mac machines would be really handy, but would take longer, and there is always a penalty for early withdrawl.

Mark Denovich

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

Oscar Wilde

To look for a genetic explanation for phenomena like violence in society is the classical story of the drunk looking for the key under the lamp-post because that it where the light is.

Steven Rose

To women who want babies. I, handsome, WM, will inseminate the Guardian natural way. To write a love letter, we must begin without knowing what we intend to say and end without knowing what we have written.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

To waste, to destroy our natural resources, to skin and exhaust the land, will result in undermining our children.

Theodore Roosevelt

To swallow and follow, whether old doctrine or new propaganda, is Charlotte P. Gilbert a weakness still dominating the human mind. To teach is to learn

Japanese Proverb

To sum it up, ... A computer scientist needs a tie like a bat needs Robert Rodgers sunglasses. A computer scientist needs a tie like a composer needs a stroke. A computer scientist needs a tie like a prostate needs cancer. A computer scientist needs a tie like an opera needs a chainsaw. A computer scientist needs a tie like baby food needs glass shards. A computer scientist needs a tie like kool aide needs cyanide. To ridicule philosophy is really to philosophize.

Blaise Pascal

To live is so startling, it leaves little time for anything else.

Emily Dickinson

To know recursion, you must first know recursion

John Holder

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.

Eva Young

Toaster-caked him.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Vanna White said since her son has been born she wants to work Dennis Miller less. Vanna... you turn tiles for a living... if you worked any less you would be the triangle player in the K.C. and the Sunshine Band. USENET is a wonderful mechanism for making a fool of yourself in front of a very large audience.

Lars Poulsen

Usenet is a cesspool, a dung heap.

Patrick A. Townson

Vidi, vici, veni. I saw, I conquered, I came.

Don Juan

Using federal dollars as a measure, our cities have not been neglected, but poisoned with welfare dependency funds.

Rush Limbaugh

Using these toolkits is like trying to make a bookshelf out of mashed potatoes.

Jamie Zawinski

Waging a war between good and evil can be a bore.

Madonna

Wake up and smell the cat food in your bank account.

They Might Be Giants

Waldo is RIGHT and will remain right.

Rohit Khare

Wal-Mart is to shopping what Buchenwald was to health spas.

Harlan Ellison

Wake up. Time to die.

Blade Runner

Valuable advertising time going by... Valuable advertising time going by... Dollars... dollars... dollars.

Billy Joel

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

Russell Baker

Very funny. I make computers do what I want for a living. If I was stupid enough not to hit the on switch when I wanted to turn something on, I should just please to be shooting myself. Instead, I will bide my time, and shoot Ted.

Fleur Dragan

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have

Doug Larson

two, opulence is when you have three... and paradise is when you have none. Usurpers always choose troubled times to enact, in the atmosphere of general panic, laws which the public would never adopt when passions were cool.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Vauw is danish for the sound Wauw.

Ulla Binau

Use the cyanide tooth only in the worst-case scenario.

Baked Potatoes

Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except the best.

Henry Van Dyke

Used to be I ran to get where I was going. I never though it would take me anywhere.

Forrest Gump

Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.

S. C. Johnson

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

Senator Dan Quayle

Verbing weirds language.

Calvin

Venus Envy.

Rita Mae Brown

Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought.

Henri Bergson

Think it over, creep.

Robocop

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.

Abraham Lincoln

Things go better with fat.

Jen Zinn

Think of it as reality and it becomes reality.

John Dobbin

Things fall apart, the center cannot hold.

W.B. Yeats

Things you want to pound and pound with a shovel...

Laura Ferguson

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Art Linkletter

Things will get better, despite our efforts to improve them.

Will Rogers

They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.

Calvin

They laughed at Edison and Einstein, but somehow I still feel uncomfortable when they laugh at me.

Ashleigh Brilliant

They keep telling us that in war truth is the first casualty, which is Alexander Cockburn nonsense since it implies that in times of peace truth stays out of the sick bay or the graveyard. They should all be caned. I love that caning.

Howard Stern

They said it was a million dollar wound, but the army must keep that money.

Forrest Gump

They really took him to the bank on that one.

Thanh Boyer

These are the days of lasers in the jungle, staccato signals of

Paul Simon

constant information... Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Dwight Eisenhower

They have treated Clinton as if he was a black president.

Toni Morrison

Things are going to get a lot worse before things get worse.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Things are not always what they seem.

Phaedrus

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

Gracie Allen

They just pretend to pay us, so we just pretend to work.

Soviet saying

There is no substitute for excellence-not even success.

Thomas Boswell

There is no such thing as a functional illiterate.

Kelvin Throop

There is no silver bullet.

Frederick Brooks

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

George Bernard Shaw

There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. Churchill There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.

James Boswell

There is nothing more fearful than imagination without taste.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.

Oscar Wilde

There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity.

Tom Peters

There is no reward for love except the experience of loving, and nothing to be learned by it except humility.

John le Carre

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it

G.B. Shaw

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Oscar Wilde

There is nothing rarer than the ability to recognise ability.

Robert Half

There is nothing so habit forming as money.

Dan Marquis

There is nothing so fatal to character as half-finished tasks.

David Lloyd George

There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is nothing so practical as a good theory.

Kurt Lewin

There is one in every crowd, and they always find me.

Bumper sticker

There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that Victor Hugo is an idea whose time has come. There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.

Salvador Dali

There is someone for everyone, even if you need a pick-ax, a compass, and night goggles to find them.

LA Story

There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness.

H.L. Mencken

There is such a fine line between goth and skanky biker ho.

Carl Graci

There is something wrong when critics say the problem with America is too much religion.

Rush Limbaugh

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Mark Twain

There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, or perilous to Niccolo Machiavelli conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. They will not listen to anyone, so nobody tells them a lie.

Billy Joel

They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape Edgar Allan Poe those who dream only by night. They should start bundling clue with the linux kernel.

Len Lanphar

They should make red vine pie.

Robert Harley

They never met. They never spoke. But respected MTV news anchor Kurt Loder believes that if he had gotten to know Kurt Cobain, his reminiscences would go a little something li ke this.

Kurt on Kurt

They never taste who always drink. They always talk who never think.

Matthew Prior

They made love as though they were an endangered species.

Peter de Vries

They LOVE us in Belgium.

Singles

They told me it would disrupt my life less if I got killed sooner.

Joseph Heller

They wanted someone good. Story of my life.

Homer Simpson

There is no such thing as a New Democrat.

Rush Limbaugh

They were all in love with Diane, they were drinking from a fountain that was pouring like an avalanche, coming down a mountain.

Butthole Surfers

They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Cindy Crawford Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind. They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Mark Twain

Unix teaches us about the transitory nature of all things, thus ridding us of samsaric attachments and hastening enlightenment.

Michael Travers

Unix programs tend to die from curable diseases, accidents, and

Unix-Haters Handbook

negligence, just as people do. Unix is hacker crack.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Under the most vigorously controlled conditions of temperature, pressure, density, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Harvard Law

Unfortunately, every contest there must have a loser. Looo. Ser.

Ace Ventura

Unix is the Midas of shit.

Robert Rodgers

Unix is computer-scientology, not computer science.

Dave Mankins

Unix is an exponential algorithm with a seductively small constant.

Scott Draves

These stupid holidays are making me feel more divorced. The songs, the chocolate, the eating...

Jerry Maguire

These sound like a happy bunch.

John Dobbin on alt.angst

These proof techniques generalize because UNITY is a complete logic.

Mani Chandy

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

Seinfeld

Unix gives you enough rope to shoot yourself in the foot.

H. Peter Anvin

Unix is a computer virus with a user interface.

Unix Haters Handbook

Understand that Tim is always right. The sooner you fully grok this Tim Byars the easier your life will become. US-CA-LA OO GUI Tool Demo for Consultants and Programmers. Rohit Khare Until the lions have their historians, tales of the hunted will always glorify the hunter.

African proverb

Until the day animals stand up and demand equal rights, I have the right to eat them.

Jeff Mink

Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under Neal Stephenson the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Columbian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted myself to being bad. Unity is not an unattainable dream if we only would dream to attain Billy Gates it. Unfortunately, it seems that the way Usenet is set up, women are the zebras, and men are the lions, and the Internet is one big Serenghetti.

Chris Zelek

Unfortunately, perceptions of the Linux community are shaped by Pankaj Chowdhry Web sites such as www.slashdot.org, where self-styled experts who have the collective IQ of an AOL CD post inflammatory propaganda.

Up the voltage.

Real Genius

UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things, Doug Gwyn because that policy would also keep them from doing clever things. Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.

Vice President Dan Quayle

Union Factions Want New Heads.

AP headline

These people write specifications like old people fuck.

Sean Simmons

They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be Dave Barry peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies. They call it impiety and lack of propriety and quite a variety of unpleasant names.

Tom Lehrer

They are not the hell your whales.

Spock

These dudes are seminiferous tubeloidial butt noids.

Butt-head

These laboratories do not pass the test for ethics and respect for the consumer, They must be treated like bacteria which must be fought without respite.

Renan Calheiros

These guys are like a combination between Stone Temple Pilots and Butt-head uhh... regular guys. These guys are like a combination between Stone Temple Pilots and Beavis the guys from Hee Haw. They already think the writing of shell scripts is a natural act.

Ken Pier

They also ate at this place where they ordered by making the sound of the animal they were ordering. Istanbul moved up a little on my places to visit list.

John Dobbin

They all laughed at Albert Einstein. They all laughed at Columbus. Unfortunately, they also all laughed at Bozo the Clown.

William Jeffereys

These words annoy me because they are overused and often used in John Thornley the wrong context. I get most of these words from group meetings. Empower, facilitate, leverage, synergy, ubiquitous, utilize. They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

Andy Warhol

They are innocent, unless proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt. Now go convict these two hooligans.

judge to Beavis and Butthead

They had all the taste of gym socks, and all the texture of pop rocks. Adam Rifkin They had a real drag down and knock up fight.

Thanh Boyer

They had this look in their eyes. Totally cold, animal. Must have been young republicans.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

They are seldom found out, because they gravitate to the kind of

David Ogilvy

clients who, bamboozled by their rhetoric, do not hold them responsible for sales results. Their campaigns find favor at cocktail parties in New York, San Francisco and London but are taken less seriously in Chicago. In the days when I specialized in posh campaigns for The New Yorker, I was the hero of this coterie, but when I graduated to advertising in mass media and wrote a book which extolled the value of research, I became its devil. I comfort myself with the reflection that I have sold more merchandise than all of them put together. They have a hiring freeze on white males. Call me Ishmael.

Jim Hong

They even dressed they horses up in the bedsheets, and so she named me after him to remind me about all the silly things people DO.

Forrest Gump

They gave each other a smile with a future in it.

Ring Lardner

They give shameless a new meaning, which is one of the reasons I really like monkeys.

Professor Beildelman

welcome to shadowscene, the land of the dark and stupid. so dark, even our ideas appear as black lights... or something like that. and the bounds of our stupidity is only matched by the length of that goddamn ... thread.

Steve Archer

Welcome to reality, where the only guarantees come from within.

Adam Rifkin

Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself.

Dirty Harry

Well, you know, the snobs list is very selective. After all, you have to ask me to be on the list.

Richard Bullington

Well, there was the process of sitting around and wishing I had more computer stuff.

Dilbert

Well, some people think it means, my name is Dick, and you can touch me... but I think you can look at it both ways.

Singles

Well, it looks like the excrement has hit the rotating oscillator.

Faisal Premji

Well, it has Mosaic and Mac in the title. I think that means it sucks. Bruce Sherrod Well, I looked at my options, and I saw that my option was chocolate chip cookies.

Debbie Fields

Well, I saw Hackers last night.... It was flashy, gorgeous, stylish, and appallingly dumb - much like many people I know.

Nikki Gustas

Well, I think that everything is happening all the time, and the only reason why we think of time linearly is because we are conditioned to do it.

Frank Zappa

Well begun is half done.

Aristotle

Wet ducks never fly at night.

Dick Martin

Were it left for me to decide whether we should have a government Thomas Jefferson

without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate amoment to prefer the latter. Well, it puts a bad day in perspective.

Calvin

Well the devil she must be a dentist, with deep jawbreaker eyes. Red rope hair, gum drop lips, cotton candy thighs...

Presidents of the USA

Were there no God we would be in this glorious world with grateful Christina Rossetti hearts and no one to thank. Were we to be directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap we should soon want bread.

Thomas Jefferson

What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.

Sigmund Freud

Well done is better than well said.

Benjamin Franklin

Welcome to the Maxi pad.

Reality Bites

Well you see, they drove some tanks into a no-fly zone. You know, special Iraqi flying tanks.

Robert Harley

Well, C is like BASIC with Pascal laid over it.

Matt Sorrels

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

John Lilly

What is wrong with our safety net is that too many people are using Rush Limbaugh it as a hammock. What is waiting to be born is a psychedelic ethic, a moral vision that could be a counterweight to the Fundamentalist vision and the Existentialist vision, both of which are observed to be inadequate. Ethics on the basis of symbiosis with the natural environment.

Terence McKenna

What people mean by the word technology is anything invented after they were born.

Alan Kay

What makes old age so sad is not that our joys but our hopes cease.

Jean Paul Richter

What maintains one vice would bring up two children.

Ben Franklin

What I would not give for a sock filled with manure.

Woody Allen

What I would like for my birthday is for some sun and someone to decide on what I am going to do for the rest of my life.

Jennifer Rifkin

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.

Abraham Lincoln

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.

Leo Tolstoy

What bereaved people need is a little comic relief, and that is why funerals are so farcical.

George Bernard Shaw

What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is Irv Kupcinet alive.

What I wanted to be when I grew up was - in charge.

Brigadier General Wilma Vaught

Weasel Nostrils is a good name for a rock band.

Dave Barry

Weaned on nighttime soaps and The Bonfire of the Vanities, it Suck makes sense that new media youngsters would try to squeeze a novel or a book out of what they do for a living. But any book that relies solely on an employment milieu for mass appeal had better be set in a brothel, because despite all our talk of reach-arounds and prostituting ourselves, there is nothing inherently sexy about going to work. What is missing from the net is a clapometer which is basically why Tim Berners-Lee people still meet. What is meant by the circle and squares is that the sound is like a curve.

Shannon Cotterell

What is done well is done quickly enough.

Augustus Caesar

What a man misses most in heaven is company.

Mark Twain

What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.

Lucretius

What is a good Christian to say except that radical feminism is the work of Satan.

Andy Byler

You may not be really hot, but I bet you like to do it.

Butt-head

You may be getting interference from the war between the Beast and the King of Lambs. Reboot and try again after a few tribulations

Ruben Bolling

You may be capable of great things, but life consists of small things.

Deng Ming-Dao

You lie like a sheet.

Adam Rifkin

you like jerks. fortunately, that fact makes this conversation possible.

Chris Heiser

You lie about the things you lie about.

Too Much Joy

You let life get in your way.

Love Spit Love

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

Margaret Thatcher

You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.

S. Rickly Christian

You may find that your self doubt means that nothing ever was there.

Green Day

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Alfred Kahn

You may know what you need, but to get what you want better see that you keep what you have.

Steven Sondheim

You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.

Talking Heads

You have no business sense. Only laziness sense.

Adam Rifkin

You have no idea how weird it is to attend a funeral for a man with exactly the same name as you.

John Dobbin

You got a head like a bowl full of cherries.

David Byrne

You got to do what you can, and let Mother Nature do the rest.

Meat Loaf

You gotta draw the line somewhere.

Mason to Dixon

You know that when the truth is told that you can get what you want, or you can just get old.

Billy Joel

You know the day destroys the night, Night divides the day, Try to run, try to hide, break on through to the other side.

The Doors

You know, there are this few virgins without minotaurs, imagine what things would be like if every city had a minotaur.

John Dobbin

You look like someone from a Renaissance painting... someone scurrying around in the background emptying chamber-pots or the like.

a friend to Cosma Rhilla Shalizi

You look like an undercover cop trying to look hip.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

You look as happy as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie but then it turned out to be a really big blackberry.

Blackadder III

You look like... a doily.

Reality Bites

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Douglas Adams

Your brain would make a grain of sand seem large and ungainly.

Blackadder

Your AuthMan icon seems to have disappeared. Oh my God, you must feel so insecure.

Anu Kapoor

Your brilliant idea may be combined with a small number of coins to facilitate the procurement of a hot caffeinated beverage. Show me the management team.

Faisal Jawdat

Your bottom will wish it had never been born.

Blackadder II

You know, after that book, hearing Don talk about watching the working girls go by has a whole new meaning...

John Dobbin

Your anecdotal evidence has thwarted me. Lo, I hang my head in shame.

Mark Denovich

Your friend is your needs answered.

Kahlil Gibran

Your greatest strength is that you fear everything.

Charles Bukowski

Your friends love you anyway.

Dave Barry

Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.

Richard Bach

Your fault

core dumped.

Young people should be out complicating their lives. Will give them something to talk to their therapist.

Suzanne Zamora

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

Jesse Jackson

You know too much Van Helsing for one who has lived but one lifetime.

Dracula

You know, it is so sad. All of your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Elaine on Seinfeld

You know, knowledge is a tricky thing...

Friends

You know, I think it would be kind of funny to give Paul Hill a choice between the electric chair and lethal injection.

Dennis Miller

You know, our young Steve has said so many things ...and their contrary.

Jean-Louis Gassee

You get what you pay for.

Gabriel Biel

You gotta look out for Goddamn number-one, pardon-the-vulgarity. Hero You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Henrick Ibson

You should not live one way in private, another in public.

Publilius Syrus

You should never have a hobby that eats.

Amarillo Slim Preston

You should hear the noise she makes when she eats a boiled egg.

Blackadder IV

You should either call your rock band Better Than Plastic or Monkeys on Coke.

Howard Stern

You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip James M. Barrie by. Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by. You need to create aliases dobbinh dobbinb dobbinj dobbink dobbinm...

John Dobbin

You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a C.A. Beard reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. You need more tact in the dangerous art of giving presents than in any other social action.

William Bolitho

You shut your mouth, how can you say I go about things the wrong the Smiths way. I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does. You snored like a whale.

Thanh Boyer

You see, to me, the art of music is listening to it, not playing it. The Keith Richards real art of it is hearing it.

You realize, of course, that this means war.

Bugs Bunny

You see, I recently discovered that my soul mate had been very close to me all along. Attatched to my right wrist, as a matter of fact.

Cliff Judge

You see the glass as half full, I see it as almost broken.

John Dobbin

You say tomato, I say harrassment.

Adam Rifkin

You say tomato, I say hubba hubba.

Adam Rifkin

You realize, of course, that it snowed in Pittsburgh yesterday. Fuck you.

Marc Unangst

You put the art back in fart.

Sam Greenfield

You seen one redwood, you seen them all.

Ronald Reagan

You must believe in God in spite of what the clergy say.

Benjamin Jowett

you know I made several points that were way better and more intelegent then that. but they didnt include them cause the media sucks.

Steve Archer

You just play one on screen.

Adam Rifkin

You gotta love a medicine that comes with a shot glass.

Dennis Leary on Ny-Quil

You gotta wonder, with his beard, civil rights record, and jewishsounding name, if Lincoln would even be let into the Republican party now.

Bill Maher

You have a body in the car, minus a head in the garage. Take me there.

Pulp Fiction

You guys are all a bunch of deviants.

Real Genius

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Princess Bride

You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed

Bill

You people are so stupid. You throw it all away.

subUrbia

You only beat me if you get me to hate.

Billy Joel

You never know what you will be attracted to... or who you will love... till it happens to you.

Jaye Davidson

You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.

Joe Lewis

You have to regard everything I say with suspicion - I may be trying to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertantly.

J. Wainwright

You have to decide at the end of the day if you can live with yourself.

Princess Anne

You have to feel the delete. Be the delete.

Jeremy Werner and Brian Hales

You have to travel to America to truly understand what it means to think big.

Volker Wieland

You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.

Vernon Howard

You have to suffer to be beautiful.

Megan Coughlin

You have to see the sex act comically, as a child.

W. H. Auden

You have to find something to do while washing. There is only so much time you can spend admiring the fresh smell of irish spring.

Richard Goodman

You Have to Suffer to be Beautiful. You know, this would make a good title for a whole book.

John Dobbin

Wherever there is a human being, there is a opportunity for kindness.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same income.

Plato

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Whether to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teenager has to make.

Heathers

Whether they give or refuse, women are glad to have been asked.

Ovid

Where education with dedication begins, greatness is always possible.

J.H. Simon

Whether women are better than men I cannot say, but I can say they Golda Meir are certainly no worse. Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.

Jack Handey

Whether you are quiet and ALIVE or quiet and DEAD makes no difference to CEREBUS.

Cerebus the Aardvark

Where, unwilling, dies the rose, buds the new, another year.

Dorothy Parker

We have them just where they want us.

Captain James T. Kirk

We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world - or to make it the last.

John F. Kennedy

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

Walt Kelly

We have met the enemy and he is us. We are surrounded by an insurmountable opportunity.

Pogo

We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.

Stewart Udall

We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.

Abigail Adams

We have virtual intelligence. Virtual cigarettes too. These are dumb.

John Dobbin

Where he learned to wield a claw-hammer with such force is a mystery that remains to be answered...

Megan Coughlin

While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.

Stephen Covey

Who begins too much accomplished little.

German Proverb

Whining is anger through a small opening.

Stuart Smalley

Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.

Garrison Keillor

Where much is expected from an individual, that individual may rise to the level of events and make the dream come true.

Elbert Hubbard

Where sex is concerned, fire is a bad thing. Pubic hair burns too damn well.

John Dobbin

Where others crouched and crawled and prayed, I stand the selfdoomed unafraid.

James Joyce

We have no voodoo.

Dan Zimmerman on why they can get it to work and we cannot

We do the best with what God gave us.

Forrest Gump

We do not remember days. We remember moments.

Cesare Pavese

We do not talk - we bludgeon one another with facts and theories gleaned from cursory readings of newspapers, magazines and digests.

Henry Miller

We eat a precious mix of wild imagination.

Miroslav Prstojevic in Sarajevo

We have got to find a way to turn off MTV, and get out and meet, talk, dance, and relate to each other as real people. All of us. The short, tall, fat, shy, old, young, warm, happy, beautiful people that we are.

Gordon Irlam

We know the human brain is a device to keep the ears from grating on one another.

Peter de Vries

We have been pushing the idea that George Bush is going to make matters much, much worse.

Vice President Dan Quayle

We have a few lies that we can use to make bigger lies, called network models.

Felipe Cabrera

We have drugs to make women speak, but none to keep them silent. Anatole France We have deep depth.

Yogi Berra

We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic.

Cullen Hightower

We have a God who delights in impossiblities.

Andrew Murray

We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that

Franklin D. Roosevelt

there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon. We have a piper down.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

We live by encouragement and die without it... slowly, sadly, angrily.

Celeste Holm

We live in a cynical world, and we work in a business with tough competitors... I love you.

Jerry Maguire

We have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the reservoir.

Samuel Goldwyn

We invented credit cards, suburban shopping malls, and day care Robert X. Cringely just to make our consumerism more efficient. We sent our wives, husbands, children, and grandparents out to work, just to pay for all the stuff we wanted - needed - to buy. We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Lily Tomlin

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Mary Ann Evans

We make ourselves a ladder out of our vices if we trample the vices St. Augustine themselves underfoot. We judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions.

Jerry Wunder

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have done.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a J. Robert Oppenheimer few people cried. Most people were silent. We made too many wrong mistakes.

Yogi Berra

We love you very much. If you were Jeffrey Dahmer, we would still love you.

Flirting with Disaster

Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.

H.L. Mencken

Whenever a woman dies there is one less quarrel in the world.

German Proverb

When you want something real bad... that is exactly the way you get William C. Lafield, Jr. it. When your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme.

Jiminy Cricket

Whenever there has been talk of exterminating rats, others, who were not rats, have been exterminated.

Gunter Grass

Whenever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings.

Heinrich Heine

Whenever I hear Soul Asylum, I want to dive right down into the mosh pit.

David Letterman

Whenever the HotWired engineers start taking me too seriously, I just ask them if they want to look at my JavaScript code.

Paul Boutin

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Mark Twain

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse Abraham Lincoln to see it tried on him personally. Whenever you fall, pick something up.

Oswald Theodore Avery

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

Oscar Wilde

When you hire people who are smarter than you are, you prove you R.H. Grant are smarter than they are. While it is true that not all the victims were Jews, it is true that all of the Jews were victims.

Elie Wiesel

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must have been caused by an incompetent grad student.

Andrew Plotkin

When you intuit, you make an int out of you and it.

Brian Fitzgerald

When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection.

The Ohio Mason

When you grow up playing Missile Command, you come to expect J.C. Herz some kind of causal relationship between the choices you make and the images on the screen... videogames are perfect training for life in fin de siecle America, where daily existence demands the ability to parse sixteen kinds of information being fired at you simultaneously from telephones, televisions, fax machines, pagers, personal digital assistants, voice messaging systems, postal delivery, email, and the Internet... you have to recognize patterns in this whirl of data, and you have to do it fast. When you go in search of honey you must expect to be stung by bees.

Kenneth Kaunda

Which then gets recycled back to earth in the form of infinite monkeys. Or us, if we can outbid them on the next contract.

Adam Rifkin

While Eeyore frets, and Piglet hesitates, and Rabbit calculates, and Owl pontificates, Pooh just is.

Benjamin Hoff

While man has a sex, woman is a sex.

Elizabeth Belfort Bax

While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, another is busy Henry C. Link making mistakes and becoming superior. When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out.

Otto von Bismarck

When you get killed you lose an important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

When you fully understand the frog, then you have attained enlightenment.

Suzuki

When you attain Nirvana you pun in the subconscious state.

Mani Chandy

When you can finish your paper in the middle of a good base ogg, you will be ready to leave the temple.

Faisal Jawdat

When you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.

Bad News Bears

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

The Wall Street Journal

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.

Eleanor Roosevelt

When you click on Violence, you get Sex

Scott Berkun

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

Jack Handey

We got both types of music, country AND western.

Blues Brothers

We could get a lot of writing done if I get a boneheaded question from you every day, I answer it, and you keep filing it away into a book structure. We could even do it by FAX from india, worst comes to worst, with airmail disk backup.

Rohit Khare

We did not inherit the land from our fathers. We are borrowing it from our children.

Amish belief

We could present spatially an atomic fact which contradicted the laws of physics, but not one which contradicted the laws of geometry.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

We are young but getting old before our time.

Joe Jackson

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a Aristotle habit. We are, after all, professionals.

Hunter S. Thompson

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours Evelyn Waugh to amuse them. We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.

Whole Earth Catalog

We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.

Ray Bradbury

We come to feel as we behave.

Paul Pearsall

We could always shoot one of the philosophers.

David Gries

We cannot unthink unless we are insane.

Arthur Koestler

We cannot reason ourselves out of our basic irrationality. All we can do is to learn the art of being irrational in a rational way.

Aldous Huxley

We asses our resources and our desires. Then we formulate a program to best utilize the former to achieve the latter. We stand to gain considerably if we do this correctly.

Piers Anthony

We can do no great things, only small things with great love.

Mother Theresa

We all know the psychic power of a televised image.

Slacker

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is

Wernher von Braun

overwhelmming. We can be whatever we can to be.

Adam Rifkin

We bottom feeders prefer cereal first.

Jerry Maguire

We can live beside the ocean, leave them far behing, swim out past the breakers, watch the world die.

Everclear

We are the most powerful planet on Earth.

Dan Quayle

We are upping our standards... so up yours.

Pat Paulsen

We are the makers of the music and the dreamers of the dreams.

Willie Wonka

We are what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

We Believe in the Interconnectedness of All Things.

Dan Connolly

We can take you to the Cellar, get you all lickered up, and take advantage of your state... and your city, and your neighborhood...

Tripp Lilley

We can see the stars but still not see the light.

Eagles

We can rule out lustful, apathetic, malicious, malevolent, vengeful, hubristic, voracious, covetous, acquisitive, arrogant, and desolate.

Megan Coughlin

We can only pay our debt to the past by putting the future in debt to John Buchan ourselves. We can never tell what is in store for us.

Harry S Truman

we are all the same color once our skin has been removed and replaced by superconducting wire mesh to dissipate spot lasers

Vijay Gill

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

Winston Churchill

What documentation was actually written - the infamous Unix man pages - was really nothing more than a collection of reminders for people who already knew what they were doing.

Unix-Haters Handbook

We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever.

Carl Sagan

We are in the world to laugh.

Jules Renard

We, and all others who believe in freedom as deeply as we do, would rather die on our feet than live on our knees.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

What does not kill us makes us stronger.

Jean Saypah

What fools these mortals be.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

We are having very similar problems. It looks like most of the Chris Rapier difficulty is that the digital lines are out of phase. Of course, trying to get bell to correct it is impossible. So we blew them up. Then we killed all of the customers. Best move we ever made. We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

Dwight Eisenhower

We already did this function.

Apple MPW C compiler error message

We all took their ability to come back to their normal position as a personal challenge.

John Dobbin

We are all of us living in the shadow of Manhattan.

Watchmen

We are a nation that has a government, not the other way around. And this makes us special among the nations of the Earth.

Ronald Reagan

We always feared one day Brian would leave, and we always hoped Bill Rifkin one day Jennifer would. We are enjoying a sluggish economy and not enjoying it very much. George H. W. Bush We are born unarmed. Our mind is our only weapon.

Ayn Rand

We are digging the pit of Babel.

Franz Kafka

We are all special cases.

Albert Camus

We are all practical in our own interest and idealists when it concerns others.

Kahlil Gibran

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

We are never so easily deceived as when we are deceiving others.

La Rouchefoucauld

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from William Osler it. We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.

Nicholas Cage

We are surrounded by a rising tide of idiots...

Rohit Khare

We are all connected to each other, in a circle, in a hoop that never ends.

Pocahontas

We are not in the least afraid of ruins, for we carry a new world here in our hearts.

Bunadvertura Durruti

We are no more than candles burning in the wind.

Japanese Proverb

Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm.

John F. Kennedy

We were pissing in the gene pool.

Henry Rollins

We wanted to see the geek who valued the love of his children more the Simpsons than money. We wanted to come up with the silliest name we could think of, and Richard Jeni Newt Gingrich was already taken. We spend more time playing with computers than most people spend breathing.

Dementia Front Door Page

We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem

how to run a sunbeam through a meter.

We will all be better citizens when the voting records of our Congressmen are followed as carefuly as scores of pro-football games.

Lou Erickson

We went out and purposely hired the best looking guys we could in MLS Commissioner Doug the whole wide world, and put them in short pants and let them go Logan after one another running up and down the field, getting sweaty. I think we know how to generate some legal sex appeal on the airwaves, and I think that we have succeeded. We named the DOG Indiana.

Henry Jones Sr.

We need a word for all the kitty-prints that are all over my windshield because the cats like to lie on my hood when the car is still warm.

Megan Coughlin

We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled, but as Robert H. Shaffer candles to be lit. We need less Hitchcock and more hard cock.

John Dobbin

We need a world where we can have both computers and campfires. Pat Califia We were also discussing, over here in Pod One, that Adam almost has his mental filing system open to people, as long as he lets them look at that notebook.

Megan Coughlin

We were picketed by a right to life group after our captain had to abort a takeoff.

Dennis Miller

We were always lookin for this guy named Charlie.

Forrest Gump

We were high school sweethearts... but then we became like two It Could Happen to You different TV channels. I was CNN and she was the Home Shopping Network. We spent all week coming up with innumerable examples of irony that Alanis Morisette totally failed to put in her song.

Megan Coughlin

We make people heroes too easily.

Tony Danza

We had her through an astral projection conception.

Adam Rifkin

We had the experience, but we missed the meaning.

TS Eliot

We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.

Gomes Addams

We got more money than Davey Crockett.

Forrest Gump

We grant instant celebrity to the New Kids on the Block, but support an educational system that takes an average of eight years to issue each Ph.D.

Robert X. Cringely

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

Aesop

We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves infested with losers and nut cases.

Patrick Nielsen Hayden

We spell your name Rikfin to confuse the right wing zealots attempting to take over the country, in your best interests naturally.

David Nicol

We study ourselves three weeks, we love each other three months, we squabble three years, we tolerate each other thirty years, and

Hippolyte Taine

then the children start all over again. We used to take acid. Now we take antacid.

Jerry Jeff Walker

We need the ribbon for evidence.

Secret Service agent regarding confiscation of an SJG laser printer

We need some more secret sauce, leave this Mayonaisse out in the sun.

The Simpsons

We all have a destiny. Nothing just happens.

Forrest Gump

We all get burned as one more sun comes sliding down the sky, one Counting Crows more shadow leans against the wall. We all crave the perfect enemy.

J.C. Herz

Watching these guys trying to be wireheads is like watching old people fuck

Mike Belt

Watching you pretend to agree with both sides of an argument is a potent reminder of what I consider your biggest personal flaw.

John Dobbin

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

George Orwell

Washington D.C. is a city of Southern efficiency and northern charm.

JFK

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

John Stewart Mill

War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with H.L. Mencken larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. War is about money, which is worth turning your head from justice for. Peace is about patience, which is just killing time between wars.

Duck

War educates the senses, calls into action the will, perfects the Ralph Waldo Emerson physical constitution, brings men into such swift and close collision in critical moments that man measures man. We die only once, and for such a long time.

Moliere

We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him.

Napoleon

We must all work to make this world worthy of its children.

Pablo Casals

We may not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.

Douglas Adams

We may lose, and we may win, but we will never be here again.

Eagles

We must never forget that the ultimate purpose of an explosive is to Petri Pihko

explode. We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin

We meet again Obi Wan, but now I am the master.

Darth Vader

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex. But Congress can.

Cullen Hightower

We may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have experience in the heating and cooling mileu.

Friends

We on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and... yes... shocking details about our CONFIG.SYS settings.

Dave Barry

We protest against unjust criticism, but we accept unearned applause.

Jose Narosky

We present greater opportunities for ourselves by acquiring greater knowledge. It is the essence of our profession.

C. Everett Koop

We really need it because Microsoft keeps releasing sloppier and sloppier software that needs a faster and faster machine. The speed is crazy.

Ken Olsen

We never do anything well till we cease to think about the manner of doing it.

William Hazlitt

The story seems to be the following. No doubt this is well known to Alf van der Poorten those who know it well but not so well known to those who do not know it. The state flower is mildew.

Frasier

The steady state of disks is full.

Ken Thompson

The state of California is officially changing its name to state of Emergency.

The Critic

You are guests in my corn.

Field of Dreams

The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that Vince Lombardi endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur. The sun may do good things for the soul but nothing but damage to the skin.

Professor Albert Klingman

The sun rose slowly, like a fiery furball coughed up uneasily onto a sky-blue carpet by a giant unseen cat.

Michael McGarel

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Ursula LeGuin

The superfluous is very necessary.

Voltaire

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.

Confucius

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent

Galileo

on it can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do. The solution implemented here works amazingly well in most cmushell.el comment circumstances, and, being essentially half-assed, is more in keeping with the spirit of Unix. Blech. You are not I, and therein lies the irreparable calamity.

Vladimir Nabokov

You become a champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round.

James Corbett

You can always solve a problem by introducing another layer of indirection.

Xerox PARC saying

You are so reliable. I should set my watch by you.

Rohit Khare

You always pass failure on the way to success.

Mickey Rooney

You are my embassador of quong, man.

Jerry Maguire

You are in the bell jar.

Reality Bites

You and your friends are the only creeps around this place.

Wild Rebels

You are a Berkeley mail master, Adam. And you can quote me on that.

Joe Kiniry

You are not my father

Luke Skywalker

The superior man acts before he speaks, and afterwards speaks according to his action.

Confucius

The superior man is distressed by his want of ability.

Confucius Analects

The shortest way to do many things is to do one thing at once.

Samuel Smiles

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Noelie Alito

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line in the opposite direction.

Caddyshack

The shit is feeding itself to the fan.

Art Stine

The smallest oceans still get big big waves.

Pearl Jam

The size of the brain is no measure of its capacity.

Jonathan Frisby

The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

George Bernard Shaw

The sky is no longer the limit.

Richard Nixon

The slate of American history needs to be wiped clean.

Slacker

The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload.

Boomtown Rats

The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases.

Caskie Stinnet

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.

Willem de Kooning

The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere

John Updike

else have to be, in some sense, kidding. The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence.

Amos Bronson Alcott

The supreme irony of life is hardly anyone ever gets out of it alive.

Robert Heinlein

The sidewinder sleeps in a coil.

REM

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell

The true university of these days is a collection of books.

Thomas Carlyle

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

Paul Valery

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.

James Taylor

The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal.

Erich Fromm

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Max Lerner

The subordinates were being insubordinate...

Berna Massingill

The strong do what they will and the weak do what they must.

Thucydides

The Sun is at the center of the Universe.

Copernicus

The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and just not think about your age.

Lucille Ball

The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

George

The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup at the deli.

George Costanza

The sciences do not try to explain, they hardly even try to interpret, they mainly make models. By a model is meant a mathematical construct which, with the addition of certain verbal interpretations, describes observed phenomena. The justification of such a mathematical construct is solely and precisely that it is expected to work.

John Von Neumann

The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from Casey Stengel the guys who are undecided. The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they are as clever as he.

Karl Kraus

The secret rules of engagement are hard to endorse when the appearance of conflict meets the appearance of force.

the Tragically Hip

The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest.

Calvin

The secret to happiness is high expectations and your own bag of chips.

Dogbert

The sense of the future is behind all good policies. Unless we have it, we can give nothing either wise or decent to the world.

C.P. Snow

The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth.

W. Grenfell

The sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

When Harry Met Sally

You are such a font of eminently deleteable mail...

Rohit Khare

You are so funny... If only I could remember your name.

Kirsten Riley

You cannot have too large a party.

Jane Austen

You cannot learn to fly by flying. First you must learn to walk, to run, to climb, to dance.

Friedrich Nietzsche

You cannot paint with a broad brush.

Robin Quivers

You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns, nor enjoy a fair wife Ben Franklin without danger of horns. You cannot teach a crab to walk straight.

Aristophanes

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

John Heywood

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

Golda Meir

You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves.

Josef Stalin

You cannot win with caffeine. It takes more than it gives.

James Cook

You could come with us if you want. In fact, if you did... you might Hugh Moore not even suck... You catch me running off at the mouth, just poke me in the chops.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

You could have walked away if you wanted to. You could have said the Smiths no if you wanted to. You could get an iMac, but generally speaking, iMacs are something you win, not something you buy.

Mark Argent

Yes, I am black. No, I am not a criminal. Do not arrest this man.

Jerry Maguire

Yes, if one third of the people buying this book would die on the ice Cliff Judge with a mammoth tusk shearing their upper body from their lower like PROPER cavemen then it might actually be beneficial. Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional.

Brian Quinn

Yesterday a guy cut me off in traffic. I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply, but not in those words.

Woody Allen

You complete me.

Jerry Maguire

You could use the ten point scale and have a multiplicity factor.

Adam Rifkin

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Mark Twain

yeah, and Safety Dance is really a symbolic statement about the alienation from life and finding depth of spirituality in dance.

Marcy Lewis

Yeah, and pawprints is sweeping the nation....

Megan Coughlin

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

New Testament of St. Matthew

Yeah. It was a little computer. The one I had with me in Vegas, which as I write I realize you never saw. They were all in my underwear box.

John Dobbin

Yeah so I realized I was kind of pissy on the phone, and I want to make sure you knew it was sybase, not you.

Fleur Dragan

You are two of the best kids a father ever accidentally had.

Married with Children

You are the one who writes and the one who is written.

Edmond Jabes

You are talking about the Count Dracula of the computing world. The tree large enough that a stake capable of killing COBOL could be fashioned from its trunk has not yet grown anywhere upon the face of this verdant planet.

Dan Martinez

Yeah, Black and Decker came out with a toaster oven and a microwave that run under X. Also, Samsung has a dishwasher, refridgerator and vacuum cleaner, but the larger appliances really eat up resources.

Andrew Stellman

Yeah

bad wiring. That was probably it. Very bad.

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

Aldous Huxley

Xanadu, stately home of Charles Foster Kane. Cost, no one can say. Citizen Kane You already know their suspension-of-disbelief threshold is off the charts because they obviously think Tom Cruise can act.

Mr. Cranky

Yes, but some of my one-liners are actually four lines, which means Adam Rifkin that I had at least a two line leeway. Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

Steven Wright

Ya know, Fascism in moderation is pretty cool...

Anu Kapoor

Ya gotta suck up to get sucked up. You should have left out the second up. You should put your quote in your quotefile. I should stop telling you what to do.

John Dobbin

Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow is but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to This Day.

Sanskrit proverb

The trick was to stay sane.

Douglas Adams

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.

Hubert Humphrey

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be

Hubert Humphrey

taken seriously. The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.

Sheridan

The riddle does not exist. If a question can be put at all, then it can also be answered.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

The sacred moments of silliness are where I find my heaven.

Gigolo Aunts

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.

Kin Hubbard

The Riches of Scholarship, The Benignities of literature, defy fortune and outlive calamity.

Lowell

The Road Warrior is as reliable as a Far Side collection next to the toilet bowl, and just as user friendly.

Baked Potatoes

The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.

Alexander Jablokov

The romance of Silicon Valley was about money - excuse me, about Jean-Louis Gassee changing the world, one million dollars at a time. The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Mark Twain

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Samuel Johnson

The quality of our thoughts is bordered on all sides by our facility with language.

J. Michael Straczynski

The Quark bomb, formerly the Johnny Cyclops bomb, after the President of the same name...

Whoops Apocalypse

the professors must have thought all the students were on drugs or something. sometimes it must have seemed to them like they were talking to an empty classroom. or a classroom filled with angry mimes.

Owen Davis

The prospect of Christmas appalls me.

Evelyn Waugh

The purpose of technology is not to confuse the brain, but to serve the body.

William S. Burroughs

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

Roger Simon

The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom. For we never know what is enough until we know what is more than enough.

Blake

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Bion

The purpose of analysis is to avoid making hard decisions. Therefore, there can never be too much analysis.

Dilbert

The purpose of JCL is to give you something to debug once you have your programs running.

Charlie Gibbs

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

Oscar Wilde

The pickle breath is a good start.

Seinfeld

The philosophy you get for free.

Steve Park

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake

which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

The problem with totally gratuitous amounts of hardware is that it can be arbitrarily taken away.

Rob Earhart

The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI.

Wright Morris

The plural of WHY is WISE.

Adam Rifkin

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

Ogden Nash

The rest of you can bite my world-wide-butt.

Esther Filderman

The Reform Party now includes a Klansman, Mr. Duke, a neo-Nazi, Donald Trump Mr. Buchanan, and a communist, Ms. Fulani. This is not company I wish to keep. The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The reason worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

Robert Frost

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes.

W. Feather

The rhetoric of the pedagogy of the opressed really bites my weenie.

Elliott Evans

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Mark Twain

The rhinoceros... is the last remnant of the unicorn...

Wild Palms

The Revolution will not be available at stores.

Vijay Gill

The problems with the USSR and Hubble are nuclear arms and unclear mars.

Vijay Rangarajan

There are no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew.

Marshall McLuhan

There are no options here. All paths lead to roam.

Adam Rifkin

There are no incurable ills. There are no unkillable thrills. There are Osbourne no unbeatable odds. There are no believable Gods. There are no unreachable goals. There are no unsaveable souls. There are so many good reasons to resent me, but you keep finding the worthless ones.

John Dobbin

There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.

Gloria Steinem

There are times when panic is the appropriate response.

Eugene Kleiner

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, Mark Twain and finish the farce. There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Maugham

There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

William Somerset Maugham

There are three sides to every story - yours, mine, and all that lie between.

Jody Kern

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

Beverly Sills

There are no teachers

only students.

There are only two things to do with a problem. Solve it, or eliminate the source.

James Carter

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts.

Rita Mae Brown

The real problem is not whether machines think, but whether men do.

B.F. Skinner

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that Sam Levenson they have a common enemy. The question is not how to use computing power efficiently, but how to squander it creatively.

Dr. David Gelernter

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Miguel de Cervantes

The process of preparing programs for a digital computer is especially attractive, not only because it can be economically and scientifically rewarding, but also because it can be an aesthetic experience much like composing poetry or music.

Donald E. Knuth

The proof is left as an exercise for the reader.

Pierre de Fermat

The progression of emancipation of any class usually, if not always, Harriet Martineau takes place through the efforts of individuals of that class. The progress of the world is the history of men who would not permit defeat to speak the final word.

J.R. Sizoo

The reason for the success of this somewhat communist-sounding Bruce Perens strategy, while the failure of communism itself is visible around the world, is that the economics of information are fundamentaly different from those of other products. The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.

Sydney Harris

The re-election of Bill Clinton is as secure as a double-knot tied in wet rawhide.

Dan Rather

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting Edsger W. Dijkstra than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The quickest way to learn how to do it yourself is to criticize the way someone else is doing it.

The Lion

The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.

Thomas Paine

The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls and looking too much like hard work.

Thomas Edison

The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.

Bill Watterson

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next.

Mark Twain

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.

Bertrand Russell

The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works.

Wall Street

The tender breasts of ladies were not formed for political convulsions.

Thomas Jefferson

The Ten Commandments are banned from the schoolroom, but pornographic videos are permitted. Or, as someone has quipped about the notorious sculpture by Andres Serrano, a crucifix many not be exhibited - unless it is dipped in urine, in which case it will be awarded a grant by the National Endowment for the Arts.

Judge Robert Bork scopes the current cultural scene

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Mark Twain

The terminal death of the universe is not for tomorrow.

Umberto Eco

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed F. Scott Fitzgerald ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise. The tablecloth restaurant is still one of the great rewards of civilization.

Henry Golden

The timid cannot learn. The impatient cannot teach.

Joel Franklin

The time has come, the walrus said, to speak of many things.

Lewis Carroll

The thought of a dozen gay men and a couple of women cheering for naked, showering Marlboro men in the middle of the desert just cracks me up every time.

Megan Coughlin

The price is exorbitant, the pleasure is transitory, and the position is Lord Chesterfield ridiculous. The press, Watson, is a most valuable institution, if you only know how to use it.

Sherlock Holmes

The time to eat appetizers is when they are being passed around.

Eugene Kleiner

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

Thomas Jefferson

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Harlan Ellison

The two most important tools an architect has are the eraser in the drawing room and the sledge hammer on the construction site.

Frank Lloyd Wright

The tulips from my window getting ready to bloom...

Adam Rifkin

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Oscar Wilde

The truth is out there.

X files

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Oscar Wilde

The truth arises from the disagreement amongst friends.

David Hume

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

Thomas Skogestad

the two best tools for writing code are competent subordinates and a Andrew Stellman cattle prod. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.

Jerry Seinfeld

The thing that holds the key to freedom also holds the key to slavery. I fear the fold will follow the false route.

Adam Rifkin

The test of literature is, I suppose, whether we ourselves live more intensely for the reading of it.

Elizabeth Drew

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents Duke of Windsor obey their children. The things that come to those who wait, are the things left behind by those who got there first.

Aerosmith

The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably Lorraine Hansberry that which must also make you lonely. The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is Thomas Merton that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of suffering. The price of greatness is responsibility.

Winston Churchill

the preponderance of such elevated and obfuscated text is clearly indicative of my ass

Brad Barkett

The people who get things done get more things to do.

Mark Stehlik

The people to worry about are not those who openly disagree with you, but those who disagree with you who are too cowardly to let you know.

Zingers

The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives

Frank Herbert

but have only one course of action. The people who wrote this are idiots, training to be morons.

Mark Baushke

The people in Hell want icewater, too.

Wayne Baisley

The point to remember is that what the Government gives it must first take away.

John S. Caldwell

The problem with being an old handball player is that you get tired OUT before you get warmed UP.

Clifford Cone

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us Abraham Lincoln from the support of a cause we believe to be just. The problem is not those who dream, but those who can ONLY dream.

Ayn Rand

The problem with democracy is that half the electorate has below average intelligence.

Patrick J. Maloney

The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.

Shirley MacLaine

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

David Lardner

The plural of spouse is spice.

Charlie Gordon

The pillars of truth and the pillars of freedom... are the pillars of society.

Henrik Ibsen

The penalty of success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.

Lady Astor

The penis is obviously going the way of the veriform appendix.

Jill Johnstone

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

Wayne Goode

The power of a religion can be measured by the size of the war it can create.

David Gerrold

The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us.

Mario Cuomo

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by George Bernard Shaw those who have not got it. The possibilities are endless. I plan to hide in the woods.

Gordon Fitch

The Pope is uniquely entitled to pontificate.

William Safire

The problem with tolerance is that you have to tolerate the intolerant as well.

G.M. Weilacher

The problem with the flute is that it vibrates your brain.

Garrison Keillor

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. Humphrey Bogart The problem with the cutting edge is that someone has to bleed.

Zalman Stern

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy... give one and take ten.

Mark Twain

The problem with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does.

Robert Helpmann

The problem with higher mathematics is that after a while you begin to see dark at the end of the tunnel.

Saul Devitt

You wore our expectations like an armored suit.

REM

You yellow rat bastard. You cocker spaniel. You mother father.

Billy West

You would be a very bad dog.

Megan Coughlin to John Dobbin

Wow. I think reading unhinged is more educational than going to class.

Ryan Troll

Word skittered out of his mouth like cartoon dogs on fresh-waxed linoleum, frantically going nowhere.

Amy Tan

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.

Rudyard Kipling

Words are heavy. If birds talked, they could not fly.

Northern Exposure

Woods and crags know how to keep a dignified silence with you.

Nietzsche

Wow, that hurt worse than child labor.

Thanh Boyer

You, me, five bucks, and a little conversation.

Reality Bites

You young people are the ones who stole all the Evel Kneivel toys from KMART.

Evel Kneivel to Beck

World War Three is a guerilla information war, with no division between military and civilian participation.

Marshall McLuhan

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.

Mary Hemingway

Would you keep control of your clothing.

Lex Gibson

Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons.

The Simpsons

Zack Norman is Sammy in Chief Zabu.

old Variety ad

Your zen-fu sucks.

Joshua Schachter

Yours is the profession of arms, the will to win, the sure knowledge General Douglas that in war there is no substitute for victory, that if you lose, the MacArthur nation will be destroyed, that the very obsession of your public service must be duty, honor, country. Your disguise is as good as a giraffe wearing sunglasses trying to get into a polar-bear-only club.

Blackadder IV

Your descendants shall gather your fruits.

Virgil

You take the TV out of this relationship, and it is just torture.

George Costanza

You take all the trees, put the in a tree museum. Then you charge everybody a dollar and a quarter just to see them.

Joanie Mitchell

You understand, of course, that everything I say is horseshit.

Kurt Vonnegut

You told me to paint whatever comes from within. I did my breakfast.

Blackadder IV

You will realize that you are surrounded by miracles if you take nothing for granted.

Kathryn Major

You will never FIND time for anything. If you want time you must make it.

Charles Buxton

You will notice that in all disputes between Christians since the birth of the Church, Rome has always favored the doctrine which most completely subjugated the human mind and annihilated reason.

Voltaire

You turn the tap dance into your crusade.

Billy Joel

You two need to work on trust. Only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts.

Seinfeld

you this know parsed cannot sentence be unambiguously.

Adam Rifkin

You travel in large groups of one.

Encino Man

You talk too much.

Jerry Maguire

You were in jail... You had no hope... So I took the liberty of bullshitting you.

Blues Brothers

You were right about your family sliding down the normal curve.

Adam Rifkin

You were the only person I knew in New York.

When Harry Met Sally

You want your coffee, you want your food, blend it, suck it down, leave us alone.

Rohit Khare

You then either massage the data, or eat it raw.

Phil Kearns

You WILL be assimilated into the PDA revolution... resistance, if less than one ohm, is futile...

Sam Kass

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.

Colette

Your mom is sooo cute.

John Dobbin

Your momma sure does care about your schooling, son.

Forrest Gump

Your imagination can focus on ugliness, distress and failure, or it can picture beauty, success, desired results. You decide how you want your imagination to server you.

Philip Conley

Zephyr is the perfect transport agent for stupid little shit...

John Prevost

Your move

Colossus

Your SATs were negative.

Howard Stern

Your life reduces quite readily to the halting problem.

Adam Rifkin

Your Reality May Vary

Mark Denovich

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

Naguib Mahfouz

You can run all your life, but not go anywhere.

Social Distortion

You can take a pile of rocks and use them to build a house, or you can take the same pile and start a war. Tell children not to throw rocks, make rules against picking up rocks, and then make mad. Keep projecting what not to do and you make the thought in their brains of what can and will be done.

Charles Manson

You can teach an elephant to dance, but the likelihood of its stepping on your toes is very high.

Gary Moss

With great power comes the opportunity to amass even greater power.

Dr. Doom

You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers.

Steven Feiner

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Norman Douglas

You can remove all words from a brilliant thought.

Stanislaw Lem

You can quote me on anything I say.

John Dobbin

You can spend your whole life trying to change the world. No, seriously, you can.

Microsoft ad

You can settle any dispute if you keep the lawyers and accountants out of it.

Macaulay

You can short-circuit the two or three neurons that people use for common sense by appealing to their greed.

Dogbert

With a rubber duck, one is never alone.

Douglas Adams

Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them.

Samuel Palmer

Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.

Proverbs

With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half.

Otto von Bismark

Wish there was something real... wish there was something true...

Nine Inch Nails

With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.

Chinese proverb

Wit is cultured insolence.

Aristotle

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.

William Hazlitt

With these vulgar fractions of the treble clef I wish you luck with a capital F.

Elvis Costello

With the splitting of the atom, everything has changed save for our mode of thinking.

Albert Eienstein

With the power of conviction, there is no sacrifice.

Pat Benatar

With every deed you are sowing a seed, though the harvest you may Ella Wheeler Wilcox not see. With enough ex-lax you can pass anything.

Rohit Khare

With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and Darth Vader bring order to the galaxy. Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.

Sophocles

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones

You do not understand, Grasshopper. The purpose of the icons, the purpose of the entire OS X look and feel, is to keep the customer happy during that critical period between the time of sale and the time the check clears.

Bruce Tognazini

You do not lie, you understate to the point of criminal negligence.

Manuel Sanches

You even laugh at Shakespeare comedy.

Blackadder II

You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think.

Dorothy Parker

You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings. You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything.

Nine Inch Nails

You can get something out fast if you can control the prototype, but Robert Cailliau in computing there is no such thing as a prototype. The prototype stutters itself all over the world. You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a Al Capone smile and a gun. You can fool some of the people some of the time, the rest are fooling themselves.

Thomas McBride

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Al Capone

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than just a kind word. Al Capone You can only kiss so much faculty butt before you get a mouthfull of hair.

David Gregg

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Jeannette Rankin

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.

Abraham Lincoln

You can either take action, or you can hang back and hope for a miracle. Miracles are great, but they are so unpredictable.

Peter Drucker

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, ... and that is sufficient.

Not Lincoln

You can have good initial relationships with cadavers, but they deteriorate rapidly.

John Dobbin

You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred.

Ziggy

You can never do just one thing.

Hardin

Women are strange creatures with strange features.

John Dobbin

Women who miscalculate are called mothers.

Abigail Van Buren

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Bumper sticker

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Frank Zappa

Women and cats will do as they please. And men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Robert Heinlein

Write the first draft. Boldface the bits you want to emphasize. Delete all the unboldened stuff. Delete the boldening.

Dave Winer

Write down the advice of him who loves you, though you like it not English Proverb at the present. Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

Gene Fowler

Write a book and call it, Core Dumps from the Bowels of Cyberspace.

John Klassa

Window. Push. Pavement. Splat. Relief.

Seinfeld

Winner gets to drink out of the toilet.

David Letterman

will build dynamic routing meshes for food

Vijay Gill

Wilderness begins in the human mind.

Edward Abbey

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

Robert Heinlein

Words mean things.

Rush Limbaugh

Words have a longer life than deeds.

Pindar

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde

Women. Fear them.

Andrew Crown

Wrong must not win by technicalities.

Aeschylus

X Windows is to memory as Ronald Reagan was to money.

Unix-Haters Handbook

Writing the paragraph for man -M diagnostics must have taken more work than fixing the bug would have.

David Chapman

Working to get back where you started is always fun.

John Dobbin

Words, words, words.

Hamlet

Without gratuitous sex, we would be no better than animals.

M. Swanwick

Without compassion, there can be no end to hate.

Billy Joel

Women schwomen. You need to interact with your computer a little Gray Jones more deeply. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry

Calvin and Hobbes

powerful handguns. Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss. As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Woman reduces us all to a common denominator.

George Bernard Shaw

Withdrawing in disgust is not the same thing as apathy.

Slacker

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.

Oscar Wilde

Women make the best psychoanalysts until they fall in love. After that they make the best patients.

Spellbound

Women are more practical about greed then men.

Megan Coughlin

Women are sexual objects. Except my mother.

Martin Lawrence

Women are soft, and fun to touch, but that does not stop them from being incarnations of pure evil.

Bradford Johnson

Women are a lot like LEGOS... you can never find the right one.

Jay Nash

Women are dirty whores and want to be treated as such. Yeah sure, Tim Byars respect and all that comes later when they earn it, but the direct road is the road to success. No Pussyfooting as Fripp and Eno would say. Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.

Remy de Gourmant

Women should not be allowed on juries where the accused is a stud. Rush Limbaugh Women should remain at home, sit still, keep house, and bring up children.

Martin Luther

Women who love the same man have a kind of bitter freemasonry.

Max Beerbohm

Without will, without individuals, there are no heroes. But neither are there villians and the absence of villians is as prostrating, as soul-destroying, as the absence of heroes.

Gertrude Himmelfarb

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Billy Crystal

Without the past, the pursued future has no meaning.

Lorean Eisely

Without time to rise, there is no loaf.

Rohit Khare

Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.

Henri-Frederic Amiel

Without tact you can learn nothing.

Benjamin Disraeli